Say Yes or Yes

words: 4715

Hyukjae thinks he’s in hell. Donghae’s repeating his declaration of his love for him, apparently, over-and-over again but Hyukjae is unable to say anything. Every time those words leave the younger’s thin lips a record seems to scratch before it repeats. Yup, definitely hell, Hyukjae thinks as he stares into Donghae’s impossibly sad eyes. Stupid fish and his always overly emotional self. Hyukjae isn’t sure how long the scene repeats, maybe for years, but suddenly Donghae’s face distorts and is replaced with Kyuhyun’s.

Okay, that’s not something he ever needed to see in his life.

“Hyukjae wake up!” The Kyu-Hae hybrid starts shouting relentlessly. Oh, was this a dream? Hyukjae’s fingers twitch at his side before everything goes black. With a bit of a struggle, he manages to open his groggy eyes to the site of a panicked Kyuhyun shaking him vigorously. Okay this had to be hell again. Wriggling out of the surprisingly tight grasp, he pushes the youngest away from him, cradling his pounding head in the process.

“God, Kyu, was shaking me really necessary?”

The singer jumps from the sofa and gestures wildly towards the door. “Hyung, now isn’t the time for you to complain! We have to find Donghae! Who knows what that emotional idiot is going to do!”

“Probably just crying somewhere,” Hyukjae mutters, a bit surprised by his own hostile tone. Still…he sighs and gingerly stands up. He always hated how much taller Kyuhyun was than him, and being alone with the giant just made it worse—why did he feel so small now? Hyukjae folds his arms around his chest and looks at anything but Kyuhyun. Donghae just admitted he loved him, but why did it feel so…weird? Shouldn’t he be ecstatic about the confession? Jumping for joy?

“God, hyung, don’t do this now. You know how much I at comforting people,” Kyuhyun pleads, dragging one of the dancer’s arms down so there wasn’t a barrier between them. “Please don’t tell me you’re having a gay panic right now because everyone knows you’ve been in love with Donghae for years now.”

Hyukjae feels his cheeks flush but tries to have enough courage to look scandalized. “Yah! It’s Donghae-hyung for you. And what do you mean everyone knows?”

Kyuhyun groans in frustration, body seeming to vibrate in what Hyukjae can only assume anxiety—maybe some drunkness too. “Hyung! Not important right now. Just,” the younger gestures to the door, “can we talk about this while we search for the fish?”

Hyukjae groans but concedes. Exiting the apartment, his head automatically goes to scan down the hallway, half expecting to see his other members loitering around. “Where do we go first?”

“Honestly, you’re his best-friend. I thought you’d know.”

And thus begins the duo’s long search. As Hyukjae wracks his brain for places Donghae frequents, Kyuhyun busily texts the rest of the members and lists off the places they already went. An emotional Donghae is a creature of solitude; there’s no way the brunette is walking about in the early evening. So what place would Donghae like that doesn’t have a lot of people coming or going?

A-ha!

“A bookstore,” he practically shouts as he drags Kyuhyun to the ground floor and go to the nearest bookstore. It’s just as unassuming as Donghae looks. An old brick building that’s seen better with a wooden sign in the front. Hyukjae recognizes the English letters but doesn’t understand how to pronounce it. The idiot probably does, he thinks before stepping inside. The space is much bigger than the outside leads on. There are rows of tall bookshelves along with some old looking CDs by the front of the store. As Hyukjae wanders down one aisle, fingers gently splayed against the spine of the books as he walks pass, he calls out Donghae’s name. There are a few other customers in the store, most foreigners judging by their eyes. As Hyukjae continues to softly call out his friends name, Kyuhyun’s footsteps trailing behind him, he quickly runs out of rows to search.

Kyuhyun says it before he can. “I don’t think Donghae-hyung is here.”

It’s not that Hyukjae wasn’t worried before, but it suddenly dawns on him that he has no clue where the younger could be. “,” he whispers angrily as he presses his back against a shelf, “god what kind of best-friend am I? I can’t even think of where that idiot could be, I’m supposed to be the one to protect him though. I’m his best-friend but I can’t even—” Hyukjae voice chokes off. Too many thoughts, all unpleasant, swirl through his head. “God Kyuhyun, I’m such an . First I couldn’t be happy for Donghae but knowing that he loves me now I’m worried that…”

“Hey, it’s okay Hyukkie,” Kyuhyun whispers softly as he steps in front of the sobbing dancer. His body effectively blocking the shorter to any nosy onlookers as he brackets his arms on the bookshelf, chin resting on neon-blonde locks of hair. “What are you worried about?”

Hyukjae sniffles as he tries to compose himself again, furiously wiping his eyes against the sleeves of his jacket.

“It’s just…I don’t know if I’ll be able to say yes to Hae. It was like I was being tormented not knowing who he loved, and I know he knew it too. I suffered for months in the dark while he seemed happy. I just…I don’t know. I love the idiot, I really do, but,” he lets out a shaky breath, “I don’t know if I’d say yes.”

“Hyung,” Kyuhyun starts softly, “I’m no fortune teller, but no matter what happens, I know everything will turn out alright. It’s okay to not be sure. Yes, Donghae did mess up bad and you don’t have to say yes right away, you can wait, but we’ll all be here to support you guys. No matter what happens.” As Kyuhyun finishes he takes a step back to reveal a more relieved Hyukjae. The small smile the dancer sports doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but it’s something.

“See Kyuhyun, you’re not that bad at emotions,” Hyukjae laughs as he begins to head for the entrance.

*

The search for Donghae goes well into the night, and as much as Hyukjae hates himself for being unable to locate the younger, the group votes unanimously for him to go back home and get some rest. Donghae vanishing wouldn’t be the worst thing as the younger hardly has any schedules so the media wouldn’t know right away, but if Hyukjae were to faint in public that would be a whole other mess to deal with. And frankly, he is exhausted. Running around for hours on end really does a number, especially since he’s still sick.

Yet, Hyukjae can’t shake the feeling that he’s forgetting a place. They’ve called Donghae’s mom, hoping he might have returned to Mokpo—to his family. Oddly enough though, no one’s seen Donghae. Yet, as he enters the passcode to his apartment, the dancer can’t shake the feeling that he’s forgetting something. Shutting the door, he slips off his shoes, turns on the lights and steps into his familiar surroundings.

His eyes immediately go to his kitchen as he contemplates what to eat, but decides against trying to make anything. As his pupils wander slowly to the other side of the apartment, his heart skips many beats—maybe it just stops—as he sees Donghae staring back at him. Lee Donghae, the man he’s been running all over the city looking for, just sitting idly on his couch. Hyukjae wonders briefly if this is his imagination playing a cruel trick on him, but when maybe-Donghae stands up and rushes over to him, Hyukjae practically melts in the solid embrace.

And for some reason, he starts to cry again.

“Yah, you idiot! You could have at least called us saying you were okay! You bastard, we ran around the city looking for you, you !” Hyukjae screams into Donghae’s shoulder as he tries his best to squeeze the life out of his friends. Considering though that the younger’s almost twice his weight in muscle thought he doubts he gets very far. Still, once he’s done airing his grievances and crying his heart out Hyukjae feels considerably better.

“I’m sorry Hyukkie,” Donghae says as he gently combs his fingers through the dyed hair, “I just panicked. And I thought you’d hate me for doing all of this to you and I was a coward who wouldn’t have been able to look at you. But,” Donghae’s hand drops as he steps backwards, “I ran here without knowing. I just wanted to escape for a bit but my feet just lead me here and.” The brunette cuts himself off as he presses the heel of his hand against the space between his furrowed brows. “You probably hate me, huh?”

“Hae, you’re an annoying, obnoxious brat. I constantly have to look over you and keep you company,” the younger frowns and opens his mouth but before he can protest Hyukjae holds up his hand, “Ah, but, I could never hate you. You’re my best-friend, and—and…”

“Oh, hold on!” Running to the table, Donghae comes back with the leather-bound spiral book in hand. “H-here, I want you to look through this before you say anything. I made it for you and I imagined this differently,” Donghae laughs sheepishly, a rosy tint coloring his face, “but now is a good time as ever I guess.”

Hyukjae nods as he doesn’t trust his voice not to waver. He flips open the sturdy cover and sees on the first page it’s devoid of any pictures but a small hand-written line. His heart palpates wildly as he slowly reads the line.

“For my soulmate, Lee Hyukjae”

Flipping the next page, he’s greeted with an inflated polaroid of them when they were younger. Hyukjae can’t help but chuckle as he sees the younger faces stare back at him. Their hair was longer and wild, oddly dyed and all around atrocious if he was being honest. The page across was filled with smaller pictures, not the best quality but it was still cute. It was filled with SUKIRA, one with him and Donghae out for coffee together.

There’s no specific date range. Some of the pictures had the year underneath. A few were a bit yellowed with age and some looked more recent. Hyukjae grimaces a bit when he comes across himself dressed up as Marylin Monroe and laughs at another with the two of them posing in their Elsa outfits before a Supershow. Wow, they really did wear a lot of dresses. Hyukjae feels himself smiling more and more as his eyes scan the different photos. He lingers on a few, as if he’s teleported back to that memory. One of the photos is a dark polaroid, the background just black with only the camera flash catching their figures. He smiles fondly at their funny expressions, remembering it was also the photo the younger had used as a bookmark. He stops at another, this one much older and faded.

He recognizes the era by the hair, it was around the same time after the major car accident. Everyone was so scared. Hyukjae remembers how Donghae was afraid that they lost a member, and for weeks on end the singer would follow him everywhere after being discharged from the hospital. It was a hastily taken picture after dance practice, a littl