She sat next to me without saying a word. I couldn't think straight anymore. All I could think of is the day she left me here, exactly here. I wanted to run but the fear and anxiety of being left alone again with no closure cripples me from moving. We were in silence for a few minutes until she decided to talk.

"How have you been Wheein-ssi?"

It was the first time I felt the anger slowly boiling up inside me not because of myself but because of her. I want to curse at her and show her how badly I feel like when she left me but I can't. I can't make her suffer for something that's not her fault. All I could do right now try to gather the pieces of me in front of her and answer her.

"Fine? I guess?"

I can feel her starring at me. I can see her hands continuously playing on the hem of her scarf like she always used to when she's gathering all her thought about something. Maybe she didn't change that much.The silence is killing me, I wish Hyejin walk pass by me and save me from this situation but I know she's already at home waiting. I want to stand up and leave but I'm afraid that I wouldn't have enough strength left in me so I stayed.

"I knew this was so sudden and unplanned.." 

I know where this is going. Maybe for the first time, I will hear her reasons and the things I did wrong when we were together. I'm growing impatient but I still waited. I can see her closing and opening , maybe she's trying to choose the right words but there's no such word to put up why our story ended in a miserably, right?

"I'm sorry"  She blurted out, stood up and left.

Yes, she left me again just like that. It felt like the day she broke up with me had repeated itself but this time with fewer words. My heart crumbles down looking at her walking so fast away from me. My eyes become blurry and I suddenly feel so dizzy. All the strength left in my body was gone and just like that my body gave up.
I hate her. 
I hate myself.

------------

I woke up in my bed. My head hurts so much and the bright light coming through the windows didn't help at all. It's already morning. I can remember everything that had happened last night. My hearts sink in sadness and I feel like crying again. Maybe it was all just a dream that looks so real. I want to stop the pain I'm in right now so I tried to going back to sleep when I felt someone moved beside me. It was hyejin sleeping but not under the sheets. I sat up and checks her out. I don't know what happened to me after I got all dizzy in the park. I tried to wake her up so I could put the comforter on her. She kind of jolted, maybe she wasn't in deep sleep. Her eye bags were more visible and I can see tiredness through her eyes but aside from that I saw fear and worry in her. 

"Wheein-ah are you okay?! Did you hurt somewhere?! Wheein-ah tells me please..."

I can hear the fear in her voice. Her eyes didn't leave me and I still don't remember what exactly happened after byul left me last night. I just stare at her trying to squeeze my mind just to remember everything but I can't. Hyejin got up leaving me alone in the room without any words. What on earth did I do this time for Hyejin to act like that again? 
She came back within a minute with water and medicines in her hands. I didn't know what is it for but I know it will help me. She hasn't done anything that could harm me after all. 

"What happened last night Wheein?... You make me feel worried and afraid all at the same time. I thought I will lose my best friend in that stupid park" 

I was now all confused about what really happened last night. Her hands were still on mine and her eyes became watery and were about to cry. I held her hand tight and pull her into an embrace. I can't really remember what happened after last night, all I knew is that I made one of the most important person in my life feel worried and scared about me and I hate it. I hate making her feel this way. I want to protect her as much as I could and give her everything she deserved in this world but I can't. 
I'm a mess right now and can't even pull myself out of this misery. I know I gotta stop this now before I lose the people I loved but I don't know how. How could I be a good ing friend, no, best friend if I'm like this? 
I hate myself.

Hyejin told me everything that happened that night with her voice almost cracking. She's been trying to contain her feelings. Apparently, I collapsed and nowhere to be contacted by Hyejin that night. I missed 20 of her calls but somehow miraculously on her 21st call someone answered but didn't even say a word. Luckily, that person intended no harm and sent my location to Hyejin after dropping the call. After a good 5 minutes of running, she was able to find me lying on the bench with a burning fever.

My mind drifted away from the younger's story. The identity of that stranger became a mystery to me. Its definitely not just a good samaritan because if they are they would have called an ambulance and not leave me alone. I snapped back to reality when I heard sobs and sniffing. The younger could not hold back all her emotions anymore and how horrible she felt seeing me like that. I felt bad for making her feel this way but I can't help myself but smile realizing how lucky I was to have her in my life. I pulled her again and hug her this time tighter than the first one. 

"I'm sorry for making you feel this way Hyejin-ah and thank you for always saving me. I owe you million times already...thank you"

I planted a kiss on her forehead while she sobs in my arms. I still can feel the pain that's been ripping my heart remembering the sight of Byul walking away from me. I tighten the hug trying to gain more strength to go on. I know Hyejin notice the huge change in my actions and started to ask me questions from last night. I wanted to lie because I know she'll be more worried. I already gave her too much stress for this to add up.

"Wheein-ah, look at me. I know what you're thinking and like what we always say to each other in times like this, I'll carry half of your burden no matter how heavy it is because I'm your friend, best friend. And at some point your sister by heart and soul. Let me share the burden you are carrying Wheein.." she said softly.

Her hands held mine so tight. It was warm and comforting. I asked myself when did I deserve to have someone like her. The room begun to be filled by my uncontrollable sobs and apologies for the younger while I'm telling everything to her that took place and she hugged me tight and keep me close to her until I calm down.

I know my wounds were now deeper than before.
I know that the foundations I created before are now pieces of dust and rocks that need to be restored again.  
The misery and pain I'm in just intensified.
I want it to stop but I can't.
The memory of her walking away was like a song on repeat in my head.
I felt weaker than before.
I hate it.
I hate this.
I hate myself.