The next morning, I woke in a haze. The room was still dark except for the faintest glow of moonlight shining through the window, which was wide open. I was on the far edge of my bed, sandwiched against the wall and on my back. 

At first, I sat up. It was insanely hot and all I wanted to do was splash cold water on my face to wash away the tears and refresh my skin. However, I saw Luhan laying next to me on the bed, his back to me and his clothes from the previous day still on him. On the floor, Kris was lying asleep, his head on a folded towel and body covered with an extra blanket. He was also wearing the same hoodie and pants as he had been yesterday. 

I sighed silently and looked at the clock. It was 5 am. The sun would rise soon and they would wake up regardless, so I laid back down on my back and stared at the ceiling for thirty minutes.

Luckily, I didn’t have to go through the pain of remembering what had happened; it was already fresh in my head. I could recall every single word Tao had said, the anger in his eyes, and the fear I felt. I could hear the tone of Kris’s voice scolding Tao when he saw me running down the hall. I remembered how Luhan had put his hands over my ears and waited for Tao to finally leave before helping me into my pajamas and tucking me into bed. I vaguely remembered him letting Kris in, carrying another cup of steaming hot ramen, and me managing to eat it once my tears had finally dried up. I remembered them looking at me with concern and saying things that I hadn’t registered. After that, I must have fallen asleep.

It was nice, getting to watch the black night fade to a pleasant gray and gradually a vibrant orange. I felt Luhan stir slightly next to me, and instinctively shut my eyes and slowed my breathing to avoid human interaction. A small part of me also wanted to see what he would do.

He rose after another minute and sat on the edge of the bed, stretching his arms up to the ceiling. His hair was ruffled and messy, and his skin looked tanner than normal in the warm morning light. Then he laced up his shoes and quietly went over to shake Kris awake.

The two of them quietly spoke to each other in Chinese, low and fast enough that I couldn’t hear enough to decipher it. I continued to fake sleep and barely kept my eyes open despite my biting curiosity at what they were saying. At last, Kris rose and stretched his arms the same way Luhan had. He walked over to the small coffee machine and filled it with water.

“I’m going to go down to the hall and get her something to eat for when she wakes up. I highly doubt she’ll want to risk running into Tao,” Luhan whispered, in English this time. Kris nodded and he opened the door to exit the room.

Kris shut the door quietly behind Luhan and pulled a chair up next to my bed. , I thought. What if he realizes I’m awake? He sat down next to me and rested his chin on his hands, studying me carefully. Memories of the kiss came rushing back to me; how confident he had been, how secure, how stable. Those were three traits that Tao did not own. In fact, though Tao and Kris appeared to be similar physically - both tall, dark, and intimidating - they were worlds apart mentally. I was beginning to think that Luhan was in fact the most reserved, much more so than hard working Yixing, angry Tao, or protective Kris…

My thoughts were interrupted when Kris slowly reached out one of his arms and just barely laid a single finger on my cheek. I tried my hardest to show no sign of consciousness. It lingered there for a second before he trailed it down to my chin, paused, and then took it back thoughtfully.

Luckily, a knock on the door distracted him and gave me a good opportunity to “wake up”. Pretending to be startled, I sat up suddenly and he jumped up and gave me a brief nod before awkwardly walking to the door.

He cracked it to see who it was. It was Zhongrui, so Kris opened the door and let him in. “You have an event today at twelve in the afternoon, I hope you remember. Then we’re on the road and heading for Oklahoma City.”

Kris nodded. Then Zhongrui turned his eyes to me, furrowing his eyebrows and coming over to sit on the side of the bed. It was slightly awkward, his bulk and muscles weighing the bed down a little. “How are you feeling, hon? I heard you’re the new manager. I look forward to working with you.”

I sighed and nodded unenthusiastically. “Do I have to go to the event today?”

Zhongrui shook his head. “You can take the day off. I think you and Huang 第第 should wait a few hours before confronting each other again. By the way…” he sighed and rubbed his forehead. “I know it isn’t my place, but Tao is feeling very bad. Yixing spent the night with him, he drank five bottles of Heineken and passed out on the floor.”

Kris and I exchanged a glance over Zhongrui’s shoulder for half of a second and then I pursed my lips. “Do you expect me to care after what he said to me last night? If he wants to keep me as his, he’s gonna have to get himself in check and prove he can handle it.”

Zhongrui nodded and patted me on the shoulder before he stood to leave the room.

Then, Kris came over to me. “How did you sleep?” He asked, still standing.

I threw the covers off of myself and stood up, yawning. “Hard and good. You making coffee?” I asked innocently.

Kris knew better than to make any moves on me after what had happened the day before; he came up to me to give me a big hug, whispering something in Chinese in my ear that I didn’t understand, but that was all. Then, without another word, he went to the coffee machine to pour me a mugful of the brown liquid and watched me carefully as I walked over to the window to drink it. I lifted the cup to my lips and froze mid drink, remembering how Tao had hugged me from behind two short days ago. 

Kris came over and put his hand on my back. It was all the support I needed to finish the coffee. Then Luhan came back into the room with a plate of steaming eggs and toast for me to eat. The three of us sat on the floor.

“How are you feeling?” Luhan asked, cocking his head.

I took a bite of eggs. “I’ve been better.”

“Zhongrui told me you aren’t coming to the event today. I think that’s smart, you and Tao should wait to talk.”

I nodded. Kris and Luhan exchanged a glance.

“But… you are coming with us to Oklahoma City, right?” Kris asked underneath his breath. “We don’t want you to leave just because Tao is acting like an .”

I swallowed and groaned. “Can I go full American on you guys? Like, can I just talk fast and get it all out there? I feel like I haven’t spoken real English in days.”

They nodded eagerly.

“. doesn’t quite sum it up. He’s acting like a c*** biscuit, d*** , mothering stuck up celebrity just like every other one out. I thought he was different, right? He talked to me on the plane, he didn’t just zone out and ignore me, he was polite, good with words, romantic, all that . But nope. He couldn’t even keep it up. Two days is the shortest ‘relationship’ I’ve ever had, and it was with someone who’s 8 years older than me? He’s flat out immature, . I dated juniors for longer. Why should I stay with you guys? Because you’re famous? Rich? Good looking? Nice? I’ve literally known you for two days, I met you on a plane! This is all ridiculous, I hardly even know you!”

I sighed, exasperated. They were looking at me with blank expressions on their faces.

“Yeah. Of course I’m coming with you to OKC. I’m your manager, after all.” I stabbed a piece of egg a little harder than was necessary and chewed it with vigor. This brought small grins on their faces.

“We’re really glad. Speaking for everyone.” Luhan said this with complete sincerity, but I still couldn’t quite believe him. “We’ll probably be leaving around two or three, we’re gonna pick you up right after the event. It’s gonna be a late night.”

Kris smirked. “Good thing we have a limo. You get to control the music - we showed you ours, now you have to show us yours.”

This brought a genuine devilish smile on my face. I looked at Kris, and nodded slowly. “I can work with that. What is it, 10 hours? Hell yeah.”

I finished my breakfast and Luhan and Kris said goodbye before heading off to their rooms to get ready for the event. My mood had significantly improved after Kris had mentioned music, and I quickly began to compile a playlist of songs for the ride. It didn’t take long, and after about an hour I had a playlist that would last more or less five. To piss off Tao, I even added one of Kris’s songs on it.

Excited, I pulled out a small bluetooth speaker I had in the first pocket of my backpack and began to lip sync and dance to the rappers I had grown up to; of course, Eminem and G Eazy. YG. Offset, Quavo, Takeoff, and the Migos. Big Sean, Lil Yachty, KYLE. Eazy E. I remember hoping that the walls were soundproof and realizing that if they weren’t Tao could probably hear; but then I noticed I didn’t give a . What a jerk. Why should I care if he could hear real rap?

Countless songs later, there was a knock on my door and I quickly paused the music to check who it was. Unsurprisingly, it was Kris, all glammed up and ready to go to the event. He was wearing a completely red jogging suit, lots of silver jewelry, silver rimmed glasses, and white Yeezys. His hair was dark and au naturel.

I opened the door, suddenly self conscious that I was still in my pajamas, and pulled him inside my room so that I didn’t have to risk seeing Tao. “What’s up?” I asked, resuming the music quietly.

He smiled. “Real Muthaphuckkin G’s, Eazy E. I freaking love this song. Real gangster rap.”

Returning the smile, I nodded. “Best diss track of all time, change my mind.”

“No need,” he replied. “I agree. Eminem has nothing on the E.” then he dropped his smile. “We’re leaving for the event now, I just figured I’d say goodbye. If you need anything, my phone’s on. Call me.”

“Okay, I will,” I promised. “Have fun.”

He studied me with his dark eyes and took a step towards me; then he clearly thought better of it and moved back again. He waved goodbye and opened the door.

I made a snap decision and grabbed his hand, pulling him back inside. Then I stood on my toes and kissed his cheek quickly, before pushing him out and slamming the door, feeling my cheeks flush immediately afterwards.That was a stupid move. Very stupid move.

So, filled with excitement, confidence, and energy that I had no idea I could have a day after a fight, I slipped into shorts and a shirt and waited a few minutes to be sure that Tao had left so that I wouldn’t have to see him. Then I grabbed my wallet and went out after turning the speaker off. It was a perfect day for even more shopping - too hot to stay in the sunlight and to pretty to stay inside. Plus, now I had a summer job, presumably with good pay and including rent and food.

I bought way more than I was expecting to buy; I went in over 20 stores, spent a solid $300, and must have walked over ten miles - not including lunch. When I finally collapsed back into my room, each arm with three bags hanging on it and a boba tea in my hand, I was physically exhausted but mentally prepared for a long night. Shopping was nice like that; it cleared my mind, distracted me, and tired me out a little.

Slowly, I began to take my new clothes out of the bags and picked out some old ones to toss out now that my suitcase was uncomfortably full. I saved the best part for last - the brand new shoes I had bought. I had always been a sneakerhead, ever since freshman year, and now that I had money to spend I had gone all out; brand new Fila’s, with decorative trim in red. I pulled them out excitedly and unlaced my old, tired Vans, tossing them on the floor next to my suitcase and replacing them with the $100 dollar Fila’s. They hugged my feet perfectly, hitting every curve and turn. I sighed in relief and admired them for a second before placing them aside gently to pick out an outfit for the car ride.

New windbreaker, navy blue and red with a fan pattern. Blue jeans, ripped and fading slightly. Matched with my brand new Fila’s, my hair in a ponytail, my cross necklace, and some gold studs. It looked alright, and for once I felt like I might be able to live up to the boys; if they were all wearing decked out sweats like Kris had been, I might have a shot. I tried not to think about Tao or what he was wearing.

The clock read 1 o’clock, so I packed everything that I wasn’t going to need in the car into my suitcase and backpack before taking a quick shower and dressing up in the outfit I had chosen. When I looked into the mirror, I saw all the pudge I had put on during the trip and made a promise to myself to check out the gym at the next hotel.

Before I knew it, there was a knock on my door. I put my phone and earbuds in the pockets of my jacket, snatched my suitcase and backpack, and opened the door to Zhongrui.

“Let’s rock and roll,” he said, taking my suitcase and walking with me to the elevator.

“How was the event?” I asked conversationally. If I was the group’s manager, I might as well start acting like it.

He smiled at me. “It was good. A lot of fans, a lot of signatures and pictures. The usual. How was your morning to yourself?”

I returned the smile. “Shopping, lunch, packing, etc. It was good and relaxing.” Something changed in my eyes as memories of last night flashed in my eyes; how could anything seem relaxing? Zhongrui noticed right away.

“It’ll be fine. I promise. No matter what happens, it’ll work out.’

So simple, yet the most comforting thing he possibly could have said.

We walked through the sparkling golden lobby and I gave my key to the receptionist, thanking her. Then we went outside and Zhongrui packed my bags neatly in the truck before opening the door to the backseat for me.

To my relief, the limo’s seating arrangement had been rearranged. Tao was on the far end of the seat that faced back, the farthest he could be from me. Next to him was Luhan, and Yixing was in front of me. Mingsan sat across from Tao, and Kris was sandwiched between the two of us.

When I sat down, Tao turned his head to look at me, his eyes slightly red and his face pale and tired. We exchanged a look, but I kept my face as cold as I could until I looked away and he leaned his head against the window.

Kris was obviously trying to hide a huge smile when I looked at him. I could almost see the events from earlier playing out in his eyes. Smoothly, I pinched his shoulder (he flinched a little) and turned to Yixing and Luhan.

“How was the event?” 

Luhan smiled at me easily. “It went. Pretty tiring. I need a drink.”

Lay snorted. “Here’s to that. Zhongrui, do we have beers?”

“It’s too early to start drinking,” he called back from the front seat. We all laughed a little bit. He still ended up passing back five beers, though I had no idea where he got them.

“What about an aux cord?” Kris asked. “It’s Luna's turn to show us her music.”

“Bluetooth work?”

It did, so I connected my phone and hit shuffle play on the list I had made. The first song that came on was YBN Nahmir, Rubbin Off The Paint. We all popped open the Stella Artois bottles and the party began. 

The time passed way faster than I thought it was going to. After his first beer, Tao seemed a little less cautious and joined in on some of the fun, although Zhongrui refused to give us the second round of alcohol before we ate dinner. As the midwestern countryside passed by us outside, we figured out how to turn the limo’s flashing lights on. We played rounds of never have I ever. We danced (to the best of our ability, sitting down) to Soulja Boy and Cali Swag District. Yixing of course managed to outdance everybody despite having his seatbelt on. Kris, Tao and I rapped the whole “Real Slim Shady” without missing a single word, and I found out they were both Eminem junkies like me. It was the first time I had seen them with real smiles on their faces at the same time. 

It practically tore my heart in two. 

Our first bathroom break resulted in us buying fourteen packs of oreos and devouring them in the backseat. I rapped the whole Eazy E diss track, impressing all of them easily with my quick tongue - if there was one thing I was good at, it was English. Kris and Tao had their eyes glued on me the whole time, and you could almost see the hearts popping out of them. Luhan and I smiled at each other, and something in his eyes told me that he knew what was going on with Kris and I.

Before we stopped for dinner, the guys decided to take the few hours of empty Kansas landscape and watch a movie. It was in Chinese, so I decided to take a nap instead of participating in the fun. I fell asleep easily, but the dream I had was most disturbing.