Come On, Come Out

Our Youth Hurts

The absolute last thing Mark wanted to do at the moment was go to the Winter Formal, but when Eileen approached him about it in homeroom, she just seemed so excited about it even though he was her last resort that he didn’t have the heart to back out. It had seemed like such a good idea at the time with Ty staring him down and clearly wanting to know if Mark would prove his suspicions right or wrong, but now all he really wanted to do was see Jinyoung. He had a bad feeling that the relapse of Jinyoung’s ‘sickness’ was not completely genuine, but had something to do with something Mark had said or done. He had been about to tell Mark about Ian’s threat. He had been about to trust him with the knowledge of the thing he hadn’t wanted Mark to know, the thing that had convinced him to stay away from Mark all the way back in 5th grade. He had been ready, but he’d changed his mind. And Mark was sure that he only had himself to blame for Jinyoung’s change of heart.

 

That’s what I get, he thought sourly. Have I been honest with him, recently? Have I been showing him that I’m someone he can safely confide in?

 

The answer was a big, shameful ‘no’. He hadn’t confided in him about Ty. He hadn’t confided in anyone, and shut himself off from Jackson and BamBam when they’d tried to call, even though he knew they probably could have helped him deal with it. He’d let his rage and humiliation consume him a second time and tried to handle it all on his own. And he’d let Jinyoung get lost in the shuffle of that, putting his anger and need to protect himself from Ty’s scorn ahead of opening himself up to Jinyoung and trying to convey his feelings to him.

 

Not that it really mattered. His feelings were a mess and poisoned by all the self-loathing Ty had brought back to him. It would be a mistake to hand something so twisted to Jinyoung. Jinyoung deserved all the world and heaven too, and Mark would just give him the same hell he’d been tortured in for years.

 

With a frustrated sigh, he yanked out his dress clothes from the closet and threw them on. His ringtone kept going off while he changed, but it wasn’t the song he used to identify Jinyoung’s calls, so he didn’t care. It was probably BamBam—he’d been calling pretty much nonstop ever since Jackson had given up calling nonstop due to his vacation plans. He knew in his heart of hearts that talking to BamBam would make him feel better, but the difficult part about letting yourself feel better was that there was always someone or something waiting in line to tear you back down. There would always be Ian Westcotts and Ty Langfords in the world to put you right back in your place.

 

He gave himself a quick survey in the mirror. He still had an exhausted, wary look about him, but he doubted there was anything he could do about it. Hopefully Eileen’s expectations for him weren’t too high, and she’d just wanted someone to dance with along with her friends.

 

His parents were waiting for him downstairs, their phones already ready to snap pictures of him decked out in his formalwear. “You look so sharp,” his mother said, beaming. “I’m so glad you’re going, Mark. These kinds of things are always so special, aren’t they? You’re going to have so much fun with all your friends.”

 

“I just wish you’d brought the lucky girl with you,” his father said with a playful smirk. “I’d love to meet the one who finally stole my son’s heart. She must be very pretty, right?”

 

“She didn't steal my heart, we’re just friends,” Mark mumbled.

 

“Ohohoho, no need to play coy with your father. He knows how it is at your age, he knows!”

 

He knew his parents meant well, but it felt like just another weight on his heart. Would they be beaming at him or teasing him playfully if he told him that in a perfect world, he’d be going out with Jinyoung instead? Would his mother still take pictures of him in his formalwear if he was standing with Jinyoung? Would his father about the feelings of boys of his age if he knew those feelings were for another boy his age? Would they be as disgusted with him as Ty had been?

 

Mark swallowed hard. He wished more than ever he could carve a way out of his head so he wouldn’t have to dwell on his miserable thoughts anymore.

 

“Come on, we’re running late,” Mark grumbled, even though they weren’t. “Let’s just head over.”

 

“Are we picking up Jinyoung, too?” his mother asked. “Did he get a date?”

 

“He’s sick,” Mark said flatly. And Jinyoung had indeed stayed home from school yet again—Mark hadn’t talked to him since his abrupt flight to the bathroom in the middle of their conversation, though he had left several unanswered messages.

 

“I’m sorry to hear that. You take care of yourself at the dance, too—there might be a bug going around!”

 

Mark honestly wouldn’t have minded getting genuinely sick. Any valid excuse to coop himself up inside and be miserable sounded just like what he wanted.

 

Eileen was waiting for him in front of the gym when they pulled up, and though his mother very much looked like she wanted to find an excuse to get out of the car and fuss over her, Mark was able to send her off with no further damage done. Eileen was wearing a knee-length black dress with silver sparkles on the bodice, and had curled her hair over one shoulder and sprayed it with its own light sheen of glitter. She looked pretty in a way that would have made any other guy’s heart race, but Mark still felt completely numb.

 

“Mark!” she said with a huge grin when he approached. “Seriously, thank you so much for coming! You look great!”

 

“You, too,” he said.

 

“Come on, come on, let’s go inside, it’s freezing.” She fumbled through her silver clutch for their tickets when the teacher at the door extended his hand for them. The inside of the gym was decorated in silver streamers and snowflakes, and there was a bored looking DJ up on a makeshift stage playing the kind of hip-hop that was in no way appropriate for junior high students. Mark could already see several of his classmates out thrashing around on the dance floor in pitiful attempts at dancing.

 

I want to go home, he thought. I want to be with Jinyoung and just talk to him for hours about everything. But that was hopeless, given how awkwardly they had been leaving everything dangling between them. It wasn’t like they could suddenly shift into spilling their guts without going into why they had been acting like such messes just to avoid being honest with each other.

 

Eileen had been talking to him while he’d zoned out, and now she finally grabbed his arm to steer him towards where her friends were showing off their dresses to each other. They all started fussing over Eileen and Mark, and Mark found himself once again faking cheeriness as if he loved this kind of thing as much as they did. Luckily, it was hard to hear each other over the music, so he could get away with a lot of empty smiling and laughing without contributing much of anything.

 

“COME ON, LET’S DANCE!” Eileen yelled as a pop song came on the speakers. She bopped around with the kind of confidence girls had over their male counterparts who moved robotically and were constantly glancing over at the other guys to copy off what they were doing. Mark mimicked her, but there was no soul behind it and he knew it. His mind was too occupied with either wondering how Jinyoung was or dealing with the voice in the back of his mind that was convinced that everyone in the gym knew that he was gay based on how he danced or how he dressed and they were all laughing at him behind his back with that same disgusted look Ty had given him.

 

“I LOVE THIS SONG, DON’T YOU?” Eileen yelled.

 

“SURE,” Mark yelled back.

 

“I SAW HER IN CONCERT THIS YEAR! SHE WAS SO AMAZING!”

 

“WHAT?”

 

“I SAID-” She repeated it louder.

 

“OH, THAT’S NICE,” Mark yelled, feeling stupid for shouting such an inane response. Eileen must have realized their dancefloor conversation wasn’t working too well, since as soon as the song was over, she dragged him out to the quieter area where the punch bowl was.

 

“We can dance later,” she said, pouring herself a Styrofoam cup. “I wanted to talk, anyways—we haven’t talked in forever, have we? That’s why I really wanted to take the opportunity to ask you out. You’ve been so quiet this year.”

 

Ah. Maybe he wasn’t exactly a last resort after all. He prayed that her interest in talking to him had nothing to do with worming out last year’s juicy gossip about his love life.

 

“Sure, we can talk. How’s volleyball?” Better to talk about her and not me.

 

“It’s been great!” she said, and she went off for a while, talking about her team while Mark nodded along. “And what about you?” she said when she’d given him a rundown of their season. “You’ve been volunteering in the vivarium, right?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“How is that? I just love the turtles.”

 

Turtles were a safe topic, so Mark went off for a while about the turtle sisters, though talking about them reminded him of Jinyoung and the time they had spent together. Would they be able to go back to that, or had things gotten to strange between them to go back? Would Ian and Ty keep on existing between them, keeping them from fully connecting?

 

“Are you all right, Mark?” Eileen asked, suddenly looking worried.

 

“Ah…yeah…I’m fine.” He pulled at his collar. “Actually…I could use some air. I’m going to step outside for a bit.”

 

“I’ll come with you.”

 

“Not in that dress, you’ll get sick. I just need a minute. You can dance with your friends for a bit, and I’ll meet back up with you.”

 

“All right, if you’re sure…”

 

Mark was grateful for the chance to step out into the cold night air and take a big gulp of it. There was no one outside with him, and it was good to be alone, to drown in silence. Maybe that was his mistake. He should have never stopped his plan from the year before, after he’d cut himself off from everyone. He’d been an idiot and let someone else back in, and that had made him happy, so happy it had been inevitable that it would blow up in his face, just like everything did.

 

It had been nice while it had lasted, though. He’d loved someone, someone who was miles above the first person he’d given his heart, too. And he’d liked himself when he was with Jinyoung, for the first time in a long time. He liked that he’d been able to take away some of Jinyoung’s loneliness, that Jinyoung had started looking happy. For a brief time, he may have even found a few reasons to believe that the world wasn’t as cruelly unfair as he’d thought.

 

But it was. It was cruel and unfair, and most people were just as cruel and unkind. They looked out for themselves, and didn’t give a damn who they hurt in the process. It was better just to be alone. It was better not to leave any vulnerabilities the cruelty could come in and destroy.

 

He closed his eyes, surprised to find hot tears dripping down his cheeks. He’d meant to use these thoughts to steel himself and protect himself from any further pain, but it felt like he was hurting more than ever. He knew it from inside him that nothing he was trying to convince himself of was true. He didn’t want to be alone. He’d never been more miserable in his life than when he’d cut himself off from people, and never happier than when he’d reached out to Jinyoung and let him in, or when BamBam had supported him so open-heartedly and sworn Jackson would do the same. His life had never felt better or more beautiful than when he’d had those people he loved in it, and even though the thought of somehow losing that love or having it not be enough wasn’t so terrifying that it could chase away the thought determinedly echoing through him: I don’t want to be alone. Jinyoung’s face flooded through his mind. I don’t want to be alone. I want to be with you.

 

He wanted to hear Jinyoung’s voice, more than anything, so much that it ached. He yanked his phone out of his pocket, surprised to see there were two voicemails waiting for him since he’d arrived: one from BamBam and one from Jinyoung.

 

Jinyoung. Mark’s heart hammered. He wanted to hear that one first. He pressed down on the icon, and brought his phone up to his ear.

 

 Jinyoung’s voice was almost too soft to hear at first. I’m sorry, he said at the beginning. When you came over yesterday, I knew you were upset about something still and were only pretending to be happy. I wanted to talk to you and help you to be honest with me by being honest with you, but I… His voice became choked. I let personal feelings of mine get in the way. You needed me, and I got selfish and thought only of myself. If you needed to talk to someone…I’m here for you. And I want to talk to you, too, to tell you the thing I wasn’t brave enough to say…I won’t turn my back on you. I promise. No matter what, I won’t turn my back on you, and I’ll trust that you’ll do the same for me….I’m sorry….I’m really sorry.

 

And then he hung up.

 

What the is wrong with me?, Mark thought furiously. I wanted to keep him from feeling like this. He was the one who was going through something terrible and had absolutely no one to rely on, and I was the one who got selfish and made it all about me. How could I let myself put him in the position of feeling like he had to apologize to me, when I’m the one…I’m the one who let my own personal feelings get in the way of being there for him?

 

He knew without question now that he had to go home and talk to Jinyoung, but he felt like he might as well push the knife in his guilty conscience a little deeper before he did. If BamBam had left a voicemail when he usually couldn’t be bothered to do so if you couldn’t be bothered to answer his calls, that probably meant he’d snapped and his voicemail was going to be just him brutally laying into Mark.

 

Sure enough, his tone was pissed right from the start when Mark let the message play: I don’t know what you think you’re doing hiding from me, man, but if you’re trying to be alone again TOO BAD FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ALONE. He was outright yelling now. YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN ALONE, DO YOU HEAR ME MARK TUAN? I LOVE YOU! JACKSON LOVES YOU! JINYOUNG LOVES YOU! AND OUR LOVE IS WORTH TEN TIMES MORE THAN THE HATE ANYONE GIVES, DO YOU GET THAT?!?! WE LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE, WHATEVER YOU ARE, AND ALL WE WANT IS FOR YOU TO STOP LISTENING TO CLOSE MINDED TRASH AND RECOGNIZE THAT YOU LOVE WHO YOU ARE TOO! AND STOP BEING A COMPLETE AND UTTER BUTTHEAD AND GO TELL PARK JINYOUNG HOW YOU FEEL, OK?!?!

 

Mark was crying again when the audio finished. Crying and laughing. Trust BamBam to put it in the exact way Mark needed to hear it. Every word of it was true, and he believed in it fully for the first time. He wasn’t alone. And all that self-loathing he felt belonged to the version of him that had been stupid enough to love someone like Ty Langford. It didn’t belong to the version of him that had given his heart to Park Jinyoung. He couldn’t hate himself and who he was. Not when his heart was beating on the happiness he made together with that person who shone brilliantly in his life like a warm and nourishing sun.

 

He dialed his mom’s cell phone as quickly as he could.

 

“Mark?” she asked in alarm. “Is everything OK?”

 

“Yeah,” he said in a rush. “I need you to come get me.”

 

“Did something happen?”

 

“Nothing bad. But I need to go home. Bring Dad, too. I’ll explain in the car.” He hung up, brushing away his tears. He laughed again, mainly at himself for being an idiot. Well, it wasn’t the first time, and it definitely wouldn’t be the last. He could only hope there was still time left for this idiot to get back the happiness he’d so stupidly tried to toss aside.

 

“Mark?” a voice came from behind him. He turned around to see Eileen standing there, shivering in the cold. Her eyes widened when she saw his face. “What happened?”

 

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, giving his face another hasty wipe. It felt like he was seeing her clearly for the first time, and now his eyes were open, he realized what a stupid thing he’d done, involving another person in his mess. “Actually…I’m incredibly sorry, Eileen…I think maybe I misunderstood why you asked me here tonight. I wasn’t a last resort, was I?”

 

Eileen looked shocked. “You thought…you thought I’d asked you as a last resort? Of course I didn’t! Mark…I’ve seriously liked you for ages.”

 

Mark couldn’t hold back a wince. God, he’d been an even bigger idiot than he’d even realized. “I’m so, so sorry, Eileen,” he said. “I didn’t know, or else I wouldn’t have…I would have responded more honestly.” He took a deep breath. “I’m…actually…I’m gay, Eileen.”

 

A part of him still expected a look of disgust. Eileen certainly did look shocked, and then confused, and then a little bit at a loss. She opened and shut it, and then sighed heavily. “I’m sorry,” she said finally. “I’m genuinely torn between wanting to be supportive because that must have been a hard thing for you to say to me, and wanting to cry because I have absolutely no shot now.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Mark said again.

 

“Don’t be,” she said. “God! I had no idea! After that whole thing last year with Anisa, I would have never have guessed…” She clapped her hand over . “Oh no…don’t tell me…Ty?!?!”

 

“I won’t tell you,” Mark said grimly. “Because I wish that part of it wasn’t true.”

 

“Oh no!” To Mark’s surprise, this was what drove Eileen over the edge to start crying. “He was really terrible, wasn’t he? He was also pretending to act nice, but he was also terrible behind people’s backs. It must have been…it must have been so awful.”

 

Mark frowned. Had everyone recognized Ty for what he was but him? “Yeah…it wasn’t the best time in my life, that’s for sure.” He paused. “It…it doesn’t bother you…that I’m…”

 

She shook her head quickly. “Though it’s a bit of a nightmare for girls to have this happen to us,” she said, blinking back her tears. “I know it’s stupid, but we tend to think it’s our fault…but of course it isn’t.” She shook her head again. “That’s probably selfish to say. A small hit to my pride is nothing compared to what you’ve probably gone through. Does anyone else know?”

 

“Not at school.”

 

“Not even Jinyoung?”

 

So she really had been paying attention to him, if she knew about Jinyoung. “Not even Jinyoung,” Mark repeated softly. “For now.”

 

“I won’t say anything,” she promised. “And…thank you for trusting me. It’ll make it easier for me to move on, now that I know. But next time…if there ever is a next time…”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Don’t mess around with saying yes to a girl, even if you think you’re doing her a favor by being her last resort. Next time, you should find a nice guy to come with instead. And I mean a nice one.” She looked at him sternly, placing a hand on his shoulder. “None of this Ty nonsense, OK?”

 

He smiled faintly. “I promise.”

 

Right as the words fell from his lips, the doors to the gym opened and Ian Westcott stepped out. He looked between Mark and Eileen, his gaze lingering on where Eileen was touching his shoulder, and he scowled. “I thought it was a joke when someone said you’d come with Eileen, Tuan,” he said in a voice more unfriendly than he’d ever heard it. “It’s true, then?”

 

“What about it?” Eileen asked, a bit sharply. “Do you have a problem with us?”

 

Ian ignored her, keeping his eyes on Mark. “You know, the way you never noticed all the pretty girls around you was the only thing I ever liked about you, Tuan. It meant the rest of us could have them when they gave up on you. You weren’t supposed to actually date one of them. Especially not one of the ones I was interested in.”

 

Eileen wrinkled her nose and looked about ready to say something when Ian cut her off. “Hey, Eileen. You might want to rethink your little date night with Prince Charming over there. You know who he spends every other minute with? Jinyoung Park. And you know about Jinyoung, right?” He chuckled. “Fricking pansy.”

 

Mark’s blood ran hot with anger. “What did you say?”

 

“I said he’s a fricking pansy!” Ian said louder. “And you know what, Tuan, I was ready to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I bet you’re one, too! I bet you spend all that time in the vivarium all over each other and being sick, disgusting fa-”

 

He never got to finish the word. Mark had charged forward, and before it could come out, he socked Ian hard in the jaw with his fist. Ian jerked back, his hand flying to the place Mark had hit, his eyes wide with shock.

 

“You,” Mark said, practically spitting venom, “better shut your ing mouth about Jinyoung.”

 

Ian sputtered for a moment, rubbing his jaw as if he couldn’t believe that Mark had hit him. “You…you…I’m going to get you expelled for this!”

 

“No you won’t,” Eileen said from behind Mark. “Because I’m the only witness you’ve got, and clearly saw you hit your jaw like an idiot trying to open the gym doors and then try to blame it on Mark.”

 

Ian stared at her, his gaze furious. “I can’t believe I ever thought to date a like you. You act all high and mighty for someone whose only good point is having massive ti-”

 

He didn’t get to finish that word either. Eileen had already slapped him across the face before he could.

 

“Nice,” Mark said.

 

“I’d like to think my other good point is having a good smacking form from five years of volleyball,” she said. “I used to play soccer, too, so if you’d like me to demonstrate my ball kicking…”

 

“Screw both of you!” Ian said, clutching his cheek. Before they could hit him again, he was stumbling back into the gym, slamming the door behind him.

 

“Good riddance,” Eileen said.

 

“Is everyone I ever spent time with secretly horrible?” Mark asked, feeling a little dazed. He wasn’t that surprised about Ian, especially since Ty had hinted that he was using him as a chick magnet, but it did really drive home how much he’d lost when he’d lost Jinyoung the first time. He’d basically gotten two fakes in exchange for a rare black pearl.

 

“Jinyoung seems all right,” Eileen said. “Hey…are he and you…?”

 

“No,” Mark said quickly.

 

“Do you want to…?”

 

He didn’t answer immediately.

 

“Well, whatever you want to do, I’ll wish you luck.” Eileen threw back her shoulders. “Anyways, I didn’t buy this cute dress just to stand outside. Do you mind if I go back in and dance?”

 

“Go right ahead.” He paused. “And Eileen?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Thanks. For being understanding.”

 

She nodded. “Guess we high and mighty es are good for something. Goodnight, Mark.”

 

A few minutes later, Mark’s father’s sedan pulled up to the gym entrance. Mark took a breath and got into the back seat. While part of him thought the incoming conversation would be easier now that he’d had it with two other people, the fact that it would be to his parents made him a little less sure. Parents were usually supposed to be the biggest hurdle, the ones some people took years upon years to work up the courage to come out to. Strangely, Mark was still far more nervous about the prospect of having to tell Jinyoung, but that didn’t mean his heart was going into this conversation completely calmly either.

 

As soon as he’d buckled in, both of his parents turned to look at him. “What on earth happened?” his mother asked worriedly. “Was there a problem? Do you feel sick again?”

 

Mark shook his head. “I’m all right, mom. I just…I realized coming was a mistake. There’s somewhere else I need to be.”

 

“What do you mean?” She glanced back at the gym. “You’re not just leaving Eileen all by herself, are you?”

 

“I talked to her. It’s fine. She’s with her friends right now, and I think she’ll have more fun that way.”

 

His mother still looked worried. “Mark. I know you haven’t had the easiest time socializing with your classmates outside of Jinyoung, but-”

 

“It’s not about that this time,” he said quickly. “It’s my fault. I came with the wrong person.”

 

This time, his father was the one with the quicker reaction. “Mark,” he said sternly. “I didn’t raise you to play around with girls’ hearts. If you asked one girl, you have the responsibility to finish the date you asked her on instead of thinking about another girl and deciding you made a mistake.”

 

“I know you didn’t raise me like that, Dad.” He took a fortifying breath. “And you don’t have to worry about me trying to do anything with girls’ hearts. That’s what I wanted to tell you. I’m not saying I shouldn’t have gone with Eileen. I’m saying I shouldn’t have gone with a girl. Especially when…especially when the guy I like is at home feeling alone and needs to talk to me. Especially when I need to talk to him.”

 

His parents fell silent. He couldn't fully read the emotion in their gazes, though he recognized that they'd never really looked at him like that ever before. He tried to think from their perspective how what he just said might sound. Were they now rewriting everything they’d thought they’d known about him in their heads? Were they confused at how they’d failed to identify something in someone they spent every day of their lives with?

 

His mother spoke first. “How long have you known?” she asked.

 

“Since near the end of last school year.”

 

That was when she started crying. Mark's blood went cold, his cheeks flushing. And here it is, she's so disappointed that she's crying about it. His mind scrambled for what to do. His first instinct was to take it back, but he knew he couldn't do that, that who he was wasn't something he could ever take back. He'd tried to push it away once, and it just kept coming back. With Jinyoung in his life, it most likely always would. Was there anything he could really do if she couldn't accept it? The son in him wanted to take her disappointment away, but there was a growing part of him that was tired of having to compromise and change things that refused to be changed.

 

Before he could think of what to say, his mother was speaking again. “Is this why…is this why you started acting so withdrawn this summer?” she choked out through her tears. “Oh, Mark. You tried to go through it alone, didn't you? We weren't there for you when you needed us. You were hurting all this time, and I...I didn't even know why, even though I'm your mother."

 

 

"What?" Mark said. He couldn't process her reaction.

 

"You should have told us!" Her voice sounded a little angry this time, but somehow he felt like it wasn't fully aimed at him. "We were so worried that something was wrong, and we didn’t know what we should do. I thought maybe you didn’t want us to interfere, but…we could have talked to you about it. We could have helped you. But you were all alone and dealing with it yourself, and…” She pressed her hand over her wavering lips, unable to continue.

 

“You’re not disappointed?”

 

“Disappointed?” She blinked her eyes. “Not in you. You're my son. We’re your parents, and it’s our job to take care of you, and we didn’t do it right this time. I’m so sorry.”

 

He looked at her, a little stunned. This was not the reaction he’d been expecting. Why should she feel the need to apologize to him? “It’s OK, Mom,” he said tentatively. “I was the one who wanted to deal with it myself like that.”

 

“But I’m your mother. I should have known. I should have known.”

 

His father placed a hand on her shoulder. “Mark,” he said.

 

“Y-Yes?”

 

“This is a hard time in every person’s life, when you’re growing up. Your mother and I don’t always know when we should step in or not, or when we should let you find your own way. I know we can’t always expect you to tell us everything, but…” He looked at Mark firmly. “We’re always on your team, you got that? There’s nothing you can say that we’ll refuse to listen to. You never have to be afraid of saying anything to us. We want your life to go easily, that's true. And to be honest, it's not easy for me to hear this because I know that this is something that will bring difficulties to your life and clearly already has. You are someone I can't bear to see hurt by the world, because your pain is a big part of mine. But if being honest about this and embracing this with whoever you need to is what will ultimately make you happy even through that pain, we’re behind you.”

 

“T-Thank you,” Mark said. His heart was beginning to feel a little lighter than it had before.

 

 “And why such a tone of surprise? What did you think your mother and I would do? Scream and tear our hair out?”

 

“It’s been known to happen.”

 

“Ha! Your mom and I aren’t regular parents. We’re cool parents.” He winked. “Someday, we expect you to brag to your boyfriend about how down we are with everything.”

 

Mark cracked a smile. “I’ll remember to.”

 

“And Mark,” his mother said, still looking emotional, “remember that if you’re facing a difficult time, we’re here to provide a listening ear. I know you wouldn’t want us to fight your battles for you, but we’ll be there at your side for whatever you face. All you need to do is ask.”

 

“You just tell us what to do, son,” his father added. “Like right now, if you want us to drive you to have a chat with a certain next door neighbor of ours, your wish is our command.”

 

“Yeah,” Mark said, now grinning. “That’s exactly what I want right now.”

 

His father saluted and started the engine. As he started to drive, Mark saw his mother subtlety lean in closer to him to whisper, “Jinyoung?”

 

His father nodded.

 

“Oh good,” she said softly. “Such a nice boy. I’ve always liked him.”

 

Yes, Mark thought, leaning his head back. Me, too.

 


 

Mark didn’t bother to get changed when he got back. He went straight over to Jinyoung’s in his formalwear, not wanting to waste a single second of his time. Still, he didn’t want to knock on the front door and have to go through the bother of having the Parks trying to tell him that Jinyoung was sick when Mark was pretty sure he wasn’t. He thought for a moment of throwing a pebble against his window to get his attention like they did in movies, but he remembered reading an article somewhere where people had voted that they’d hate it if someone did that to them in real life.

 

So he called him instead, hoping he was still awake. Jinyoung answered on the second ring. “Mark?”

 

“Come to your window.”

 

A moment later, Jinyoung’s face appeared, looking down at him. “What are you doing back from the dance so early?”

 

“I need to talk to you.”

 

“What about Eileen?”

 

Mark didn’t want to explain everything with a window separating them. “It’s fine. Hey, can you come on out? Let’s go to the park.”

 

“It’s cold.”

 

“I know.”

 

Jinyoung pressed the tips of his fingers against the window, and he must have exhaled a little, since the glass fogged, obscuring part of his face. “…all right,” he said. “Give me just a second. We’ll talk.”​

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Cho_lolai101 #1
Chapter 8: Awwww .... a beautiful breathe of fresh air . Life is truly good when we have ‘people to share life’s precious moments ... there’s a whole lot of good and genuine people that deserve it’. It’s when we experience those difficult times that we find out who our true friends really are, through thick and thin ... no matter what; This is a memorable ff for me and I hope more get to appreciate what it has encompassed. I’m gonna rest my eyes for a bit and off to the next one ... With gratitude and love to you, Author-nim ??
Cho_lolai101 #2
Chapter 7: I will only pass this world once and I’m grateful for all the friends and people I’ve met along the way, most specially grateful to the AhgaFam I belong, how truly proud I am to be an Ahgase. We have a sort of saying here in Toronto that goes: “Toronto Loves Everybody” we are a diverse culture that embraces and support everybody . My wealth and treasures are my family and group of friends that supports and accepts me as I am, whatever makes me happy as my sons and siblings has said and shown me has made me feel so blessed. I wanna be able to somehow share this to everyone, be honest, love yourself and reach out ... it might be easier said than done but there always is hope as we live. Reading fanfics, I have discovered and learned so much more and gave me the freedom to share. I respect the authors for their time, effort and brilliance to execute such meaningful stories. I love stories that have happy endings more than sad, who doesn’t? But most of all it’s the lessons we learn and gain. Author-nim, hats off once again. I can say my time is very well spent reading a lot as much as I can in this self-isolation time due to Covid19; kindly stay well and safe Yeorobun.
Cho_lolai101 #3
Chapter 5: To be afraid of the unknown can be such a in life, fear itself can do harm in so many diff levels/ways ... having someone you can talk to and understand is a blessing that not too many are aware of; times have changed ... it still is not easy, my best friend went through this when we were in hi-sch ... 30 years later when we reconciled was when she confessed to me (I’d already gotten married and have 2 kids but going through separation then)... we met up and we both healed each other, we had a long distance relationship for 4 years and when we decided to split up was when my now true loves of love - GOT7 (2015) came in the pic. We have stayed the best of friends and soulmates to this day (we both stayed single) but she knows and supports me big time with my idols.
Our one and only niece took it real hard coming out but us aunties knew and just gave all support we can; my bro her dad actually confined to my bestie before me and no one judged our niece, even her oldest bro protected her ... and she found a real nice girl who understood and loved her unconditionally; she moved to be with my niece and my sons were also instrumental in helping her land a job where she would be appreciated, accepted and loved. I’m sharing all these in the hopes of giving so much hope and understanding. We are all created equally , love comes in all shapes and forms and bright colours. Oh I hurt and can relate in this episode but even if this was published later just the fact that someone reached out requesting this type of scenario and somebody generous enough to oblige is uplifting. I am not one to ever judge ... be brave and strong enough ... author-nim ... this is hats off ?? I’m sorry if I rambled too much ???
park-jinyoung
#4
Chapter 8: AHHHH SO BEAUTIFUL AND HEARTWARMING (ಥ_ಥ)❤❤❤ im soooo happy for markjin, they deserve all the happiness in the world uwu

thank you for this :"""")
PepiPlease
#5
Chapter 8: This is so beautiful even though it hurts so much. The working title could be: OYH - between security and insecurity
I love the way they are considerate towards each other. They rather choose to suffer alone than to hurt the other or rope him into some trouble. But I think the best part for me is how they promise each other not to turn their back on the other. It's like the maximum trust level to blindly promise when you have no idea what the other is hiding (but are well aware THAT the other is indeed hiding something). Nothing can beat trust. Thank you for this beautiful story. It was a journey bristled with obstacles but also such adorable moments they shared together. I am always thankful for a happy end because if it wouldn't end happy for my two best boys, I would miserably cry for hours. But now I'm not crying, no, I'm freaking tossing flower petals left and right from me, bouncing through the world, full of love for markjin. Good day.
shoujo-camui
#6
Chapter 8: Lovely!<3
JinyoungsMark #7
Chapter 8: Soo sweet as ever.. Thank u yet again for this amazing fic.. <3 soo looking forward for ur next update on ur next fic <3
markinpeach
#8
Chapter 8: Thank you for this beautiful story <3
Such an interesting exploration on coming of age, full of hardships but also full of happiness
I felt like crying, when Jinyoung thinks he “doesn’t” deserve a prom and felt like melting when Mark actually asked him first *cries in joy*

Btw, new story! Yay!
Markjinlife #9
Oh no is this update really the end of the story, I just realise the green word completely is there i feels like crying but can’t wait for tonight update
Magentusrex
#10
Chapter 8: Well here you are with another beautiful, heartwarming, and affirming story. I love your writing, as I'm sure that I've mentioned many times before. You did a fantastic job of showing the kind of inner turmoil that happens to young people. i love this story and it's resolution. I can't wait to see what you are going to do next.