Characters: Lee Chaerin, Seungri

He promised he’ll be here. He promised he won’t be late. And yet he’s nowhere to be seen. I sighed deeply as I peeked again at the stage’s curtain. The whole venue is packed and his empty seat stood out.  I bit my lip to stop myself from crying. I can’t cry now. Tonight is a big night for me. I’ve waited for this all my life.

I’ll be performing in a singing competition and tonight will be the grand finals. I’m against four more other kids my age, but I’m confident despite the intense pressure. My piece will be an original composition – lyrics and music was composed by Lee Seungri, the man I’ve been wanting to show up on the empty seat at the audience area.

With a heavy heart, I traced my steps back to the dressing rooms and bumped into one of the stage directors. “Ms. Lee, you’ll be the last to perform this night. Goodluck.” he said to me before heading down to the stage. I thanked him and entered my own dressing room. My family was there, always ready to support me. But what I needed more was Seungri’s.

I grabbed my phone and checked for messages from him, but there was none. My mother must have noticed my agitated expression and said, “He’s late again? What did you even see in him, Chaerin? Aigoo…” Mianhe, omma. But you can’t make me listen to that again. I drowned my mother’s voice with my thoughts.

My parents were never in favor of Seungri. They wanted me to have a relationship, but only to their friends’ sons. The respectable ones, they always told me that. They set me up in so many blind dates I already lost count. Not one of them made my heart flutter like Seungri did.

We met one rainy day. I just went to another blind date set up by my mother and it turned out to be a total bore. I was waiting for a cab when I notice a run on my silk stockings. How I hated to wear those but I have to. I reached down to feel the run when a car swooped by a huge puddle in front of me. It made a huge splash and I was drenched up to my underwear. I screamed at the driver of the car to stop. It did, but I wished that it didn’t. It was a police car.

It backed up and the police opened the door. “Get in,” he said. I hesitated. I have an unpleasant memory with the police. I rebelled with my parents’ domineering attitude and used to hang out in clubs with the fact I was under-aged. My mom used to bail me out almost every night. And that’s when she came up with her brilliant idea—to set me up with her friends’ sons.

He smiled as he saw me hesitate and said, “The least thing I could do is to let you change into dry clothes.” He opened the door wider and I got in. He gave me a jacket to wear when he noticed I was shivering from the cold. And as soon as I closed the door, he stepped down at the accelerator and off we went.

The car was going a little faster than normal, and for a moment back there, I was scared we’ll bump into another car. He reached out for his radio and said a few things. With the time I spent with the police, I knew that they were trying to pursue armed hold uppers in a neighborhood. I clung a little tighter to the jacket the young policeman gave me.

The car suddenly stopped to a halt and I was grateful he made me wear the seatbelt. Apparently, one of the hold uppers was near where we are. The young policeman turned to me and said, “Stay here. And don’t go out.” I nodded absent-mindedly and watched as he went out of the car. But being the total moron that I am, I went out of the car. I heard someone shout and I turned. On my right was one of the hold-uppers and he was pointing his gun at me. I was so scared I froze up, and the next thing I know was I was on the ground.

I heard another shot and a scream, and that’s when I opened my eyes. There was another body next to me. It was the young policeman. And he took the bullet for me.

The competition has already started. My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of screams coming from the fans. My sister came to my side and said, “Unnie, hasn’t he called yet?” I looked at her and shook my head.

“It’s his day-off, so I don’t know any reason for him not to be here.” I said. Tears were threatening to fall from eyes any moment. My sister let out a bright smile and said, “Maybe he’s already there, you know.” She stood up and went out to check. I sighed deeply as my mother started another long lecture about how Seungri is not the right man for me.

“See, he’s not even here! How could you say he’s a good boyfriend?”

Good? He’s not. Seungri’s way more than that. He saved my life. He was the one who took the bullet for me when that hold-upper shot his gun at me. I owe him for that. But it’s not the only thing I loved about him.

Seungri’s got a good heart. He won’t think twice before helping somebody in need. Even if he gets hurt in the process of saving those people.

“And that job of his…a policeman? Do you want to be an early widow? Scratch that, how can he support you with that meager salary of his?”

I hated it when my mom keeps saying that. Why does he keep on killing him every time she mentions Seungri? But actually, his job actually scares me. Every night during his shift, I pray that he comes back alive and well. I so want him to propose to me already, not out of selfishness, but because I want him to think back, think of me, before he goes to danger. Like I said, he’s got a good heart. But he always changes the topic if I mention that. Sometimes, it made me wonder if he’s scared of commitment.

I don’t want Seungri for his money.  And it’s not like Seungri made me pay for our dates. In fact, he was always gives me my favorite flowers,

Casablanca lilies, on a daily basis. It costs about 100,000 won a dozen. He did stop buying them though, almost a month ago. I did not ask for explanations. I’ll still love him, with or without flowers.

One of the assistants came in and said that I should get backstage. I slowly followed her and looked out for my sister who came out to find Seungri. At backstage, I saw my sister approach me. “Sorry, unnie. The seat’s still empty.” I nodded and told her to go back to the dressing room.

I sat on the piano after my name was called. The screams of support from my fans were heart-warming. I gave a glance to the audience and his empty seat stood out. I kept thinking he’ll come. I kept hoping.

My fingers start to hit the keys of the piano and with the words he composed, I started to sing…

I pray that your dream is someday granted, 
And I pray that I am allowed to always stay close to you

I have one flickering wish on a star

With these happy feelings, I fall asleep 
I want to meet you already.

I start crying remembering that before

When the only word on your breath was goodbye

Seungri gave me a kiss last night after he sent me home. It warmed my heart despite the winter cold. I just wanted to see his face, right there in the audience, cheering my name. This is his song. He should be here to hear it. As the chorus came, I made another glance. His seat is still empty.

Your love is so large 
Like the night sky, you give my security as you envelope me 
If tears were to come 
I could definitely be calm only if you were there

Where the hell are you, Seungri? I started to feel neglected. He was always late but not like this.

I always want to believe in this eternal throbbing 
My heart is too cowardice I'm sorry that I've yet again become anxious.

Therefore,

Gently steal my heart by coming and loving me 
Tonight I want to be in a dream 
Wow, the love that you've given me 
As I sleep I remember the feelings of that day
 

On a cold night under a blanket, 
Two become one
 

My voice hushed for the last chorus, just like he wanted me to do. Every feeling of love I feel for him was reflected by the way I sang.

Your love is so large 
Like the night sky, you give my security as you envelope me 
If tears were to come 
I could definitely be calm if only you were there

The audience broke on a loud and warm applause the moment I finished singing. I felt warm tears coming down to my cheeks. His seat remained empty. Seungri did not come.

My tears blinded me as I tried to make my way to my dressing room. And then I saw a guy in a police uniform and my sadness was washed away by the sight of him. He turned but it was not Seungri.

I recognized him though. He was one of the officers in Seungri’s precinct. His eyes scared me; they’re full of sorrow. And I started to worry.

I rushed outside with that police officer and got in his mobile. He explained earlier Seungri tried to help during a police operation on his way to the venue and Seungri got stabbed by a petty thief. “The thief has been caught,” he said.

“I don’t give a f**k about him!” I lashed out to him. “How’s Seungri?”

“He’s critical. He’s in the hospital right now.”

I ran in the hospital’s corridor the moment I got out of the car. I stopped at the emergency room which was filled by cops in uniform. All of them were sad, and I hated them. It was my boyfriend’s day off. They should be the ones inside the room, not him. Not him.

The doctor came out and he shook his head. I felt the world spin around me. No, it can’t be. You’re all lying. I wanted to say that out loud but sobs shook my body and I can’t speak. A police officer came to my side and gave Seungri’s belongings.

“I think these belong to you,” he said then they all left me to be alone.

I wiped my tears and focus my vision on whatever it is that Seungri left me. A dozen

Casablanca lilies and a small box. My hand shook as I reached for the box. It had a note and I bawled as I read it

My Darling Chaerin,

You must be feeling neglected that I stopped to give you flowers. But it’s because I was saving for something. The first step to our future. I hope you’ll accept it.

-Seungri

I slowly opened the box and wept. It was a diamond ring. He was going to propose. Fresh tears flooded my eyes and I cried harder than ever. A doctor asked me if I wanted to see him for the last time. I nodded and went beside the bed. I touched Seungri’s face lovingly, and I hugged his body. It was still warm. But his heart has already stopped beating.

From the room, I can hear the television and it was tuned to the program that has been covering my singing competition. I heard my name declared as the grand winner. I turned to Seungri and said, “I won, oppa.” And then I started to sing the last verse,

Your love is so large 
Like the night sky, you give my security as you envelope me 

I felt like I was choking, but I continued

If tears were to come 
I could definitely be calm if only you were there

I don’t feel like I won. I lost things more important than winning. Him and his

Casablanca lilies.