4

From the day Hyukjae saw Donghae stood up and heard all the conversations, he knew it won’t be fine anymore. How does it fine if Donghae ignored his calls eventhough Hyukjae had yelled his name and crossed the rain just to avoid him?

Hyukjae ruffled his hair. It has been two days Donghae didn’t come to school, stated he is sick. Hyukjae didn’t want believe it but yet… perhaps the guy said the truth. Hurt of his words. Hurt of his actions. Sick because he ran under the rain for God knows how long and here Hyukjae is, can’t make a call and feel like a fool. Yeah, he definitely screwed up everything.

And the most stupid thing Hyukjae realised is… they didn’t have each other numbers.

Oh, come on! How come he be that dumb?

They spent many times together while studying but he never used that time to asking Donghae’s number. He simply being ignorant and now he wanted to meet that guy.

Hyukjae looked at the chair besides Ryeowook. The chair usually Donghae sits. The fact is –Ryeowook as known as Donghae’s best friend– looked lethargic since the guy didn’t come. Not really weird if you remember they are best friend who always go everywhere together, share many things, talks a lot, they even don’t hesitate to hug each other in front of many people. Now, Ryeowook looked lonely.

At least, Ryeowook’s feelings were not the same with Hyuk Jae. The school’s star isn’t only felt worried. He feels dumb, worries, guilty, hurt, sad, and others. All mixed at the same moment and made him wanted to explode.

These two days he couldn’t slept well. He couldn’t doing something really right. He couldn’t stop thinking about Dong Hae. He lost his concentration to study.

Oh, he can’t forget how Donghae looked when he saw him standing in front of the class. The guy looked horrible on that day. Yeah, horrible. Hyukjae will be okay if Donghae burst all his anger and hit him, at least Hyukjae will feel better if Donghae did that.

Hyukjae looked at the tote bag he put beside his bed. The thing he keeps looking for these two days when he is in his room. After he chased Donghae that day –which was ended up nothing but emptiness– he found the tote bag. Hyukjae remembers that day Donghae brought the tote bag to the school –the different tote bag than usual (yes, he pays attention to that small thing) and at first, he thought it contained the guy lunch boxes. But he didn’t see Donghae taking out something from the tote bag. Now, he knows why Donghae didn’t take something out from there and why the guy brought different tote bag.

Hyukjae even felt more worse when he saw what were inside that tote bag. Two lunch boxes with one juice and a letter. He had eaten and drunk all the food. Donghae is a great chef, in Hyukjae’s opinion. But Hyukjae felt more like a jerk when he saw the letter again. Written on blue plain paper with black ink. Hyukjae read the letters for countless times. As often as he read it, he felt more guilt.

To : Hyuk Jae

I hope you will like it. Thanks for tutoring me this whole time. You’re very kind and the school’s star indeed!

Sorry if this whole time I keep bothering you, I know I am stupid, that’s way I wanted to thank you again because you’re so patient. Eventhough these aren’t enough, I still hope you’ll like it.

I hope the food will suit your style, Hyukjae-ya!

No, Hyukjae not only likes the food. He loves it.

Oh, how sincere Donghae when he was making it? Because Hyukjae eaten all of it until it was really clean while imagined Donghae making it while smiling.

Hyukjae keeps the letter in his drawer. No, he can’t just sat here and waiting for Donghae. It has been two days he hold himself from the urge to come to Donghae’s house. But he can’t waiting anymore. Hence, he stood up and walked out from his house. Ignoring how dark the sky is and how cold the weather is. He can’t waiting anymore. He can’t stay with all the guiltiness surround him.

He has to explain, he has to meet Donghae.

Hyukjae didn’t realised how he walked all the way from his house to Donghae’s. Their houses are quite far and he walked all the way. Not because he didn’t bring his wallet. He even brought along his motorbike key. He just felt walking is faster than riding, okay?

When he looked at his front, it was Donghae’s house. Maybe he didn’t realise because his mind full with the guy. Hyukjae knocked the door until someone opened it and his eyes met with the warm gaze and wide smile. It was Donghae’s mom.

He didn’t need to explain why he comes because the next moment, Mrs Lee has dragged him to enter her house and told him Donghae is in his room now. Hyukjae didn’t sure however Mrs Lee seems like can read his mind. Hyukjae really sure Donghae didn’t tell his mother about what happened between them because Donghae is not that type.

Hyukjae walks slowly. Donghae’s house surely so cozy and Hyukjae would love to spend his time there. He loves how calm and neat the house is.

Hyukjae inhaled before knocked the door. He just realized something now.

Didn’t bring something, what a great job, Lee Hyukjae.

Yet, it’s too late for him if he excuse himself to buy something for Donghae. He was sure Mrs Lee will curious if he goes out and back with something. So, there’s no point of return except knocked the door, get in, and explain everything. Now or never.

“Come in, Mom.”

He can heard Donghae’s voice. Softer yet weak at the same time. He opened the door and saw Donghae’s back faced him. The guy lying with blanked covered until his chest.

Now or never.

Therefore, he stepped in and close the door.

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Donghae sighed when he felt dizzy again. These two –or maybe three– he couldn’t remember it, he has been constantly feels dizzy and fever. He felt very weak. Oh, it has been days since that day and here he is, still sick and weak. Not only physically sick but his heart hurt too.

What are you doing now, Hyukjae? Did you eat the food I prepared for you that day?  

Previously, he still dare to shout he wasn’t in love with Hyukjae. He never hesitant to say they’re just classmate, no feelings involved. But why after he heard it from Hyukjae’s mouth… how the guy didn’t have any feeling towards him… why he felt hurt and sad? Not to mention he had been cried at night because something is wrong with him. Something is wrong because he missed Hyukjae.

Donghae never fallen in love before. He never dated, never interested with someone, never knew how hurt your heart could be. He never cried because someone refused him. Not even when his teachers shout the hell out because his wrong answers. He never felt as down as these days, not even when other students gave him ridiculous nickname.

He never cried because a guy before.

So, why this Lee Hyukjae has to effected him so much?

Sometimes Donghae felt relieved because he is still sick, so he didn’t need to meet Hyukjae for awhile. No, he never said he is a coward, he merely needs to heal something wrong with his heart. Moreover, he didn’t know how to act in front of the guy. He didn’t know if the guy will believe he is fine. He is not good in acting and there’s nothing impossible if Hyukjae mocked him, right? There is no one can guarantee Hyukjae won’t do that.

“I’m pathetic.” Donghae feels so dumb. Idiot. Fool.

How come he be like that? Crying for other man who even doesn’t care? Besides, Hyukjae is the school’s star! Why should he date with someone like Lee Donghae?

Donghae closed his eyes, wanted to get some sleep because he hasn’t really slept for days. Mostly he just slept for four hours, after that daydreaming and remember that day and other days he had spent with Hyukjae at library and his house.

There is no doubt he missed Hyukjae.

He wants to see Hyukjae’s face. He wants to hear his voice. He wants to stand closer with him. He wants to ask why Hyukjae doesn’t love him.

Donghae almost slept when someone suddenly knocked his door. He frowned when he didn’t hear any voice following. It’s not like his family habit. They used to said something like asking if it is okay for them to get in before they really come in his room.

Donghae snorted, didn’t want to think longer.

“Come in, Mom.”

He heard steps come closer to his direction. He sighed, slowly sit straight before glaring to the human he thought his mom. And after five seconds, Donghae widened his eyes when he saw that guy.

“H-hyukjae?”

Donghae is sure he is not dreaming because what he wanted to do is slap himself until he faint so this guy will leave his house. But no, it’s too stupid. Donghae tried to calm himself, looking as normal as he could eventhough it was impossible. He still not ready to face Hyukjae, no matter how bad he wants him. He hasn’t prepared any words and his condition right now… pathetic. He wore his yellow pyjamas, his hair is sure as messy as , and his face must be so–

“Hi.” Hyukjae smiling at him, still standing and through Donghae’s eyes he looked really casual. That smile. Donghae nodded, clear his throat, and return the smile as well. “Am I disturb you?”

This situation is very awkward, both of them realised it. This is their first meet after that accident afterall. But Hyukjae didn’t want to turn back, he choose to talk with Donghae and he will do it although if the guy refusing.

“Can I sit here?” He pointed on the empty side of Donghae’s bed and sit after he receive a hummed. Donghae stares at his blanket blankly while Hyukjae tried to arrange his words. “We need to talk.” Hyukjae knows Donghae was about to refuse –just looking on his gesture– so he added, “I want to explain things.”

“Hyuk—“

“I never expected you would standing there when I was talking with my friends. Listen, I never thought you are a dirt. You don’t deserve to be called like that. Although I knew my respond didn’t do much, but I don’t like to hear that.” Hyukjae sighed while Donghae looked at him attentively. There is a hint of doubt in his eyes. But Hyukjae is not going to give up.

“There was someone that not my friend nor Heechul’s hyung. He likes to join us but we never liked him because he likes to spread rumours.”

So, that’s why you didn’t scold him for calling me that? Because you didn’t want that guy spread rumours about you defended me? Yeah, other students will tease you if they heard you defend me, the dirt. Donghae tried to stay calm eventhough that thought was hurt him.

Hyukjae knows really well what is on Donghae’s mind, the next thing he did was surprised the guy. He held Donghae’s hand, squeezed slightly.

“What’s on your mind is partly true but it related with why I said I have no feeling towards you.” Donghae frowned when Hyukjae gave a smile that seems weird than usual and this guy suddenly looked… nervous? Donghae was too confused with the sudden change.

“As I said, this guy likes to spread rumours. I didn’t want to tell him honestly because I know he will spread it to whole school if I did. I didn’t want you to hear from others because it might be less or more, I want you to hear from my mouth.” Hyukjae inhaling the air as much as he can do as he tried to relax. His heart was thumping so hard.

Now or never.

“I love you, Lee Donghae. I didn’t know when it started, but I’m interested with you more than a year.”

Donghae widened his eyes and unconciously opened his mouth as big as he could. He didn’t care what he looks like now. A clown? Dumb?

If just now Donghae thought he wanted to slap himself so Hyukjae could walked out from his room, now Donghae wanted to slap himself to make sure he didn’t misheard Hyuk Jae’s words. But his eyes were normal, he can see Hyukjae smile widely and moving his hand to his cheek. Caressing it softly, making Donghae held his breath due to their skinship.

“I don’t want you to hear from others but I also haven’t prepared my words to say it out loud. I know I am stupid but—“

“Are you kidding me?!”

There is no way Donghae daydreaming. Maybe… it was Hyukjae?

The guy chuckled and shook his head. Adorable, Donghae marked.

“No, I’m telling you the truth, Donghae-ya.” He swifts his face closer until their nose touching each other. “Forgive me for being stupid?”

They keep staring each other for a while and when Donghae drew a smile, Hyukjae couldn’t feel more than ease and happiness.

“You’re stupid but I love you too!”

Hyukje blinked his eyes a few times. Eventhough he has no doubt Donghae will accept his confession, it still surprise him. As the younger didn’t want to waste any time, he hugged Hyukjae. Buried his face on the older chest and smile contently when he felt Hyukjae his back and kiss his head lightly.

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“You must be happy when I asked you to help me.” Donghae giggled, still leaning his head on Hyukjae’s chest. His hand keeps touching Hyukjae’s fingers. Hyukjae didn’t say anything but chuckled. “So? Do we need to keep this as secret?”

Hyukjae shook his head and muttered no. He never thought he should keep his relationship as a secret. For him, relationship has to be cherish and appreciate more and keep it as a secret is not part of them. What is the point of having relationship if you keep it as a secret? Moreover, he is not an idol –eventhough many girls and boys asking for his attention.

“But you are the school’s star.” Donghae said in his lower voice, almost whispered.

Hyukjae touched his chin, making their eyes meet. He surely knows he has said this countless time especially today but he just want to say it again. He loves Donghae’s eyes. Oh, Donghae’s everything for sure. And Donghae didn’t know how many times today he has seen Hyukjae’s smile but he likes it. Especially when he knows that smile sent for him.

“No matter what people said, I am yours. Let them say whatever they want.” Hyukjae sounds so determined and it was the reason why Donghae returned his smile and nod. “And you’re mine, Donghae. I got your back and you got my hands, there is no way for them to part us.”

Both of them sharing their smile afterwards before Hyukjae closed their distance and sticking his lips on Donghae’s. With a ray of sunshine sneaked in, a smell of vanilla in the air, and a beautiful snowy day on December.

They don’t need the world to approve their love. They don’t need people to praise them. They just need each other. They just need to be together.

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DONE!!! I really enjoy writing this. Yup, this is the end of this story. Thank you for everyone who reading, liking, and comment on this story. I am sorry if this disappoint you. Have a nice day!