A few days later, Jinyoung was finishing up unpacking his DVD collection when his mother called up the stairs for him. “Jinyoung! You’ve got some friends at the door for you!”

Jinyoung’s brow furrowed. If she had said ‘friend,’ he would have assumed it was Mark even though Jinyoung wasn’t really sure how much of friends they really were now. But 'friends'? Jinyoung was 100% sure he didn’t have friends in the plural.

Still, he went down the stairs to check it out. Mark was standing outside his front door with two other guys. One was incredibly small with one of the most adorable, babyish faces Jinyoung had ever seen, and the other was athletic looking and dressed in baggy shorts and a snapback. He looked intimidating at first, up until he smiled and seemed to instantly transform into an eager puppy.

“Hey, these were the friends I told you about,” Mark said. “Want to hang out with us for a bit?”

“…sure…” Jinyoung said, feeling a little cautious. He was still skittish of the idea of getting close to Mark, not because he mistrusted him, but because he was scared of letting evidence of his crush slip out. “Where?”

“There’s a park on the other side of the neighborhood. Let’s go there.”

Jinyoung hesitated for a moment, then stepped out. It would be more trouble than it was worth to go through the motions of having to push Mark away when he lived right next door, and besides, wasn’t it a good thing that Mark at least didn’t look so glum and temperamental anymore?

“All right, another partner in crime for the last few days of summer!” the guy in the snapback said. “I’m Jackson. Nice meeting you.”

“I’m Jinyoung. Nice meeting you, too.”

“And I’m BamBam,” the cute one said. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to be this short forever. My growth spurt is just late.”

Jinyoung hadn’t been worried about that in the slightest, but smiled at BamBam encouragingly nonetheless.

The four of them walked down the street towards the park, which was about as basic as it could get. There were three swings and a bright yellow slide and nothing much else, but Jinyoung supposed it was better than nothing. Jackson climbed up onto the slide, and Mark and BamBam plopped down onto the swings. Jinyoung sat down next to them, digging his heels into the dirt.

“So, doomsday is almost upon us,” Jackson said.

“Don’t remind me,” BamBam groaned. “I’m not mentally prepared.”

Jinyoung guessed they were talking about the coming start to school. He was gratified they were skipping over playing 20 questions with him and launching right into conversing naturally. It had been so long since someone close to his age had shown an interest in him that he really didn’t know how to talk about himself to anyone but adults anymore.

“I had to pick up my class schedule the other day,” Jackson said. “What if I end up in classes with Nina, guys? Should I be all pathetic to make her feel guilty, or should I pretend like she doesn’t exist?”

“Nina’s his ex-girlfriend,” Mark explained for Jinyoung’s benefit. “She dumped him for someone else at band camp.”

“Aaaah, Nina!” Jackson groaned, tilting his head skywards. “How soon you betrayed me for the siren song of the trombone!”

“Get a hotter girlfriend,” BamBam advised. “Success is the best form of revenge.”

“I wouldn’t rush into anything,” Mark said. “She’ll know you’re rebounding and trying to make her jealous, which will just make her feel smug instead of guilty.”

“Maybe I’ll just become a priest,” Jackson said tragically. “I’m just not cut out for love and the cruelties of women!” He looked at Jinyoung, clutching his chest. “Ever been dumped before?”

“No,” Jinyoung said simply. In fact, he hoped the subject of dating would drop sooner rather than later.

“Then I’m the only one of us who has felt the sting of heartache. Beware it, my men. It is a pain beyond all pains.”

I know that without ever having been dumped before, Jinyoung thought, glancing at Mark. Try knowing that you have 0 chance with the person you like because you already know they don’t play for the same team you do, Jackson.

Mark was also wearing a dark expression at this comment about heartache, which he’d also surely experienced even if he’d never endured a breakup. Maybe Jackson didn’t know about Anisa, but it seemed odd that Mark wouldn’t tell him considering that he’d said he’d been friends with Jackson forever, and it wasn’t as if Jackson was wrapped up in the school drama aspect of it anyways.

“You two go to school together, right?” BamBam asked Mark and Jinyoung, ignoring Jackson’s continued theatrics up on the slide. “That’s good—you’ll have someone to hang out with after all, Mark.”

“Don’t make me sound desperate, BamBam,” Mark said mildly. “I wasn’t begging for friends. Jinyoung and I actually used to hang out, but we kind of lost track of each other. We go to a really big school, so that happens sometimes.”

“I wish the people I used to hang out with still wanted to hang out with me,” BamBam said miserably. “But no one wants to hang out with a loser who gets thrown in the trash.”

“So why not stop getting thrown in the trash?” Mark asked. “I took some martial arts classes, I could show you some self-defense stuff.”

“Won’t I just get a detention for fighting?”

“Maybe, but at least it will make people think twice about bothering you.” Mark rose from his swing. “Come on, let’s try.”

Mark and BamBam went over to the green space behind the swings. BamBam got into a defensive stance, but Mark immediately swooped in, hoisted him up into his arms, and dunked him into the park trash can. BamBam crawled out again, sputtering in anger, and this time Mark walked him through how to block his approach and keep him from being able to put his hands on him.

Jackson slid down the slide as the other two worked on their moves and plopped down next to Jinyoung. “Hey,” he said, looking suddenly serious compared to how he had when suffering from the agonies of Nina. “I probably shouldn’t say this because it makes Mark sound a little pathetic, but I’m glad he’s got you around as a friend now. I was getting kind of worried about him.”

“Really?” Jinyoung asked.

“Yeah, he’s been acting pretty weird for a while. He’s never been a huge talker, but he used to be really energetic and stuff, so it was weird for him to be all mopey like that. And the fact that he went from having so many friends to none at all? It’s suspicious, yeah? Something must have happened.”

Jinyoung bit his lip. So Mark hadn’t mentioned anything to Jackson about what had happened after all. Why? Jackson may have been a bit overdramatic about his situation with his ex-girlfriend, but surely he could have provided a sympathetic shoulder for Mark over Anisa. The whole situation struck Jinyoung as odd. Why was Mark being so secretive about what was such a natural part of being a teenager—falling in love and getting heartbroken over it?

“I hope you’ll look out for him,” Jackson said sincerely. “I’ve always wanted to, but we’ve never gone to the same school together, and I never really met any of his other friends…or ex-friends, I guess they are now.”

“They were ,” Jinyoung said, a bit savagely. Thinking about Ian always put Jinyoung in an instant bad mood.

“Yeah, I kind of got that feeling. Mark’s too nice for his own good sometimes. He gets taken advantage of a lot.”

If only Jackson knew the extent of it. Jinyoung did, and it still boiled his blood to think about it. Being in unrequited love was hard, but not nearly as hard as having to watch the person he adored so much being used on a regular basis without even realizing it.

“It might sound cold to say,” Jinyoung said finally, “but he’ll be better off in the long term without those kind of people around him.”

“Yeah,” Jackson agreed. “But I don’t think that’s what Mark’s so upset about. I don’t think he cares that much about not being friends with them anymore. Something else is bothering him.”

“Any ideas?”

“Nope. I just hope he’ll tell us about it soon, when he’s ready. And if not us, then I hope he’ll tell you.” Jackson grinned. “No pressure or anything! I’m not putting you on a friendship assignment or whatever. Just do whatever you feel like. The last thing Mark needs is any of us poking around his business before he’s ready to talk about it on his own, anyways.”

Jinyoung nodded.

“By the way, if you’re ever going through something similar, you can always talk to us, too!” Jackson said, flashing a thumbs up. “I’m just a year older, but I gots experience, man! I know the wicked ways of the world, so whether it's girl troubles or dealing with s, I know a thing or two.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Jinyoung said. Girl trouble was the last thing he had to worry about, but the s issue remained to be seen. Things were always in a weird state of flux after summer break was over, and you never knew for sure if people were still holding on to old baggage or if they’d managed to grow up and move on after being pulled away from the drama for a few months.

A few moments later, Mark and BamBam trotted back over. Mark was sporting some scratches on his arms, and BamBam had bits of debris clinging to his hair, but both of them looked lively again, laughing and fussing at each other as if they’d been doing it for their whole life—which they probably had. Jinyoung leaned forward, cupping his chin in his hand and watching them. It was interesting to see this side of Mark, the one he’d never gotten to see at school back when Mark had been just another lackey in a clique. Jinyoung knew the last thing he needed was to start liking Mark even just a smidgen more, but felt it happening all the same.

“I’d like to see someone try to throw me in the trash now!” BamBam boasted, puffing his chest out.

“Oh, would you like to see it?” Jackson asked, getting to his feet and cracking his knuckles. “I can give you a demonstration.”

“Nuh-uh. I’ll fight you!”

“Then come at me, bro! I can take it.”

The two boys went chasing after each other, and Mark took the seat Jackson had just vacated. “It really is coming up soon, huh?” Mark said lightly. “School.”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung said, shifting in his seat. “Mark, you really don’t…” He trailed off, wondering how to phrase it. He had a pretty good idea what would happen if Mark started hanging out with him at school, and it wasn’t pleasant. And he didn’t want to seem selfish, but the worst of it would fall on him rather than Mark, just like it had before, after the incident in 5^th grade when Ian had butted in. For his own self-preservation—and it really was self-preservation, given the damage Ian could do to him if he wanted—it would be better to keep Mark at arm’s length.

But still, he couldn’t shake what Jackson said to him out of his mind. Mark was going through something, something apparently bigger than what Jinyoung saw on the surface, and he needed people in his life that he could feel comfortable talking to, people who could help him. How could Jinyoung claim to love him if he refused to do it? In truth, what he really wanted was to spend every second of his days with Mark, and to become the kind of person Mark trusted with anything. He wanted there to be more days like the one at Joyland where they could both relax and have fun and just be together without worrying so much about all the difficulties, both externally and internally. He wanted to be brave enough to make that happen, even though he knew he would risk getting hurt again. But was he really that brave? Was he really that selfless?

“I’m not about to force myself to do anything, Jinyoung,” Mark said after Jinyoung neglected to finish his own sentence.

“Didn’t you want to be alone and deal with your own ?”

“I did.”

“That probably wasn’t a bad plan.”

“It probably wasn’t,” Mark agreed.

“Then why change it?”

“Maybe because things just a little bit less when I wasn’t as alone anymore. I dunno.” He looked at Jinyoung solemnly. “Or maybe because I want you not to be alone more than I want to be alone.”

“You don’t have to-” Jinyoung started to say, his heart thudding.

“I know.”

They both fell silent, the only sounds coming from Jackson and BamBam shrieking in the background. Jinyoung felt so flushed that it might burn his fingers if he touched his own cheek. It felt like this was the conversation he’d always wanted to have with Mark, back when his crush had first blossomed, but at the same time he worried he was tricking himself into looking too much into it. Mark really was too nice for his own good, after all. And Jinyoung didn’t want to be the kind of person who looked for ways to take advantage of that.

“Like I keep saying, we would have probably still been friends anyways if Ian hadn’t…done whatever,” Mark said, rising to his feet. “It’s not such a big thing, so stop making it one, all right? Sheesh, and you said I was too pessimistic. You should worry about yourself before worrying about me.”

Jinyoung grinned. Mark was trying to be brusque, but Jinyoung could feel his kindness even in that. Maybe it would be enough to just accept that kindness for what it was without beating himself up over what it wasn’t. He didn’t need to have everything he wanted in life—he probably didn’t even deserve it, the way he was now. As long as he didn’t have to face the world alone anymore, perhaps he could be happy with just that.

Mark groaned when his alarm clock woke him up at 6:30 in the morning, then groaned again when he remembered why he’d set it in the first place. The day he’d been dreading, the first day of school after summer vacation, was finally upon him.

He dragged himself out of bed and into the bathroom where his school uniform was folded neatly on the counter. He didn’t want to have to put it on and confront the fact that he was really going back, but knew he couldn’t just stay locked inside the bathroom forever. It’s just one more year, he reminded himself. One more year, and we’ll all scatter off to different high schools where there will be new drama for people to worry about. He tried his best to find this comforting, but he knew in his heart of hearts what he was dealing with would still be there after the year had passed.

Gritting his teeth, he wrangled the uniform on and passed on giving himself too close of a look in the mirror. He went straight downstairs and poured himself a bowl of cereal, trying to ignore the nauseous feeling in his stomach and convince himself that everything was going to be fine.

“Ready to go?” his mother asked once he’d gotten his bowl into the dishwasher. “I told Mrs. Park that we’d drop Jinyoung off, too, so we’d better go over and get him.”

Mark didn’t feel at all ready, but nodded grimly and marched outside like someone going to the executioner’s block. Jinyoung was already waiting outside in his driveway, looking exhausted but resigned. He attempted to give Mark a smile of encouragement, but it came across as a little shaky. Mark smiled back, not wanting Jinyoung to worry about him. Jinyoung had enough to worry about on his own without adding all of Mark’s burdens to it.

They got in the car without voicing anything out loud, leaving Mrs. Tuan to lead the conversation in that bright, optimistic way she had of seeing only the positives of the two of them heading off to their very last year of junior high. She envisioned them making all kinds of impactful and touching memories with their ‘friends’ while going through the bittersweet journey of having to say goodbye to an important time in their lives. Mark couldn’t imagine feeling bittersweet about that impending goodbye at all. In fact, he wished he could burn this chapter of his life away and skip to the part where things got better without having to live through the agony of the parts where things would stay the same or only get worse.

Too soon, they arrived at Everett Junior High and forced themselves to get out of the car. Mark and Jinyoung both walked haltingly to the glass doors, their feet dragging with every step.

“Hey,” Mark said after a moment, at last breaking their silence. “Do you pack your own lunch?”

Jinyoung nodded.

“Great. Meet me at my locker before lunch period. We’ll eat together.”

Jinyoung looked at him uncertainly. For whatever reason, he seemed incredibly cautious about the possibility of being spotted with Mark no matter how many times Mark told him not to worry about it.

“I have a quiet place I like to go,” Mark explained. “If you’d rather not eat in the cafeteria.”

“O-OK.” Jinyoung took a breath.  “I’ll meet you then.”

“All right.” He smiled bracingly. “Good luck in class.” They were in different classes yet again, so their schedules wouldn’t be overlapping until lunch. Luckily for Mark, when he looked at his class roster he wasn’t with many of his old friends either—just the ones who were of minimal bother. He’d at least dodged the bullet of having Ian or Anisa in his class, and as long as he could dodge them in the hallways and at lunch, he’d stand a good chance of making it through the year without too much further trouble, especially since Ty had transferred out of Everett.

Mark headed to his locker and quickly deposited his things so he could slink quietly off to homeroom without running into anyone. He’d only just shut the door of his locker when he heard someone clearing their throat beside him. He looked up to see Ian Westcott leaning against the locker next to his, grinning in that careless and self-assured way of his.

“Have a nice summer, Tuan?” he asked, folding his arms across his chest. “Your family go overseas again? I was wondering why you never bothered to call me up so we could hang.”

Mark took a breath, trying to steady his racing heart. He’d known this would happen eventually, and that Ian would be impossible to avoid indefinitely. Mark hadn’t exactly announced that he was leaving the friend group, and had essentially ghosted everyone by distancing himself and cutting off contact from them. It had been easy enough considering it had all gone down close to the end of the school year and everyone had other things on their minds, but it would have been far too much to hope that Ian would just let his disappearance go without commenting on it.

“No,” Mark said, keeping his voice neutral. “I’ve just been busy.”

“Too busy to hang out with your own friends, huh?” Ian lifted an eyebrow. “Dude, you’re not still upset about that whole thing with Anisa, are you? No one ing cares anymore! I mean, we get it, she’s a total babe, who wouldn’t still want to go for her even though she had another guy? No one holds that against you, dude.”

Mark shrugged, attempting to look indifferent. “I don’t care about it either.”

“Right? It was all just some stupid thing!” He punched Mark lightly in the shoulder. “We’re cool, man? I know we’re not in class together this year, but you’re still going to eat with us at lunch, right?”

Mark shook his head. “Nah, sorry. I signed on to help Mr. Whittaker maintain the tanks in the vivarium, and the only time I have free to do that is during lunch.”

“The hell is a vivarium?”

“You know, the room next to the science lab where Mr. Whittaker keeps the animals for his zoology and bio units?”

“You actually volunteered to help him with that ?”

“Yeah, I’m interested in zoology, what about it?” Mark lied. He did like animals, but he wasn’t planning this early to make a career of it.

“Come on, man, if you like it so much, visit the freaking zoo. How are we supposed to hang if we don’t have any classes and you’re skipping lunch?”

Mark shrugged. “It’s not like everyone else won’t be there at lunch.”

“But we need you! You’re our ace, Tuan.”

Mark had no idea what he meant by that. Mark’s contribution to their group had always been smiling and nodding along with whatever everyone else was saying. Then again, perhaps that was an essential service for someone like Ian who enjoyed attention and having his ego .

“Sorry,” Mark said again. “But I’ll see you around, yeah? I should be getting to homeroom now.”

“Don’t be such a drag, Tuan!” Ian called after him, but Mark kept walking forward. That could have gone a lot worse, he knew, but he still felt a little unnerved. It wasn’t in Ian’s nature to let things go, so this definitely wouldn’t be the last time they’d have a run in. Mark could only hope that Ian had meant what he’d said about not thinking anything of the situation that had happened with Anisa and Ty, and that he would continue to stick to the same misunderstanding of it that everyone else had come to.

The rest of the morning was fairly uneventful in comparison. Nearly everyone in his classes left him alone, and Mark was more than happy to fade back into the background where he wanted to be. It didn’t even feel as despairing as it had last year, back when it had been mingled more closely with his terror that someone would uncover the full story. Things felt safer now that time had passed, and he was pretty sure he could count on himself not to get involved in anything that could potentially give him away again.

When lunch rolled around, he went back to his locker to grab his lunch and the keys to the vivarium he’d picked up from the science teacher Mr. Whittaker earlier in the day. A few moments later, Jinyoung popped up, glancing around him nervously as if he expected Ian to swoop down on them at any second and tell him off.

“How’s it been going?” Mark asked. Though Mark was still feeling a little stressed from his brief encounter with Ian, he didn’t want that stress to leak out to Jinyoung. Since reconnecting with him, he’d begun to start feeling oddly protective of him on a mental level—maybe it was because Jinyoung was so needlessly anxious about their tentative friendship that Mark was determined to set his mind at ease. “Having an all right day?”

“Yeah, it’s been all right,” Jinyoung said. “My classes don’t seem too terrible. You?”

“Same. Could be a lot worse.” He shut his locker. “Come on. We’re going to the vivarium.”

“The vivarium?” Jinyoung asked, following after him. “Isn’t that locked?”

“I’ve got a key. I don’t know if you remember, but last year Mr. Whittaker was looking for a student volunteer to help with looking after the animals. That’s me.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I did it so I’d have a convenient excuse not to show up at the regular table during lunch, but I didn’t tell Mr. Whittaker that. He thinks I love frogs, or something.”

“Whatever works, I guess.”

“Exactly.”

When they reached the room, Mark turned the key and pulled open the door. The vivarium carried a damp, mossy scent, and the air felt slightly sultry like a greenhouse. To Mark, it felt somewhat homey coming back. Though he’d volunteered for selfish reasons, he actually didn’t mind taking care of the animals, and had grown attached to several of them over time.

“Over there are the frogs,” Mark said, showing Jinyoung around. “Ignatius and Xavier. And the turtles over there are Crystalina, Phoebe, and Abigail. And my personal favorite—our bearded dragon, Frank.”

“Did you name them all?”

“Just Crystalina. She joined the turtle sisters at the end of last year.”

“Why ‘Crystalina’?”

“She’s little, so I thought I’d give her a unique name to make her feel confident. Kind of like BamBam.”

Jinyoung smiled. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a softie before?”

“Who, me?” Mark smiled back. “Anyways, I usually sit over on those steps over there and eat first, then go through and check everyone’s tanks.” He gestured Jinyoung over so they could both sit down. “What did you pack today?”

“PB&J with some celery sticks and chips. You?”

“Ham and cheese, an apple, and some pretzels. Nothing too creative.” He opened his bag and pulled out his sandwich. “Thanks for not thinking I’m pathetic for eating in here, by the way.”

“You’re not. It’s not like people actually think badly of you or anything. If you wanted to, you could probably go back out there and everyone would still want to be your friend.” He trailed off, but Mark could hear the implication of what he was saying—not like me.

“Can you tell me what Ian has on you that you’re so nervous about?”

“Can you tell me what really went down with Anisa and Ty that has you so nervous?”

Mark felt a lump rising in his throat. No, he couldn’t talk about that, not with Jinyoung, not with anyone. He didn’t even like thinking back on what happened himself in the privacy of his own mind. If he put it into words, he was sure he would never be able to go back from it. And what would Jinyoung think of him? Would he even want to be in the same room with him, if he knew?

Jinyoung sighed as Mark stayed silent. “I know you said Ian hasn’t outright gossiped about me to you, but he says little things, doesn’t he? Things like how there’s something weird about me or how something about me just ticks him off or something?”

Mark nodded guiltily. Jinyoung wasn’t the only person Ian tended to say that about, so he’d never made too much of it. The more time passed, the more it truly dawned on him how much maliciousness he’d been complicit in by never telling Ian or the others to shut up or mind their own business.

“He’ll probably just leave it at that, if I don’t bother him again. But…” Jinyoung swallowed hard. “If he knew we were hanging out, that would bother him, I think.”

“Why?”

“Because…” Jinyoung didn’t seem to want to answer. “I guess…his inner circle is like his territory. He wants to have control over it.”

Mark frowned. He didn’t like the sound of that. “So, if he found out we were hanging out, what would he do?”

“He’d…he’d probably tell you something about me. Something I wouldn’t want you to know. He may tell everyone else, too. I don’t know.”

“Is it something true, or something he’s made up about you?”

Jinyoung hesitated for a moment. “Something…something mostly true.”

Mark couldn’t imagine what exactly Ian knew about Jinyoung that Jinyoung wouldn’t want Mark in particular to know about. “So…all those times you’ve acted like I shouldn’t hang out with you is because you don’t want to hang out with me, then? Because you’re worried about what Ian will say to me if he finds out?”

Jinyoung flushed. “It…it sounds selfish when you say it like that.”

“It’s not. Not really. If I’m going to wind up causing trouble for you, I’ll back off. If that’s what you want.”

“I…” Jinyoung clenched his fists. “I…I don’t want to not be your friend. I never wanted to stop being your friend, ever. I stopped because I didn’t want you to hate me.”

“If it makes you feel better, I doubt whatever it is will make me hate you,” Mark said. “Even if you’ve made some kind of mistake in the past, I-”

“It’s not some kind of mistake,” Jinyoung said, a bit sharply. “And you don’t know that for sure. But I…” He exhaled loudly. “I’m having fun talking to you. I’ve always had fun talking to you. And I’m happy you’ve smiled and laughed when you’re with me, because before now, you always looked so unhappy and worried. You said you don’t want me to be alone, but I don’t want you to be alone either, even if you don’t see it as being alone.”

Such a kind person, Mark thought to himself. I wasn’t even on speaking terms with him, but still he noticed what no one else did. Why did I never notice what he was going through? The selfish one out of the two of us is clearly me, not him.

“Well,” Mark said at length. “What do you want to do, then?”

Jinyoung was quiet for a long moment before he turned to look Mark directly in the eye. “If we’re going to be friends, I need you to promise me something.”

“Yeah?”

“If Ian gets angry about it and decides to punish me by telling you the thing I don’t want you to know…don’t turn your back on me. It’s OK if you don’t…if you don’t agree with it or think positively of it, or whatever. But don’t turn your back on me. Don’t stop being my friend, because I won’t have anywhere left to go.”

Mark didn’t answer immediately, because he knew this demanded a serious answer. He tried to think of an example of a secret that would make him turn his back on Jinyoung, but couldn’t come up with anything. He’d killed someone? If so, he was young enough to where it would have had to have been the result of an accident. He’d been abused or hurt by someone? That wouldn’t be his fault. Ian had caught him doing something embarrassing? Who really cared—everyone was guilty of doing embarrassing things when they thought they were alone.

And even if Jinyoung had done something terrible or unforgivable once, Mark believed without question that the person sitting at his side was a good person. He wasn’t like Ian with his gossip and put downs. He was someone thoughtful and kind, someone who made Mark feel all the happiness he’d lost from his childhood, the simple joy of just living without all the doubts and uncertainty attached. And he knew without question that those feelings weren't the kind he’d ever want to turn his back on.

“I’ll see if Mr. Whittaker will take you on as a volunteer so you can have keys, too,” Mark said. “That way we can hang out in peace without worrying about Ian. I’m not about to let some ty fake friend mess with my real one, all right?”  

Jinyoung’s eyes widened, and it all seemed to take a moment for the meaning of what Mark had said to dawn on him before his nervous frown shifted into an overjoyed smile. His eyes crinkled at the corners, and all the tension in his body seemed to loosen, as if a heavy burden was falling off his shoulder.

Mark felt a light stirring in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t think that in his all his life he’d ever seen such a beautiful smile before.

“Want to try feeding him?” Mark asked, glancing over to where Jinyoung was sitting on the vivarium steps, still polishing off his turkey sub. Jinyoung shook his head ‘no,’ and Mark shrugged and picked up the Tupperware of food for Frank the bearded dragon. The contents of that Tupperware were exactly why Jinyoung didn’t want to help—Frank’s meals consisted of an entirely unappetizing array of dead crickets and mealworms. Both Mark and Jinyoung were in firm agreement about hating insects, but Mark seemed a little more tolerant of the dead ones, while the sight of dead mealworms still made Jinyoung want to lose his lunch.

“After all that trouble I went getting you keys, and you’re no help at all,” Mark said mildly.

“Sorry,” Jinyoung said. “Animals like you more than they like me.”

“Excuses.”

“You’re the one letting me get away with them.”

If Jinyoung was being honest, though, it wasn’t so much that he didn’t want to help out with the animals, or that he actually thought they disliked him. It was that if he stayed seated on the steps while Mark was over by the tanks, he could watch as the rays of sun pouring through the overhead skylights shone down on him, haloing him in a soft light that made him look borderline angelic. They’d been meeting in the vivarium for lunch for about three weeks now, and still Jinyoung couldn’t get enough of the moment when Mark stepped into the gentle glow and got so lost in his tasks that he didn’t notice Jinyoung staring at him, drinking the sight of him in.

In those past three weeks, the inevitable had happened, just as Jinyoung had expected. The feelings he’d been doing his best for the past few years to get over only rooted themselves more deeply in him. Some of it was due to the huge gesture Mark had so quietly made by agreeing to Jinyoung’s condition that he wouldn’t turn his back on him, paired with his equally quiet efforts to make sure he didn’t make a show of their private friendship that would attract Ian’s attention and cause trouble for Jinyoung. But part of it also came from the simplest things about him that Jinyoung was now seeing more clearly in him now that they were closer. The little jokes he played. His gentleness with the animals. The way he didn’t waste his words. His attentiveness to Jinyoung’s mood that caught everything and wouldn’t allow him to lie or hide when something was bothering him.

It was a strange kind of happiness, being with him, a happiness tinged with the knowledge that he was more than likely setting himself up for heartbreak. It wasn’t as if Mark’s friendship was anywhere close to an offer of romance and that he could somehow convince Mark to fall in love with him just by spending time with him. And even though he’d gone all melodramatic on Mark and begged him not to hate him when/if Ian decided to drop the bomb of Jinyoung’s feelings on him, it would still likely end with Mark turning him down and having to go through with staying friends with someone who was uncomfortably in love with him.

Well, one of these days I’m probably never going to be able to see him like this again, Jinyoung thought, continuing to gaze at Mark in rapture as he dumped the container of crickets and mealworms into Frank’s cage. Might as well spoil my eyes while I still have the chance.

With Frank fed, Mark turned his attention to the three turtle sisters. Jinyoung at last hopped up to his feet to join him—after all, he was an official vivarium assistant now, thanks to Mark’s efforts on his behalf. Mark wordlessly passed Jinyoung the container of turtle food, and Jinyoung began pouring it into their tank.

“Hey,” Mark said suddenly when Jinyoung had finished. “They’re having a marathon of Deputy Dog Duffy on TV this evening. Want to come over and watch it for a while?”

“You’re not too old for that, now?”

“Excuse me, but can a person ever be too old for Duffy? The show’s still hilarious. And I realized we’ve never actually watched it together, though we used to talk about it all the time.”

Jinyoung had realized that detail ages ago. He’d used to fantasize back in 5^th grade of having a sleepover with Mark and watching it together in their pajamas, their sleeping bags pressed up against each other. They’d laugh at all the same jokes and get in contests over who could mimic the best cowboy drawl.

“Sure, why not?” Jinyoung said, trying to keep the excitement out of his voice. “Am I coming over for dinner, too?”

“If you want to. We’re probably having roast beef sandwiches or something like that. Just a warning, my mom’s probably going to ask you tons of questions like always.”

“I’ll practice for it during history.”

“Great.” Mark elbowed him lightly in the arm. “I’ll be looking forward to it all day.”

Dinner at the Tuans’ was actually really nice, and Mrs. Tuan restrained herself from asking Jinyoung too many questions, instead letting Jinyoung and Mark chatter at their own pace about school, especially since they didn’t have classes together and always had a lot to catch up on about their respective teachers and classmates. Jinyoung liked how he never felt tense with Mark’s family, and that they were never really super-strict or intimidating like other parents were.

After dinner, Mark took him upstairs to his bedroom. It was a surprisingly uncluttered, with most of the things inside it amounting to stacks of console games and various sneakers and hoodies. He also had some weights near his bed, and an unexpected plush of Mack, the bulldog sheriff from Deputy Dog Duffy.

“I finally got them to agree to let me have a TV in my room a few months ago,” Mark said, pointing to the small flat screen on top of his dresser. He hopped up on his bed, then patted the space next to him.

Jinyoung froze in place, not having anticipated actually watching the show right next to Mark in his bed. “Um…you don’t want me to use a chair instead?” he asked. Please, for the sake of my heart, please, please just let me use a chair.

Mark looked oddly alarmed for a moment, but then quickly adjusted his face. “No, it’s fine. Jackson and BamBam do it all the time.”

Jackson and BamBam are most likely not incredibly attracted to you, Jinyoung thought. Still, he cautiously got into bed next to Mark, making sure to leave a safe space between them. Mark grabbed his remote and his TV. The theme song to the show was already playing, and they both immediately began singing along with gusto.

It was a lot like Jinyoung had once imagined it. The show felt even better and more hilarious when they were watching it together, and they kept laughing at the exact same parts, and then laughing at each other’s laughter. Mark kept on imitating the over the top cowboy-speak—“Don’t rightly know, partner” or “take a gander at that namby-pamby city-slicker raising a ruckus in yonder saloon”—and Jinyoung found he still had all the insert songs like “Life is Ruff for a Deputy” and “Barking Mad Outlaws” memorized, and energetically sang along.

And then, in the middle of the second episode, there was a joke so funny that it sent Mark into a full body gale of laughter which ended with his legs positioned just slightly off from how they had been before, the knobby part of his ankle pressing into the skin of Jinyoung’s leg. With just the faintest touch, it became harder and harder to focus on the episodes, and all of Jinyoung’s attention traveled to that single spot, as if every inch and nerve of his body was attuned to the sensation of Mark pressed against him. He tried to keep laughing along with Mark, but his laughter sounded breathier, and his body moved rigidly, too afraid to shift in such a way that would push Mark off of him or make him aware of the point of contact to where he’d move away on his own.

What am I doing?, Jinyoung wondered as he stared down yet again at the place the two of them were touching. I am never going to be able to be truly friends with him like this. He’s not even going to need Ian to tell him if I keep reacting the way I am.

But even though he knew that, he still found himself unable to move. He stayed right where he was, his entire universe for a precious few more minutes before Mark laughed so hard again that he once again moved away boiled down to the small path of skin branded with the warmth of Mark’s unintended touch.​