I have been staring at this ceiling for an hour and I still haven't left this bed ever since I woke up. I never want to leave this comfort I'm feeling right now neither doing things for today. My eyes felt heavy from crying for the past few hours. I was forced to call sick at work for a week because Hyejin was still worried about my health and my current state. Even though I hate missing my work I got choice but to rest and get my together. What can I really do when my best friend is my boss?

My heart still feels heavy and so is my body as this sadness slowly consumes me. I fell back to the exact same slump I was in before. The pain and despair are mixing slowly that it's draining all the energy left on my body. It felt like I was stuck on a loophole where only pain and sadness exist. 
I hate it. 
I hate this.

I let myself fall back to sleep wishing not to wake up again. It's the only thing I know and can do to escape the madness I'm feeling until it also decided to play against me, dreaming of me and byul being together in her apartment.

I was lying on her chest. Hands on her waist while she plays on my hair. She hums me a song like she always does, sending me to sleep. She kisses my head and held me tighter. Our body sharing heat on a cold winter night. She whispers to me the words she said the day our love begins. My tears fell on her chest as I hugged her closer to me. Telling her how I wish this never ends until she said the words I'm afraid to hear. 

"Let's break up."

It felt all real. Too real that it hurts. I want to laugh for fooling myself that she'll be with me again even just in a dream. I wanted to laugh so hard that my tears flow down like a river.

She won't be with me even in a dream. It hit me hard. The reality was too much for me to handle but it was enough for my world to crumble into pieces. Enough for my heart to shatter into pieces again. I have spent a year trying to pick its pieces to watch it shatter in seconds and the reason? The same girl I couldn't let go; I couldn't forget. 

I ing hate myself for being a god damn fool. 

I hate myself.

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This will be only a filler, sorry guys. I haven't been feeling too good because of my colds. Anyway,  happy holidays! :)