Even if you say I’m doing wrong or bad

I don’t know what the problem is, this is the way I am.

...

You’re chasing me and we’re getting close

But I’m not that easy to catch

Nights seemed never-ending. Every time the sun began to set, hanging low in the sky, she found herself dreading the prospect of retiring to her bed. It was small thanks that the work day now was longer than it had ever been. There was much less time to sit and stew in her thoughts. God knew how helpful that had been. 

As she trudged up the last flight of stairs, six weary, barely-conscious girls followed not far behind. Her hands were shoved in her pockets, arms pressed close. There may have been chatter behind her, but she couldn’t hear it. As they filed from the stairwell into the hall, they split off, fumbled for their keys, and muttered their good-nights. Yoohyeon didn't have far to go, her flat was the first on the right. With a turn of the key, the door was unlocked and she nearly stumbled into the room, not bothering to look back to check that her roommate was following. She could open doors just fine on her own. Already halfway to the bedroom, Yoohyeon heard the rattle of the lock behind her. She kept walking. 

Silence permeated the air as the two navigated their tight living quarters, getting ready for bed. Brushing past each other in a well-rehearsed dance, Yoohyeon would wash up and then surrender the bathroom to Minji, who would wash up and shower. The older girl was no early bird, so it was Yoohyeon who woke up quietly to shower in the morning.

The flats were not spacious. Her unit had one small living space with a barebones kitchen, a bathroom worthy of a tiny house, and one small bedroom, where the company had placed two twin beds. The walls were paper thin, so as Yoohyeon lay in bed she could hear Minji uncapping her lotions and creams, the quiet strains of music she played from her phone too. “What was worse?” she thought to herself. Was it laying awake like this and ruminating, or drifting to sleep only to have her dreams haunted by these same waking thoughts?

The door creaked open and quietly clicked shut. Footsteps padded along, paused for a moment or two, and resumed before Yoohyeon heard the rustling of blankets. 

“Goodnight,” came a feather-soft whisper. 

Yoohyeon didn't reply. If she did, she might not have been able to keep the emotion from bubbling up through her chest. It was easier to pretend like she was asleep. Easier to pretend than to face the music.

Every time they went to bed, Minji breathed the softest goodnight. At this point Yoohyeon wasn't even sure it was meant for her and not some prayer uttered to whatever god Minji believed in. It was moments like this - tiny moments that anyone could dismiss, which hurt Yoohyeon the most.

Well, she supposed, to be accurate it was these moments juxtaposed with the cold and aloof treatment that was now par for the course which really made it sting. For every sweet smile there was a shrugging off, a turning of a back, a cautious step away. 

She could deal with the friendly touches, and the blinding smiles, and all the pomp and circumstance that went along with promotions. You turned up and acted like you were the happiest you've ever been for as long as the cameras are rolling and that's just how it went. That was normal. But it was the little moments. The moments outside the professional sphere when Yoohyeon swore she caught Minji looking at her out of the corner of her eye, when a hand grazed her waist so lightly she couldn't tell if she was imagining it or not. The moments in between shooting when Minji touched up the taller girl’s hair or ran a thumb across the edge of her lips, which never failed to make Yoohyeon feel as though a shot of adrenaline had been injected directly into her heart. 

A loud rumble vibrated in her stomach. Damn. After a moment’s hesitation, she threw the covers off and let herself out of the bedroom. There wasn't a hard rule at the company about dieting, but it was more of an unspoken industry standard. It's just what you did if you wanted to make it; starve yourself that is. Well screw that she thought. She was hungry and tired, and god help every person she would come into contact with tomorrow if she didn't eat something. 

Just as Yoohyeon put on her last shoe a figure emerged above her. 

“Going out?” Minji’s hair hung around her face, backlit by the single hall light, and for all her effort Yoohyeon couldn't help think she looked like an angel. 

“Yeah.” She knew where this was going. This used to be their thing. Going out at two in the morning to a convenience store and eating on the sidewalk outside under the buzzing fluorescent lights as a “ you” to the rules. 

“Where to?” Perfect eyebrows raised themselves slightly. 

“Gonna get some food,” she mumbled back, finally standing up. 

“Can I come?” Minji had already begun to slide on some shoes. 

“Sure.” What was she going to say? No? When it came down to it Yoohyeon supposed there was almost nothing she could deny this girl. The two shuffled out the door and down the stairs, emerging at last into the humid night air. 

“Gaaah, it feels like it's been so long since we did this!” Minji skipped a bit ahead and did a little spin in the empty street. 

“It does,” Yoohyeon said thoughtfully.