He was running as fast as he could. The ominous clouds that were just passing by when he left, were releasing what seemed to be a monsoon onto the city. The temperature went down fast after the rain started to pour. Now and then a bolt of lightning, followed by a loud thunder, could be seen.

 

Changkyun wasn’t crying, at least he didn’t think he was. But with the rain it was hard to tell. Besides, if he was, no one would see. The streets were mostly empty, safe for some businessmen with umbrellas. If someone would recognize him in this state, there would be trouble, big trouble.

 

He only noticed now that he was severely underdressed for this kind of weather. His outfit was already questionably at the start of the day. Who wears a white dress shirt when writing lyrics? He did, apparently. Then again, it was the only clean piece of clothing available at the time.

 

However, leaving without shoes had been a dumb thing to do. In his defense, his mind wasn’t really focused on getting ready to leave. No, he just wanted to be gone all together. He would’ve had a breakdown right there and then if he had stayed, he barely held it together leaving as it is. He knew the no mercy days were over. The other members accepted him and liked him, treated him like a brother. But that didn’t mean the exclusion didn’t happen and from time to time, there was a little voice in the back of his mind that made him doubt if everything was as good as it seemed. He knew he shouldn’t pay attention to that, but the insecurity came back sometimes. And mostly, that feeling left right away.

 

But not today. He should have known the other rapper was having a bad day. He shouldn’t have bothered him. With Jooheon, it was always very clear how he was doing. His face would betray him any time. Why didn’t he just ask another time? Stupid.

 

Minhyuk and Hoseok’s reaction to the outburst was something he noticed as well. They obviously didn’t agree with the red-haired rapper. But it didn’t make Changkyun feel any better though.

 

His train of thoughts ended abruptly when he noticed his phone started buzzing in his back pocket. He made the decision to not pick it up, as it probably would be Jooheon. So, he just left it until it stopped. But he did need a place to shelter. If he could feel the water on his body, it meant the phone was probably almost swimming back there.

 

He noticed a narrow side street, covered but void of any kind of activity. It was the best place he’d be able to find now. Getting out of the rain felt quite good. And he was feeling warm for the time being. It was then he noticed it was starting to get dark. It meant he’d been running for at least half an hour, at least.

 

His phone went off again and since he was in a dry spot, he could take it out to check who it was. To his surprise, the phone was completely dry. Minhyuk’s name showed up, which was another surprise. The call ended and now Changkyun could see he had 17 missed calls. How could he not have notice all those calls? He only felt the device ringing right before getting out of the rain.

 

He didn’t expect his blond-haired hyung to call him. And it seemed like Hoseok tried a couple of times as well. No Jooheon? He didn’t know how to feel about that. Honestly, he felt relieved he didn’t have to talk to him but on the other side angry and abandoned.

 

He almost jumped when the phone started to vibrate again, Minhyuk was calling him. Should he pick up? His blond-haired hyung wasn’t angry at him. Well, maybe he was now, since he ran away. However, Minhyuk would yell at him, but couldn’t stay angry for long. He was mostly just being loud and over the top.

Changkyun decided to pick up.

 

“Changkyun-ah?” But the voice on the other end of the line wasn’t who it should be, it was Jooheon. Changkyun could feel himself starting to panic.

“Hey, you there?”

 

“…” He could feel his eyes starting to water again.

 

“Changkyun-ah, please say something? I-” He pressed the turn off button at least eight times, not able to bear his hyung’s voice any longer. His emotions were all over the place.

 

The other rapper’s voice was so soft, such a difference from when he left, clearly worried. Changkyun wanted to return home but couldn’t. It still hurt so much, especially when you’re told you’re not good enough by your friend and love interest. Oh yeah, he knew he was head over heels for the other rapper, which made all this even worse. He’d been having these feelings for a while now. But silence is gold, he didn’t want to ruin a great friendship.

 

And with that thought, a tear escaped. It might already be ruined.

 

--

 

Hyungwon never got across the parking space so quickly. What the hell happened to the weather? When the three of them left, everything was fine. The short distance was enough to get his hair all wet. The other two followed shortly. Finally, back home. Jeez, it was even cold outside now.

 

Kihyun has been yelling about not getting the mushrooms wet when they got inside, as they would probably fill up with water. Hyunwoo looked shocked at that. He took out a mushroom and decided to squeeze it.

 

“Stop that!” the main vocalist practically yelled.

 

“There’s no water in there.” That comment made the blond roll his eyes while Kihyun let out a sigh.

 

“I was exaggerating, obviously. But water and mushrooms still don’t mix.” Kihyun retorted.

 

“Then, how do you clean these things?” The oldest deadpanned.

 

“With a brush, what even-… are you being serious right now?” their smallest vocalist almost fainted. Hyungwon just laughed at the hilarity of Kihyun’s angry face and their leader’s dumb expression. But his laughter ended when he opened the door to their dorm. Something was clearly wrong with just one look around the room. Their second oldest hyung’s expression was one of worry, Minhyuk was pacing around while whispering to himself and Jooheon just sat in one of the chairs at the table. Head down, phone in one hand, the other hand in his hair, almost pulling it out. Everything that belonged on the table was lying on the floor around it.

 

“What happened here?” It made all five of them stop whatever they were doing. Jooheon looked up at the sound of his voice. Face in distress.

 

“Hyung… I screwed up.” the blond said in a wavering voice as he started to explain what happened.

 

--

 

“YOU DID WHAT?!?” Hyungwon almost screamed after hearing the story. He couldn’t believe his ears. Everything you shouldn’t say to the youngest member Jooheon said.

 

“ I know.” Jooheon whispered.

“I tried calling him with Minhyuk hyung’s phone, but he wouldn’t pick up. Then Hoseok hyung tried and it was the same. Just right before you guys entered, I got a hold of him. But he turned it down as soon as he noticed it was me.”

 

“What did you expect, then?” Kihyun sneered.

 

“I TRIED TO APPOLOGIZE!” Jooheon yelled back.

 

“Hey, mind your temper. That’s what got you into trouble the first place!” Hoseok wasn’t quite yelling, but the worried expression made sure he got the message across as the rapper sat down again, embarrassed. Hyungwon couldn’t believe his ears. He knew how Jooheon felt about their maknae. Hell, he was the one who approached their youngest first back in the days.

 

The silence in the room got disturbed when Hyunwoo spoke firmly.

 

“Hoseok-ah, try calling him again. Kihyun-ah, please start on making dinner, in case he comes back on his own. Minhyuk and I are taking the car to go look for him.”

 

“Shouldn’t we call the managers for that?” Minhyuk asked. But Hyunwoo just shook his head.

 

“No, I don’t want them to know. Otherwise Changkyun would be in trouble and I’m pretty sure he could miss that right now.” The leader’s voice didn’t leave any room for discussion.

“Hyungwon-ah, you-“ But the tall one just cut him off.

 

“I’m going to have a little chat with Jooheon-ah.” He spoke in a low voice. He could see his leader nodding in the corner of his eyes. With that being said, Hyunwoo and Minhyuk left, Kihyun went to the kitchen and Hoseok tried calling their maknae again. Hyungwon walked over to Jooheon.

“Come with me.” He demanded in a soft voice. Yelling wouldn’t help.

 

The younger one didn’t look up but nodded anyway as he got up and followed him towards one of the bedrooms. Hyungwon closed the door behind him and the light.

 

“Okay, what were you thinking?” He required.

“As far as I understand, Changkyun’s lyrics aren’t bad at all?” During the rapper’s explanation earlier he had the opportunity to read some of their maknae’s lines. Jooheon still looked at the ground and nodded.

“So why did you get angry?” At that, the rapper looked up, not quite looking him in the eye yet.

 

“I…I guess I was jealous.” He mumbled.

“I should be the one to help him as his hyung, I should be better, not the other way around. I got embarrassed… And worried. His lyrics aren’t bad but none of us are doing a good job, we only produced something mediocre at best. We’d get scolded for sure.”

 

“And then, you just decide he should save us all from being scoled and to belittle him and his talent?” The tall vocalist asked.

 

“I know, okay. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I got scared! I didn’t even know what I said until I saw his face.” Jooheon looked at him now, trying not to cry but the tears escaped anyway.

“Hyung, I hurt him really badly.” the rapper hickuped.

“I don’t know what to do. , he’s never going to want to talk to me anymore.” Hyungwon put his arms around Jooheon and the latter kept crying softly in his chest. Yes, he was still angry. But knowing Jooheon, he really didn’t think before he spoke. The crying also indicated that he was very sorry and realized what he did.

 

“Come on, Changkyun isn’t like that. It might take a while before he’s completely at ease around us again, but he’s forgiving.” Hyungwon whispered.

“But you might have to tell him you love him for it to work.” He wondered out loud.

 

“We all don’t really tell him enough, yeah.” The rapper was no longer crying and Hyungwon laughed a bit at the misunderstanding.

 

“No, I mean you might have to tell you’re in love with him.” He was a bit shocked when Jooheon pushed himself out of the hug and stared at him with wide eyes. Quite a funny sight.

“Oh, don’t give me that. I can see how you look at him when you think no one will see.” Hyungwon explained with a small smile. But the other just looked at him and started blushing, face getting almost as red as his hair.

 

“H-Hyung!” He stammered.

 

“It’s fine. Besides, if I’m right he feels the same way. You should tell him once everything has cooled down.” Jooheon nodded slightly, still embarrassed.

 

“But… but what if he doesn’t feel the same way? Our friendship would be over.” the rapper muttered.

 

“Again, Changkyun isn’t like that. And since my guess about your feelings is apparently correct, I might be right again about his.” He put a supporting hand on the other’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s go back and see if there’s any progress.” With that both of them went back to the living room, passing a larger window.

“My god, it’s still pouring.”

 

“Yeah, and the worst thing is, Changkyun left with only a white dress shirt and jeans.” Jooheon added, while they entered the room. Hyungwon turned around to look at the rapper, face in slight shock while Hoseok looked up at them entering.

 

“Agreed, it’s not the best thing to wear in this kind of weather.” Their hyung spoke.

“But he’s not an idiot. He’s not going to stay outside in this wea-“ But Hoseok stopped talking when he looked at the front door. Or rather at the floor in front of the door.

“Scratch that not being an idiot part, aren’t those his shoes?!” They all looked at the pair of sneakers and those were indeed the maknae’s shoes. Hyungwon’s expression of shock made place for horror.

 

“Oh my god, it’s freezing outside and HE’S NOT WEARING SHOES!” He shouted.

“Hyung, call Hyunwoo hyung and tell him. Make sure they find him.” Hoseok nodded and started calling.

“Jooheon-ah, search for towels, blankets, anything to get him warmer when they find him.” IF they find him, he almost doesn’t dare to think. He takes out his phone and dials the maknae’s number. Repeating ‘please pick up’ inside his head, over and over again.

 

--

 

Changkyun’s clothes were getting a bit dryer now. He had hoped the rain would’ve stopped, but it didn’t seem like it would any time soon. The wind made him feel a bit chilly by now. He still wasn’t thinking about getting back. He did however consider going to a small market to buy something to eat and get some shoes, but he didn’t bring any money. So he just stayed there. Listening to his phone buzzing. Hoseok calling… Or Jooheon, he couldn’t be sure.

 

An hour past and it was completely dark by now when his phone vibrated again. This time he was surprised to see Hyungwon’s name appearing on his screen. But he was out with Kihyun and their leader. So, they didn’t know yet, right? Perhaps he should pick up? He probably just wanted to know if he should bring some snacks. Yeah. Picking up would be a good idea. Otherwise they are going to notice something’s wrong.

 

He left it ringing for a couple seconds more until he decided to pick up his phone.

 

“Kyunnie?” A soft voice sounded at the other side of the line. And Changkyun immediately      knew that his hyung knew what happened. He’d only call him ‘Kyunnie’ when something was up.

 

“…”

 

“Kyunnie, are you there?” The soft voice continued, and he realized that picking up had been the worst choice as he tried not to cry again, but this time he couldn’t stop the tears from falling. He couldn’t handle a disappointed Hyungwon on top of all the other stuff that had happen today.

 

“…”

 

“… please say something.” He wasn’t going to, but a small sob just left his mouth. He tried to cover it with his hand, not wanting the other to hear it. But of course, his hyung did.

“Kyunnie?” He asked, voice a bit higher than before.

 

“…”

 

“You don’t have to talk but… can you come home? No one is mad at you, okay. Hyunwoo hyung and Minhyuk hyung are looking for you with the car, so if you want them to pick you up, I’ll call them. Kihyun hyung made us dinner, so…” Hyungwon continued.

 

“…”

 

“We’re all worried, just… come back home, please… I’m going to put my phone down, now. You can call me anytime, to talk or… just, promise me you’ll come back soon, okay?” With that, the call ended.

 

Changkyun slummed down against the wall and continued sobbing quietly. Everyone was worried? He made them all worry? Running away was a mistake, now everyone was looking for him. They were going to be mad for sure now. Well, Hyungwon wasn’t, but the others… . He couldn’t go back now. He’d just have to wait until they all went to sleep. Yeah, it was getting kind of late anyway, they normally went to sleep in one hour. So, he should wait until then. Perhaps then it wouldn’t rain anymore.

 

--

 

But 30 minutes later it was still pouring. He couldn’t stay any longer, he was getting cold and tired. Returning in the rain it was. The moment he stepped back onto the streets he started shivering. He was cold before, but now in the rain his feet were freezing. Nothing to do but to walk back. Calling his hyungs wasn’t an option any more. His phone died not long after that last ‘conversation’. Not that he would call them. But a dead phone meant voicemail when calling him and then they’d think something happened to him, calling their managers… if they didn’t already, that is.

 

The walk home took as long as his run to his hiding place. Mostly because he had been running in circles earlier, apparently. It’s not like he had a plan to go somewhere then and he wasn’t really focused on getting anywhere but away from the dorm. He looked at the building and noticed that the lights were out. Instant relief washed over him. His plan did work. Now he could sleep before facing everyone in the morning.

 

When he stopped in front of the door, he silently thanked their managers for installing a pin locked door instead of using keys. Otherwise getting in wasn’t happening right now.

 

The code was anything but secure, however. If their fans remembered their debut date, the door would open. As he put in the code and entered, he was greeted with comforting darkness. He turned around to silently close the normally loud door and thankfully it went in the lock with a soft click.

 

And that’s when the lights .