‘In someone else I found’

 

 

“Oppa?” Irene asked half asleep

“Oh, Irene-ah, sorry for calling you, is Wendy home? I’ve been trying to call her but she’s not answering? Can you check? I can’t meet her personally since I’m in a meeting right now. I have something to discuss to her about her schedule for tomorrow.”

“No problem, I’ll tell her to call you back.” Irene said

“Thank you.” He said then hangs up

 

Irene put down her phone on the bed side table as her eyes wandered on the photo above it. Smile instantly appears on her lips as she stares at the photo. She still remembers how happy Wendy was when she finally got the time to buy a picture frame and put the picture of them together she’s been keeping on the pages of a book to prevent it from getting a scratch.

 

“Joohyun-ah, look what I got!” Wendy said excitedly when she entered Irene’s room without a warning like she owns it, but Irene doesn’t mind, it’s like Wendy’s room already anyway. “Look!” Wendy said showing a photo Wendy calls treasure, safely tucked inside a picture frame. “We can now look at it freely.” As she settled it on the table

“Oh, you’re putting it there?” Irene couldn’t help but asked, not because she doesn’t want it but for the fact that Wendy wouldn’t even let her touch it longer than ten seconds because she’s afraid that Irene might wrinkle or scratch a precious photo.

“I’ve wanted to give this to you but it wasn’t safe so, I kept it for a while.”

“Yah! What do you mean, wasn’t safe?”

Wendy chuckles as she starts patting the frame “You’re safe now, my heart is at ease.”

“Yah!” Irene whines “Why a frame gets a pat and I get nothing?”

Wendy looked at her as she cupped Irene’s face then smile as she leaned in for a kiss which Irene happily received, Wendy pulled back as she stare at Irene, still cupping her face “Don’t ever say you got nothing because I’m all yours.”

 

Irene’s smile grows wider at the thought of every cringey, corny, cheesy word that Wendy had thrown into her every chance she gets. Irene would get goose bumps, she would whine each time but she loves every bit of it, she could feel the sincerity and love in each word, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

She reached her arm at the photo and the wide smile that she had earlier disappeared as tears unconsciously fell down her cheeks as soon as she starts tracing on it.

 

“People are starting to notice.” Irene said

“I know, I’m sorry.” Wendy said as she back hugged Irene “I’ll be careful.”

Irene closed her eyes at the warmth sensation, Wendy has always been warmth physically and emotionally and in times like this when she felt everything is overwhelming, Wendy’s warmth never failed to calm her, as if telling her that everything will be okay.

And as much as she badly wanted to just stay like this she couldn’t. She fought the urge to just melt in Wendy’s arms and pulled back from her all her might and successfully did.

“I think…” Irene trailed off as she stares at Wendy’s worried eyes

“Hey…” Wendy said softly as she took both Irene’s hand “It’s going to okay, we’ll be okay.”

Irene looked down, she knew for sure that whatever she’s planning to say, she won’t be able to if she looked at her “I think… we need space from each other.”

“What?” She couldn’t see Wendy’s expression, but she could tell that Wendy knew what she meant by the way her voice trembles, her hands on Irene’s stiffen.

Wendy let her hand go “Are you breaking up with me?” her voice cracked full of pain

Irene looked up, meeting Wendy’s eyes “That’s for the best.”

“For the best?” Wendy asked looking at her with the painful expression “Joohyun, we don’t need to break up for people to get off our backs, we just have to stop all the smiles, winks, stares, holding hands when we’re out in public, that’s all we need to do.”

“But we can’t risk it.” Irene said “Five of us have given half of our life to where we are now and I can’t let that all go to waste because…” she stops

“Because of what? Because we’re in love? And having a love like us is not acceptable in this -up place we are living in. Is that what you’re trying to say?”

Irene looked down. Getting caught dating is like standing on the edge of the cliff, you’ll never know if the wind will blow you down or blow in your favor, but getting caught dating same gender is surely a downfall in this industry and as a leader she won’t allow that to happen just because she couldn’t get her emotions in check.

“We both knew what the risks were when we started it. We asked Joy, Seulgi and Yeri and they gave us their blessing and that they would support us no matter what, I do—“

“Don’t you think that’s just us being selfish?” Irene asked “When we asked them about us, we didn’t just asked for their blessing, we also asked them the possibility of giving up everything they worked hard on for us, Seungwan everything.”

 

Tears fall from Wendy’s eyes, she’s aware of that but she love Irene so much and for once in her life, she choose to be selfish. “We were just talking about us, you and me until the end yesterday, is this the end that you were talking about?” She asked wiping her tears, as Irene tears starts falling down too “I didn’t know that we were talking about different kind of ending.”

 

Irene wipes her tears, as she closed her eyes and starts breathing in and out to calm herself. She then looked at the other side of the bed, it used to felt warmth but now it’s only cold and empty. It’s been a year since they broke up and yet she’s still not used to the cold and still missing the warmth she used to call her own.

 

Irene breathe deeply as she plucked all her courage to lift her hand up and knock on Wendy’s room and right before it reach the door she heard a voice coming from the room and it wasn’t Wendy, it was Joy.

 

Of course, Irene thought bitterly.

 

When Irene made the decision she knew it was going to hurt like hell and it did. She missed everything about Wendy. Her smile, her voice, her warmth, she missed everything so bad that sometimes she’ll find herself, standing outside Wendy’s room with a thought of getting back with her. She’ll find herself staring at Wendy before without realizing it. She’ll find herself staring at the empty side of the bed and before she realizes it, she’s already crying.

 

Though everything hurts like hell, it was all bearable because it’s for everyone’s sake, until it didn’t anymore.

 

They were at the airport for their Japan concert and they just landed. They were still far from the exit but they could see the crowd, cramping out their way and they knew that they wouldn’t get pass smoothly. Wendy was the one walking in front and then reached her hand towards the back.

Surprised was evident on Irene’s face, she didn’t know if what does that mean or if that means anything. Seulgi who was walking beside her nudge her, pointing on Wendy’s hand. Everyone knew that hand was meant for Irene and she did too but they were in public and the fact that they haven’t had done anything besides being professional with each other after they broke, hesitation swirled through her.

 

But that hesitation all went away went Wendy looked back with a smile, Irene was about to reach her hand but stop when Wendy’s gaze went pass her and before she realizes it, Joy had walk past them and took Wendy’s hand and like a protective instinct, Wendy pulled Joy behind her back, shielding her from the crowd.

Irene stopped her tracks and looked at Joy and Wendy’s figure walking away with reality slapping her hard, Wendy’s hand isn’t hers to hold anymore.

 

They were having a rehearsal for their concert though they were indoors they could feel the coldness that winter brought.

They had a ten minute short break, Irene stepped out of the stage to get herself a sweater and when she came back Seulgi and Yeri was playing around the stage like the usual and then there’s Wendy and Joy.

Irene looked away from the scene, Wendy is hugging Joy to keep her warm while caressing her back. She balled her fist as she bit her lower lip to keep the tears from falling but she couldn’t. How could she stop the tears when all she can do is watch and accept the fact that Wendy’s warmth isn’t hers to feel anymore?

 

Wendy’s shoulder isn’t hers to lean on anymore.

Wendy’s smile isn’t for her anymore.

Wendy is not hers anymore.

She isn’t the type to eavesdrop, especially when she knew that she’s only going to hurt herself is she decided to do so. She was about to leave she heard Joy’s voice again.

 

“Are you alright?” Joy asked worriedly “Is something wrong?”

‘Is Seungwan in trouble?’ Irene thought worriedly as she stood in front of the door. If it was other situation she would’ve left as soon as she learn that they’re talking privately but if Seungwan’s in trouble she needs to hear it, she’s still their leader and unnie after all.

 

“Hey…” Joy said softly “What is it? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah…” Wendy answered “Just….”

“What is it?” Joy asked again “You’re really making me nervo—“

“I love you”

 

And as if those words have the power to stop someone’s world, Irene felt her whole world stops. It wasn’t just some I love you that Wendy would tell the members because of appreciation. It wasn’t just some I love you that Wendy would say out of the blue each time she looked at the members with so much adoration. It wasn’t just some random I love you. It wasn’t just some I love you.

It was that I love you.

 

“Okay, something’s really up” As Joy step closer to Wendy with worried look “I know that you adore me so much but you saying that in this situation is…“

“I love you…” Wendy repeats with the same softness “I love you…”

 

Irene’s whole body felt numb yet she can literally feel a piece of her heart was ripped from her chest and something was constantly stabbing her heart that’s leaving her no choice but to tear up and let it drop down her face non-stop.

She can’t be wrong, she knows it. She heard it a lot of times before because it was hers to receive in the past.

It was that I love you.

Joy looked at her baffled “W-what?”

“I said I love you…” Wendy repeats “I kno—“

“Stop…”

“I know it’s hard to take it all in right now but I swe—“

“I know you love me and I love you too but it’s not that kind of love…” Joy told her “You’re probably confused right now, It hasn’t been that long since the break and break-ups can mess your head real hard an—“

“I know what I’m saying and I know what I’m feeling, I love you so stop invalidating my feelings just because you think I’m having some kind of PTSD from a break up.”

“Yes, you are…” Joy stated “I’ve been there, I know exacl—“

“Stop telling me that my feelings for you are not real!”

“I’m not saying that you loving me isn’t real but you’re confusing it on a different kind of love”

“Confused?” Wendy asked dejectedly “Did you really think that I am going to stand here, risking everything we have because I’m confused? That I am willing to throw everything away because that break-up is messing with my head? Well I’m not ing confuse... and I know you feel the same way”   

Anxiety quickly plastered on Joy’s face as she looked at Wendy “No, I don’t…”

“I felt it…” Wendy said determine “I felt it when we kiss, we both felt it”

“We’re drunk, we’re both broken and we don’t know what we were doing.”

Wendy shakes’ her head “No we don’t... but it doesn’t mean that what we felt isn’t real.”

Joy looked at her in defeat, there’s no use talking it out to Wendy “Fine, let’s say what you were saying is right, what about it? What do you want us to do about it?”

“Let’s be together…” Without hesitation Wendy answered “Let’s start dati—“

“Stop, stop, stop.” Joy told her in panic “That’s the stupidest idea I’ve heard from you!”

“This is not stupidity, I’m being real”

Joy looked at her in almost horror “Are you hearing yourself right now? Do you even know what you’re saying right now?”

“Until when are you going to ask me if I—“

“Because that is crazy!”

“What’s crazy about dating? We both love each other and—“

“As if we both haven’t had enough in dating, this isn’t going to work!”

“And how would you know that? For all we know we both went through those hell break-up so we could be together, maybe this is the reason…”

“This isn’t it. Trust me.”

“What are you so afraid of?”

“Do you have any idea what will happen if we both follow what we are feeling right now? Everything that comes with it? Because I do and I’m not going to bear that weight”

“Is that what you’re afraid of? That people’s going to hate us? That they will be disappointed? Because I don’t really care about that, I don’t care about them; I only care about me, you… us”

 

Irene’s heart felt like it had shattered. Pain unlike anything she’d ever felt before, she raised a hand to to hold back the sobs. To hold back the need to cry out.

 

She closed her eyes as tears slid down her cheeks; she swiped at them impatiently as she run towards her room. She went directly to her bathroom and opened the shower and completely broke down in tears as soon as the water hits her. Her knees collapse as she screams her hearts out. She scream in anguish hoping that it would take Wendy’s voice and her words away but it wouldn’t.

 

‘I love you’

 

But even when her heart had been breaking, part of her is still happy for the both of them.

 

 

//

“Can we talk?” Seulgi asked and by the looked on her face Wendy knew that it’s serious.

“Is something wrong?” She asked worriedly. “Is everything alright?”

“What are you doing?” Seulgi asked sternly confusing Wendy

“What?”

“What do you think you’re doing?” Seulgi asked with the same firm on her voice. Wendy clearly knew that something is wrong. She knows her; she’s her best friend after all.

“Clearly you’re upset about something. And I’m assuming you’re not talking about my schedules, so what is it that making you upset because I don’t remember doing anything that can make you or anyone upset” She tells her side. It’s in Wendy’s nature. She wouldn’t do anything that can result to conflict or any complications especially with her dearest members

“Don’t play dumb with me!” Seulgi starts raising her voice, baffling Wendy

Seulgi isn’t a person who just picks a fight, something must’ve really happen. Wendy thinks through, her leveling the same volume on Seulgi’s voice isn’t going to make things better so she calms herself “I’m not playing dumb. I’m really not sure what you’re talking about”

“I know you’re in pain but that pain doesn’t give you any right to use someone to get back at Irene!” Seulgi blurted.

Get back at Irene? Use someone? Wendy is completely lost and she could feel herself fuming.

“You want revenge?” Seulgi continues as Wendy’ anger continues to go up, how could Seulgi; her best friend accused her of something like that

“Stop...” She speaks. Clenching her fist, holding herself back.

But Seulgi wouldn’t stop “You want to get back at her? Hurt her?”

“Stop!” Wendy shouted enraged “Stop blabbering nonsense” her whole body trembling from anger.

“Non-sense? Do you think I will be like this if this was non-sense?” It’s the first time that she and Wendy have a dispute like this and she doesn’t like it. But she already made up her mind and she’s not going to back down now

“I don’t want to fight with you…” Wendy told her, trying to hold back herself from doing anything that she might regret “So I’m just going to pretend that, this didn’t happen…” then she turns, but Seulgi caught her arm before she could get away.

“I am not going to let you continue leading Joy on” Seulgi tighten her grip on Wendy’s

 

“W-what’s happening here?” A terrified Yeri asked, “A-are you two f-fighting?”

She could feel the tension between the two as soon as she walks in. She isn’t the type to get nervous easily but this sight in front of her is making her tremble.

 

“I am trying very hard to let go every bull you’re saying right now so why don’t you stop it while I still can” Wendy said in outrage, completely ignoring Yeri’s presence.

 

Yeri clenched her fist to stop it from trembling but failed. Seeing a completely different Wendy and Seulgi with her own eyes is sending a shiver through her spine. She couldn’t say anything.

 

Seulgi scoff “Bull? You are the biggest bull Wendy!”

 

“Seulgi-unnie s-stop it…” Yeri rush towards the two “Why are you saying that to Wendy-unnie?” she’s on the verge of crying but she wouldn’t. She needs to stop this before it gets worse if it isn’t yet already.

 

“Do you really think nobody notices it? Tell her Yeri…” Seulgi said looking at Yeri “Tell her how obvious it is that she’s using Joy to make Irene-unnie jealous, to hurt her”

 

Hearing what Seulgi had said, Wendy can’t help but looked at Yeri.

 

“I…am...don’t...” Yeri trailing off.  “I… Seulgi unnie is just—“ She stopped seeing the look on Wendy’s, sadness and pain reflected on her all at once.

She’s supposed to stop this but seems like she made things worse.

“I’m glad that Joy is now recovering from her last relationship, she’s finally smiling and that’s all thanks to you” Seulgi stated “But what do you think will happen after you’re done with her? We both know that you don’t have any intention of loving her. You are going to break her even more.”

 

Without a second, Wendy grabbed Seulgi’s collar “Look at me!” her voice filled with anger “Look at me!”

 

“Unnie!” Yeri gasped terrifyingly. She reaches her trembling hand to Wendy but before she could touch her arm, she met her cold gaze. Something she has never seen before and it terrifies her.

She couldn’t even see a trace of her sweet Wendy-unnie on the woman in front of her.

Wendy had made her laughed till she cry, cringe from her sweetness, she calms by her comfort. Wendy had annoyed her, frustrates by her outgoing personality but never she made Yeri feel that she should be afraid of her, not even when they’re arguing, not even once until now.

She’s afraid to move, speak even. But she can’t be a crybaby now, she maybe their groups’ maknae but she’s also a grown up to. She took all of her courage “Let’s tal—“

 

“Stay out of this…” It‘s not even a complete sentence but that’s enough for Yeri to lose every courage she has. Wendy’s voice is filled with so much anger and her eyes… oh God her eyes.

She needs help and her crying right now is not going to make anything better. So she leaves in regret and rush out.

 

“Do you really think I am capable of doing what you’re accusing me right now?” Wendy asked still holding Seulgi’s. “And even if I was, did you really believe that…” The anger from Wendy’s eyes earlier has now been replaced by sadness and pain, tears starts forming in the corner of her eyes.

 

“Did you really think that I would do that to Joy?” She asked with her trembling hand “That I would use someone precious to me to hurt Joohyun?” As she let go of her “We’ve known each other half of our life, we’ve been through so much together and you are my best friend, even at this moment, you still are.” As her tears finally fall down “And the fact that those words came from you is breaking my heart…”

 

 

//

“Unnie! Unnie!”  Yeri screamed frantically as soon as she saw Irene running towards her. “Why did you take so long?”

“I came here as fast as I can…” Irene said without taking a breath “Where are they? What happen?” she asked nervously

“Inside the dorm…” Yeri answered as they run through the hallway

But before they could reach their dorm, Wendy came out.

Yeri and Irene both stop running seeing Wendy as they tried to catch their breath while walking towards her slowly

“U-unnie…” Yeri mumble looking at Wendy

Wendy paused upon seeing both Yeri and Irene.

 

“U-unnie…” Yeri said nervously as soon as she reached her “A-are you okay?” as Irene slowly catch up to them.

Instead of answering, Wendy starts walking again like they weren’t there.

“U-unnie...” Yeri called as she followed Wendy’s figure by her gaze

Wendy just continues her tracks as Irene watch in silence.

She wanted to ask why, what happen, she wanted to know everything that’s happening to Wendy but she couldn’t, not anymore.

 

Yeri clutch her fist as she starts running towards Wendy and before she could reached her, Wendy stops and turns to her.

“Wendy un...nie” she trailed off upon seeing the look on Wendy’s face.

 

Yeri’s heart sunk, it wasn’t cold anymore, and there was no hint of anger but it is full of pain and sadness. What happened earlier flashback unto her. It was the same look when she couldn’t answer ‘no’ to Seulgi’s accusation to Wendy, when she couldn’t defend her. It was the same sad eyes.

 

 

//

“You can just knock you know, I could hear you walking back and forth” Yeri said upon opening her door and see Seulgi in front

 

“I’m sorry.” Seulgi said as she looked down

“Do you want to come inside and talk about it?” Yeri asked as Seulgi nodded and went inside.

 

“I’m really sorry.” Seulgi apologizes again once she settles herself at the edge of Yeri’s bed “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot.”

“It’s okay.” Yeri told her “It wasn’t me who could not answer ‘no’, that’s on me.”

Truth is she notices it too. Wendy has always been affectionate to everyone but with Joy now it’s different. She’s treating Joy the way she’s treating Irene when they were still dating whether they were out in public or at home and Joy look more than happy to receive it. They weren’t being subtle about it too, it doesn’t matter who was with them or even if Irene was just feet away from them, they would just hug, hold hands, whispering things, laughing to each other, just them in their own world. Of course it was obviously noticeable.

 

“She told me that she would never use Joy to purposely hurt Irene unnie.” Seulgi said as she looked down, remembering the look on Wendy’s face “I know that, Wendy would never do that… but... the way she acts…”

“Maybe it’s real.” Yeri said “That she’s really in love with Joy unnie.”

“Do you think so?” Seulgi asked

“I don’t know what to think to be honest.” Yeri said “Irene unnie broke up with Wendy unnie to protect our group and now Joy and Wendy unnie who just do all the things that Irene unnie avoided to happen that’s why she broke up with Wendy unnie.”

“I don’t even know if I’d feel bad for Irene unnie because even though she love Wendy unnie so much, she had to break up with her because she’s our leader and thinks that’s what’s best for the group and the fact that it’s killing her to see them like that or I’d just feel happy for Wendy unnie and Joy unnie because they looked so happy again.”

 

“I wanted to be happy for Joy and Wendy but I can’t help worrying…” Seulgi said “You know what Joy was like when they broke up, she was at her worst and I don’t want to ever see that again. Its scares me that she’s smiling again because of Wendy, what if Wendy is just confuse and in that confusion Joy falls for her but she won’t catch her. It will kill her.”

 

// 

“Can’t sleep?” Irene asked when she saw Seulgi sitting at the kitchen drinking a tea

Seulgi shook her head “You?” as Irene sits beside her “Do you want me to make you one?”

“No, I’m fine, thank you.” Irene answered

Silence engulfed them for a good minute.

“I fought with Wendy.” Seulgi breaking the silence

“I know.”

“We fought about Joy.”

“I know.” Irene said “I could feel Yeri shaking when she called me earlier. She wouldn’t be like that if you’re just arguing over something trivial.”

“I just couldn’t take it.” Seulgi said “I couldn’t take seeing them like that and say nothing.”

 “Are you angry because you’re worried about Joy or are you angry because you’re in love with her?” Irene asked meeting her eyes, fully aware of Seulgi’s feelings to Joy

“I just want her to be happy.” Seulgi said “I made a wish hoping that it was me who could give her that kind of happiness but then I realized that it doesn’t have to be me. If she can find that happiness to someone else then I’d gladly loved her from a far because her happiness is mine too.”

“Isn’t that what loving someone is? Their happiness means more to us than our own.” Seulgi added

Irene smile “It is… but don’t you think you should at least try to give yourself a chance that maybe you’re the one who can make her happy, you love her so much and I’m sure you’d give her the world if you were given a chance.”

“I will. God knows damn well that I will.” Seulgi said “But I guess, I’m too late for that.”

“How can you say that?”

“Just…” Seulgi said making a deep breath “How about you? How are you holding up with this?”

“By telling myself why I broke up with Seungwan in the first place.” Irene said sadness all over her eyes “That it’s for the best and that’s what’s needed to be done.”

“Needed, maybe. But for the best, I have to disagree with you on that.” Seulgi said “You and Wendy are the epitome of love. I could feel the overwhelming love when I look at you, the happiness that knows no limit when you’re together, the never ending smile when you’re beside each other. How could it be for the best when you have to let go, the kind of love that even eyes or words could not contain, a once in a lifetime love.”

 

Tears fell from Irene’s eyes “I didn’t know what else to do. I was scared for all of us, I was scared that we have to throw everything away because of our love. I was afraid that the three of you will be the casualties of me and Seungwan’s love.”

“You could’ve been selfish and we will understand you.” Seulgi told her

“Then why didn’t you to Joy?”

“Because she fell in love with him before I could muster up my courage to tell her how I feel and when they broke up, she needed time to heal, so I waited on the sideline.”

“It’s been two years.”

“I know and that’s why I told myself that I’m going to confess and pour my heart out…” Seulgi paused “But then you broke up with Seungwan because you think that you being together will jeopardize everything. What am I supposed to do with that?”

 

 

Wendy got into her car without a place in mind.

She sped up, escaped. After driving for a while, she pulled off the road and stopped. It was then everything sets in. For several seconds, she didn’t move, simply sat there, her whole body trembling.

 

Wendy’s POV

 

“Wendy-unnie!”

I smiled and waved a hand as Joy runs towards me “What brings you here?”

“I’ve always wanted to see you work as an actress,” I told her, that part is true but that’s not really the reason why I came at the set. “Wanted to know if my hard work when you practice with me is paying off.”

Joy smiled “Then looked forward to it…”

“I will.”

 

It’s been two years since Joy and Sungjae ended their relationship. It’s nowhere near a bad break up, a saddened break-up I might say. They have their own fair share of fight like every relationship but it was a good relationship nonetheless.

Like Joohyun and I.

I could still remember how happy Joy was. Sometimes it makes me think, does a slight of happiness need to be paid by ages of heart break?

Their relationship was not a secret to the groups as well as the company but it wasn’t known to public. Sungjae’s group was still picking up their pace as well as ours during their relationship and they cannot afford a scandal, much more of dating scandal. That scandal can basically destroy you.

I know how possessive fans can get. Makes me wonder who get’s it harder when it comes to personal relationship? Is it a girl group idol or a boy group idol?

I didn’t know who first brought it up but I guess in the end they both decided to end everything, for their groups’ sake, for their dreams sake, for each other’s sake.

It’s much easier if there was a third party involve or they both fell out of love but it wasn’t the case. They ended it because that’s what the circumstances needed and they cannot do something about it.

Like Joohyun and I.

Probably the reason why Joy can’t seem to move on, why I can’t move on.

How do you even move forward from something like that?

 

End of POV

 

 

“Since we are both free tomorrow, how about we get a drink?” Joy asked cheerfully “My treat, let’s get drunk like there’s no tomorrow!”

“Tempting…” Wendy said with a smile “But let’s not get drunk tonight… how about, let’s be honest with each other tonight?”

Joy stares at her for a second then answered “I was actually planning to get you drunk to get the truth but seems like I won’t have to…”

“You’re making it sound like I kiss and tell when I get drunk…”

“Oh, you didn’t know?” Joy tease

“Really?” Wendy asked with a chasten look

Joy smiles, nodding,

“I swear you are not going to get me drunk again...” Wendy said in defense

“I doubt that,” Joy teased again, as they both chuckled.

It was a good seconds laughed when Joy stops noticing Wendy suddenly staring at her

“What?”

Wendy shook her head “Nothing…”

“I thought we’ll be honest with each other tonight…”

“Oh, are we staring already?”

“Now we are…” Joy answered “So, why did you come here, really?”

“Can I get that drink instead?”

“That offer no longer stands Ms. Son…”

Wendy breathes deeply as she looks at Joy “Am I leading you on?”

Silence engulfs them.

A minute have passed when Joy break the silence. “Are you leading me on?”

“No, I don’t” Wendy answered quickly “I wouldn’t do that.”

“Then why are you asking me that?”

“Because that’s what Seulgi thought...” Then she paused “And Yeri too…” as she looked at Joy and continues “And that I was using you to hurt Irene…”

“I’m surprised, they bring it up sooner than I thought they would” Which stunned Wendy

“W-what do you mean?” She asked “I-I would never do that, I swear”

“I know…” Joy said “I know, you would never do that… It’s just that…” She paused looking at Wendy

“Just what? Tell me…”

“Ever since you came back from Canada after you two broke up, something changed about you…” Joy said “I don’t know if you have notice it but you’d become more intimate to me which everyone probably notice…”

“I-Intimate?” Almost choking on her own word

 “I know how sweet you are, how caring, thoughtful… but you become way, way more” Joy admit “You become much sweeter, affectionate than you’ve ever been to me.”

“The way you hold my hand whenever I’m nervous, the way you pulled me closer into you when we’re getting mob at the airport, how you’d lend me your shoulder when where just sitting together or whenever I’m sleepy, how you’d me embraced when it’s cold, how you get worried too much now…” Joy confesses “Nobody’s dumb enough to not notice it…”

 

Wendy processes everything in silence.

 

“Do you really think nobody notice it? Tell her Yeri”

“Tell her how obvious it is that she’s using Joy to make Irene jealous, to hurt Irene”

“But what do you think will happen after you’re done with her? We both know that you don’t have any intention of loving her. You are going to break her even more.”

 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Wendy asked in shame, lowering her head

“Because, I like it...” Joy confessed, as Wendy looked at her in shocked.

“Don’t give me that look…” Joy told her upon seeing the anxiousness on Wendy’s face “I said I liked it not because I like you, so please breathe and take that anxiety off your face…”

“How do you expect me to react after you said that?” She almost screamed “You should feel uncomfortable about it, why would you say you like it? If you’re just trying to make me feel bet—“

“Truth.” Joy stated “That’s what you want, so I’m giving it to you”

“Still, how can you say that?” Wendy asked in shamed “God… What have I done?”

“Will you please stop that before you start a horrifying speech” Joy told her “I’m not a 5 year old girl who doesn’t know if she’s being taken advantage of…”

“But that’s exactly what I feel right now…” Wendy said “I’m sorry, really, really sorry… I don’t know what got into me for doing all of that”

“It should be me apologizing, if I had said something from the very start it wouldn’t have come to this…” Joy said

“Why would you apologize for that, clearly it’s my fault for being….” She paused “It’s my entire fault...”

 

“Still, I have my fair share to it…” Joy said “Honestly, I knew for sure that it’ll raise something but I didn’t say anything because I like it. I like how it makes me feel. I like how you warm me just by holding my hands, how you calm me when I get nervous, how you are always there whenever I needed a shoulder, I miss that feeling… I miss it so much that when you started giving it to me, I took it even when I knew that you would have fought with Seulgi, even Yeri would have that kind of thoughts about you or hurt Irene-unnie in the process;”

Then she faces Wendy “I took it without feeling bad about it…. what does that make me?”

“A human…” 

Tears touched Joy’s eyes.

“That makes you human…” Wendy said as she gave Joy a warm a smile then reached her hand to Joy’s face as she wiped her tears “So it’s okay to not feel bad about it…”

“How could you smile at me like that?” Joy asked in tears “I made you the bad person”

“No, you didn’t.” Wendy assured her “It was me. It’s not like you force me to hold your hand and everything. Why take the blame for something that I did on my own accord.”

 

“Do you still miss him?”

“Everyday” Her voice etched with longing “My heart still aches when I thought of the day we ended things, my eyes would tear unconsciously each time I hear his name, until now I’d still find myself searching for him in the crowd and have to fought all the urge to run up to him and feel the warmth of his embrace again.”

 

Wendy wrapped her arms on Joy’s shoulder, pulling her on her side, making her head leaned on her shoulder “It’s because you love him that much. It’s because you love him that much that’s why it hurts like that.”

“I don’t know how you and Irene unnie are doing it.” Joy muttered “Act like it doesn’t hurt, pretending that everything is okay, when I knew for sure that it’s killing you both inside. You are literally this close and yet tragically afar”

 

Wendy tearfully smiles “I have to slap myself, clench my jaw, grit my teeth, balled my fist, bite my lip every second to stop myself to not cry in front of her, to stop the urge to hold her hand and hug her like there’s no tomorrow, to tell her I love  her and that I miss her to death.” She said as tears pour down her cheeks “I miss her so much and it’s killing me everyday.”

 

 

“You know how Joohyun gets cold easily that’s why I always hugged her to warm her, how she gets afraid in crowd especially when we were at airport that’s why I always hold her hand, how she always gets nervous whenever we were off to stage, how sleepy she is during our early schedule…” Wendy said as she smiles weakly “I just miss her so much that I started doing the things I used to do for her to you”

 

Joy pulled her into a hug “I know. I completely know what it’s like, that’s why when you started giving me the affection I used to get from him I took it.”

 

“We miss them so much that we both found what we were missing at each other.”

 

 

The end.