It was a chilly morning and Taeyeon started her day with the bagel and coffee on her hand. She was still quite dozing off because she stayed late at night going through the agony of thinking how spending time with Kyungsan can be less boring, since she is a boring person, and since she had to include Jessica on the activity too. She walked out of the coffee shop with her second generation airpods hanging on her ear, bagels and bread on her right hand, while holding her coffee on the other.

She left Kyungsan on her apartment early in the morning to get breakfast since she isn’t really one to cook especially when she is always left alone on her apartment and it is a rare occasion to get a visitor, moreover early in the morning. Taeyeon struggled to open the door of her car while juggling the foods with both hands. She put down her cup of coffee on the floor so she can get a grip of the handle.

Succeeding on her task, Taeyeon placed the breads and her own coffee inside the car. Before she drove away to get back at Kyungsan, she got out of her car and walked her way inside the coffee shop once again. The shop’s door was opened and the chimes above ringed, signaling a customer. People looked on her way, recognizing her even with her cap covering almost half of her face. She just bowed down and marched her way on counter, not really uncomfortable, albeit the stares given to her. She is used to that anyway and the people seemed to be keen on not intruding her space. The barista looked up at her and asked for her order once again, still star-strucked despite having to list her order just a few minutes ago.

“Can I have one Americano please?” Taeyeon ordered while she fished on her jean’s pocket to get some bill since she left her wallet on her car. The barista smiled and bowed a bit before taking his time to make the drink. She was tapping her fingers patiently and adjusting her cap just so her hands could get busy. When the barista came back with an Americano and straw on her hand, Taeyeon smiled and asked the barista to take the straw back.

“You don’t want the straw ma’am?” The barista asked while handing the Americano to Taeyeon.

“Oh no, you can keep that. Save the turtles.” Taeyeon said which made the barista chuckle because she suddenly remembered that straws can kill turtles.

“Oh, is that so? I’ll remember to say that to my other customers.” She complimented and Taeyeon just gave her a cheeky smile and a thank you.

“You just had your coffee earlier ma’am.” Before she left, the barista tried to strike a little bit of conversation while she’s counting her change.

“Oh, you remember me ordering earlier?” Taeyeon said politely.

“Of course, how can I forget? It’s not everyday that Kim Taeyeon would have her cup of coffee here. I didn’t know you can finish two orders that fast.” Taeyeon laughed obviously getting comfortable with the friendly and not stalker-ish approach of the barista.

“This Americano is not for me though.”

“Is that so?” The barista smiled and handed Taeyeon her change while Taeyeon thanked her.

“Yeah, it’s for a friend.”

Jessica punched the code on Taeyeon’s apartment that the latter gave her during her stay last night. When Taeyeon asked her to stay, she did everything on her willpower to reject her, knowing very well that maybe Taeyeon just said that in a whim, or because of the spur of the moment and not actually meaning it at all. She rejected her, ever so politely and explained in a rushed manner how she had other plans that night with a promise that she’ll come back early in the morning tomorrow. Taeyeon, who looked kind of like a kicked puppy (as what Jessica thinks her pout looked like) waved her off saying it’s no biggie, Jessica should not be pressured. So, Jessica left, and Jessica missed the disappointed look on Taeyeon’s face when she did.

This is the first time Taeyeon made an effort to actually make Jessica feel like she is wanted. She did that years before when they are these cute girls waving lollipops back in the days, when they are yet to be consumed and eaten-out by the world outside of them. When all they wanted to do was grow up and be adults that passed off as mere ‘girls’.

And grow up they did.

Neither of them thought that growing up could also mean growing apart.

Taeyeon never said “Jessica, don’t go” so when the rifts pulled them away, no matter how painful it is or how excruciating it seemed like the sound of screeching metal roofs when you tear it down, Jessica had no reason not to leave.

When she was already far away, building her own dreams from scattered pieces and crumbs that was left off her when she left the group, she felt despair she had never felt before. There are no more pairs of hands to put her pieces back, or to be hammered and crushed with her.

Jessica will always get sad even when she was with the group. But it was her first time to feel lonely.

And as silly and childish as it sounds, she doesn’t want to put her pride away, so she waited for someone to pull her back instead, but Taeyeon never asked her,  “Jessica, come back.”

So, for years, Jessica never looked back again.

Jessica entered the unit and quietly slipped off her shoes beside the rack by the door. Taeyeon’s unit still looks as dull as yesterday with her walls painted in crème color and her curtains cascading down again. The whole complex looks like it has never seen the light of the day just like how its owner’s skin is so pale, which confirms Jessica’s assumption that Taeyeon had never been shed with sunlight that often.

If Jessica hadn’t heard of the sound of someone yelling on Taeyeon’s living room, she would actually feel depressed and lonely again because of the atmosphere. Ugh Kim Taeyeon and her quietness.

She walked her way on the living room and saw a kid sitting below the couch, his head ducked down on a concentrated manner, tongue stucked-out and nipped in between his lips, and with a game console on his hand. Jessica smiled knowing just who the boy is.

“Kyungsan-ah.” Jessica called sternly, acting like she is mad but failing miserably. Kyungsan heard the voice and he quickly put his controller on the side, his eyes wide, and his smile almost ripping off his face.

“Jessica-eomma?” Kyungsan said and jumped his way to Jessica as they hugged, not caring about the unsaved game on the play station which is almost a win for him. Jessica giggles because of the unexpected welcome.

“I’ve been knocking for hours! Why did you not open the door for me to continue playing? I can’t believe you Kyungsan-ah.” Jessica acted disappointed but earned snickers from Kyungsan instead.

“It’s because Taeyeon- eomma said she already gave you the passcode so you’re already an inhabitor of this house with or without me opening the door.” Kyungsan said and that made Jessica blush because of the thought that she is trusted this easily by Taeyeon. It’s like getting an access to Taeyeon’s privacy considering that this is where Taeyeon spends her time and stays the most. Jessica tried to shrug off that thought and decided to change the topic right away.

“Omo, you are so tall now Kyungsan. Back then you were just this chubby baby that I hate so much.” Jessica said to which Kyungsan just pouted, obviously up for the teasing.

“I hated you so much too back then eomma. I even liked a