[CONTENTID1] Prologue Pt. 2 [/CONTENTID1]

[CONTENTID2]

September 23rd, 2017

♦

     The orange and red colors of dwindling leaves falling from trees symbolize Moonbi’s life at the moment. Except there wasn’t a moment of vibrancy in it whatsoever.

Life was anything compared to perfect. Sure, it isn’t bad or horrific, but neither rememberable nor good.

Just here to exist. Here, to play a role in this mismatched game of purpose and fulfillment. Her own life already planned the moment she had been born into this family.

So, it feels strange watching children play on the swings and monkey bars for that matter. Or, say, other teenagers huddled together discussing school life.

What’s it like not being preoccupied with photoshoots and commercial directors and bombarded with security ready to annihilate someone for glancing at her? Being the daughter of the prestigious Choi dynasty can be stressful.

No, not just any Choi for that matter, but the name that’s labeled on many fashion and jewelry companies. Founded by her great-grandparents, maintained by her parents and then siblings being the heir of future companies.

Where is she placed within the midst of this? Ah, that’s right, a posterchild. The mascot for a product.

The primary model for clothing and jewelry magazines. One would think this would be an endlessly blissful dream, right? Well, that’s very much incorrect.

It’s not a dream living and breathing fabrics, sizes, textiles, textures, makeup, jewelry, glitter and- oh, right, dieting. Don’t forget the frequent dieting. Too busy growing up in a world already destined upon you.

Everything feels… bleak. Lacking. Lackluster. Bluntly speaking? Dead inside. Exhausted. Absolutely ing tired. Nine to five. Complete the tasks assigned and return home.

Then study. Study more. Read. Write. Test. And do it all again tomorrow.

It used to be fun. It used to be exciting wearing nice clothes and jewelry and makeup. She felt like a princess every day before it eventually got old. It wasn’t fun anymore. It became less fun and more of a chore. But that was over ten years ago.

She gotten used to it.

When’s the last time she mused about anything else? Probably never since it does nothing to resolve the present. So, might as well shut up. And she remained shut for quite some time. Maybe years, even.

When’s the last time she actually felt anything?

Shut out. Shut in. Shut outside the hectic world of flashes and camera lights and materialistic things and into the intense depths of books, literature, English, history, and mathematics and science and physics and calligraphy and then… sleep.

Sleeping away the days of expectations and fading into nothingness. Sleep is indeed her favorite pastimes. She doesn’t have to dwell on anything when she’s focusing on nothing.

Moonbi’s life isn’t all that complicated. She doesn’t hold animosity towards anyone in particular. Why should she? It’s simply that, life. Life worth living? Perhaps questionable, but something to acknowledge.

Oddly enough, autumn season can sure explain emotions better than her own thoughts could. In a sense, it made everything around her freeze and absorb the beauty of it all.

Orange, purple, red and some flakes of white in the evening sky. She wanted to take a moment to simply stare and forget and just lose herself in her own thoughts. In her own world. But Moonbi didn’t have time to muse endlessly. At least, not in this one.

It’s strange, you know? To have so much and so little to think about. Majority of the time her mind is rather monotonous and dull. And then, there’s that small desire of wanting. But it never grows.

Oh, no, that cannot be possible. That tiny seed of want is immediately squashed by reality. And honestly, she’s not interested in arguments. They don’t benefit anyone, really.

“Moonbi.”

“Yes?”

“You’re back on in five.” The director said, shoving a cigarette back into his mouth and inhales sharply. Then, he huffed a cloud of smoke into the chilled air.

About an hour prior everyone took a lunch break while Moonbi busied herself with touchups of her makeup.

She went ahead and took a couple of selfies outside to promote her mother’s newest jewelry collection. Maybe… she doesn’t remember, one or two ruby stoned necklaces and studded earrings?

“Okay.”

She doesn’t take lunch breaks. Well, she does, but taking lunch breaks in referral to skipping lunches. There are sometimes she’ll bring snacks, although she would generally wait until dinnertime to eat. And that’s okay.

“Moonbi, you need to readjust your frame. It’s way too tilted for photos.”

“Okay.”

After a couple of dozens photo sessions, Moonbi is then instructed to play the role of a dazzled young woman receiving a gift from her lover.

Unfortunately, her brain just couldn’t grasp the lines as accurately and it’s causing some tension amongst the team. This is simply not acceptable.

Her response? Okay.

“CUT! Ugh, let’s redo this again. Sungwoo, wait until Moonbi approaches you first. You-!” The director pointed at Moonbi. “Should’ve at least waited five seconds and then approached. Understood?”

Moonbi nodded.

“Okay.”

Day in and day out. Six days a week.

“Okay.”

Okay.

Okay.

Days, weeks, months and years would go by and… slowly, it didn’t feel okay anymore. Nothing simply felt “okay”. Was she, herself, okay? Maybe. Maybe not.

It didn’t really matter. Nothing truly mattered.

That’s okay, though.

They should be wrapping up soon. Thankfully the sessions will end much earlier today.

She shouldn’t really complain. There’s many out there that would be envious of her position right now. Wearing the best clothes and finest jewelry to accommodate it all, and yet here she is trying to find more purpose behind… this…

Laughter. Awe. Wonder.

Yet she hasn’t felt any of those emotions in a long time.

“That’s a wrap!”

Everyone packed away their equipment while Moonbi quickly left the scene. She didn’t want to be bothered with anyone and needed to recuperate from the long hours of commercial shooting. Outside the exit stood her uncle, but honestly when thinking about it he’s more of a butler.

The air was quite snippy and chilled, although this month was teetering over into the fall season. Moonbi couldn't help but to snuggle deeper into her wool jacket to dispel some of the cold. 

“Been told session is ending early, so I came to pick you up.” Her uncle opened the passenger door and waited until Moonbi slide inside before closing it. A burst of warmth kisses her relatively cold face and the girl sighs in relief. Along with the convenient heater blasting inside the vehicle, the seats were also warmed to a decent temperature.

“Yeah, I know.” Her hands combed through her long tresses of silky brown hair a couple times. It’s been a growing habit of hers about a few months ago. Perhaps out of stress? Definitely.

Automatically her eyes moved towards the window and settled on the evening sky. How the purples and oranges and red colors blend into this one palatte of pastel aesthetics. This kept her mind from overloading with equations and the functions and trying to understand what potentially causes combustion.

Well, it’s really the numbers that integrates with financial aspects and she really needed to brush up on those business courses that her father gave her...

“Your teacher placed the homework assignments in the study room. When you have time look them over.”

“Okay.”

Her uncle pulled out of the studio's driveway and onto the main road. There were loud honking noises and a couple of shouts from strangers too, considering the fact everyone's getting off work around this time. "God damn it," her uncle cursed. "Your mother isn't paying me enough for this ." He then rolls down the driver's window before turning to the glove compartment.

A pack of Malboros. He pulls out a cancer stick and shoves it in his mouth and then holds a blue lighter to his lips.

Moonbi crinkled her nose.

"Don't you have better alternatives?" God, she couldn't stand the stench of those things. "You know those patches are trash." Cancer stick propped in the corner of his mouth, her uncle instantly inhales on the cigarette. "I tried kid, but with this leftover job it's pretty much needed." He replied lazily.

The strong scent of dirty ash lingers in the car and seeps into her nose.

They were leaving the busy highways of Seoul towards the outskirts of Guri. It wasn't too far from Seoul actually, about perhaps an hour or so driving to and from work. Though, sometimes this type of work can fluctuate on whim.

Often times she's usually stuck in Seoul modeling outfits upon outfits to pointless commercial shoots, and then shot off to Busan as her father's meeting replacement.

Then again, everything just depends on her parents' interest and whether they found some random business jackpot. Not that it's worth caring about anymore. Her attempts to get a life of her own has failed many times.

Home I go. Moonbi finds herself getting annoyed the more she dwells on it. She didn’t want to go home. She didn’t want to force herself to cram more information into her already dehydrated brain.

She didn’t need to hear nagging from that damned tutor, or her sister, or her brothers, or even her own mother for that matter.

If she could, she’d request to be sent somewhere else other than here, but that’s not optional