TWO

She could smell the stale scent of alcohol in the room. It's bitter musky odor lingered in the air, clinging to her bedsheets. Lingering long enough for Jennie to feel the taste of it in , making her scrunch her nose in disgust. She hated alcohol, she could never stand the taste of it, yet… her she was -- lying on her bed, head throbbing in tune to her erratic heartbeat as she groaned.

…

The stillness was suffocating, it was times like these where the memories resurfaced. She didn’t need that right now, not when the hangover was already doing a pretty good job at messing up her morning. She shook her head, trying to ward off the incoming nausea and headache that wormed its way, banging open the doors to her otherwise languid brain. She tried opening her eyes slowly, allowing them to adjust to the light. Bit by bit she can see the room around her materialize. It looked pretty much the same as when she left it last night. Clothes strewn all over the place, a half eaten pizza neglected beside cans of soda piled on top of what used to be her study table, collecting mold for what? Three days now? A half empty bottle of vodka graced the foot of her bed, sunlight that escaped through the window slits made it glow against the stale, stuffy darkness of her room. She looked at it, just looked at it for a minute -- mesmerized by the different colors that bounced off of the glass, painting her white sheets with a pale rainbow.

The sudden shrill ringing from her phone made her groan in frustration.

“Sh*t…”

She fished for it beneath the blankets carelessly strewn around her.

Godd*mmit! It should be around here somewhere. She vaguely remembered throwing it on top of the bed the moment she came home last night… or did she?

“!” The ringing wouldn’t stop and it was getting on her nerves. She threw away the blankets in frustration, making it land on her bedroom floor in a heap. Her shrieking phone glowed, staring back at her. She rolled her eyes the moment she saw the caller id.

“Where are you?! You were supposed to be here thirty minutes ago!” Jennie had to keep the phone a foot away. It wasn’t on speaker mode but it sure felt like it.

“Christ! Jisoo! Would you stop screaming?”

“I would if you’d please drag your over here!? It started what? An hour and a half ago Jennie.”

“Im on it. Give me twenty minutes tops.” Jennie was already on her feet, going over the pile of clothes looking for anything that was wearable -- hell she’d take anything that was clean.

“Fine, and sorry I didn’t mean to go off at you like that -- I know you’re still not --”

“Look, it’s fine. I just had a rough morning that’s all… I’ll be there soon okay? Tell Rosé I’m sorry.” Jennie said through gritted teeth, pinching the bridge of her nose to get rid of the fresh wave of nausea

“Don’t worry, just get over here as soon as you can. K? And Jennie?”

“Hm?”

“Take care.”

The line went dead.

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Jennie stood in front of her bathroom mirror, dark brown eyes staring back at her. Her knuckles white as she gripped on the sink, trying to even out her breathing. She didn’t need this right now… The all too familiar feeling of drowning was back.

“Not now… not now..” she doubled over and vomited, emptying the contents of her stomach in one hurl. Unspilled tears clouding her vision as she dry heaved.

“C’mon Jen… “

Jennie fell on her knees, hands still clutching the edge of the sink, allowing the tears to finally flow.

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Jennie hastily picked out the best looking white shirt and a blue denim jacket inside her almost bare closet. She was already a couple minutes away from getting another phone call from either Jisoo and Rosé as she sprinted to the door.

She felt her phone vibrate. Great, right on time.

“Jisoo, Im sorry! I’m practically running okay, I’m almost there!”

Liar

“Chill Jen, it’s Rosé. You’re not up until just before lunch. Jisoo wanted me to let you know. She .. uh kind of went off to look for chicken sandwiches.”

“Great, tell her I’m on my way. Thank you!”

Jennie stopped in her tracks.

“Sh*t!”

“Hey!”

“Oh shoot… not you Rosé, you’re practically an angel. I just forgot something.”

Rosé’s laugh felt like a salve to Jennie’s haywire nerves. “Take your time Mandu, it’s only nine in the morning -- you have two hours.”

“I gotta go…”

Jennie cut off the call before Rosé could say anything in turn.

---------------------------------------------------

Jennie stared at the email, not knowing what to feel. Suddenly she remembered everything last night.

A lot of people said getting intoxicated was one way to get rid of unwanted feelings, a way to drown out the guilt that choked her. She nursed the bottle of vodka as she found herself in front of her laptop. She was getting dizzy and the changing wallpapers she had for her lockscreen made her giggle. She had little tolerance for anything that had alcohol in it and a quarter through the drink was already making her tipsy.

She opened a blank draft, trying to focus on the little blinking cursor on the screen

Her therapist advised keeping a journal. A journal… she laughed at the thought. Telling people didn’t help, why bother with writing it down? At the end of the day they were all words -- empty words that filled empty pages. Good enough to empty her overflowing heart from the guilt and the pain and the …

Sh*t! Why was she crying?

She looked out of the open window and took a deep breath, she used to love looking at the moon every night before sleeping. It helped with a lot of things.. Now, looking up at it she felt nothing but a hollow pit on her chest. A void …

To: [email protected].

CC:

BCC:

Subject:

Hello,

I don’t know if this is going to reach anyone -

Jennie stared at the email, she really wasn’t expecting anyone to reply. She mentally cursed herself, she should’ve thought of a more weirder email address. She typed a quick reply and hoped whoever this L was would get the hint and leave her be.

HEY :)

To: [email protected]

CC:

BCC:

SUBJECT: RE: HEY :)

I’m sorry… whoever you are… I was really not expecting anyone would reply… you can delete whatever it is I sent you and forget about what happened.

-J

Jennie pressed send and took her papers from the desk drawer as she took off. Failing to see a new email notification on her laptop.

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The company building was packed with people who aspired to be a part of it. Most of them spilled at the entrance, hovering, their trail of voices blended with the ding of elevators and constant shuffle of feet.

“Jen! Over here!.” Jisoo purple hair was visible a mile away, a smiling red head trailing after her.

“Hey…” she was crushed in a tight hug that made her hold her breath. “Rosé… I … can’t … breathe.”

“Sorry I just missed you.”

I missed you too

Jisoo gave her a playful punch on the shoulder. “You sure took your time getting here.” Jisoo was a year older and she looked after her like a big sister, no matter how hard she tried to act like she didn’t care.

“I got caught up with something.”

Another effortless lie.

Jisoo eyed her suspiciously. “Jennie, you know… you didn’t have to come back this early if you’re still not…” Rosé gave the shorter girl a discreet nudge.

“What Jisoo-unnie meant, is that we can tell the management you’d like to extend your leave.”

“I’m fine you guys, no need to worry. Why don’t we hurry back to the studio? I need to prepare.” Jennie pulled them over to the nearest elevator.

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HEY :)

[email protected]

01/27/2017 10:34AM

TO: [email protected]

I like how we’re keeping up with this anonymous facade with each other. I’ll continue being that mysterious L ;). Have you ever watched the anime though? Death note? I liked his character a lot. Never mind… Just know that my inbox is always open whenever you’re up to talking about whatever it is that’s bothering you. I won’t give you the usual “I know how it feels” crap -- promise :)

- L

Jennie looked around to see if Jisoo and Rosé were waiting on her. She’d just finished learning a new routine from one of YG’s distinguished instructors. She’d had this scheduled for months now, taking the opportunity while he was visiting Seoul from his European tour. It was a good thing Jisoo called her, it would’ve slipped her mind. She glanced back at her phone screen, re-reading the email.

Take a hint.

Jennie saw it was sent a couple of hours ago. She locked her phone and went off to look for her two friends. Jennie has a feeling she’d find them in the company pantry.

Vrrrrrt vrrrrt.

A new notification popped up on her phone

Notification:

You’ve got (1) mail.

[email protected]

Read now | Delete

She pressed on “Read now”, Jennie’s curiosity getting the better of her.

HEY :)

[email protected]

01/27/2017 3:56PM

TO: [email protected]

I hope you’re not ignoring me. If you are -- well, that s*cks cuz I’d really like to get to know you more. I’m just too cool to be marked as spam or blocked y’know? I’m still holding on to this thought that you’re busy and probably missed my reply.

Anyways, my curiosity’s killing me. I’ve always loved cats -- but that saying? pft , irks me, think about all the adorable cats in this world, they don’t deserve being associated with such a brutal metaphor :(. Going back … I just spent the entire day doing this interview and I just got accepted!!! Yey! How’s your day going so far?

Jennie was amused at how fast L’s thought jumped from one thought to another. Something about the email made her press reply.

To: LalalaM@nomail.com

CC:

BCC:

SUBJECT: RE: HEY :)

I’m not sure why you’re keeping up with this whole email thread. Sending you that email was a mistake and I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight at that time. You don’t have to do this.

-J

Jennie found Jisoo and Rosé sitting by the farthest table, already engrossed in a conversation with each other. Rosé’s plump cheeks were bobbing up and down as she munched on her caesar salad.

“What took you so long? You’re food’s gone cold.” Rosé had a pout on her face.

Jennie laughed, setting her bag on the floor. “I wasn’t expecting the routine to be that hard.”

“Well he is considered one of the best.” Jisoo said through a mouthful of food.

Jennie’s phone vibrated on the table, another email notification.

“What’s that?”

“Uh… it’s an email notification for a canceled subscription.” She quickly took her phone away, reading the email under the table.

HEY :)

[email protected]

01/27/2017 4:13PM

TO: [email protected]

:’((((((

It’s fine I understand if you don’t feel like talking about what happened today. Tell me about something else then?