I don’t what went wrong, one day I found myself being lost. My family is super rich, they spoil me and everything but they expect me to be intelligent, they expect a lot of me, and they expect that I will never disappoint them. As I found myself being lost, I know I have to be apart from you, the one that keep me up every day, my Jisun.

As the next moment, I had this unbearable sadness. Your love, your beauty, your soul and your warmth. Where could I take them? I just didn’t know. 

I’m afraid to hurt you more, as I found myself being incompetent. I knew I have to break up with you with the biggest lie I had ever said. I should be forgetting you and makes myself be better.

Still when I think of your name

I get tears in my eyes and if I close my eyes for a moment

I see you

My everyday life is so busy, that’s why I can’t meet with Saerom today. Saerom, I don’t know what I feel about her, I’m happy that she’s there and that’s all. I’m walking toward the bus stop but suddenly it’s raining. I stop and let the rain pour into me.

I cannot think of anything except you, now without you in my everyday life, I should have become a little used to it. But no, as I saw you after two years, my heart break again, knowing I hurt you so much.

I suddenly feel the rain stop pouring into me and it’s bring me into the reality. I see… you’re still holding on to me like I’m holding on to you too.

“You will get sick,” Her petite body and her hazy eyes. I miss all of them.

“It’s okay, you will take care of me,” I said. Your eyes got confuse, why the hell am I telling it to you when I obviously hurt you many times? It will continue hurt the both of us, but I don’t care.

“Are you crazy?” You asks.

“Yeah, I am, I am stupid too,” I said. The umbrella you are using to protect from rain is blue, like my feelings.

“Yeah, you are stupid, but what can I do about it?” You asks. I smile at you, I will always smile for you even you insult me. I will always love you, you’re someone I will always love.

“Jisun!!” I run toward you as I wave my hand and you welcome me with a huge smile.

“Gyuri unnie!!” You run me too with a huge smile at your face then we hug each other in the streets.

“Jisun!!! I won!!” I said then I carry you and spin you around while you laugh at it.

“Really??? WOAH!!” You said with so much excited. I won as I think of you, for you to be proud of me. “Congratulation!! I know that you’re the best violist in the world!! I will cook for you as a prize,” You praise me and I smile so big at you.

I wake up and see you, I smile but slowly disappear when it’s turn out to be Saerom.

“You’re sick,” Saerom said then I look away and sigh. “I will change the water,”

“Thank you,” I said with a little smile.

It’s time to be familiar with this, night too long, I can’t sleep. It’s not like me to be like this, I go to unfamiliar place, and I’ll make a world without a trace of you. Unfamiliar streets and people, that’s okay, live busily.

However.

I see you again, whenever you shake me up something never change, I know it well, that you’re here. I wander in a sad dreams, so why do I, why can’t I change? I keep looking back. Whenever I walked, memory of you suddenly blocks my way. Missing you is the truth.

“You should take a rest, you are stressing yourself too much,” Hayoung said. Saerom, Hayoung, and Jiwon are in my place. Jiwon is my junior which turn out to be Jisun’s new best friend. It used to be me.

“Yeah, I should,” I said then I sigh as take a sip of my tea prepared by Saerom. “Thank you Saerom,” I said with a little smile. I can’t smile anymore, I can’t smile any bigger without you.

“It’s nothing,” Saerom said with a gentle smile. I’m really thankful at her for being patience with me.

“How did you know?” I asks.

“Jisun texted me,” Saerom said then I drop my tea cup and they all goes to me. Hearing your name is so disaster.

“Are you okay?” Jiwon asks then I sigh and lean back at the couch and close my eyes.

“Why are you shock hearing Jisun name?” Hayoung asks.

“How did Jisun know you are sick?” Jiwon asks. I continue to close my eyes, thinking what I should answer.

“Jisun…” I called your name

Like I always call your name in my lonely nights.