"I said ooh, I'm blinded by the lights,

No, I can't sleep until I feel your touch.

I said ooh, I'm drowning in the night,

Oh, when I'm like this, you're the one I trust."

The thought of it crosses her mind less than she expects it to over the next week. It isn’t that Joohyun’s a celebrity, or that she insisted on being called Joohyun and not Bae Irene for whatever reason. It’s the fact that she hasn’t been into the gas station since that night of confession. Or whatever it was. Perhaps there’s something strange in that, in the idea that she isn’t starstruck at all. But it’s a lingering thought. Like all things, it permeates, so that when Seulgi’s trying hard to busy herself all through the week all she can do is think of Joohyun, Joohyun everywhere she looks. The billboards seem to now all be Joohyun, as if they were hidden away before, or perhaps her attention to the things that happen around her is simply that poor. STARGIRL everywhere. From the director of KISS LAND. COMING SOON.

On Wednesday she indulges herself a slight. She loads up her laptop and plays the movie trailer on YouTube a couple times. Joohyun’s in it, front and centre, a bonafide action hero in her leather jacket with the double zippers and her crucifix necklace. She looks rather incredible. That much is obvious. But there’s something strange about it too. It isn’t Irene. It isn’t Korea’s most marketable star. It’s a girl who dropped into her shop at four in the morning to eat ice cream with her and then disappeared. Gone out of her life. And the thought of that is no less upsetting than it was the day before, or the day before that. Seulgi thinks it won’t be for a long time.

But when Joohyun pulls up outside on Saturday at three in the morning the smile on her face returns immediately. Her heart jumps as if caged, yearning to be free. Her hands are trembling. She’s still in that leather jacket, very similar to the one she’s wearing in her movie trailer, as if it’s part of her brand. She pushes open the door and smiles at Seulgi. Her hands never leave her pockets. There’s an awkward sort of tension where neither of them know what to say or how to proceed. The connection they shared has been altered in some indescribable way and neither knows how to approach it, how to ask the inevitable. Can we still be friends? How will this work out? And so much more.

‘Hey,’ Seulgi says. ‘Haven’t seen you in a while.’

‘Sorry. Been busy with some reshoots.’

‘For the movie?’

Joohyun nods.

‘Isn’t it already finished? I mean, the trailer’s already out.’

‘Thought you didn’t watch many movies.’

‘I don’t. I just, you know.’

‘Watched the trailer?’

‘It just caught my eye when I was browsing.’

Joohyun smiles at her. It’s a warm and settling smile that has Seulgi’s stomach flipping. A smile that tells her that for at least a moment, a solitary second in time, everything is okay. That wanderlust again, drifting away at night, listening to the gaps in the space of things. The refrigerators to keep her company. She thinks about what to say next and comes up empty. What is there to say? Many things, but none seem to want to come out. So she stands in silence waiting for Joohyun to say something. To make a move. ‘I should’ve probably told you,’ she says.

‘Why?’

‘Just because. In case anyone came up to me asking for an autograph or something. When I was driving you around, I mean.’

‘Does that happen often?’

‘At night? Not really.’

‘During the day?’

‘Yeah,’ Joohyun says, hint of sadness. ‘Most of the time. I don’t go out much whenever I’m off set or not shooting for something. I don’t get chance to. And if I do, I have to wear a mask and a hoodie to make sure no one recognises me. And then they do anyway. So.’

‘So you go out at night instead.’

‘Something like that.’

‘In that?’ Seulgi says, nodding toward the parkinglot.

Joohyun shrugs shyly. ‘Kinda stupid, no?’

‘I wasn’t going to say that.’

‘Well. I think maybe it is. Not hypocritical, but paradoxical, I guess? If I wanted less attention, why do I drive around in a foreign car like that? In a Lamborghini, even. I think everyone knows what a Lamborghini is. But, hey. We’ve all got our vices. Mine happens to be expensive cars. And that white Lambo in particular. And driving on my own. Sometimes I wish it had a convertible roof. Then I think I’d probably freeze to death.’

Seulgi has to laugh at that. It’s a joke that catches her off guard but it’s disarming and that’s good. It distracts her from thoughts of why Joohyun might be here, what she might want, what her status means for them. Can they be seen together? Does Seulgi want to be seen together? The attention she has yearned for is not this attention. It’s human connection, not paparazzi on the sidewalk. She glances over at the white Countach again.

‘You know what I’m gonna ask you, right?’ Joohyun says.

‘I think so.’

‘Well.’

‘I can’t. And I mean it this time. Sorry.’

Joohyun pouts. It’s cute enough to almost make Seulgi change her mind.

‘Sorry.’

‘Nothing happened, right?’

‘No,’ Seulgi says. ‘But still. It’s my job. Maybe I’d think about it if I didn’t actually know and like my boss so much. But I do. So, sorry. Another time.’

‘Sure,’ says Joohyun, voice lower than before. She taps a foot against the counter idly. ‘Can you grab me a pack of smokes?’ she says. Seulgi sets the carton on the desk and takes her card and pays. Their eyes never leave each other. Small smiles. Delicate words that are never spoken, thoughts dissolved between them. ‘What time is it?’ Joohyun asks.

‘Three. There or thereabouts. Have you got work?’

‘Soon. Six or so.’

‘What is your work? Not to be rude or anything. Just, yeah.’

‘Movie shooting.’

‘But—’

‘The trailer’s out. Yeah, I know. Film still isn’t finished, though. We’ve had a bunch of trouble with having to change directors at the last minute and so the studio’s dumped a ton of money into reshooting about half the movie and we’re in overtime pretty much. Everyone’s rushing to get everything done, so it’s early starts and late finishes. All that pizzazz.’

‘Six AM start?’

‘Yeah.’

‘What time do you finish?’

‘I dunno,’ Joohyun says. ‘Maybe ten AM. Maybe midnight. Could be four hours or eighteen, really.’

‘When do you even sleep?’

‘In the morning.’

‘But you’re here.’

‘Not today, I don’t mean. Just most other days. And then I get up at, like, two AM, and go for a drive.’

Seulgi just looks at her and she shrugs and says, ‘What can I say? I’m nocturnal. Already told you that. I just wanna get away from everyone sometimes.’

‘And come here?’

‘I guess so.’

‘Why?’

Joohyun is quiet. ‘Sorry,’ Seulgi says. ‘That probably sounded rude.’

‘It didn’t.’

‘I just meant, why come here and not anywhere else?’

‘I told you this, didn’t I? I didn’t come here on purpose. I just went driving and ended up out here. Guess it’s just one of those things.’

‘Guess I got lucky.’

‘How so?’

‘Meeting you,’ Seulgi says a little too quickly, but it’s okay. Joohyun smiles anyway. ‘Wow,’ she says.

‘What?’

‘I didn’t expect that.’

‘Sorry.’

‘No, I just meant…I thought you’d say meeting a celebrity. Something like that. That’s what everyone else usually says.’

‘I don’t really care if you’re a celebrity.’

She looks at Joohyun and runs a hand through her hair, acutely aware she’s blushing and it’s cold. ‘Sorry,’ she mutters again. ‘I can come off as blunt a lot. I mean, I’m sure it’s cool you’re a celebrity and all. I didn’t mean it like that. I just, you know…’

‘It’s okay.’

‘Sorry for not recognising you.’

‘Why are you sorry for that?’

‘Don’t know. Just figured I probably should have. Maybe it’s ignorant of me.’

‘I just shoot movies. I’m not some world leader, or prophet or something.’

‘Still.’

‘Because I’m popular?’

Seulgi shrugs. The truth is she doesn’t quite know what she’s saying at all, it’s just blinded thoughts and foggy words. The image of Joohyun there in front of her is quite distracting in and of itself. ‘I’ve never seen any of your movies,’ she says in defence. ‘At least, I don’t think I have. Maybe I’ve caught them on TV when flicking over and never realised. But I’ve never gone out of my way to watch one. I don’t really go out of my way to watch anything.’

‘Except Drive?’

‘Except Drive, I suppose. Yeah.’

‘That’s okay,’ Joohyun says softly. ‘Nothing wrong with that. It’s refreshing. Makes for a change.’

‘Not being recognised?’

‘Yeah.’

Seulgi is quiet. She wants so desperately to air out her own concerns but she doesn’t. Joohyun might not even listen and what would it be then? An embarrassment, perhaps for the pair of them. She glances at her watch. The small hand ticks on. Time has stood mostly still since that Lamborghini pulled up outside. Maybe it’s trying to tell her something. ‘Can I get you some ice cream?’ she asks.

‘No.’ An amused half smile. ‘I could get it myself if I wanted any.’

‘Sorry. Just wanted to say something. I’m bad at small talk.’

‘You and me both.’

‘I don’t get much practice.’

‘I do and I’m still terrible at it.’

‘Yeah?’

Joohyun nods. ‘All I ever seem to do is talk to random people all the time. People that don’t seem to care or pay attention or anything. They just wanna talk. Or maybe they don’t even want to. They just do it out of some sort of obligation, you know? Sometimes it just all feels so fake. So overwhelming to me. But that’s the life, I suppose. God, listen to me. I sound so entitled.’

‘No you don’t.’

‘I do. I know I do. I’ve got nothing to complain about, not really. But here I am, complaining to you, stopping you from doing your job.’

‘My job,’ Seulgi says. She makes a sweeping gesture at the empty shop. ‘Not much of a job to do. I’d rather talk to you.’

‘That makes two of us, then.’

‘Aren’t you going to go for a drive?’

‘Why? Do you want to me to go?’

‘No. I didn’t mean that.’

Joohyun shrugs again. It seems to Seulgi she speaks as much with small gestures as she does with words. They tell a lot about her. ‘I drove here,’ she says. ‘That’s where I wanted to be tonight.’

‘Out of the way.’

‘Yeah. Something like that. It’s nice here.’

‘It’s certainly something.’

‘You don’t sound like you agree.’

‘Not really,’ Seulgi says. ‘Occasionally it can be alright. But I suppose when most of your day consists of you being alone, coming here and doing the same thing can get a little disheartening. Especially when I don’t even have the internet beyond my phone. And the signal is bad.’

‘You could bring a laptop?’

Seulgi thinks about it for a second. Then she says, ‘Suppose I could. Don’t know why I never thought of that. But still.’

‘Too quiet?’

‘Too lonely.’

‘This place?’

Seulgi shrugs. That same sort of mirrored gesture that indicates the truth is a little more upsetting than that, something she’s still careful not to properly admit at face value for reasons she can’t quite explain. Joohyun looks at her more closely. The empathy in her eyes in admirable. The understanding of what cannot be shared. She puts a hand on the counter and smiles a gentle and caring smile and says, ‘How about I come back later? When you’re finished.’

‘Okay,’ Seulgi says. ‘That’s cool.’

‘Five?’

‘Yeah. I’ll be done around then.’

‘I might be a bit late.’

‘I’ll wait.’

‘Don’t wait too long,’ Joohyun says. Seulgi says she won’t, but it’s a lie. She’ll wait all morning, just in case.

It’s a quarter to six, and Seulgi is half asleep in the storeroom, slumped on one of the stalls by the back wall, when the doorbell trings and someone walks in. She looks up and listens, acutely aware of the fact she never locked up and left. Her watch reads five forty-three. ‘Hello?’ she hears call out. It’s Seungwan’s voice.

She goes out and coughs and stands there looking about as if caught doing something she could not be. Seungwan stares at her for a long time. Outside the rose sun sits domed against the low and distant clouds. ‘What are you still doing here?’ she asks.

Seulgi has no answer that doesn't involve Joohyun. ‘I don’t know,’ she says partly in truth.

‘Did you fall asleep?’

‘Kind of. There was no one coming in.’

‘Seulgi.’

‘Sorry.’

Seungwan just looks at her. The silence is terrible and uncomfortable and makes Seulgi’s skin crawl. It’s only the wide cone of light that floods the dim parkinglot that draws their attention away for a moment. A white Lamborghini Countach pulls up outside. Seungwan stops and stares at it in disbelief. ‘Jesus,’ she mutters. ‘Look at that.’

‘Yeah.’

‘What even is that?’

‘It’s a Lamborghini Countach.’

Seungwan turns to her. ‘What?’ she says.

‘A Countach. Lamborghini. 1980s classic.’

‘How do you know that?’

‘Just do,’ Seulgi says with a shrug. She steals a glance over Seungwan’s shoulder in time to see Joohyun step through the door. She’s still in her jacket, hair tied back, the smell of perfume strong even from the doorway. Seungwan looks at her and looks at Seulgi and closes her eyes. When she opens them again Joohyun is still by the door. ‘Oh my god,’ she says. ‘Holy . Are you—’

‘Yeah,’ Joohyun says flatly.

‘Are you…’

‘Yeah, I am.’

‘Bae Irene?’

She offers a weak and distracted smile, eyes on Seulgi at the counter. ‘That’s me,’ she says.

‘Holy . I mean, uh…’

‘Nice to meet you.’

Seulgi looks at her. The soft glow of her face in the light. Seungwan fiddles with her shirt and coughs and turns as if to say: Is this a dream?

‘Oh,’ Seulgi says, ‘sorry. Uh…Seungwan, Joohyun. Joohyun, Seungwan.’

‘Nice to meet you,’ says Joohyun.

‘What?’ Seungwan asks. ‘I don’t understand. Who’s Joohyun?’

‘Me.’

‘I don’t—’

‘That’s my real name.’

‘But—’

‘Irene is my stage name. My celebrity name. Whatever you wanna call it.’

‘Oh my god. Sorry. It’s just…I mean, I loved you in Kiss Land.’

‘Thanks.’

‘And in Perfect Velvet.’

‘Thanks,’ Joohyun repeats.

‘I even watched that other one you did. That creepy one. What was it called?’

‘Beauty Behind the Madness?’

‘Yeah. I love you. I mean, you know.’

Joohyun isn’t paying attention. Her hand never leaves the doorhandle, eyes on Seulgi, encouraging her to move. ‘Sorry I’m late,’ she says gently.

‘It’s okay,’ says Seulgi with a reassuring smile.

‘I thought you might’ve left.’

‘I kind of fell asleep.’

‘Sorry.’

‘It’s fine.’

‘You wanna go for a drive?’

‘Sure. Let me grab my coat.’

Joohyun nods. Seungwan looks between the pair of them in a way to try and parse some reality out of this strange fiction. ‘I don’t understand,’ she says. ‘Do you two know each other?’

Seulgi excuses herself to the storeroom and grabs her jacket. Her hands are shaking when she fastens the zipper and she can’t stop smiling. When she goes back into the shop Seungwan’s talking about one of the movies she’s seen and how she thought the acting was brilliant and Joohyun was the star of the show. ‘That one scene in Kiss Land where you’re just there in the rain and you’re crying,’ she rambles, ‘that was just perfect. Seriously. It's so poetic. Tears in the rain. I don’t really cry at films, but that got to me. It was so good.’

‘Thanks,’ Joohyun says. She looks at Seulgi and smiles. ‘You coming?’

‘Yeah,’ Seulgi says. She nods to Seungwan, proud and a little embarrassed. ‘See you tomorrow,’ she says.

‘Uh, yeah,’ Seungwan replies, confused as ever. ‘I guess so.’

‘Sorry about that.’

‘It’s okay,’ Joohyun says.

‘That was my boss.’

‘I figured. Sorry about being late.’

‘You weren’t that late. Where are we going?’

Joohyun doesn’t reply. They’re driving the Lambo against the rising sun in a glare of gold, a soft morning vision. Everything feels like a trance to Seulgi. Joohyun drives her around for another fifteen minutes. All she knows is they’re heading westward and away from where she lives. ‘Joohyun,’ she says. ‘Where are we going?’

‘I figured maybe you’d wanna see what I get up to at work. Since I was being very secretive about it. I can take you somewhere else if you want, though.’

‘What?’

‘Do you wanna go somewhere else?’

‘No,’ Seulgi says. ‘I didn’t mean it like that. I just…I don’t know. I didn’t expect that. Is that where we’re going? A movie set?’

Joohyun hums a reply.

‘For your new film?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Damn.’

‘Thought maybe you’d wanna watch me shoot some stuff. We’re doing some of the action scenes this morning. And I do all my own stunts.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah,’ Joohyun says, eyes still on the road. The quilt of morning light runs across the hood of the car like liquid gold. She pulls up in the parkinglot of a huge building and cuts the engine and sits a moment with her hands on the wheel before turning to Seulgi in the passenger seat with a smile. ‘Come on,’ she says.

‘What? Will they let me in?’

‘Of course they will.’

‘Are you sure? I mean—’

‘You’re with me. I’ll say you’re my plus one.’

‘I don’t know.’

‘I can take you somewhere else, if you want.’

Seulgi thinks about it for a moment. Then she says, ‘No. It’s okay. I’m just nervous now.’

‘Don’t be. You’ll be fine. You just have to stand there and watch me.’

‘Okay. I can do that.’

Joohyun smiles at her again. It’s a warm and comforting smile that has Seulgi’s heart dancing. They climb out and Seulgi follows her through the vestibule and into the lobby where she checks herself in at the reception and goes on through to one of the back rooms. There are already people stood about talking, trays of food from catering, people with clipboards, scenes unfamiliar to Seulgi. And all of them greet Joohyun as she walks past. All of them greet her as Irene. Joohyun leads her to a room near the back of the building. The doors are closed and there’s black card taped over the glass so nobody can see in.

It’s much bigger from the inside. She takes a minute to just gawp at it all. There’s a huge green screen set to the left side and a soundstage and equipment everywhere. Near the right back side a small greying man sits crosslegged in a foldaway chair reading from a script. He looks up and sees Joohyun and stands and smiles at her. ‘Morning,’ he says.

‘Good morning.’

‘You fancy a coffee?’

‘Sure,’ Joohyun says. ‘What about you? Seulgi.’

Seulgi looks at her and looks at the director. They all seem to be staring at her, a room of thirty or forty or fifty people. Some of them carry megaphones or headsets or clipboards. The cameras seem to be watching her too. ‘Yeah,’ she stutters out. ‘I could go for a coffee.’

She stands behind Joohyun sipping her coffee while they talk about the scenes. Everything feels out of place. Like she’s an alien in a foreign land. It all makes her feel so small. They talk and talk and she sips her coffee and stands to one side while Joohyun moves to the stage and the cameras all set up. There are three men in biker jackets talking to her. Seulgi watches them, hands tight around the polystyrene coffeecup. The director calls for the shot to begin and Joohyun transforms entirely. No longer is she smiling or making jokes. She looks exactly like she does on the posters that seem to follow Seulgi everywhere. The three men in biker jackets come towards her and she kicks one of them and grabs the other in a well-choreographed spin and judo flips the third man down onto the hard ground.

‘Cut,’ the director says, and instantly Joohyun bends down and helps the man up and says, ‘Sorry about that.’

‘It’s all good.’

‘Thought I might’ve slammed you down a bit too hard.’

‘I’m okay,’ he says.

They do six more takes. Then they move onto the next scene. Seulgi stands at the back, a lost and lonely observer somewhere she shouldn’t be. Everything has an air of glitz and glamour to it, even here in this dimly lit room behind the cameras. Joohyun fits in here perfectly. She does not. When her coffee’s finished she grabs another to preoccupy herself. By the time they’re all finished it’s almost ten. Joohyun comes over and smiles at her after speaking to the director.

‘Sorry,’ she says. ‘I know that took a long time.’

‘It’s okay.’

‘Yeah, but it’s ten AM.’

‘I can sleep later.’

Joohyun just looks at her, face unreadable. ‘What’s wrong?’ she asks.

‘Nothing.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘I don’t know. This just feels weird.’

‘Weird how? Did it look bad?’

‘No,’ Seulgi says. ‘Not you. You were great. You were really excellent.’

‘Thanks.’

‘I didn’t mean that. I don’t know how to describe it.’

‘Do you want a ride home?’

‘Sure,’ Seulgi says.

‘Cool. I’ll just finish up here and meet you outside in a minute.’

The wait outside feels like hours. She stands in the corridor tapping her foot and looking up and down and avoiding everyone’s eyes. Joohyun’s still saying thank you and goodbye to the director and the soundmen and the other actors. She comes out and smiles at Seulgi and goes on out to the car and starts it before Seulgi ever says anything. What is there to say? The truth is she doesn’t know what the problem is, only that there is one. So the silence remains. When they pull up across the street from Seulgi’s place people are already staring. ‘They’re looking,’ Seulgi says.

‘I know.’

‘Are they looking at the car?’

‘Partly. And partly because they know it’s me. Sorry.’

‘It’s okay.’

‘I expect they’ll probably write articles about this.’

‘Who?’

‘Whoever.’

‘What will they say?’

Joohyun shrugs. ‘I don’t read them,’ she says. ‘No reason to. It’s always negative no matter who or what it’s about. Nothing good ever comes from that. It’s a toxic atmosphere. Sorry about you feeling like that earlier.’

‘It’s okay. It’s not your fault.’

They stare at each for a long time. Seulgi wanting to say something. To make a move. Eventually she says, ‘Thanks for the ride back.’

‘It’s cool.’

And when Seulgi’s hand is on the door she says, ‘Are you doing anything this Sunday? As in, Sunday going into Monday.’

‘No. Why?’

‘Do you wanna do something?’

‘Sure,’ Seulgi says too quickly. ‘I mean, what did you have in mind?’

‘I don’t know. What time are you free?’

‘In the evening,’ she lies. The truth is she’s free all day but saying that would sound a little presumptive and a little sad.

‘How about we do something at seven, then? Or just after.’

‘Okay. Sounds good to me.’

‘Cool,’ Joohyun says with a beaming smile. ‘See you then.’

It isn’t until Sunday evening does she realise she knows nothing at all.

No number, no dress code, not even the indication that Joohyun – Irene, whomever – remembers where she lives. She sits by the window watching everything in the streets below. In the cold January days the wind blows something fierce and the sun has already settled and the soft purple hue runs like ink streaks down the sky and burns to nothing. She checks her watch. Six fifty-six. It occurs to her sitting there that she hasn't seen Seungwan since that morning she fell asleep in the storeroom and the thought of what she might still say is quite amusing. You know Bae Irene? How? I mean, wait...yeah, how? And many other questions. But time ticks slowly on. It’s three minutes after seven that she spots the white Lamborghini Countach pulling up on the kerb across the street.

Seulgi is down and out of the lobby before Joohyun can even turn the engine off. She waves and smiles but it’s too dark to see if Joohyun waves back. Or if it’s even Joohyun at all. But then the scissor door slides up and she steps half out and smiles back and she’s still wearing that black leather jacket, her hair still tied back, everything about her so perfect. ‘Hey,’ she says through the wind. ‘Sorry I’m late.’

‘Only a couple minutes,’ Seulgi says. She can’t stop smiling. She steps around and climbs into the Lamborghini and pulls the door shut. A couple people are taking a video from the end of the street. Inside it smells of leather and of Joohyun’s perfume, a strong and incredible smell that Seulgi knows she will be able to link to these moments for the rest of her life, one of those olfactory experiences that becomes intrinsically matched to something tangible, a certain part of her life there in that sandalwood and jasmine scent.

‘Where are we going?’ she asks. She’s wearing a jacket of her own, bright red and sequined on the arms, and black jeans. Joohyun takes a long look at her. She smiles. ‘Somewhere fun,’ she says. ‘Well. Soon. I just wanna drive around for now, if that’s alright.’

‘Anything’s fine with me.’

Another smile. As if to say thank you. Joohyun drives and slowly the traffic fades away. Occasionally she revs the engine in high gear and lets it drop again and listens to the howl of the naturally aspirated engine in the empty night with a grin. The thrill of it is not lost on Seulgi. How much she seems to adore this. It’s another thing Seulgi watches and observes and thinks she might have already fallen in love with. When she checks her watch again it’s just gone half past eight.

‘We’ve been driving for more than an hour,’ she says.

Joohyun’s halfway up to the top of Namsan on a quiet road when Seulgi mentions this. She says, ‘Sorry. Did you want to stop?’

‘It’s okay. I don’t mind. I just like this.’

Joohyun smiles softly. She stops the car in the parkinglot at the top overlooking Seoul all below and steps out and leans on the hood with her hands in her pockets. It’s bitterly cold but Seulgi doesn’t mind. She stands there, wind blowing in her hair and in her clothes, gazing out at the enormity of it all. The lights row on row in the dark like a synthetic sunset. Watching it all disappear mutely. Joohyun sighs, a trembling sadness locked within her. ‘I wish I could do this more often,’ she says. ‘Just get away from it all.’

‘Why can’t you?’

‘Too many people wanting to be around me all the time. I know that sounds like I’m being entitled again. Maybe I am. But it’s the truth. Other actors, models, stars. Directors, hangers-on, TV crews, paparazzi. So many paparazzi. I just wanna get rid of it all sometimes. I love what I do. I really do. But there are times I wish I could trade it all away for something simpler. But then I wouldn’t have this bad boy, would I?’

She nods at the Lamborghini with a forced smile and a tired expression. Seulgi thinks about saying something. Her hands are trembling. There are a thousand things she could say and none of them properly coherent in her head and so in the end she says, ‘I feel like I’m the opposite.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Sometimes I wish I could be like you. I don’t mean the money or anything.’

‘The attention?’

‘Something like that. I don’t know. Or the option of it.’

Joohyun listens intently.

‘Maybe it’s because I’m alone a lot,’ Seulgi says. ‘I remember hearing someone say there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. Maybe that’s true. But I’m both of those things, so who knows?’

‘Lonely.’

‘I’m not good at talking to other people. Never have been. And I don’t have many hobbies. And I never really connected with anyone when I was studying. So, yeah. Here I am, wishing for that. And here you are…’

‘Wishing for the opposite,’ Joohyun says. ‘Funny how it works.’

‘Guess so. Maybe I need a new start.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I don’t know. Something new. Something different. Sometimes I think maybe I need to get away from my old life, from everything I used to be, but an equally large part of me thinks that would just be me running away from my problems. Trying to bury it all in the past. And I don’t know if that’s the right way to go about it. Maybe I need to face it.’

‘Maybe you do. Maybe I need to do the same.’

The wind blows against them. Joohyun spends a moment looking down at her boots.

‘Is this your only car?’ Seulgi asks.

‘For now,’ Joohyun says. ‘I’m thinking of picking up a Testarossa, though.’

‘A what?’

‘Ferrari Testarossa. In Ferrari red. The other classic eighties car. I don’t think that decade would’ve existed without these two cars, honestly. It’s just so iconic.’

‘Never heard of it.’

‘You’d recognise it, though. I bet you would.’

‘How much money do you make?’

‘Honestly?’

Seulgi nods.

‘A lot. A very lot. Way more than I’m worth or I deserve. But hey.’

‘You’re a great actor. Actress. Whatever the correct term is.’

‘Really?’

Seulgi shrugs and says, ‘Don’t know. I was just being nice.’

‘Thanks,’ says Joohyun with a little laugh. It’s a laugh that Seulgi enjoys very much because it tells her there’s no tension between them, no awkwardness, no awful sinking paranoia at Joohyun telling someone she’s a celebrity. Not like usual. For once it’s Joohyun and not Irene, whether they’re aware of it or not. The wind blows on. Joohyun says quietly, ‘Come on. Come with me.’

‘Where are we going?’

‘Somewhere fun. I feel like letting loose.’

‘What does that mean?’

She drives them back down through Gangnam, past the billboards with her face on it, somewhere quieter Seulgi doesn’t recognise. Twenty minutes later she pulls the car into a parkinglot and steps out and Seulgi follows her without a word. Across the street is a row of dimly lit shops and bars but Joohyun doesn’t stop there. She goes partway down a dark alleyway and stops to see Seulgi is following before going all the way down and turning right into another alley. This one’s brighter. There’s a long window where orange fairylights hang like little fingers and a neon glimmer from inside and a door where a huge man stands smoking. ‘Come on,’ Joohyun says.

‘Where are we?’

‘This is one of my favourite places.’

‘What is it?’

‘A disco club and bar. I used to come here all the time before I blew up. They play the best music.’

‘Won’t you get recognised?’

Joohyun smiles and smiles. It seems like nothing in the world in the moment can dull that smile, that momentary happiness. ‘Not here,’ she says. ‘That’s why I used to love it. It’s so out of the way.’

‘What about the car?’

‘I’ll pick it up in the morning. Or sometime tomorrow.’

‘Won’t that look a bit weird? I mean, won’t people talk about you?’

‘I don’t care. I’ll have some pick it up for me or something. Come on.’

Seulgi looks at her. The desire to just be herself. To be Joohyun. So she smiles and takes Joohyun’s hand and says, ‘Lead the way.’

It’s much larger on the inside. The room she could see from beyond the murky glass was just the dimly lit bar, a narrow and cosy little place that smells of chocolate and vodka and where the barman pours them cocktails from a fresh shaker with one hand and does tricks with the other with a smile. It’s smiles all around. Somewhere deeper inside there’s music blaring, the same sort of cheesy and homely synth that Joohyun’s friend was playing the other night. Joohyun pays and hands Seulgi a red drink in a tall glass.

‘What’s this?’ Seulgi says.

‘Strawberry Daquiri.’

They toast and drink. Then they drink a second. Joohyun never stops smiling. A couple people recognise her but something there is different. Nobody seems to truly care. She’s just another lover of retro pop and cheesy dance. They drink off a third cocktail, this one white and creamy and tasting of coconut. ‘Well?’ Joohyun says.

‘That was nice. I like the coconut.’

Joohyun says nothing. The look in her eyes is clouded and full of childlike joy and Seulgi finds it both amusing and infatuating. She holds out a hand to Seulgi. ‘I wanna dance,’ she mutters, leading her to the other room.

It’s a wide-open dancefloor with a DJ’s booth at the far end. The floor beneath them runs in neonpatterned squares that distort and warp into strange and fascinating shapes and flash in time to the music. Hanging from the roof is a genuine, legitimate disco ball.

‘Holy ,’ Seulgi says. ‘That’s a disco ball. A real disco ball.’

Joohyun only laughs. She grabs a couple beers and toasts and stands in the very centre of the dancefloor, a scene from a movie, everybody around them and nobody in the world but her and Seulgi. The synths blare on. Standing there awash with neon she looks like something painted in a dream, a fleeting vision. Seulgi wipes her eyes and drinks. She thinks: There’s no maybe about it. I love her.

‘How’s your dancing?’

Seulgi says that it’s quite good, actually.

‘Go on then.’

‘What?’

‘Show me a move.’

‘That’s not how it works,’ Seulgi says, and drinks again.

‘What do you mean?’

‘That’s not how dancing works. It’s not like skateboarding. You don’t do tricks and get points. You just…you know.’

‘What?’

‘You know.’

‘What?’ Joohyun says again.

‘You just go with the rhythm.’

‘Go with the rhythm.’

‘I think I know this one. Good song.’

‘Seulgi.’

‘Yeah?’

Joohyun smiles again. It’s as pure as anything Seulgi has ever seen. ‘Dance with me,’ she says. And Seulgi does. There under the blinding lights, modestly drunk, aflame in the neon. She laughs and Joohyun laughs and she takes Joohyun’s hand and they drink and feeling a little bold and a lot brave she holds Joohyun close and they dance to a particularly slow song and dance again. It’s sandalwood and jasmine and vodka, smiles and laughter, going with the rhythm. No moves. The neon lights and those brilliant synths that have them dancing long into the morning. It’s a long time before Seulgi looks at her watch, the longest she’s gone ignoring that habit of hers in years. And when they stumble outside in the biting cold, laughing and redfaced and very drunk still, it’s almost five AM.

Other start to spill out into the alley. The man on the door looks at them and looks away. Joohyun and Seulgi stand by the window, pinned in the orange neon, two of a pair. Breath catching. Joohyun takes a carton of Marlboro Gold cigarettes from her jacket pocket and holds it up in the light and puts it back in her pocket.

‘Do you need a lighter?’ Seulgi says.

‘Oh, I don’t smoke.’

‘What?’

‘Yeah.’

‘But you always buy cigarettes from me whenever you come in.’

‘Yeah,’ Joohyun says.

‘Why do you buy cigarettes if you don’t smoke?’

Joohyun shrugs sheepishly. ‘I used to smoke,’ she says. ‘Quit cold turkey about a year ago. It was surprisingly easy after four years of it. I’m not saying everyone should do it, or even anyone. It was pretty dumb of me, but it worked. Then one day about three months ago I start getting these really bad cravings again. I dunno why or where they came from. But it was awful. So I decided on something drastic. I’d buy a pack of cigarettes every time I left the house on my own, and whenever I had chance, I’d crush them up and toss them in the trash. Just like that. Without ever having smoked one, or even opened the foil. Just buy them and throw them away. Is that wasteful? Yeah. But it helped me. I dunno how. It was sort of cathartic in a way. Still is. It’s like the ultimate form of power that I have. It makes me proud, knowing I have them so close to hand and despite everything I can still resist. I can still say no. So, yeah. Still a year clean, so to speak.’

‘That’s kind of cool, actually.’

‘Not really.’

‘Isn’t it expensive?’

‘I can afford it,’ says Joohyun, and it’s the truth. She stands shuffling on her feet anxiously. The cold is getting to them. The alcohol already has. It smells of jasmine and mint from their chewing gum and faintly of apple cider. Joohyun smiles softly. Her hair catches about her face in the wind and she pushes it away and says, ‘Thank you for tonight.’

‘Thank you. It was fun.’

‘I know. Not often I get to do that.’

‘I thought you’d get invited to loads of parties.’

‘Nothing like that. I can’t explain it, not properly. But nothing like tonight. Tonight was…freeing. Was different. Thank you. I could just be me for once. Just be who I am.’

‘Joohyun.’

‘Yeah?’

She turns just in time to catch Seulgi’s lips and Seulgi pushing against her. It’s a rushed and awkwardly adjacent kiss, Seulgi’s hands on her cheeks, trying to find purchase, fighting against the cold. She pulls back and breathes and tries to smile and only does so when Joohyun smiles as well. ‘Tonight was fun,’ Joohyun says softly.

‘Yeah.’

‘Are you doing anything tomorrow? Today, I mean. Before you’ve got work.’

‘No,’ Seulgi says a little too quickly.

‘You’re pretty great, you know that?’

‘So are you.’

‘We should get a cab.’

‘What about your car?’

‘I’m not driving like this.’

‘No, I mean, are you going to have it picked up?’

‘I don’t care right now,’ Joohyun says. She smiles and cups Seulgi’s face and kisses her again. ‘I feel like I could dance forever.’

‘Me too.’

They walk hand in hand out into the street. The night is just about to end. Soon everything begins again. Along the avenue the wind howls and the cold has them shivering. And behind them the lonely disco ball spins on and on.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Realised this is basically just Stargirl but shorter and wavier and better written lol. Oh well :)   Also this image pretty much sums up my life right now: