Every morning, I wake up with this sinking feeling that I don’t really know how to explain. I find it bearable most days but sometimes the feeling gets heavy, really heavy, almost as if it’s demanding me to feel it. They often lead to these moments where I’m almost incapable of getting up from my own bed, moments where I find myself clutching onto my chest, wanting to rip out my own heart just so I won’t have to feel it anymore. Simply put, it hurts. It’s been like this for over a year now. To add insult to injury, I have absolutely no idea why I feel this way. I haven’t exactly been bullied in school or mistreated by my parents, or even had my heart broken. I’m fine, my life’s fine! So why? Why do I feel so... empty? Why do I wake up feeling like there’s something missing in my life? Sometimes I wish someone had just broken up with me, at least then I’d have a concrete answer.

“Get your up, Son Chaeyoung. You’re gonna be late!” my roommate shouted as she violently, and repeatedly, struck the frying pan she was holding with a spatula like a madwoman. I groaned as I blindly reached my phone. I felt a familiar sting in my eyes as I opened them to check the time.

“ off, Jeong. It’s Sunday.” It was only half past eight, which meant it was still a little too early for this .

“I know, but your girlfriend’s here and she bought us breakfast. Come on!” She practically ran out of the room after she explained. Tzuyu often insisted on having breakfast with me whenever she had the time. Rarely does she ever do it on a Sunday though, seeing as Jeongyeon usually stays in and that meant she’d have to buy her food as well. Judging by my roommate's eagerness to wake me up, I’m going to assume that she did

“I wonder what she brought today,” I said and sighed as I got up.

~

After a quick shower, I decided to go join the people in my kitchen. When I got there, I was met with the sight of Jeongyeon happily shoving pancakes in and my girlfriend’s amused face. I went over to Tzuyu and gave her a peck on her cheek, “Good morning, babe,” I greeted.

“Good morning to you too,” she greeted back. She leaned in for a kiss of her own but I quickly raised my hand and put it in between our faces to stop her. She looked a bit offended by the gesture which made me laugh.

“I haven’t brushed my teeth yet. After breakfast though.” I said, but she merely shook her head, smiling as she moved my hand and leaned in to kiss me anyway. Just like that, I felt a whole lot better.

~

College was a lot less complicated than I thought it would be. In my senior year of high school all I ever heard from my teachers was, “College is hard, get your act together.” They even made us sit through an entire seminar talking about how hard it is. Imagine my surprise when I found out that college is just high school on crack. Let me explain, high school is basically your strict mother who constantly gives you for things like being late, not dressing up properly, sleeping or eating when you’re not supposed to, and does all of these things out of, “care.” College, on the other hand, is your drunk father who’s just kind of... there. You know he’s there, he knows you’re there but he doesn’t really care. Sometimes he might scold you for going too far but most days he just lets you do whatever you want to do. College is ing great compared to high school.

I was still in my second year of college with music as my major. I would have been in my third by now but sadly I was hospitalized along with my parents when we got into a bad car accident. I broke a few bones and missed a semester but it was alright. At least I didn’t die and neither did my parents. I also probably wouldn’t have met Tzuyu if it didn’t happen since we ended up having a lot of classes together, so I guess it’s all good. I didn’t really have a lot of classes so I spent most of my time either wandering around the campus or sitting next to this tree that nobody ever went to. Right now, I’m at the tree. The fresh air always seemed to help relieve me of any kind of stress. I was currently working on the song that I had to write and perform at the end of the semester when Tzuyu showed up and clung to me like with a pouty look on her face, acting all needy. Truth be told, Tzuyu isn’t particularly needy, she just had her moments. “There anything you want?” I asked her.

“Attention,” she plainly stated. I’m not gonna lie, I always found these moments cute, maybe because it rarely ever happened.

“Okay. Wanna go somewhere? Eat?” I asked her but heard no reply. When I turned to look at her, she was glaring at someone. I turned to where she was looking and saw someone in a hoodie, a girl to be exact. “Babe, you okay?”

“That girl. She’s stalking you again.” She kept her eyes on her as she spoke. Honestly speaking, I knew about the girl. Hell, I even knew her name. Myoui Mina. She’s been following me around for about a year now… I think. I don’t really know nor do I care much. I asked Jeongyeon about her back then and she just told me to stay away from her. When I asked why, she said that she just found her weird. I didn’t really care since she seemed harmless and that annoyed Tzuyu. In her point of view there’s a possibility that my stalker could be a serial killer or something and I’m ignoring that possibility, but it’s been almost a year now. I think that if she wanted to do something, she would have done it by now.

“It’s fine, babe. Let’s just go to the cafe.” She could only sigh as I simply shrugged off Mina once more.

“Okay. You’re buying me donuts though,” she said, flashing a smile. With that, we stood up and headed to the cafe across the street.

~

My professor gave us history homework which meant I had to spend my day in the library. I didn’t mind though, this place has always been nice and quiet, but it also meant that my day would be pretty uneventful... or so I thought.

I bumped into her while I was passing through the non-fiction aisle, the impact was hard enough for her to drop the books she had been carrying. We apologized at the same time and she bent over to gather the books she had dropped. I knew it was her even if she wore a different colored hoodie. At that moment I realized that I didn’t really know what she looked like. My curiosity got the best of me and I ended up pulling her hood back without warning. I only got a glimpse of her black hair because she was quick to pull her hood back up. I knew I went too far when she discarded the books and tried to run away from me. “Wait, Mina,” I said as I grabbed her by the arm, I was pretty quick as well. She looked my way at the mention of her name. I brought my hand up to her hood once more and pulled it back, slowly this time. It was certainly a weird moment, finding out what your stalker looks like. In my case however, I was completely dumbfounded. She looked beautiful beyond belief. I could tell by the look on her face that she felt a bit shocked by what I did—

“You know me?” –and the fact that I knew her name. I couldn’t stop staring at her. I’m willing to guess Jeongyeon intentionally left out the part where my stalker looked absolutely stunning. Her eyes, they were like the ocean. I feel like I could get lost in them if I stared too long. It was then when I realized how glassy her eyes looked, almost as if she was about to cry. “, did I hurt her? Did I grab her too roughly” I thought as I let go of her arm and awkwardly rubbed my own.

“Yeah, I know you. You’ve been stalking me for a while now.” I told her.

“Right...” she looked to her side as she said it, probably embarrassed by how blunt I was.

“Why though?” the moment was already pretty intense so I figured I should just go all out since this is probably going to be a one-time thing.

“I-I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to be your friend.” She looked down this time, letting her hair fall forward, covering her face.

“You could’ve just walked up to me, you know? You didn’t have to do all of this.” I said as I gestured towards her outfit.

“Well... I guess I was just shy.” She still had her head down as she said it. I knew she was crying. She could hide her face but she couldn’t hide her sniffles.

“Hey. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have confronted you like this.” Maybe it was all too much for her. It must be unnerving to get caught by the person you’re stalking, or maybe her guilt was eating her up.

“No. It’s okay. You had every right to.” She finally looked up and, I hate to say it but, she still looked beautiful like this. I brought my hand up to wipe the tears off of her face. She flinched a little bit but ultimately let me continue. “I promise I’ll never stalk you again.”

“Yeah, you should probably stop doing that,” I retracted my hands and placed them in my pockets before I continued, “friends stalking each other is pretty weird.”

“What?” she asked, clearly confused.

“Next time just walk up and say, ‘Hi.’ We can even hang out if you want.” The look of confusion quickly faded and was replaced with another, one of clarity. She simply nodded and gave me a smile. I’m glad that she was quick to catch on. I knew I was bound to piss some people off by deciding to befriend my stalker but, like I said, she seemed harmless.

~

Mina and I hung out a lot after the incident in the library. I found her genuinely fun to have around. She was a bit on the quiet side but I didn’t mind. The first few days were kind of hard. She had a lot of trouble expressing herself, either that or she was just really shy around me. I finally broke through her walls when I asked her if she played video games. Her eyes immediately lit up and she dragged me to her apartment. Yes, I said apartment. Turns out Mina’s family is ridiculously rich and they bought her this really nice apartment for her to stay at that was a couple blocks away from the university. She told me that her parents thought that renting was a waste of money... I didn’t bother to ask how much the place was. When we got there, she quickly set up her console and handed me a controller. She picked, Injustice 2 for us to play. A fighting game with DC heroes and villains as its playable characters. I didn’t know much about comics but I had a lot of fun playing with her, even when I lost. There was something oddly satisfying about seeing Batman beat the crap out of Robin. Not only that but I also got to see a completely different side of Mina, one that’s bubbly, lively and even cute. She smiled her widest whenever she won, so wide that you can see her gums. It was beautiful. She was beautiful.

“You sure you don’t have anyone special in your life?” She laughed at me and shook her head

“No. My last relationship... let’s just say it didn’t end well.” she said

“Messy break up?” I asked.

“Something like that...” she had a bitter smile on her face. I didn’t push her to tell me more about it though. We’ve only been hanging out for a few days.

We hung out a lot more after that day and she opened up to me about a lot of things. She told about studying ballet for eleven years. She told me about her first few years in Korea and how hard it was. She told me about her home in Japan and how much she missed being there sometimes. She told me about her friends, Sana, Momo and Jihyo. All of whom she introduced me to when they decided to drop by to her place, unannounced. They all acted pretty weird around me, it seemed as though I made them feel uneasy, but Mina told me that they’re just not used to her making new friends.

She offered walked me to my dorm one day, an offer that I gladly accepted. We were having an unusual movie marathon where we tried to one-up one another by seeing which of our film suggestions were sadder. I won, though I admit I kind of played dirty by suggesting Miracle in Cell No. 7. The walk back was silent but it wasn’t awkward. We were probably a little worn out from all the crying, I certainly was, then I heard her giggling beside me. When I asked her why she was laughing, she told me it was because my eyes looked puffy. I quickly pointed out that hers were just as puffy and we both laughed. It didn’t take long for us to get to my dorm, though I did notice that as we got closer, she started to trail behind me.

“Hey, Chaeng?” I heard her say.

“What?” I asked as I turned to face her. Before I even got to do anything, I was pulled into a tight hug. It caught me off guard and I suddenly felt my cheeks heat up.

“Thanks... thanks for being my friend.” she said bashfully. It took a little while for me to register what was happening but I soon found myself hugging her back just as tight. It felt good... too good, like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

“You’re welcome, Mina.” I pulled back from the hug without completely letting go and just stared at her, smiling. It was moments like this that made it increasingly difficult to deny the fact that I get butterflies whenever I’m around Mina. Not only that but, ever since I started hanging out with her, I no longer get that sinking feeling. Not even Tzuyu could get rid of that, and she’s my ing girlfriend. It made me feel guilty, like I shouldn’t be feeling this way.

The staring went on for a while longer, it made me wonder if she felt the same way I did. She probably didn’t. I think Mina’s just really introverted and she cared deeply about the people who took the time to understand her. I just happened to be one of those people, and I take pride in that. I broke away from the embrace and knocked on my door, never breaking our eye contact. I wanted to make the most of this moment last—"

“You, get the in here!” —because a second later I found myself getting dragged into my dorm room by my furious girlfriend.

“And you, stay the away from Chaeyoung.”