He rarely went to funerals. While he hoped they brought some solace to humans, they only served as reminders of the human condition to angels--yet another reason to focus on their duties, another reason to choose immortality.

On that day, though, he felt compelled to. He had just helped the woman's husband pass on, and even though he was older, she was crying as if he had never gotten to live at all. The sight deeply saddened the angel, but it also scared him. These two people got almost an entire mortal lifetime together, yet his passing was still causing her so much pain. They had experienced certainty in their relationship, but it seemed that there was still pain in that certainty. 

Perhaps Kyungsoo was right. Despite all of the possibilities to be hurt, humans still seemed to find value in having love and that couple was evidence of it. Maybe Kai didn't know humans as well as he thought he did; maybe no angel did in fact. 

So now, all he had to ask himself was if he was ready to deal with the inevitable pain that was a mortal existence. It wasn't like pain ceased to exist for angels; it did, but it was mostly pain from association--the ping of remorse that was felt when they had to take a soul away from the people who loved them, the indescribable weight on their chests when a soul passed before they got to truly live. But human pain was an entirely different concept, and one Kai wasn't sure if he was ready for. Every mortal he encountered lived with some kind of pain, but most of them walked along as if they didn't. That required a strength Kai didn't think he had in him. 

He came back after her cries became too much for him to bear. 

His heart rate had picked up in pace. He felt overwhelmed, his mind flooded with so many possibilities and the decisions that would make them real. He needed to rest. He needed Kyungsoo. 

On his way back to his dwelling, Kai happened to spot Jonghyun. It was an odd sight for him; in his entire existence thus far, he didn't recall ever seeing an Angel of Passing not at the welcoming gates. The Angel of Death decided to change his course for a moment. Jonghyun's eyes opened before Kai had even finished walking up to him, and he offered him a smile. 

"I never thought I would see the day where an Angel of Passing wasn't on their feet," Kai joked as he came to a stop in front of the other angel. 

Jonghyun laughed. "A new angel was recently created and assigned to our class. My presence is not needed while they are in training," he explained, to which Kai nodded his head. "What about you? Finally have a moment to rest?"

"Never," Kai said in reply, scoffing under his breath. Jonghyun didn't say anything for a few moments but offered him a spot next to him when he did. Kai accepted and moved to sit next to him, bringing his legs up to his chest. 

"You seem troubled. Is something on your mind?" Jonghyun said, and Kai didn't even know how to begin searching for the proper answer to that. There was so much on his mind that he didn't know if he could even talk about it anymore. 

"I know you don't visit Earth often, but if you fell in love, would you think it was worth giving up your immortality for?" It was by no means a simple question, but it was the only way for Kai to sum up all of his worries. 

The elder angel exhaled and raised his eyebrows, his pupils moving around in thought for a minute. "I admittedly have not seen mortal love up close very often, but from what little I have seen, it seems like a powerful thing to feel," he started. "It also seems very complex. I would doubt that even humans fully understand it themselves despite how much they seem to value it." He paused to look at the Angel of Death again, smiling faintly at him. "I can see how it has impacted you in such a beautifully terrifying way. There is nothing wrong with questioning what you want because you fell in love."

"I want to choose him, but I stop myself every time," Kai replied after having looked away, pointing his eyes downward. He let out a shaky breath. "I'm so afraid it won't last and I'll have given up everything I've ever known for it...just to be left with nothing."

"Perhaps that is the point of love, to take risks," Jonghyun said, to which Kai focused back on him. "As angels, we are privileged enough to live with certainty, never questioning what we should be doing or what our purpose is. For humans, they have to figure that out on their own, which requires taking risks and failing and being hurt. Yet, that is what I find so beautiful about mortality. You never know when it will end, so you just do your best to be as happy as possible." His smile was a bit wider now as his eyes flickered over to Kai's face. "I have met many souls who were forced to leave the ones they loved behind, but none of them ever regretted taking the risk of love. From what I hear, just as it is a privilege for us to know our purpose, it is a privilege for them to love and be loved." 

As he began to take the words in, Kai looked away and let his mind wander to thoughts of Kyungsoo. Having him in his life was a privilege, one Kai cherished even more than a good moment's worth of rest. He wondered when he had lost sight of that. 

"Not that I would not miss greeting you at the gates, but I do want you to find your happiness, Kai," Jonghyun added after a bit of silence, his usual comforting smile on his face. "Whether it is here or down there, you deserve to have it."

Kai smiled at him, nodding faintly once. "You always seem to know what to say to make everything appear so simple," he commented as he let out a small chuckle.

"It can be simple...if you want it to be." Kai stared at him for a long moment. 

He did. 

********

Kyungsoo wondered if he'd been too harsh. He didn't recall using a tone of voice that would have told Kai to never come back, but then again, he never really paid a lot of attention to what he sounded like when he spoke. 

But it was the seventh day and Kai hadn't even shown up at the coffee shop all week. Maybe coming across as willing to move on gave him the wrong idea, told him that he didn't really love him if he was so easily willing to let him go. He wished he could go to wherever he was and take it all back, beg him to choose their relationship even if it meant he was being selfish.

He honestly thought he could handle living without him. He thought that if he knew Kai had chosen what he really wanted, he'd be happy for him and be able to move on. But even the idea that he'd never see him again made his chest squeeze tightly in pain. He overestimated his own strength and how much he had come to love Kai.

He worked four hours of overtime, so by the time he began walking home, it was close to midnight. Luckily, he had off the next day to recover and sleep in--though as he walked, he could only hope he wouldn't be sleeping alone. 

He missed him and it was all he could think about. Everything around him felt grey and dead, and his body and heart alike ached with longing. He wasn't fully aware of how slow his walking pace was until he approached the corner of his apartment building, where they almost came to a complete stop. All he could picture was Kai standing there, patiently waiting and ready to greet him with a warm smile and open arms. 

But a part of him told him to prepare for the possibility of him not being there. It would only hurt more if he got his hopes up only to let himself down in the end. The tricky part about that was the fact that he didn't want to let go of their happy ending; no matter how logical he tried to be, the feeling of yearning lingered throughout him and refused to leave. 

With a deep yet shaky breath, Kyungsoo glanced down at his phone. The time was 11: 59, but he didn't know how long it had been like that. He just had to do it. If he intended to stay true to his own words, he had to take the risk of having his heart broken over love. So, he closed his eyes for a moment and took another moment to just breathe before he walked around the corner. 

When he felt his eyes tear up immediately, he realized he hadn't prepared enough. No one was there. Kyungsoo dropped his head as he sniffled, quickly using his free hand to wipe his wet eyes. He stood there for a minute or so before beginning to walk toward his front door; it would have made him feel even more pathetic if someone had walked past and seen him crying. 

He did his best to keep it all in as he fiddled with his keys, but the more he did that, the harder it was to focus. His vision became so blurry with tears that he ended up dropping his keys altogether, at which point he forced his eyes shut to give himself a moment. If he was already feeling like this, he was sure trying to move on would be even worse than he could have ever imagined. Nothing he could have done would have prepared him for this. 

After another heavy exhale, he bent down to pick up his keys, only to find that they had vanished. He furrowed his eyebrows, feeling a wave of confusion and slight panic come over him. He set his stuff down by the door and began to look around for them, grumbling profanities under his breath the more he couldn't find them. 

"Looking for these?" 

Kyungsoo could have sworn he was going insane from the loneliness because that voice sure sounded a lot like Kai's. Slowly, he stood up and spun around. His heart came to a screeching halt when he saw the angel standing there, his keys in his hands. He was smiling a little, but it began to fade the longer Kyungsoo just stood there and stared at him through misty eyes. Kai opened his mouth to speak several times, but nothing came out, his shoulders sinking down as he sighed. He looked unsure and apologetic, sensitive and fragile--as if he'd break with even the gentlest touch. 

Eventually, Kyungsoo mustered up the courage to walk toward him. Fallen tears tickled his cheeks as he got closer, but Kai never stopped looking at him. He stopped a couple of inches away from him, and then said in a whispering voice, "You're really here?"

Again, Kai tried to speak back, but he found himself unable to say anything as he became choked up. He swallowed the lump lodged in his throat. "I-I'm sorry I kept you waiting, but I--" He cut himself off for a few moments, which worried Kyungsoo. Was he going to tell him he just came back to say goodbye? After moving them around, Kai settled his eyes on Kyungsoo's face, which was barely lit by the street lamp they were standing near. "I hope you'll give me a lot of time to make it up to you because I...I can't go back now."

Kyungsoo caught his breath, inhaling it sharply as he took Kai's words in. "Y-You mean you--"

"I gave it up. I'm mortal now." He spoke in a breathy, cracking voice, a few bittersweet tears now coming out of his eyes. Kyungsoo's first instinct was to smile in relief, but he knew that would be insensitive. The decision Kai made wasn't an easy one, so it was one he told himself he should never take for granted. Kyungsoo caressed his face with one of his hands, and Kai leaned into his touch immediately, wrapping his hand around his wrist and turning his head slightly so he could kiss the palm of Kyungsoo's hand. 

"I love you," Kyungsoo said after Kai's eyes had moved back to his. To any bystander, those words wouldn't seem like nearly enough. But for Kyungsoo, they encompassed everything he wanted to say: I want you, thank you, I'm sorry. And when Kai smiled at him and relaxed against his hand, Kyungsoo thought he understood. 

They didn't waste another second before they started to stumble into the apartment. Kyungsoo didn't bother putting his stuff away when they got in the door, instead leaving it some place on the floor he was sure he'd forget later. As they made their way back to the bedroom, they kissed as if they'd never be able to again and held onto each other as one of them would disappear at any second. They found their way to the bed and Kyungsoo laid down first, gently pulling Kai over top of him. 

Their clothes soon began to come off, landing in random places throughout the room. Kyungsoo hummed in content as Kai's lips moved from his mouth to his face and then down to his next, and he allowed his hands to roam along the soft skin of his back. But they came to an immediate stop when he felt two medium-sized, vertical bumps on the otherwise smooth surface. Kai must have felt him touch there because he hissed and shivered at the moment of contact, burying his head into the crook of Kyungsoo's neck. 

"My wings. That's where they used to be," he said lowly into Kyungsoo's skin. His voice was muffled, so it was difficult to make out his tone, but based on his reaction when he touched there earlier, Kyungsoo guessed it was a fragile subject. 

"Did it hurt?" he asked in a gentle voice, leaving his fingers inches away from the marks but not touching them. 

"Not so much physically as it did emotionally," Kai answered, his voice becoming much clearer as he lifted his head up a little. 

Kyungsoo felt tears enter his eyes again as he tried to swallow down his sense of guilt. "I'm sorry," he whispered in a cracking voice. Kai immediately pulled back enough to look at him, caressing his face with his hand. 

"Please don't say such things when you did nothing wrong," he said with a very faint shake of his head. 

"But you chose me over...everything you've ever known. I'm the reason they took your wings."

"You're right, I chose you. I chose you because I love you and because it hurts to be without you, more than the pain of losing my wings." More guilty tears entered Kyungsoo's eyes, but Kai wiped them away before they could fall. He leaned down and kissed each of his eyes gently before pulling back and smiling at him. "I don't regret the choice I made. It took me a long time, but I realized that being with you for any amount of time is worth anything I have to give up. I'd give up my entire existence for you, Kyungsoo."

Kyungsoo smiled faintly and leaned up to kiss the corner of Kai's smile. "I'd do the same for you," he said back, his words making the smile widen. Kai leaned down and connected their lips again, which prompted Kyungsoo to wrap his arms around Kai--and he had no intention of letting go. 

********

Kai adjusted mortal life quicker than he thought he would. That was mostly due to Kyungsoo, who taught him the things he didn't know and corrected some of the things he thought he knew. One of those things was just how complicated the human condition was. There were many more challenges than he anticipated. There were times when people were rude, when traffic was bad,  times when he just wasn't feeling well. Then there were the time when he and Kyungsoo didn't agree and argued. They always made up and apologized afterward, but Kai didn't think he'd ever shake the fear that filled him when they fought. But times like that made him feel so privileged to love someone like Kyungsoo, someone whose love made him feel safe and reassured.

After he took some time to experience proper rest--which was now a necessity rather than a luxury--Kyungsoo also helped Kai get his first job at the same coffee shop he worked at. But it was clear for Kyungsoo to see that he wasn't fully happy. He needed something different, something that would bring a genuine smile to his face, make him feel even a fraction of the fulfillment he used to have. It took several discussions and internet searches, but eventually, they found something they both thought would be the perfect fit. 

Then before they knew it, a year and a half had passed. Perhaps not as blissfully as Kai would have preferred but beautifully nonetheless. 

He felt his phone vibrate from inside of his pocket, but his arms were full at the moment, so he chose to ignore it. When he got to room 148, he knocked gently with a backwards fist before opening the door. 

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Yang," Kai said, putting on his usual bright smile as he stepped inside.

"There you are," the old woman said as a happy smile took over her face. "I was wondering where you were this morning."

"I had to switch shifts with someone, so I came in later than usual," he explained as he parked the small cart carrying her lunch and medication in front of her bed. "Sehun didn't treat you too horribly, did he?"

She batted her hand and shook her head. "Oh no, he was fine. He just wasn't you."

Kai smiled at that. "Good to know I'm still your favorite nurse," he replied, earning a gentle laugh from her. Before he gave out her medication, he helped her adjust in bed so she was sitting up. Then, after he was sure she had swallowed both pills, he began to set her lunch up on her tray. 

"Have I told you what an angel you are?" she asked him as he finished opening up all of her food. He looked at her and a warm smile appeared on his face. 

"I believe you might have once or twice," he answered, to which she laughed again. He showed her one more smile before saying goodbye and leaving the room. Before he started down the hall again, he stopped to check his phone.

My Angel
Forget something?
Sent: 12:41 p.m.

Attached was a picture of his lunch bag, and Kai muttered a short "" under his breath before he shoving his phone back in his pocket and heading down the hall. He left the cart at the nurse's station and headed to the front entrance doors, seeing Kyungsoo sitting outside in the parking lot. He smiled and jogged over to the car, tapping on the window once he was close enough. 

"Thank you," he said with an embarrassed smile. "I promise I'll remember to bring this one day."

"It's been three months, babe. I highly doubt that's true," Kyungsoo replied, which made Kai laugh. "Having a good day so far?"

"Yeah, I haven't been fired yet, so I think it's going well."

Kyungsoo chuckled. "Unless you really mess up, I don't think they'd ever fire you. If you hadn't been an angel first, I would say you were meant to be a nurse."

Kai smiled, leaning forward and puckering his lips for a kiss that Kyungsoo gladly gave him. "I love you," he said after they parted. 

"I love you more," Kyungsoo replied. "I'll let you get back now. I'll come pick you up later."

Kai hummed. "I'll be here." The two shared one more kiss before Kai stepped back onto the sidewalk and headed back toward the entrance. As Kyungsoo watched him, he smiled to himself and thought back to the day he first saw him outside of the coffee shop. 

It was raining that day, so they weren't very busy besides the usual customers and the occasional people that would come in to get out of the rain and maybe buy a hot chocolate. Kyungsoo was cleaning up from making a previous order when he happened to look up and see someone standing outside of the shop. He looked like any other person he saw on a daily basis, but what made him stand out was the fact that he was staring straight up at the sky with his eyes closed, as if he was actually enjoying the rain. Kyungsoo had stopped to stare at him for a long time and for some reason, seeing him standing there so still as the rain landed on his face brought him a sense of peace. Even then he had looked like an angel. 

And as Kai turned around to send him one more wave, Kyungsoo thought he still did. 

A/N

Another story in the books! I actually so much fun writing this one, and I hope you guys enjoyed reading it!!

I'll be starting to finish up The Origin next and work on some more one shot requests as well. So look for updates to those books! Thanks for the support xoxoxo