God, the day had been going great before Mina arrived with the bags. In fact, it could've been one of the best.

I woke up, made myself a bomb- breakfast burrito, and went to work. All of my coworkers were incredibly tired, but all of them were as cheerful as they could be, so I spent the day chatting with them when I could. I was even treated surprisingly well by the customers that day, which was...incredibly rare. Working in retail is really a most of the time.

When the day was over, I drove home, blasted my music through my car speakers and made myself a huge cup of coffee once I got home. I was absolutely relaxed, positive that the rest of the day would be as chill as the morning. I even thought to myself, “Ah. What could possibly go wrong today?”

You never ask yourself that, because apparently, a whole freaking lot could go wrong.

For starters, I hadn't noticed that Mina was missing; she'd been spending most of her sick days in bed resting up, therefore I assumed that was the case again. She was always quiet, after all, her voice almost inaudible even though she was trying to be loud. The first day of 12th grade, the Bio teacher hadn't heard Mina say 'Here…' during roll call, so she was counted absent for that class, getting her in trouble with her parents. If one took that into consideration, it didn't seem like a big deal that she hadn't made a peep since I’d gotten home.

Being the amazing roommate that I've always been, I made her a burrito with the leftover stuff from that morning, in case she hadn't eaten already. Surely she was starving from a day of resting in bed. I went to her room and gently knocked on her door.

“Mina? Can I come in? I made you a burrito!”

No response. A little weird, but not unheard of. She could be sleeping, I thought to myself.

“Knock knock?” I tapped on the door a little harder, the sound slightly echoing back. “Mina, I'm coming in, okay? I really don't want the burrito to get cold. Hope you're dressed.”

All I found was a neatly made bed, sans Mina. I set the plate down and searched around her room, checking even the smallest nooks and crannies for her. She was nowhere to be found.

I ran to the kitchen and looked for her, not finding her at all. The bathroom, the closets, even my own room… She wasn't behind any of those doors.

Where was she? Was she hiding from me? Was she kidnapped while I was at work? I started thinking about the worst case scenarios, nearly giving myself a self-induced panic attack.

Just when I was really about to start panicking, I heard the front door locks turn and open.

She had been out? I really didn't even care for an answer at that moment. I was just glad that Mina hadn't disappeared into a different dimension.

“Mina!” I shouted from my room. “Why are you up? You’re still sick, you dweeb. I don't care if you have the strength to get up, getting out is still a risk.” I stepped out to greet her, secretly actually super psyched to see Mina out and about. It was probably the first time in weeks since she'd felt the sun on her skin. “Get to your room and I'll give you the burrito I made for you-”

I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the bags in Mina’s hands. They weren't grocery bags. No, no. These were giant plastic bags, thick and strong, made to hold heavy items. She was holding them as if they held something incredibly valuable.

“Mina? What’s that? What are the things in the bags?” Yeah, you bet I already knew what was in the bags, but the small and positive lil Chaeyoung inside of me hoped I was wrong, that I was still stressed out from losing Mina for a second, that she hadn’t gone out and bought an entirely new console and Paracosmos.

She hid her face behind her dark hair, a habit of hers that I learned means that she's hiding something or feeling guilty. I stepped closer and tried to check the contents of the bags but she backed away quickly and looked at me with a hint of remorse in her eyes.

“I-I had to get it. I’m so sorry, Chaengie. Here, sorry for pulling away. Look.” She opened the bags and showed me the PlayStation console box and the game she'd been wanting. “I’ve been so depressed, and I n-need something to distract me– I promise I'll find a way to get the money back as soon as po-”

“Damn it, Mina!” I didn't mean to interrupt her, but seeing the GameStop bags in her hands pissed me off. “I told you not to buy it yet! We’re, like, $600 short now and the money we have left was supposed to go towards buying other stuff like groceries. What are we going to do now?”

I could feel my eyes start to well up with tears, which was something I hated about myself. I always cry when I'm angry, but I didn't want to cry. Not at that moment. I wiped them away quickly and smoothed down my short hair. I wanted to look calm and not freak Mina out.

Mina set the bags down and walked over to me, her eyes full of hurt. “Don't raise your voice to hide the fact that you're crying, Chae... I d-don't wanna see you cry. It's just the rent, it's not the end of the world!” She reached for my arms, but it was my turn to pull away.

“Chaengie,” she said with a surprised look on her face, “don’t do that. I know not purchasing it was something we agreed on, but you're n-not home most of the time and I get so tired of waiting for you to get home… Don’t pull away from me…"

Mina never really cries, she just gets teary-eyed, but this time I saw the tears already starting to stream down her face. Seeing her like that made the small ball of anger melt away. I lowered my head in an apologetic bow.

“Mina, I'm sorry. I wasn't really angry. Please don't cry.” Her face was already red and puffy, so I reached out to wipe her tears. She stiffened when I touched her, probably unsure about whether I was actually angry at her.

“Jeez. Lemme wipe your tears, Minari.” I said it with the most gentle voice I could, hoping to calm her down.

After a bit she relaxed and let me wipe the rest of her tears. She tried speaking but she kept choking on her words. It took her many tries, but finally she asked “Chaengie, can you forgive me?”

“Shhh, hey, hey.” I put a finger on her lips, feeling them tremble a bit. “Minari, I'm the one that should be asking for forgiveness. I wasn't really mad. I was more...surprised than anything. I told myself to keep calm but I let my temper show... Like you said, this is not the end of the world.” I got closer to her, putting an arm over her shoulders.

“I still left us with pretty much no money,” she muttered, letting her hair fall to her face again. “I don't know what we're gonna do, Chaeyoung. Because of me, we have to choose between having money to eat and paying the rent.” She sat down at the kitchen table and put her head down. “Oh god, what did I do? I just realized how ed up it was for me to do that.”

“Mina,” I whispered into her ear and rubbed her arm. “We’ll figure it out. Leave it all to me, okay? I'll do everything I can to figure out what to do from here. Go to your room, get in bed, and eat the burrito I made you. I'll call for you when I’ve decided on what our plan of action will be.”

She looked like she was going to argue, but she simply nodded solemnly and left to eat her burrito.

I sat down  on the chair she had been sitting on and stretched, thinking back on my small outburst earlier. It really wasn't like me to get mad for a reason as small as this. She must have been super sensitive due to her constant loneliness as well, since she started crying so quickly. There was an unexplainable pain in my gut, the kind that can't be fixed with a painkiller.

Damn, man, this guilt is gonna murder you later, I thought to myself. I probably scared the living out of her, chastising her for trying to help herself fight depressing thoughts and feelings.

I grabbed a pad of paper and pulled up my phone’s calculator, hoping that this would distract me from that thought for the time being.

I needed to see if we could budget our next few weeks so that we could use the remaining money to give a payment for the rent, and use the rest for groceries. Every dollar would help.

As I was scribbling some stuff down, I remembered that we had to pay our phone bills that coming week. Just to add more pain and suffering to our lives, my tiny car was a gas-guzzling piece of that needed a ton of gallons per tank, and it used that up fast.

A sudden realization came to me. Mina has a car too. “Oh god, we have two cars. Jesus ing Christ.” I slammed my head on the table.

Neither of us had saved any money for college. If we had, I could have tried for a Masters Degree in Fine Arts and Mina could’ve continued the ballerina training she'd abandoned years ago, or gone into coding, which was something she was really interested in our final years of high school. Who knows, maybe at this time she could've made a cool AAA video game with many awards. But no. We had been stupid enough to spend our money on meaningless things. We weren't poor, definitely, but we still struggled to make ends meet sometimes. We’d catch a break and have enough money to spend on vacations and trips, but that wasn’t as often as we'd like.

Five months ago, the manager of the apartment complex gave us two rent-free months for our three year anniversary of living there. It was the only reason we could afford to go to Mina’s convention.

Sitting back up and knowing that stressing about the past wouldn't fix anything, I let myself breathe for a second. I couldn't go back in time and do anything about our situation. If I focused too much on the mistakes I've made, I'd drive myself insane.

Focus on now, Chaeyoung. Mina is waiting for you to fix this.

After that thought, I got to work.

By the end of the budget planning session, the added numbers that appeared on our bank accounts were nowhere near enough for us to do what we wanted, just as I had expected. My head started to hurt like hell. I was beyond stressed, so I decided to not wake Mina up and just get to bed. I could settle the problem later.

The night was silent, dark and cold. As soon as I settled into bed, I knew I wouldn't sleep, not with all these thoughts going through my head.

At about 3 am that same night, I was finally about to pass out from exhaustion, but there was a faint knock on my door that kept me from doing so. When I told Mina to come in, she seemed to hesitate. That tugged on my heartstrings. The thought of my best friend being afraid of me would haunt me for the rest of my life. Would she fear me for a stupid outburst?

“Mina? Come in, it's okay. I'm sorry, again. I'm not mad.” I audibly patted the spot next to me, hoping she'd believe me and join me. I was wide awake now, my heart thumping wildly, unsure of what would happen next. Would she think I was better off alone and suggest moving out? Or something worse?

My baby penguin came in shyly— she was taking painfully unsure steps toward me— and laid next to me, still staying silent, which was okay. It was better than what I had imagined would happen.

I didn't know how to start the conversation so I just asked “Did you, uh, eat the burrito I made you?”

Mina stayed silent, choosing instead to shake her head. I wanted her to talk to me, tell me how she was feeling, but I knew she was afraid of saying something and setting me off again.

“Hey, Penguin. I really truly am sorry.” I closed my eyes and let it out. “I yelled at you and hurt your feelings, and I apologize. It really wasn't that deep. Like you said, it's just one month of rent out the window.” I started playing with her hair, which I knew always soothed her.

After a few deafeningly silent seconds, she finally spoke up.

“Tell me what we’re going to have to do to pay the rent. What did you plan? I'm going to work tomorrow no matter what, to help you raise money quickly.”

I let go of her hair and gently smacked her forehead. “You still can't go to work, Mina. The doctor said that you could possibly get worse if you attempted to return to work. Let's just let your body heal up and once that happens, we can work together to save up.”

She didn't seem too happy with that plan.

“Don't you worry, Minari. I came up with a budget plan. I know you're usually the one doing this kind of thing, so it may not be perfect, but maybe you can check it and see if there’s anything we can add or remove?”

Even in the dark, I could see Mina’s beautiful eyes sparkle thanks to the light coming through my blinds. They had some sort of dreamy look to them. “Don't stop playing with my hair, Chaengie. Keep doing that and then we can go.”

“Nooo, first, let’s proofread that plan, then I'll scratch your head and play with your hair all you want.” I laughed at the face she made and gently tugged on her hair.

“You're such a cute dork.” I kissed her forehead, maybe lingering my lips a little longer than necessary, but moments as tender as this were rare, and getting to kiss her smooth forehead was even rarer.

I helped her off my bed, leading her to the kitchen where I had left the notepad. Mina groaned in protest, stomping the whole way there. She checked out the plan, though, despite her obvious annoyance in me not playing with her hair.

“Save on power to lower the electric bill… Yeah, that's good. We can just unplug our stuff more often, watch less TV and maybe go out to the park. Next, cancel all our magazine subscriptions. Aw, there go my PlayStation and Game Informer issues...” She huffed and took a good look at me. “Whatever. There won't really be any interesting games coming out these next few months.”

She seemed okay with the plan. That is, until she got to the last bullet point. “Chaeng… what is this? Why?” She turned the paper to me. “‘Buy only a fraction of the usual groceries to reduce the amount we eat’… Chaeng, I don't want you to starve yourself just because of this. Isn't there anything else we can cut?”

“Mina, it's okay, both of us are just gonna be buying less ‘extra’ stuff. Like, less jelly, peanut butter, chips, ketchup-”

“Can we please not cut off ketchup?” she interrupted, grabbing at her chest and giving me a dramatic look. “It's a necessity for me, you know.” She paused and gave me a wicked smile that set my soul ablaze. “But I know what we can cut? Your cereal isn't that important, right?”

She was just teasing but the mere thought of not eating all of my favorite cereals legit made me start tearing up.

My penguin came closer and pouted. “I’m kidding. I really should have waited to buy the game. We wouldn't have to think about all the things we have to give up. Ugh, and a couple gaming sources are talking about how Paracosmos is super glitchy. There are even some reports on the game servers not connecting right and that patches probably won't be released until much later.”

“What kind of glitches are we talking about? I remember talking to the, uh, main developer, I think, about bugs and he told me that there was this problem where you couldn't remove your helmet whenever you wanted to.”

Mina perked up. “Oh, you talked to Park Jinyoung?”

“Yeah, as soon as you sat down and put the headset on, he scared me and told me that it was a bad idea to touch you and stuff, since the game was still in early development.”

“Yeah, I think I read about that somewhere a while ago. Your game starts glitching out of you try to take your headset off and you have to find a checkpoint in the game before exiting to fix it. Supposedly it's super hard to find a checkpoint in the first place, so it's gonna be harder to, you know, get permission to remove the helmet when your game doesn't work. A lot of people are complaining that the first hours after they got the game, they had to use the bathroom and couldn't leave until they defeated a monster boss.”

I hate to be the one to say I told you so but I couldn't resist that time. “Ah… See? Next time, listen to me, you doof. Now you can't pee until the game says you can! Your new nickname is now ‘Only Listen to Chaeyoung’.”

I flicked her forehead and she made a cute frowny face. “Oww... Yeah. I’m still sorry, Chae.” There was a look in her eye that told me she still felt awful for spending all of that money. It really was a huge setback, but it was only for this month. We'd get back on track by then and not make fools of ourselves.

“Nah, don't worry about it. Less junk food for a month sounds pretty good, no? Maybe we can make this an actual thing.”

She looked at me with a serious face. “Ok, but I need my Cheetos, Chaeng! If you don't buy them while we're raising the money, I'm breaking up with you!” She crossed her arms in mock anger.

“Yeah yeah, fine, we’ll exclude Cheetos from the list of things to not buy. Only for you, though, sweetie pie. I wouldn't want to lose the love of my life over Cheetos.”

Joking about dating was a cute thing she did sometimes, but it really hurt my soul. Playing along always made me long for her more.

Mina’s stomach growled. “Good choice of words, Chaeyoung. But I'm hungry now. Can you make some food while I shower?”

“Didn’t you eat the burrito I made you earlier?”

“No. I don't like the burritos you make.”

Offended, I inched my face closer to hers. “This might be the reason we break up, sweetheart. You love the burritos I make. Why are you lyin’?”

Mina sighed, no longer playing around. “I'm just tired. You know what? Never mind. I, uh, wanna go to sleep. It's really late. Goodnight, Chaengie. I love you.”

With a dorky smile on my face, I told her the same.

“I love you too, Mina. But please eat the burrito. It would cheer me up a bit to know that you're eating.” I saw her nod and walk away. She probably didn't hear that last part, as she didn't reply at all.

For maybe the billionth time that night, I sighed. I was so incredibly in love with Mina, and I wanted her to be as happy as possible. I knew this whole situation was gonna make that plan harder to come true, but we had been through worse, emotionally, in high school. I guessed it seemed harder this time because it had been a long time since we experienced a hardship like this, and because this time it was a monetary problem.

I thought that things would get easier from that point, but I really underestimated Mina’s impulsiveness. Never in a million years did I think Mina would try to escape her guilt by purposely trapping herself inside Paracosmos.