When I woke the next morning, I refused to open my eyes. I laid there for a second, listening to the sounds of car horns outside and feeling the warmth of sunlight filtering through the window rest on my face. I could feel the now dried trails of mascara infused tears that had fell from my eyes and imagined how I looked, presumably with makeup all over my face.

At least I had gotten some good sleep.

After a few minutes laying there, I sighed and threw the covers off of myself. That’s weird, I thought. I definitely didn’t get under the covers last night. Sleepily, I opened my suitcase and pulled out the only clean pair of sweats I had, accompanied by a red hoodie. I stepped out of the lacey dress and my undergarments, went into the bathroom, and took a steamy shower.

As the warm water began to fall over me, the events of the previous day came back to me. Saying goodbye to my sister in the airport, talking with Tao on the plane, all the lovely butterflies. Kris and his opinions, the hotel, the outfits. Tao asking me to be exclusively his, and promising to treat my like a princess. The concert. The performances. Worst of all, Arianna. After a night of hard rest, it all seemed much less significant; I hardly felt hurt recalling the words she had said. It was as if I had been numbed.

I turned the water off and dried myself off. Then I wrapped my towel around my body and brushed my teeth, looking at myself in the mirror. All of the makeup had come off in the shower, and my hair was wet and tangled from washing it. I looked exhausted, emotionless, and natural, but not ugly.

I spat and rinsed my mouth. If only everyone saw me like that.

Then I slid off my Vans and looked at the clock. It was 11 in the morning, and I prayed that the Plaza was still serving breakfast. I made to grab my phone, but then decided not to; better to avoid the hate. Instead, I snatched my card and took the elevator down to the second floor.

I walked into the dining hall yawning and saw Tao, Yixing, and Kris sitting at a table in the corner. They were all wearing sweats like me, and were staring into the distance as if still asleep. This reassured me; I wasn’t the only one who was tired. I walked over to them and sat between Tao and Kris.

The first thing Tao did was apologize to me. “I was too busy with fans… and then you were gone, and Luhan told me what happened. When I got back, I was too tired to do anything other than sleep. I’m so, so sorry.”

I sighed. I had definitely been insulted by his lack of support last night, but he had his reasons. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” Then a thought occurred to me. “But then who came into my room last night? I assumed it was you…”

Lay cleared his throat awkwardly. “Luhan. He said he wanted to check on you before he slept.”

A warm sensation spread through my body. Despite is fatigue, Luhan had checked on me and tucked me into bed last night?

Tao was frowning heavily as Yixing said this and I excused myself from the table to get some toast. When I returned, Luhan had pulled up a chair between my seat and Kris’s and was checking his phone quietly. When I sat, he put his phone on the table and smiled at me. He opened his mouth to say something, but Tao quickly cut him off.

“You did so good last night. I don’t know if I remembered to tell you, but I’m so glad you agreed to come with us.” He gave me a small smile, somewhat rare for him, and looking into his eyes I completely forgot about Luhan and Arianna. They captivated me. His hair, though messy from sleeping in gel, was perfect.

Lay nodded, scrolling through his phone. “You are a natural dancer, I’ll say that. Who…”

His face fell.

Something in his voice told us that something was wrong. “, you guys,” he said, suddenly quiet. It was the first time I had seen enthusiastic, optimistic Yixing so visibly upset.

“What is it?” Luhan said, sipping a cup of tea.

Lay swallowed. “Xiumin just texted me.”

Instantaneously, the other three boys felt different. Luhan choked slightly on his tea, Tao’s small smile left his face, and Kris’s fists curled up. They radiated pure anger and betrayal.

“He said…” Yixing sighed. First, he read the text in Korean, Xiumin’s language. Then, he translated it into Chinese for the guys and finally into English for me. “Hey Lay! EXO has gotten angry because of the songs you performed. Chen and I tried to calm them down, but they aren’t listening. They agreed to talk over WeChat if you have time, tonight at seven. We are on your side! EXO Chen and Xiumin.”

Tao stood up abruptly, clearly riled up. “!” he cursed, almost spitting. “You’ve got to be ing kidding me!”

Kris tucked on his sleeve gently. “Calm down, Tao. We’ll handle it.”

“No!” Tao exclaimed, pulling his arm away. I was shocked when I saw the tears b in his eyes. “I’m not letting SM take my spirit away again!” He kicked his chair onto the floor and stormed off. I made to follow him, but Kris stopped me.

“Give him time,” he said simply.

I sat back down. Kris knew Tao much better than I.

Lay wrote back to Xiumin to tell him that seven would work fine, and after a few more minutes of silence the three boys left to go shower. I finished my toast alone, unable to stop worrying about Tao, and went back to my room.

“Luna!” I heard someone call just before I shut the door. I poked my head out to see Luhan jogging down the hall. “Is it okay if I use your shower? Yixing is already in ours and I smell unpleasant.”

I nodded, stunned, and let him into my room before closing the door. Luhan went straight to the bathroom and I collapsed onto my bed once more, concerned about my boyfriend.

Already, I knew that Tao, Kris and Luhan had a rough past with EXO; I had figured that out on the plane when they had first introduced themselves to me. But Tao clearly seemed more affected by it than the other two. What did he mean, the Koreans had taken his spirit? And where had he stormed off to? Did he do stupid things when he was upset? Would he turn to alcohol, or worse, drugs? Would he hurt himself? He didn’t seem like that kind of a person, but he clearly couldn’t handle his emotions the best.

“He isn’t in his room, if that’s what you’re wondering,” Luhan said, exiting the bathroom. He had a towel wrapped around his waist, exposing his bare chest and his soft abs, and his longer hair was wet. I felt my jaw drop a little bit and quickly shut it again.

I swallowed and tried to act normal. “I figured. He seemed pretty upset.”

“Yeah. I’m pretty sure he isn’t in the hotel.”

I looked down at my Vans, my thoughts spinning.”What exactly happened? With EXO, I mean,” I asked cautiously, trying to avoid traumatic memories. Luhan sighed and sat next to me on the bed, as if he had known I would ask. Shivers ran down my spine.

“When Tao, Yixing, Kris and I were first chosen by SM Entertainment,” he began, “we were all ecstatic. We had all been training for a while, but it was incredibly rare for Chinese idols to be chosen for big Korean entertainment companies like that, let alone debut in a big group. When we debuted, I was 22. Kris was 21. Yixing was 20. Tao was only 19; one of the youngest in the group and the youngest Chinese by far. It was still a huge deal in China.

“There were twelve of us in total; Baekhyun, Chanyeol, DO, Suho, Kai, and Sehun made up the Korean group, EXO K. Suho was the leader. They were the ‘main’ group. Xiumin, Chen, Yixing, Kris, Tao, and I made up the Chinese group, EXO M. Kris was our leader. Even though Xiumin and Chen were Korean, we were the ‘other EXO’. All of our music was the same, but Chinese. Everything we did was secondary to EXO K; our music videos and songs were promoted less, etc. That was the first problem. We never had equal opportunities in the group.

“Then, there were the living conditions. There were twelve of us, young adult men, living in a small, single floor apartment. Training was all day, and sometimes through the night, so we were sleep deprived. Us Chinese were forced to speak Korean all the time, even when we were talking amongst ourselves. The only exception was when we called our families. We were only allowed to sing in Mandarin. We were being filmed almost all the time for YouTube Videos and fans, so we had close to no privacy whatsoever.Tao suffered from several injuries when he was dancing, but SM still forced him to continue performing and practicing, which made the problem worse.

“On top of all that, most of the Korean members treated us as inferiors. They made fun of our accents and the way we spoke Korean. It’s normal; Asian countries are naturally racist towards each other. But if we retorted in Korean, we would get laughed at more. If we rebuked in Mandarin, we would get punished. They mocked our language and culture, as if they thought Koreans were better. 

“Kris was the first to leave, because he was fed up and tired of seeing us being treated like . Tao should have been first with his injuries, but he was the youngest of us and the most thirsty for success and fame. He falsely believed this was the only way to achieve that. I followed Kris next, which was probably a bad choice; leaving the two younger ones to fend for themselves.

“Yixing had a harder time leaving. Once I left, he began to hang out more with the Koreans; Tao’s relationship with Yixing was rocky, and Yixing didn’t want to seem like a quitter. So, Tao was pretty much alone. That’s when he decided to leave.

Plus, I guess EXO realized Yixing was important. Without him, most of the Chinese fans would abandon ship. So they changed their ways, and SM gave him freedom to produce solos and albums as well. Tao is still haunted from it, though, and now that SM is trying to sabotage his independent career on top of it…” Luhan shook his head. “Bad look.”

“Wow,” I said simply.

Luhan laughed and nodded. “They’re angry because we sang EXO M’s old songs, but the law is technically on our side. The members own half of the copyright, and Xiumin and Chen have our backs.” Then he turned his head to face me. “All that aside though… Are you okay after last night?”

I sighed. “I guess so. es will be es.”

He took my cheeks in his hand and turned my head to face him. My breath left me when he said, “Nothing she said was true, for the record.”

Words failed me, so I simply nodded. He looked into my eyes for a few seconds longer than he had to, and then stood suddenly.

“Thank you for the shower. If you’d like to join us for the call tonight, I think Tao would greatly appreciate it.” And then, a towel around his waist and clothes on his arm, he left the room.