Another thing I dreaded was passing through our school's gate. Even from afar, even when there were many students passing by, I could see her standing patiently by the gate, looking for someone. I breathe in and out trying to keep my composure. I continued walking and held on the straps of my bag tightly.

     Then she saw me.

     "Wonyoung! Wonyoung! Heyyy!" She waved her hands in my direction and continued calling for me even when I was still far. But, although it was painful to do this, I pretended not to hear anything. Even when I passed by her, and our shoulders brushed each other, I didn't look at her.

     "Wonyoung, why are you doing this? Please tell me. Wonyoung, Wonyoungie. Please. Please. Please!" I heard her pleading. I heard her voice gradually fade away as I started walking away, not even giving her a single glance. Tears started falling from my eyes, hearing her continuously calling for my name.

-----

     Right now, as I laid, I felt the flowers on my bed. I could see flowers everywhere. They were sprawled all around my room. My chest, throat and mouth were burning from too much coughing and throwing up. 

     "We don't have to be ordinary, make your best mistakes..."

     Other than the flowers bothering me, I heard my phone ringing endlessly. I knew who it was but I refrained from getting my phone. Falling for her words and voice even more were the last things I needed right now.

     To stop her from bothering me, I finally took my phone from my table and shut down my phone, hoping stopping her feelings were as easy as that. She went to sleep, the person she's been avoiding not leaving her mind even once.

-----

     I was too sad to focus on school, I decided to go to our usual spot during our third class instead. My mind was way too preoccupied for me to notice someone walking behind me in the hallway.

     I was shocked when someone suddenly stopped me from walking by holding both of my shoulders and making me face her.

     I saw her face. I was mad at myself for making her like that. Her eyes were red and puffy.

     "Wonyoung, why? Why are you suddenly avoiding me? Please tell me. Am I not your friend anymore?" she said while both her hands were still on top of my shoulders. I could tell she was trying very hard not to cry but I kept a straight face.

     "What do you mean? Yes we're friends but I'm not required to spend all of time with you, am I?", I tried very hard to make my voice stable and keep a straight face.

     "Wh- what's with you? Why are you talking like that? Did I do something wrong? Tell me. Tell me please. Punch me or whatever. Punish me or whatever, just don't treat me like this, like I'm a nobody." I saw her eyes getting watery and her voice was shaky. But I didn't say anything.

     She looked at me and removed her hands from my shoulders. Instead, she hugged me tightly and she cried.

     "Wonyoung-ah, stop this please. Just tell me what's wrong. I miss you. I miss you very much." I could feel the tears on my blouse and her hugging getting tighter as she continued to cry and plead.

     I wanted to cry too and hug her back but I felt the flowers on my chest again, burning intensely, my breath was becoming ragged. My face was getting redder as I tried to hide all the pain. I didn't want her to figure it out.

     I pushed her, way harder than I expected. She fell on the floor and looked at me with a torn expression.

     "Why?", she said as her tears continued to fall.

     I ran away. I didn't care where I went, I just didn't want her to see me like this.

-----

     The next day, I still couldn't get the image of her crying out of my head. I couldn't sleep and felt guilty. The feeling of burning in my chest every time I breathe didn't help either.

     I seriously miss her. Everything went by excrutiatingly slow without her. Everything became dull and I couldn't smile genuinely with this heavy feeling in my heart every time I think about her and what I did.

      Right now, during the subject before lunch time, I waited for her to pass by our room, like she always does, and wait in front of our door, sometimes even distracting me from class.

      When the bell rang, I waited and hoped for her to pass by. It was dumb of me, but I waited while I was seated on my chair. 

     There she is. Everything seemed to slow down as I saw her walk outside our room but I was heart-broken to see her eyes still puffy. She didn't stop and continued walking like our room was a room full of strangers, like it was a room that didn't matter to her.

     I felt something clogging my throat and my chest tightening. I can't breathe. I can't. 

     I ran outside again and was again being followed. I bumped into a lot of people but I couldn't stop and say sorry. I looked for the nearest empty room I could find and kneeled down with both my hands on the floor.

     What I threw up no longer felt like just flowers. They were sticky and had a metallic taste. I kept on throwing up, feeling like there were an endless number of flowers still in my system.

     "Blood. There's blood now, Wonyoung! YOU STILL DIDN'T TELL HER?", Nako unnie screamed while trying to calm me down by patting my back. She was obviously panicking again. I still kept on throwing up.

     After calming down and slightly recovering from the pain, Nako helped me get up.

     "GO TO HER, NOW! WONYOUNG TELL HER!", Nako unnie screamed loudly. I was afraid of her now, she looked like she was ready to punch me just so she could sent me to Yujin unnie.

     "But she doesn't like me back, alright? She doesn't!", I cried out. 

     "Why? Have you told her already? Do you wanna just die?", she said.

     "No but- " I was cut off when she suddenly pushed me outside the room.

     "Unless she says anything, we can't be sure. Now, come on. Let's look for her. Please.", she said while pulling me.

     "Where do you think she is right now?", she asked me. Only one place came up in my mind.

-----

     As we walked near the playground, I heard someone singing. I knew who it was. For me, she had the most beautiful voice that ever existed, I'd be crazy to not recognize her.

"I remember
The day we first met, it must've been particularly colder
Cuz I'm with you
Passing by the frozen Winter, the sprouts grow."

     I heard her sing. The words seemed familiar. I walked closer until I saw her. She was singing while seated on one of the swings. She seemed to really feel the lyrics of the songs, as she smiled while singing.

     The words she sang seemed familiar. No wonder it did, I saw her writing it on her notebook. She must've written the song.

     "Really like you, please hold my hand right
Please don't let go of this hand"

     My heart fluttered with every word she sang. It was beautiful. I smiled at the sight of her.

     But my smile immediately faded when I saw the girl sitting on the swing next to her. She was playing the guitar and was singing with her. 

     "So we can dream while holding onto our warm hands
I really like you, I really really like you"

     She sounded like she meant every word, but those words weren't for me. They looked at each other and smiled while they sang.

     I just stood there listening. But before they could even finish, it felt like knives moving in my chest. They were no longer as soft as petals, instead they were sharp. I ran to the school's old butterfly garden and fell onto the ground. I held onto Nako unnie, desparate to breathe for air. I held her hand tightly, trying so hard to breathe until finally the flowers escaped. 

     Or I hoped they were just flowers but they were worse. I looked at the flowers and a bunch of broken stems that escaped my mouth. My mouth was bleeding and I could feel more trying to escape. The problem with roses is they don't just have stems, they have thorns. I could feel thorns inside me as I struggled to breathe. After a while, when it stopped, I was finally able to breathe.

     Then I saw this small glass bottle with blue liquid being held in front of me.

     "Drink it. Last week, I asked for the doctor's help. Fortunately for you, they've figured out a way to remove Hanahaki without surgery. Quickly. Drink it please." She said as she kneeled in front of me, giving me the bottle and put my hand between both of hers so I'd securely hold it.

     I stared at it but hesitated. What I felt for her right now hurts but it was what made me happy for so many years without noticing it. I couldn't just let it go. I love her and I'm not sure I want to let it go. I know I'm being impractical but I don't want to let go, I really dont.

     "Could you stop being dumb, Wonyoung-ah? You could really die. Please just help yourself." She said, her words full of desperation and her hands holding me getting tighter. She looked at me with pleading eyes.

     I abruptly put my hand away.

     "Why do you care if I die or not? Just let me be, please!", I cried out and I turned my back on her. The pain is coming back again. I could feel the thorns scratching my insides. And then I heard her talk again.

    "Do you know what happened to my best friend, Wonyoung?" I looked back at her, afraid of what she might say next.

    "She died. Hiichan died, Wonyoung. AND THAT'S ALL BECAUSE OF ME!", she cried out as I saw her falling down on her knees crying. My eyes widened. I went near her and put my hand on her shoulder to try to at least comfort her. All this time I thought her best friend was still alive, thinking she had the surgery.