“Excuse you two, there shall be no kissing in my office.” 

Kyungsoo and Jongin, whose heads were huddled close together as they review the latter’s training tapes on a small phone, spring apart at once. 

“We weren’t kissing!” Kyungsoo scowls at Yixing, while Jongin blushes and stays silent. 

“But you wish you were,” the doctor teases his friend and gestures for him to come forward. “Come here, I need to measure your blood pressure first.”

Kyungsoo chooses not to address the earlier statement, they both notice (and that makes Jongin blush harder). Instead, he says, “God, you sound more and more like Baekhyun every day.” Yixing merely laughs and adjusts the strap around his friend’s arm to start the device. 

“Well, he is my boyfriend so…” 

Boyfriend . Jongin lets out a dreamy sigh on the inside. How nice would it be to have someone to call your boyfriend? He stares longingly at Kyungsoo who has his back turned to him, the other nodding along to whatever Yixing was saying and pointing out to him on his computer screen. Must be his care plan or something along those lines.  

Sadly, they don’t belong under that label. Yet.  

They’ve been hanging out a lot outside of training. Do they count as dates? Jongin thinks back. In fact, Kyungsoo promised they could go watch the latest Marvel film after his rehabilitation session today. He honestly can’t wait. 

Not so much for Tom Holland in his fancy Spiderman suit, but for the chance to have some alone-time with Kyungsoo.

They’ve been kissing. A lot. And not just on the lips too; cheeks, forehead, basically at every opportunity. Stealing kisses at the most random of timings — in between drills, while waiting for take-out and even just now when he had helped Kyungsoo get out of the car. The other had so casually pecked him on the lips after he helped carry him from the car seat to his wheelchair. Surely, a dark theatre is the perfect spot for sneaking in kisses. 

It all started that night after his free skate at Nationals — when he had taken the plunge and decided to confess his feelings for the other through a kiss. 

They didn’t speak much after the kiss because they just ended up kissing more until all the ice in the bag Kyungsoo had pressed up against his ankle melted and the latter left for his own room, not without first making sure he got into bed fine. 

Kisses. Just thinking about Kyungsoo’s lips makes Jongin smile. He thinks kisses are a pretty couple thing to do, but every time he tries to swallow his courage and broach the subject, he withdraws for fear of spooking Kyungsoo. 

“Will you officially be my boyfriend?” 

He cannot say it. He does not know how the other will react. Are they progressing too fast if they establish labels for their relationship? He also wants to be considerate for Chanyeol’s memory, although, thinking about it, he has not seen Kyungsoo wearing his rings around his neck for the longest time. 

“Earth to Jongin.”

Yixing’s voice pulls him from his reverie and he blushes when he spots Kyungsoo giving him a weird look from across the room. 

“What were you thinking about?” the latter asks when he wheels closer and moves around Jongin to get to this odd-looking machine “And why is your face so red?” 

Kissing you, he says in his head. Somehow, that unspoken admission makes him blush even harder. He thinks Yixing probably has a clue from the way the doctor is smirking to himself, but Kyungsoo is too occupied with trying to shift himself to sit on the machine to read too much into his behaviour. 

“N-Nothing much…” Jongin grabs onto Kyungsoo’s arm when his body tilts suddenly when his wheelchair slides back a couple of inches, center of gravity threatening to pull him down to the ground. He can feel the way the other tenses, almost as if he was already bracing for impact. “I got you,” he mutters reassuringly, wrapping an arm around the back of Kyungsoo’s knees and gently lifting him up so he can sit properly. “What is this thing?” Jongin furrows his brows and gives the big knob by Kyungsoo’s hip a curious poke. 

“I won’t even attempt to repeat the name Yixing told me earlier.” 

“It looks like a death trap,” he comments, before turning to ask Yixing with a frown, “Are you sure this is safe?”  

The doctor chuckles and strides over to them, arms laden with a bunch of wires and white patches. “Don’t worry, I won’t kill your precious Kyungsoo.” He ignores Jongin’s spluttering to flick a switch on the machine’s control. At once, a loud buzz fills the room and the backrest Kyungsoo was leaning on reclines to form a bed. “These are electrodes. I’m going to be attaching them to his spine to stimulate his nerves—” 

“Why are you getting ?!” Jongin’s voice goes up several decibels when Kyungsoo flips around and starts to roll up his shirt. “Is this a normal occurrence? Do you take off your shirt whenever you come to visit Yixing?” he rushes out. 

“He just said he needs to hook me up to the machine.” Kyungsoo frowns. “Need I remind you that you’re the one who insisted to come along today. You can leave if I’m making you uncomfortable.” 

And let Yixing have all the viewing pleasure? 

“I think not!” he blurts out before clearing his throat, “I mean, I’m not uncomfortable… in any way. Carry on.” What if Yixing takes advantage of his absence and gets touchier with Kyungsoo? He shudders at the thought. He best be here to police their interactions. 

Once again, he ignores the weird look Kyungsoo gives him and shuffles closer to inspect how the doctor attaches the wires. He tries not to blush at the sight of milky skin, doing well to curb the temptation to touch it. 

“You should feel a slight tingle when I turn it on,” Yixing tells Kyungsoo. “Especially near your tailbone. It’s completely normal,” he reassures. “In fact, I’ll take it as a good sign.” 

“Okay, just get on with it already.” 

“Alright, relax,” the doctor chuckles. “I’m pacing the nerve prods at ten seconds intervals. Take a deep breath out.” 

Jongin pays attention to Kyungsoo’s face when Yixing taps on the controls to activate the electrodes he supposes. It looks like painful, and he has half a mind to step in at the first sign of discomfort even though he knows it would only hinder the treatment.

When he heard that Kyungsoo had scheduled an appointment this afternoon, he leapt at the chance to accompany his Coach, curiosity preceding his body’s protests for a rare day off. After all, this will be the first time he is free — no dance classes with Taemin scheduled, and no meetings or brand ambassador duties to fulfil with his commercial sponsors. He has heard stories of Kyungsoo’s rehabilitation process, and he wants to be there for him at least once. 

He was not so sure what he can expect to see. 

(It certainly was not teasing milky skin and dusty pink s, that is for sure.)

“You know, Jongin,” Yixing glances over at him, “it’s nice to have you here. He’s less whiny with you around.” 

“I’m never whiny,” Kyungsoo protests at once, but falls silent mere seconds later when they give him a pointed look. He is being pretty whiny now. 

“Well, I’m glad I could make it down this time around. Have always been curious about what you guys get up to at these sessions. I thought you give him shots too?”

“Kyungsoo completed his last dosage in the cycle a couple of weeks back. We’re moving on to an area of physical therapy now. I’m actually really hopeful and proud of his progress. Joohyun will tell you the same. She’s been helping me track his condition.” 

“Who’s Joohyun?” 

“That would be me!” They all turn around at the sudden appearance of a new, cheery voice. “So nice to finally meet you, Jongin. I’ve heard a lot about you from Kyungsoo. I’m Joohyun, his psychologist and friend.” Jongin stares down at the hand offered to him, glances up at the bright smile on Joohyun’s face and shakes her hand firmly. 

She is so pretty. Why is Kyungsoo always surrounded by pretty people? He cries on the inside. 

“Only good things, I hope?” he tries for a laugh, but it only ends up sounding awkward. 

“Of course, of course ,” Joohyun replies, giving him a look of her own he cannot discern before she exchanges glances with Kyungsoo. The look of warning the latter gives her is clear as day, and Jongin can only stare on in confusion. 

I am better off not knowing , he tries to convince himself. 

“Now back to what you guys were talking about before my rude interruption.”

“I was just telling Jongin how proud I am of Kyungsoo’s progress,” Yixing says.

“Oh, yes! A year or two ago, he was talking about dying all the time and stubbornly refusing even to come in for his routine check-ups, much less let Yixing treat him.”  Joohyun plops down on an empty seat and dodges the harmless swat Kyungsoo aims at her arm. “Look at him now, committing himself to physical therapy fortnightly and well on the way to recovery!” 

Somehow, Jongin gets the image of a grumpy-faced Kyungsoo being physically dragged to meet Joohyun and Yixing during the early days after the accident and he lets out a snort. They all turn to him, and he disguises a soft “ sorry ” in a cough. 

“I wonder what changed his mind.” 

The pointed smile Yixing sends his way catches him by surprise. 

“Maybe he has a reason to live on now.” 

“What,” Jongin blinks dumbly. 

“You know, funnily enough, this all started when Kyungsoo started training you, Jongin,” Joohyun chimes in, exchanging looks with the doctor. “I wonder if it’s a coinci— OW! ” This time, Kyungsoo’s swat effectively makes contact with her knees and makes her shut up. 

“Are we done yet?” Kyungsoo asks impatiently, eyeing how Yixing removes the patches attached to his skin and switches off the machine. There is a slight blush on his face, Jongin notes, and he is avoiding eye contact with him for some reason. 

Oh. OH! Jongin blushes too. He thinks he gets what they were inferring now. 

Thankfully, Yixing lets them off easy when he helps Kyungsoo sit up and points to another machine in the room; the diversion very much appreciated as Jongin tries to cool down his cheeks. 

“Let’s get you on the soft cycle,” the doctor says as he walks back to his computer. Joohyun nudges Kyungsoo’s wheelchair closer so the said man can better reach for it, but the second he looks as if he is struggling to transfer himself over from the bed without falling because of the gap and height difference, he gets scooped up in strong arms. 

“I can get over there just fine on my own,” he protests at once. 

“I know that,” Jongin heaves him up higher in his arms and steps around the wheelchair, “Just let me do this for you.” Rather than watch Kyungsoo have a hard time, he prefers to step in for support. At his comment, the other falls silent and pliant until he gets set down again. 

This must be an exercise they do quite regularly during these hospital visits because Kyungsoo does not wait for further instructions from Yixing before strapping in his legs. With the new weight on the pedals, the machine kicks into motion. To strangers who are none the wiser, he looks just like he was cycling. The only difference being the snail speed, which Jongin understands from Joohyun is meant to quietly wake the sleeping muscles without making it too jarring.

“Can you feel anything yet?” he lays a tentative hand on one of Kyungsoo’s knees and looks at the other.

“A few tingles here and there. That’s it,” the other shrugs nonchalantly. “There really isn’t a better way to put it.” 

“But that’s good enough right? Slowly but surely…”   

“Indeed!” Yixing returns to their side. “I tell him that all the time. A few tingles here and there is already a positive sign of progress from when he first started treatment two years ago.” 

Jongin still remembers that day a long time back when he was trying to convince the other to be his Coach — when he had really gone to town with his harsh words, providing the other a cruel, but necessary, reality check. It was his attempt to talk some sense into the other to move on from the accident and get him to help himself. 

Much like his own skating journey, Kyungsoo has come a long way too he realises.

Jongin gives the other’s knee a gentle squeeze. He is proud of him, and no words can ever come close to express how he feels. 

He thinks Kyungsoo gets it though, because he gave him a small smile in return.  

His heart skips a beat. 

Later on, when Kyungsoo is taking a call at the side and Jongin is left waiting in front of the lift with Joohyun, the psychologist turns to him and pats him on the shoulder. 

“Thank you, Jongin.” 

“For what?” he asks. 

“Just… thank you,” she gives him a nonchalant shrug before stepping into the arriving lift. “Tell Soo I said bye. Enjoy your date!” The doors start to close before he can correct her or think too deeply into what she had said, instead he waves at her goodbye. 

A date. He looks over at Kyungsoo and his lips curl up into a shy smile. Is this what it is? 

~

“That was a nice movie.”

“Are you sure?” Kyungsoo snorts and glances over at him. “Because I’m pretty sure you were staring at me for a large part of it.” 

Jongin flusters and, in his panic, tries to dodge behind one of the big potted plants lining the walkway. 

“I can still see you through the leaves, you know,” the other rolls his eyes and beckons at him. “Come on, let’s go grab some ice cream before heading home. I’m a little tired from the cycling earlier.”

Jongin is thankful that Kyungsoo does not pursue it. He abandons his hiding spot and skips towards the other at once. 

“Are you feeling faint?” he asks in concern.

“Just a little achy at the waist.” 

“That’s good, right? Yixing said body aches, especially near your lower body, just means your muscles are slowly waking up from slumber. You’ll be walking again in no time!”

Kyungsoo snorts. “I appreciate the positivity, Jongin, but he did say it will be another year or so, barring any complications.” They arrive in front of a Baskin Robbins and Jongin holds the bubblegum pink doors open for Kyungsoo. “Sometimes I forget that you just want me to quickly start walking again so you can use me to fulfil your dream of skating alongside your idol,” he teases.  

That is part of the truth , Jongin acknowledges. His own selfish intention of having Kyungsoo skate for him. But he says, “Well, I’m just the voice representing all your fans worldwide. Everyone wants to see you on the ice again, not just me.” 

“Welcome to Baskin Robbins!” the girl at the counter greets them, effectively stealing their attention. “What can I get you two gentlemen?”  

“Hi, can I get the single regular scoop in the flavour mint chocolate chip? Thanks.” 

“Ewww… mint?” 

“Do you have a problem with my ice cream preferences?” Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow at Jongin challengingly.

“What are you? 50?” he snorts, turning to the girl, “Cotton candy wonderland, please. Single regular scoop too.” 

“Are you 5 then?” Kyungsoo bites back. 

“No, I’m not,” he sticks out his tongue. “But speaking of 5 year-olds… do you remember Sehun? Well, he’s not quite 5 now, and he has shot up quite a bit in the height department. He’s been asking me when he can get to see his Kyungsoo hyung again.” 

“Yeah, I remember the kid. You’ve kept in touch with him?”

Jongin pauses to pay for their ice cream before following after Kyungsoo to one of the side booths. 

“Of course! Sehunnie’s my number one fan.”

He had stopped conducting lessons for the under-10s after he started training under Kyungsoo almost two years ago now, but he had made it a habit to meet up with his favourite student whenever he could squeeze out some time from his busy schedules. Unsurprisingly, they talk a lot about Kyungsoo whenever they meet. 

“He said he has a lot of my posters pasted in his bedroom,” Jongin boasts. 

Kyungsoo snorts. “Don’t kid yourself. I’m pretty sure he’s my number one fan.” Jongin opens his mouth to protest but the other shushes him. 

He had wanted to correct him because Sehun wasn’t Kyungsoo’s number one fan. He was. 

“You weren’t the one he was following after looking all star-struck.” 

“Oh, I thought you didn’t like him following you everywhere?” Jongin reminds. “Besides, that was before my debut. You should have seen his face when I met up with him a fortnight ago when you were at Yixing’s. Stars. Quite literally,” he exaggerates. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “There were stars in his eyes!” 

“You’re obviously delusional.” 

Their bickering that follows is childish at best, but Jongin can say he had fun hanging out with the other that afternoon. There were shy touches disguised as hits and plenty of laughter exchanged after they moved on to other topics. His heart even went into overdrive on a couple of occasions. If this was what a date with Kyungsoo felt like, he cannot wait for more. 

“You should invite Sehunnie to watch you at the Pyeongchang Olympics next year.”  

“That’s provided I qualify for it.” 

“At the rate you’re skating, I have no doubt you will,” Kyungsoo says. “Let’s just hope for no sudden surprises that can derail your chances.”  

“Yeah,” Jongin murmurs. He has already dealt with a sabotage incident and past injuries flaring up. He cannot imagine what other obstacles he will have to face.

~

KIM JONGIN AND DOH KYUNGSOO SPOTTED OUT ON A DATE?

Figure skating fans living around the Gangnam area couldn’t quite believe their luck yesterday when they spotted Doh Kyungsoo and Kim Jongin seemingly out on a date at an ice cream parlour. The pair seemed to be enjoying each other’s company a lot judging from their wide smiles and abundant laughter. A staff at the nearby CGV also confirmed they had watched a movie together. 

Is it true then that heartthrob Kim Jongin is off the market? And that he’s taken by, of all people, his Coach — former World and Olympic Champion, Doh Kyungsoo? More to come soon. 

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post response:

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original post: here

[+157][-79] Am I the only one who thinks they look cute together? Jongin-sshi seemed so caring taking care of our Kyungsoo. I’m happy if they’re happy <3 

[+88][-12] I hardly think they’re on a date. Stop being delusional! Just because the two of them went to watch a movie together and got some ice cream after… they’re dating? If so, I’m dating a bunch of my friends then /rolls eyes/

[+119][-43] They’re practically holding hands in the last picture tho… NoT dAtIng. Yeah right… [.GIF] 

[+89][-91] So Kyungsoo has already moved on from Chanyeol huh? 

[+67][-42] Well, what do you expect… it’s been almost two years now, do you want him to be single forever? He deserves to find love again! Kyungsoo-yah… I support you with Kim Jongin! 

[+23][-11] I still think he looks more compatible with Chanyeol-sshi than Jongin-sshi. 

[+19][-10] Agree! That Jongin guy doesn’t look like he deserves to be with Kyungsoo. Maybe Kyungsoo is just taking pity on him, and that’s why he has him around? 

~

“Is this why you were so distracted during training earlier?” 

Jongin visibly startles and tries to hide his phone, but it is too late. The damage has already been done. 

“Are you really that free to read all those internet trash when your programme for the free is still a mess and you have a competition coming up?” 

He spins around and raises his hands to try and appease Kyungsoo’s anger, but the Coach is not having it. The latter jabs a finger at his chest to stop him from closing the distance between them. 

“I’m sorry, I won’t waste my time reading such articles next time,” Jongin pleads. “I couldn’t help it this time… they were writing about seeing us yesterday and comparing me to Chanyeol. I—”

“Oh Jongin,” Kyungsoo’s face softens and his hand slips downward to hold Jongin’s. “You’re not Chanyeol—” the Coach must have felt him tensing up for he rushes to clarify, “—you’re Jongin. Kim Jongin. And there’s no comparison because each of you are (or were) unique.” 

“B-But…” Jongin settles down on the bench again and tries not to make a big deal out of releasing his grip on Kyungsoo’s hand, but the way the other’s eyes dart down to their hands and then back up to meet his gaze tells him he was not being subtle enough. The truth is, he has always harboured this deep insecurity of not being good enough to be with Kyungsoo. He has not rushed to put a label to their relationship, but many a time, he cannot help but think why the other has not taken the initiative to ask if they were considered boyfriends was because he was never that into him in the first place. 

“How long will it take you to realise that you’re my present now?” 

And then Kyungsoo always goes to say such things and confuse him even more. 

“I’m sorry,” Jongin hangs his head. “I should be concentrating on my choreography. You’re right, the Cup of China is coming up in October.” 

He does not dare look the other in the eye now so he does not notice how the Coach opens his mouth, as if to say more on their earlier topic of discussion, but he ultimately holds back when Jongin shifts their attention to skating once more. 

“It’s the song, I think. I’m just not feeling it,” Jongin admits with a shrug. “Maybe I should go back to using the slow Jazz. We can slow down the choreography and spread the elements more. Perhaps even packing the two combination jumps in the second half for added points?” 

“No, we’re not using the Nat King Cole instrumental again,” Kyungsoo denies him at once. “You’ve overused that programme now. You need something fresh for the season ahead. Is the choreography too over-the-top? I can speak with Taemin to tone it down.”

“You know it’s not that, Kyungsoo.” 

The Coach lets out a deep sigh and drops his head in his hands. 

“I’ve been thinking… I need a song that fits me more,” Jongin says. “If I want to make a mark in my first year as a professional skater, I want to skate to something that holds a special meaning to me. Something like say the classicals — something that can allow me to portray grace and elegance, like in ballet.”

Like a homage to my mother , he thinks.

The silence between them balloons as they wreck their brains for a solution, until Kyungsoo pops his head up and levels Jongin with a gaze. 

“I know a song,” the Coach says slowly, hesitantly, eyes flitting across Jongin’s face as if to read his reaction the more he reveals. “It’s an original piano piece that I used to skate to, and I think it will fit you perfectly like a glove.” 

“Have I heard it before?” 

“Oh definitely.” 

He watches as Kyungsoo digs into his pocket and whips up his phone. 

“The more I think about your skating style, the more I go back to this song.” There is almost a dramatic pause before the other presses play. “Tell me what you think.” 

Jongin knows why Kyungsoo is staring at him so intensely, anticipating his reaction, now. His jaw drops the second he recognises the opening chords and he shakes his head. 

“N-No… I can’t take this song from you,” he stutters. 

It is Hope and Legacy — the very first song he saw Kyungsoo skate to, and more importantly, the song Chanyeol had composed for his then boyfriend as LOEY. It was also the last piece Kyungsoo had performed to before his accident. He gets what the other meant that this song will fit him perfectly. It can be his white swan moment. 

But he cannot have it. 

“This song means too much to you.” He stands and takes a step back. “I can’t take it from you.” 

“You’re not taking it from me, Jongin,” Kyungsoo says. “Yes, this song meant a lot to me, and now I want you to skate to it this season. I hope—” the Coach pauses for a short while to hold his stare “—this makes my intention clear.” 

Does he mean to say I mean a lot to him too? 

Jongin glances away from Kyungsoo’s face to stare at the phone held in his hand. Hope and Legacy is still playing and he cannot help but visualise himself dancing to it on the ice. It represents their skating journey so well too — he the newcomer and epitome of hope, while Kyungsoo’s legacy will always remain indisputable. 

“Okay,” he whispers, repeating himself for a second time when Kyungsoo leans forward to hear him better. “I’ll skate to it.” He nods, almost surprising himself with how determined he sounded. 

“Great.” The smile that blooms on Kyungsoo’s face is blinding. 

“Shall I follow your exact routine?” 

“Let’s make some tweaks to make it uniquely you. I’ll get Taemin to come down for training tomorrow. We can go over ideas and piece together something.” 

“Sounds good,” he hums. 

“Thank you for agreeing to skate to it, Jongin,” Kyungsoo reaches out for his hand and gives it a squeeze. “We think you’ll do a beautiful job… better than I ever did.” 

Somehow, he thinks the other was not referring to Taemin when he had said we. 

~

“Can you please get your hands off him?” Kyungsoo grits his teeth. 

“Why?” Taemin smirks and makes a big show out of slapping Jongin’s hip. “Spread your legs, handsome.” 

Jongin hides his own smile and does as told, dropping to the floor to stretch his limbs. He is pretty sure the dancer is doing it on purpose now — the fleeting touches and unnecessary whispers in his ears, all to rile up the green-eyed monster in Kyungsoo. The air above them is charged with high tension, and that is probably why there is a wide perimeter around them in the practice room. 

Taemin has never once gone overboard with his skinship and he has not felt uncomfortable, so he lets the other continue with his antics. In fact, it is kind of fun watching Kyungsoo’s reaction. It warms his heart actually. 

“Okay, I think you’re done with stretching exercises!” Kyungsoo says in a shrill voice. “Taemin, I swear if I see you touch his one more time I will—” 

“You will what?” the dancer asks obnoxiously. 

Kyungsoo presses his lips together and lets the threat go unsaid. “Jongin! Go put on your skates now,” he chooses to divert their attention instead, snapping his fingers in the skater’s direction. 

“Are you jealous?” Taemin is stubborn enough not to let up on his teasing. “Just admit it already.” 

“I forgot I need to submit your programme sheet.” Before they can even point out that was the first thing they did upon arriving at the competition venue, Kyungsoo was already half-way across the room; his speed was pretty impressive. 

They burst into laughter. 

“He’s got it bad.”

“You think?” Jongin asks shyly. 

“I know so. Are you sure you two aren’t already boyfriends?” Taemin throws him a sceptical look. 

His only answer is a shrug. He lifts his arms and stretches for the ceiling before glancing around the room. He can also hear the growing volume of cheers as more fans flood in to fill the hall. 

How has time passed so fast? he ponders to himself. It seemed like just yesterday when he was called up to the National Team. Now he is at the Cup of China, about to make his debut on the world stage and, vying for a spot in the Olympics and the Grand Prix of Figure Skating Final. 

He knows he should be thankful for having the luck of the draw on his side when he was assigned to the Cup of China. “There are no notable big names here,” Kyungsoo had told him. “A podium finish will likely secure your qualification.” He cannot imagine having to skate at the NHK Trophy first. Baekhyun will be skating at the event next weekend, along with two other ranked skaters. Between the three of them, surely they will lock out the podium. Jongin is not worried about his friend though. He has utmost confidence Baekhyun will fare well, like he always does. 

Kyungsoo had hinted that this would be his best friend’s last season skating competitively. That comment just adds to the list of reasons why Jongin needs to reach the Grand Prix Final. He wants to skate against Baekhyun at least once before his retirement. 

“I think your phone is ringing,” Taemin’s voice cuts off his train of thoughts. 

“Thanks,” he mutters before digging into his duffel bag. 

It is Jongdae calling. He pauses for awhile to stare at his screen before swiping to accept the call. 

“Hi hyung.” 

“Hey Jongin, it’s been awhile huh?” 

Indeed, it has been some time since he last spoke to his brother, much less met up with him face-to-face. It is not that their relationship had soured to that extent though. It is just that they are both very busy people. Jongin knows the Ice Hockey Team recently came home from winter training in one of the Nordic countries. 

He hears a muffled voice talking to Jongdae in the background before his brother asks, “Where are you now?” 

“I’m in China,” he replies. “In Tianjin. I’m skating in another hour or so.” 

“Oh right… the Cup of China, wait, or is that another one.” 

Jongin hums in affirmation. He appreciates that Jongdae bothers to keep track of his news. 

“Well, I just called to wish you good luck for your first competition,” Jongdae says. The muffled voice in the background speaks again, but this time Jongin can almost make out who it is. Father? He stares at his phone in surprise before quickly bringing it up to his ear again lest he misses something. He does not know for certain yet that it is him. 

But Jongdae confirms it not one second later when he sighs exasperatedly. “Okay, I’m done with this broken telephone . I’m putting you on loudspeaker. You can ask him yourself.” 

Jongin holds his breath. He sees Kyungsoo returning from the corner of his eyes, but he raises a finger to ask for more time when the Coach tells him it is his turn for on-ice warm-up. Kyungsoo turns to Taemin next, probably to enquire who was on the phone. 

“Hello?” Jongin says hesitantly. 

“Say something, Dad.” He hears Jongdae hissing into the receiver before a gruff “Hello” comes.

“H-How are you?”  

“I’m not dying yet,” his father says curtly. 

There is an ache in his chest and he looks at Kyungsoo when the other grabs hold of his hand to give it a comforting squeeze. He did not know his emotions were playing that obvious in his expression. Guilt. Hearing the elder’s voice again in a long time… He feels guilty for not checking in regularly on his father’s battle with cancer. 

“Was there something you wish to speak to me about?” 

“Are you going to the Olympics yet?” 

“If I do well this weekend and at my last qualifying round next month, I’ll probably get to skate at Pyeongchang.” 

He cannot quite believe that he is having this conversation with his father of all people — his biggest critic. The elder has not been the most supportive and present parent. 

“Will you come to watch me when I’m at the Olympics?” 

There is almost a silent plea behind his question. He has yet to gain validation from his father since he tore their relationship apart to embark on this path. He wants his father to see him skate at least once before he runs out of time. He is also almost certain the other would be on-site for the Ice Hockey matches anyway. 

“I might not be free.”

Of course. Jongin glances up at the ceiling and frantically blinks away the tears that have gathered in his eyes. He should have known that would be his answer. 

A rejection. It would always be a no. 

“I need to go,” he mutters into the phone. 

“Okay, good luck later!” Jongdae is the one who speaks next, and only then does he hang up. 

“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo asks the second he dumps his phone in his bag. “Your on-ice ends in ten minutes.” He sees Taemin hovering behind the Coach, also glancing at him anxiously. 

“I’m fine,” he says, slipping off his sneakers to put on his skates. “Let’s not waste any more time.” 

At least he finds some comfort in the light smile Kyungsoo gives him. 

~

“So… I placed first in the short programme. Doesn’t that warrant some sort of prize?”  

Kyungsoo lets out a soft sigh and turns around on the bed. At this close distance, Jongin can count the number of eyelashes framing the most beautiful set of eyes he has ever seen. He blushes and averts his gaze at once. Although, his attention shifts to Kyungsoo’s lips next and that does not help his cause. At all. 

He should really thank the National Skating Academy and this hotel for screwing up their accommodations reservations. When will he ever get the chance to share a Queen size bed with Kyungsoo again? 

“What are you up to, Jongin?” the other deadpans. 

“Have you heard of the 5 languages of love?” When the silence between them gets too much, he clears his throat. “Well, I took the quiz last week and guess what my primary and secondary love languages are? Physical touch and words of affirmation.” He emphasises. He knows he is really going out on a limb to invoke some kind of response from Kyungsoo here. He would not have to resort to this if they were already boyfriends. 

Well, if given the opportunity to be this close to the other, he might as well take full advantage of it right? 

“I’m not having with you now, Jongin. Your free skate is the next day.” 

“W-What?” He chokes on his spit and gives Kyungsoo an incredulous look. “What gives you the impression that I’m asking you for ? I’m innocent, okay?” 

The raised eyebrow the other gives him tells him he does not quite believe him. 

Okay … maybe he was thinking about making out with Kyungsoo under the covers, and that could lead to even more action. He admits that. But clearly that will not happen now. He wonders what even tempted him to ask for a kiss. Perhaps he had a brief brain fart. 

“Forget it,” he pouts. “Let’s just go to sl—” 

His words get cut off abruptly when Kyungsoo suddenly leans forward to press his lips against his. Although insistent in the way he nudges his lips apart for a fuller contact, the other feels soft against him. Jongin positively melts. He wraps an arm around Kyungsoo’s waist and drags him closer before sliding his hand up to cup his cheek. 

It is nice to just do nothing but lay in bed and kiss the person you are in love with, Jongin thinks. 

“How’s that for a prize?” Kyungsoo murmurs against his lips after they break apart a minute later. 

“So worth it. I think I just found heaven,” he giggles, which in turn causes the other to laugh. “Kiss me again.” 

And Kyungsoo does. Once, twice, and more than they can keep count of.  

Even though he can think of a much better prize, he keeps mum in order to enjoy the present — if this undefined relationship is the best the other can give him now, it is enough. 

~

January 2018. 

“Jongin-sshi, can you tell us how you feel right now? You’re about to skate your free skate in the Grand Prix of Figure Skating Final alongside many experienced skaters. Are you nervous? Excited? I’m sure this is the make it or break it moment for you.” 

Jongin stares down at the microphone in front of his face and looks up at the blinking red light on the camera trained on him. He gulps nervously, sensing his own panic rising. He has done media interviews before, but this is on a whole other scale altogether. To his side, he has both Baekhyun and Yerim also fielding questions from reporters. 

An encouraging prod on his lower back courtesy of Kyungsoo is what jump-starts his brain. 

“I’m a little nervous,” he replies in a squeaky voice before clearing his throat. He knows his future self will never let him live that moment down. “But I’m also very excited to be here. This stage is something I’ve always dreamed of — I told myself I wanted to skate alongside Baekhyun, and look where I am now! I’m very lucky. I trained very hard for today so I hope everyone will like my performance later. Please anticipate it.” He proceeds to give an awkward bow to the camera.  

“Now you and I both know a good showing here will guarantee you a spot in the Olympics in February. How much of that pressure is playing on your mind right now?” 

“I’m just telling myself to focus on today,” Jongin says. “Of course we all know the Olympics and the World Championships are coming up. I just want to skate my best at every opportunity I have. Friday night went well for me and I was able to pull off my routine without any mistakes. Whatever the result is after tonight, I think I can be proud of my first season regardless. 

“Yes, I believe all your fans will be really proud of you regardless,” the reporter gives him an encouraging nod before reciting off his notes, “One last question for you… I want to hear more about your backstory. I understand you were previously in the National Ice Hockey Team with your brother? 

“That’s right,” he clears his throat. “It wasn’t an easy switch to figure skating for me. As we all know, these are two sports that seem similar but are actually quite different in reality. I struggled on my own for a really long time before I had the privilege to train under Kyungsoo and the Academy. Without his guidance and showing of faith, I wouldn’t be standing in front of you today.” 

At this, the reporter shifts the microphone to the said man. “Now Kyungsoo-sshi, are you able to share with us some of your thoughts? Of course you’ve been at the Grand Prix Final plenty of times back when you were still skating. Does the atmosphere feel different now as a Coach? How is Jongin’s condition today?” 

Jongin tunes out Kyungsoo’s reply to glance around the media centre. 

He is in Canada. 

The last time he was in Vancouver, he was donning a different pair of skates. What a journey it has been since. 

Given the temporary respite from attending to media, he pulls out his phone from his pockets to send across text messages to both Jongdae and his father to tell them that he will be on in about an hour. It should be morning already in Korea; they should be awake. 

He is hoping they are not still asleep or too busy to tune in to watch him. He had deliberated long and hard about contacting the elder directly, but he figured he had nothing to lose except face (and face is something he would gladly compromise on if that meant he could finally hear his father telling him that he is proud of him.) 

While he waits for a reply he does not know if he will get, he feels a sharp pain in his chest before it subsides as quickly as it comes, leaving behind only a slight ache. What was that? Jongin frowns and smooths over the area above his heart. 

“Nervous?” Baekhyun’s sudden voice in his ear startles him, although he quickly recovers and gives the other a tight smile. Maybe the other is right — it could just be his nerves playing with him. He brushes any other thoughts away. “I’ll finally get to watch in the flesh someone skating to Hope and Legacy again huh? That was a masterpiece deserving of more appreciation and runs Kyungsoo ever did.”  

Somehow, Baekhyun’s comment adds to his nerves even though it would not be the first time he skates to the song — he had done it back at the Cup of China and Skate America. Perhaps it is because the stakes are much higher now; he is competing with experienced skaters of a different caliber than what he’s used to. And this is Baekhyun talking to him — the current best of the best. 

“But I’m not skating to Kyungsoo’s exact routine,” he clarifies. 

“Regardless, I’m quite sure I’ll also enjoy your rendition of Hope and Legacy, Jongin,” the other is quick to reassure him, waving a dismissive hand in front of him as if to chase away his worries. “And so will the crowd.” 

Jongin finds that Baekhyun is right a little later when he sticks his landing on a triple axel right in time with the music and the appreciative roar of the crowd brings a surge of energy to the fore, driving him to keep up the beautiful display. 

He has not fallen once, albeit his programme is considered slightly on the safer side with his three quads compared to the rest. But the amount of artistry such a song demands is truly right up his alley, and he highly doubts anyone else would be able to emulate his performance. He hopes Kyungsoo thinks he is doing a good job too. His word is the one that matters the most, to be honest. 

Speaking of Kyungsoo, Jongin had noticed that the Coach was not in his usual place by the gate. Instead, Taemin stands in his place. But he pushes the thought to the back of his mind as he blitzes through a complicated step sequence before rounding the rink and using his momentum to execute a hydroblading move. 

He is almost at the end now. 

Eventually, the piano chords quiet to plain silence when he makes a stunningly musical and delicate transition into a camel spin with an arabian jump entry before executing a sit spin with change of foot. The silence was short-lived as the hall explodes into loud cheers and the audience gave him a standing ovation when he pumps his fists in the air after coming out of the spin. The adrenaline still coursing through his veins is making it really difficult for him to come down from the high. 

Does he want to come down from the high though? 

The rain of flower bouquets and toys on the ice is an unexpected sight given that the majority in the audience are fans of other, more experienced skaters, but it is not unwelcomed. It makes Jongin smile giddily as he inches off the ice after bowing to the crowd. 

“You were amazing out there, Jongin!” Taemin yells into his ear the second after he puts on his blade covers and steps off the ice to give the choreographer a tight hug. “I’m so proud of you. Let’s go get your scores first.”

“Where’s Kyungsoo?” he pants, turning his head back to look for the other despite Taemin wrapping an arm around his waist and guiding him towards the Kiss and Cry. Did he even watch my performance? Jongin frowns. He wonders what must have happened for Kyungsoo to skip his free skate. Surely it is something of importance and urgency if it warranted his absence? The thought pulls him down from the clouds a little. 

They pass a stretching Baekhyun on the way, and the other skater pauses to give him a hug. 

“You did really well, Jongin. Skated beautifully . That’s a podium finish, surely.”

“You think?” 

“Yeah, unless the judges are blind,” Baekhyun chuckles and gives his lower back an encouraging nudge forward. “Now go on and get your scores. I’ll see you later.” 

“I’ll contact you after your skate,” Jongin nods and waves a hand behind him as he is led away. “Good luck! You’ll rock it, like always!” 

The second they settle on the couch, Taemin hands over a jacket and a bottle of water. “Kyungsoo had to take an urgent call,” he says. “Don’t worry, he’ll be back soon.” Noting the many cameras currently trained on them to capture their reactions to his score, the choreographer nudges him to smile for the viewers. 

Jongin straightens up from a bow he was giving to one of the cameras when he hears the announcer asking for his skate scores over the PA system. Eyes trained on the huge digital scoreboard hanging over the ice where some of his jumps were currently being replayed, he holds his breath in anticipation. Taemin was gripping his forearm so tightly, but he barely notices. 

What comes next is the collective roar of the crowd followed by the visual confirmation of his huge score with his own eyes. He cannot believe it. He broke 200 with this free skate. It is not quite the world record, in fact it is quite far from it, but it is a new personal best; it completely annihilates his old score he had just set last month in Las Vegas. 

“Oh my goodness. Congratulations!” Taemin squeals and turns to hug him. “You’re in 1st place!” 

For now , Jongin thinks. But he cannot stop smiling as he jumped to his feet and gives everyone a grateful deep bow. He knows they still have Baekhyun and two other skaters who have been in the scene longer than him coming up, but it is true he has a high chance of landing the podium. Even if he does not, he cannot be mad. He knows he had given his all at this competition. He has no regrets. Surely this will be the platform that launches him towards future success. 

“Let’s go,” he says. He cannot wait to find Kyungsoo and tell him his score. 

They gather their belongings and leave the Kiss and Cry as the hall prepares for the next skater to take the ice. 

But it is Kyungsoo who first finds them and calls out to them in the holding room. 

While at first tempted to lunge at the other and give him a hug, Jongin slows to a halt at how broken Kyungsoo sounded saying his name. The somber mood of the Coach is enough to wipe the bright smile off his face. 

Kyungsoo gulps and glances down, almost as if he is afraid to meet his eyes. A chill wrecks through Jongin’s body then — almost a warning of what is to come. 

“Jongin, I’m sorry. Your father—” 

And that is all he had to say really. Jongin chokes on his sharp intake of air and takes a short step back. 

~

Kyungsoo gives him a week off for the funeral and to sort out his feelings. 

In the scheme of things, that is quite a generous break given that the Olympics is just right around the corner. 

That is, if Jongin still wants to skate at the Olympics. 

He had secured a spot alongside Baekhyun, but he is not in the right state of mind currently to be dedicating all his time to prepare for the big day. He knows Jongdae is facing the same dilemma, however the other’s role as Captain of the Ice Hockey Team is too heavy a responsibility to let go off at this stage so he is almost certain his brother will go to Pyeongchang.

“Come on, you need to eat something.” 

Jongin barely registers the light tug on his hand before he follows after Kyungsoo like in auto-pilot mode. 

After the initial shock had faded, his inner walls had naturally closed in on himself and he had descended into a state of silence. He had not expected to feel this way given their distant relationship these past years, but still he grieved for his father — he grieved in regret and he grieved for the loss. 

Being all the way on the other side of the world when it had happened meant it took him some time to make his way home to say his goodbyes.

The prize presentation ceremony was all a blur to him. He barely remembers receiving his medal, all the congratulatory handshakes that came after that, and the noise of the crowd muted to a soft murmur in the background. Thankfully, he had Baekhyun up there with him on the podium to help him go through the motions. Kyungsoo must have told the other skater what happened after his free skate. 

Winning third place in his maiden Grand Prix of Figure Skating Final was no mean feat, but it meant close to nothing in the wake of the news. His father was not watching him skate, despite how much he wished for it. And now the elder will never get to watch him skate again. Every time he wraps his mind around that thought, he finds his heart aching. 

He was never good with goodbyes.  

Jongdae is not faring any better. Jongin looks up when Kyungsoo tells him to take a seat and finds himself right across his brother in the small food hall. He understands it was Jongdae who had first raised the alarm; it was he who had first discovered that their father had died in his sleep. The shadows beneath Jongdae’s eyes and unruly hair tell of the nightmares his brother must have had reliving the moment he walked in to their father’s room to wake him up.

“You two better finish up this bowl of soup before I force it down your throat,” Minseok, who is seated beside Jongdae, propping his boyfriend up by the shoulder, threatens softly. “We still have afternoon prayers to go through later. You need food in your body.” 

At the lack of response, Kyungsoo nudges Jongin and forces a spoon into his hand. But before he can touch the soup a plain white envelope appears in his line of sight.

“Here.” He glances up at Jongdae’s outstretched arm. “I wasn’t sure what would be a good time to give this to you so… I might as well give it to you now before I forget,” his brother says.  

“What’s this?” he asks. Although, he thinks he probably did not need to. His name on the envelope, written in his father’s familiar handwriting, is staring him right in the face. 

“We found this in his bedside drawer,” it is Minseok who answers, wrapping an arm around Jongdae’s shoulder and giving it a light squeeze. “You should read it.” 

He does not want to. First of all, he is afraid of its content. 

Jongin sighs. “Whatever he has to say to me, he should have said it to me in person. It’s too late now.” 

“Some things are harder to say face-to-face. You know it, Jongin,” Kyungsoo says gently. “It’s fine. You can read it later when you’re alone, if that makes you more comfortable.” 

But he does not think he would be able to read the letter his father left him without the other’s comforting presence beside him, so he lets out another sigh and takes it from Jongdae. 

“Son, I wasn’t going to watch you skate again today but I did and I thought you did a good job—” Jongin cuts himself off and goes back to reread the first line again. He is stunned into silence. I wasn’t going to watch you skate again but I did… Jongin holds his breath and glances over at Kyungsoo when the other grabs hold of his hand. 

He had not even noticed he was trembling. 

Son, 

I wasn’t going to watch you skate again today, but I did, and I thought you did a good job. Your fall was pretty bad, but it doesn’t matter because the rest fell too. I liked that you were smiling a lot on ice. You didn’t do a lot of that when you were training under me, and I guess I’m the one to blame for that. 

It’s hard for me to say this, but if I have the chance to in the future, I want to tell you that I’m sorry. I’m not a good father. When I learned that you wanted to try figure skating. I rejected you outright because I was afraid you would be taken from me like how they took your mother. But look where we are now… I still lost you anyway. 

I hope you get to be at the Olympics next year. Your brother tells me you have a chance. It would be such an honor to compete in our home country. I hope I’ll still have sufficient time left to watch you. I don’t feel good recently. Skate well and get a good result there. I’ll be proud of you, always.   

Now that I’ve written all these, I’m not even sure if I’ll send you this letter. Maybe I’ll tear this up tomorrow, or maybe someone will give it to you after I draw my last breath… maybe then I’ll finally have the courage to tell you that I miss you, son. I’m sorry for not being the father you needed me to be. 

I love you, our beautiful white swan. I always did. 

The date written at the top right meant his father had written this letter after watching his Skate America performance where he had placed second. 

“He did watch me skate then?” he chokes out in between sobs as Kyungsoo rubs his back to console him.  The letter flutters down to the table and Jongdae picks it up, eyes quickly scanning through its contents. 

“Caught him tuning in to MBCSports in his room after we ended the call we had with you when you were in China.” Jongin looks up at his brother in surprise. “He watched all your performance ever since. I guess it was just his pride that didn’t allow him to tell you what he felt before today,” the latter says. 

He blinks rapidly to chase his tears away, but to no avail. They just keep coming like the multitude of emotions coursing through his body now. 

His father had watched him skate after all. All these time he had thought wrong.  

Jongin had already won over and proven himself to his father. All these time he had thought otherwise.  

He throws himself into Kyungsoo’s inviting hug and cries into the other’s neck. He feels so bad now. All these years thinking that the elder did not care; all the hatred and negative energy. When did his father start caring? Was it from the time he visited the hospital when they first found out about his cancer? Was it only recently? 

It does not really matter, does it?

To think his father’s aversion of his skating dream was born only out of the fear of losing him like his mother. 

Jongin comes to the realisation that he has partial blame for failing to mend their relationship in time. He was the one who kept clinging onto their fallout in the past to use it as motivation to fuel his skating dream and prove his father wrong, when he really should be looking from a wider perspective. Maybe he would have noticed all their missed opportunities to reunite earlier. 

After he has calmed down somewhat, he removes himself from his hiding place at Kyungsoo’s neck, although he is tempted to stay put because he does not want the other to stop his head. 

“Here, drink it while it’s still hot.” 

Kyungsoo blows on a spoonful of soup gently and lifts it to his mouth, eyes darting up to give him an encouraging look. Jongin indulges him, but his severely blocked nose means he can barely differentiate what he was drinking with plain water. 

Before the other can feed him again, the soft ring of a phone signaled an incoming call. The spoon Kyungsoo is holding onto hovers in mid-air so Jongin takes the initiative to lean forward and help himself to it as the other picks up the call. 

He spots Yixing’s name on the phone before Kyungsoo lifts it up to his ear. The doctor had come to pay his respects to his father with Baekhyun last night. He appreciates them carving out some time because he knows how busy their schedules are.  

“Hello, Yixing?” Kyungsoo murmurs. “No, I don’t think I’ll be coming in today,” he says after a short pause, eyes darting up to look at Jongin. 

The latter frowns at once. 

“Yeah, I think I’ll just stay here with Jongin,” Kyungsoo hums at whatever the doctor says after that before concluding the call with a “Thanks for understanding, Xing.” 

“Did you have rehab scheduled today?” Jongin asks the other the second he pockets his phone. 

“Yes, but it doesn’t matter. I’ll just go when I have some time next week.” 

“It matters, Kyungsoo. Rehab is important. You can’t just break your routine like that. Call Yixing back and tell him you’re on the way.” 

“You’re important too,” Kyungsoo retorts. “I’m staying here with you.” 

“I can handle myself just fine,” Jongin huffs despite his heart warming at the other’s comment. “You’ll be gone for only what two or three hours?” 

Thankfully, Minseok cuts in just when it seemed like this will escalate into an argument. 

“Jongin’s right, Kyungsoo. You should go for your rehab. We’ll still be here after you’re done. Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of these two.”

Kyungsoo still shoots Jongin an uncertain look after. “You’re okay, really?” he double-checks.

“Yeah, I’m gradually feeling better every second,” he reassures. And he’s speaking the truth. After reading his father’s letter, Jongin has more or less come to terms with what he has to do moving forward. He wants to make it up his father somehow. He is determined.

I hope you get to be at the Olympics next year… Skate well and get a good result there. I’ll be proud of you, always.  

There is no point in wallowing in the past. He had learned that the hard way. 

“Do well in rehab and come back soon. I’m expecting positive feedback from Yixing again. Got it?” 

Eventually, Kyungsoo takes his leave after Jongin leans down to peck his cheek. 

“It’s impossible you two aren’t dating yet with the way you look at each other.” 

He chooses not to address Minseok’s comment and watches Kyungsoo until he disappears from sight. He does not know what to say anyway. 

~