He’s trying to practice.

Really, he is.

Seriously.

He hasn’t seen Kyungil in three weeks and he hasn’t heard from him at all. They’d never really had a fight before and he was starting to feel like it might be over. Like Kyungil didn’t want him in his life anymore. He should tell him that it’s only been harder to focus on practicing since he decided to back off and stop texting him, but that would require talking to him and Yijeong’s not really sure if he’d listen anyway.

It’s a risk, but it’s been three weeks and he’s going crazy, so he lies to the company (again) and skips practice so he can climb on a bus to Kyungil’s apartment. He’s getting better at lying. He has Kyungil to thank for that, he guesses.

It’s not long before he’s standing in front of Kyungil’s apartment. He rings the doorbell once and waits for him to answer. All of the possible scenarios he’s spent hours thinking about spring to mind. Will Kyungil slam the door in his face? Will he be upset, will he yell and say he never wants to see him again? Will he even be willing to listen to what Yijeong has to say? Will Yijeong figure out what he wants to say before he answers the door?

He’d thought he’d prepared for all possible situations but somehow he realizes he wasn’t prepared enough when a woman he’s never seen before opens the door. Oh, he thinks. That’s the one I forgot. He’s mortified, to say the least, and his instinct is to run, to run far, far away and never stop running, to leave before Kyungil can see him and laugh in his face. You’ve been replaced, you should have seen this coming.

“Hello?” the woman says before he can run. “Are you here to see Kyungil-ie?” He starts to back away at the comfortable nickname and he’s seconds away from breaking into a sprint when Kyungil appears behind her in the doorway. “Hey. Come in,” he says easily. That’s probably the last thing Yijeong wants to do, but he’s not sure how to excuse showing up out of the blue and disappearing seconds later so he steps inside and awkwardly takes off his sneakers.

He slowly follows them into the kitchen, where it’s obvious that they’ve been cooking dinner together and the woman rests her elbows on the island as Kyungil stirs a mystery pot slowly. “You’re really not going to introduce me to your friend?” he hears her ask Kyungil before turning around and stepping closer to him. “Hi. I’m Park Eunyoung,” she says, offering him a handshake. He shakes her hand politely and replies, “I’m Jang Yijeong.”

“Ah. So you’re Yijeong. I should have known.” Wait, did that mean that Kyungil had told her about him? He’s not sure how he’s supposed to feel about that piece of information, so he ignores it for the moment. “You guys are obviously busy, I don’t want to intrude...” Eunyoung shakes her head and smiles at him. “No, if anything, I’m the one intruding. I just dropped by to say hello to my high school bestie. I have to work in a bit anyway.”

“Are you a dancer too?” he asks, feeling much better about this strange girl in Kyungil’s apartment suddenly. “Yeah. I’m one of the backup dancers for a show tonight. I was just about to head out.” She walks around the island to hug Kyungil quickly. “Don’t leave on my account,” Yijeong says softly, but she shakes her head again. “I’m not, I really was leaving. I can’t be late. It was nice to meet you, Yijeong.” She picks up her bag from the counter and Yijeong bows politely as she passes by him. “Have fun, you two,” she says lightly and then she’s gone.

Kyungil continues cooking and Yijeong’s not sure if he’s upset or merely focused, so he stands in front of the island across from him. “So... old high school friends?” he says carefully. “Yep, we’ve known each other for over a decade now. Why, did you think...” Yijeong shrugs bashfully and Kyungil smirks. “Well, if you’re wondering, we never even hooked up in high school. She doesn’t date other dancers anyway.” Yijeong thinks he hides his relief well and says, “She seems nice.”

“Why are you here?” Kyungil asks him after a short silence and his heart starts to ache. “Do you hate me?” Kyungil looks up from the stove at him. “What? Why do you think that?”

“You didn’t call me,” he says softly. “You didn’t call me either,” Kyungil counters. “Because I thought you hated me.” Kyungil turns down the burner and rounds the island to stand next to him. “I don’t hate you. You seemed pretty pissed at me when you left. I thought you wanted some space.” He can’t really argue with that. He could have been the one to call. Instead, he just showed up out of the blue and scared his best friend off and interrupted his dinner. He doesn’t really have an excuse for any of that. “No one likes being rejected,” he points out, staring at the top of the island. “I wasn’t. I wasn’t rejecting you, it’s just... complicated.”

“Wow, I’ve never heard that one before.” He knows he shares a lot of responsibility for the fact that they fought, but it’s pretty obvious that Kyungil doesn’t feel that sorry and it’s making him even more upset. “If you have to pick between me and your dream, you have to pick your dream. That’s all I was trying to say.” Yijeong throws his hands up and turns to Kyungil. “I can take care of myself,” he insists. “It’s my choice, don’t try to make it for me.”

“I think I have a choice in this too, you know,” Kyungil points out. “I refuse to make that choice,” Yijeong adds, ignoring him. “I want you and my dream. If I can’t have both, then I’ll just refuse to choose.” Kyungil sighs, ruffling Yijeong’s hair softly. “Work comes first. For both of us. Deal?”

“Deal,” Yijeong agrees, “but I’m done with work right now. What about you?” In response, he receives his favorite kind of answer as Kyungil leans in to kiss him chastely. “What about your dinner?” Yijeong asks, smiling up at him. “I put it on low, it’ll be fine. I’ve been waiting to do this for three weeks.” He leans back to kiss Yijeong tenderly once again. Too tenderly, in Yijeong’s opinion. He moves in closer and slides his hands up the sides of Kyungil’s shirt, trying to make his intentions clear.

Kyungil pulls away slightly, but before he can say anything, Yijeong says, “Don’t hold back for me.” Kyungil raises an eyebrow quizzically at him and Yijeong adds, “If you don’t want it, just tell me. But don’t hold back for me.”

“Want what?” he replies, obviously feigning ignorance or perhaps just refusing to get his hopes up. “Me,” Yijeong breathes, looking up at him nervously. “I always want you,” he responds deliberately and Yijeong’s nervousness melts away as he leans in to kiss him again, more passionately this time.

It’s not long before they stumble across the living room and make their way into Kyungil’s bedroom. Yijeong backs into the end of Kyungil’s bed and sits down, breaking contact for a few agonizing seconds. Kyungil quickly pulls his shirt off over his head and Yijeong thinks, Holy , just the way he did the first time they met. This time, his eyes are clouded with a little more lust than they were back then, but mostly he’s still in awe of the fact that someone like Kyungil wants someone like him. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

“Hell yeah,” Yijeong says pointedly, looking him up and down slowly, still attempting to process the reality of the situation he’s dreamt of for months, “aren’t you?” He’s afraid that this will require more talking, but Kyungil seems placated by his response and moves closer, hovering over him as he leans down to kiss him again.

히스토리

Yijeong opens his eyes to an unfamiliar ceiling and feels disoriented for a moment as he squints and tries to figure out where he is. The night before comes back to him in flashes; escaping from practice to take a bus to Kyungil’s apartment, meeting one of his best friends, ending up in his bed and taking their relationship to the next level, eventually falling asleep in his arms.

He almost blushes at the memories that flood back to him, but that’s put on hold when he realizes he’s alone in bed. The clock on the nightstand tells him it’s only half past 7am and he knows it’s Sunday morning, so there’s no way he could have left to go to work. For a brief moment, he panics, gets out of bed and searches for his clothes on the floor. He’s the one in Kyungil’s apartment, so it’s not like there’s really anywhere he could have gone, but his mind jumps to the wrong conclusion and he’s pulling on his clothes roughly when Kyungil opens the door and comes back into his bedroom. Yijeong freezes and Kyungil looks at him suspiciously.

“Trying to run out on me, are you?” All of the tension and fear leaves Yijeong’s body at once and he sits down on the edge of Kyungil’s bed, dizzy from the adrenaline rush. “I thought...” he begins, but he can’t finish because he’s tired and emotional and he doesn’t want to seem weak. “You thought... what? You thought I... left?” He sits down next to Yijeong on the bed and puts his hand on his back gently. “I just had to pee. I didn’t mean to freak you out.”

“I know... I wasn’t totally awake. I wasn’t thinking straight.” He’s embarrassed and his hair is a mess and he really didn’t want this morning to go down like this. “I’m not going anywhere. I don’t want to. Okay?” Yijeong doesn’t really believe him, but he doesn’t want to seem like a burden, so he changes the subject. “I’m hungry,” he says, even though it’s a lie because he still feels pretty sick to his stomach. “Really? Okay. I can cook something. Probably.” Kyungil starts to get up, but first Yijeong mutters, “You told her about me.”

“What?” Kyungil turns to look at him and Yijeong smiles sheepishly. “She knew about me. Eunyoung noona.” Kyungil nods and looks away from him, staring across the room at the door. “Yeah.”

“What did you tell her about me?” Kyungil leans back on his arms and sighs softly. “She wondered who I was always texting, so I told her how we met. I guess I must have talked about you a little too much, because I never told her how I felt about you. She figured it out all on her own.” He knows he shouldn’t ask anything else, but he gets greedy sometimes and wants all of the details, even if Kyungil doesn’t really seem to want to give them up. “How you feel about me?” he asks and Kyungil turns toward him slowly. “How we feel about each other.” Maybe he’s still dreaming because none of this feels real. “Which is why I’d never run out on you like that.”

“I know, I wasn’t thinking clearly,” he explains. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’m happy to be right here with you.” Yijeong wants to believe him and that’s exactly why he can’t; his judgment is obviously compromised. “I’ll make you some breakfast and you can get dressed,” Kyungil says as he gets up from the bed and leaves the bedroom.

Yijeong gets dressed slowly, still embarrassed by his overreaction. He’s frustrated because he ruined what this morning could have been. All the months and buildup and then... he thought he would feel happy, but all he feels is regretful. Not for what happened last night, just for how he wasted this morning. He leaves the bedroom to splash some water on his face before sitting down on the couch in the living room while Kyungil tries to throw some kind of breakfast together.

After a few minutes, he presents him with a slightly messy looking omelet and sits down next to him with a cup of coffee. “Hopefully it tastes better than it looks.” Yijeong takes a bite slowly. “Are you okay? You’re so quiet,” Kyungil asks after a moment. “I’m okay.” He continues eating slowly as Kyungil looks at him. “Are you... mad at me?” he asks tentatively. “What?”

“Did I do something wrong? You said you were ready but maybe...” Yijeong shakes his head and put his hand on Kyungil’s leg. “No, it’s not that. I’m just mad at myself cause this isn’t how I wanted this morning to go.” Kyungil leans back a little, nodding. “Oh. Then, finish eating and let’s go back to bed.” Yijeong blushes briefly and finishes eating his omelette as Kyungil watches, smirking.

A few minutes later, they climb back into bed and Kyungil wraps his arms around Yijeong. “So, how did you want this morning to go?” Yijeong sighs gently. “I just wanted to lay here like this for a while and talk.” Kyungil tightens his hold on Yijeong and shifts into a more comfortable position. “Talk about what?”

“You know... did you sleep well? Something like that,” he admits quietly. “Did you sleep well?” Yijeong chuckles. “Yeah. Did you?” Kyungil nods, kissing the top of his spine. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry I ruined this earlier.” Being prone to jumping to conclusions is never an attractive quality, but it’s a hard habit to break. “You didn’t ruin anything. It’s still early and we can stay here as long as you want.” This was a side of Kyungil that he’d never seen before. Sometimes, he can’t believe that he has any more sides, but he’s glad to have the chance to keep discovering new things about him. “Do your high school friends know about this side of you?” he asks, only half-teasing. “Of course not. Only people like you get to see me like this.”

“People like me?” Yijeong whispers, suddenly feeling safe and quite sleepy tucked in Kyungil’s arms. “People who I want to wake up next to,” he clarifies and Yijeong’s heart melts. This is something new, a new beginning even though he was convinced it was going to be an ending. Moments like these are the kind he thought he’d never have a chance to have once he started training, so he decides he’s obligated to make the most of them. Not that it feels like an obligation; it feels like a goddamn miracle and all he can do is make the most of it while it lasts.