//

lost, empty... saturnine.

it’s so abnormal, solitude has never felt so... brooding and heartbreaking. minjoo finds herself frequently observing the monotonous ceiling— be it on her bed or on the sofa, sometimes dwelling too deep in her musings and sometimes merely staring blankly with nothing crossing her mind. 

she’s not dense and absolutely not so absentminded. how long ago was their previous kiss? two... no, three weeks ago. in the course of those three tortorous weeks, she wasn’t so inattentive that she didn’t notice how she and sakura barely exchanged words— if they did, it would only be a single phrase, a single word. she wasn’t so unobservant that she didn’t notice how sakura sat a little too far away from her whenever they lounge on the sofa, how she jokes less, how she spends her time outside more to the point where she barely comes home.

(home? did sakura even consider this place home anymore?)

and every time she took a gander at her roommate, sakura seemed so spiritually drained, expression almost dreary and the latter seemed to often warp in and out of her own pondering.

it was so blantant, how could she not notice?

where did we go wrong?

what a foolish, witless and senseless question. the audacity to even ask herself such question she clearly knows the answer to. minjoo knows exactly where.

from the moment she had agreed to such a silly and thoughtless game bound to lead to heartache and emotional distress, their relationship had grown but it had grown to something heart-rending that it’s tearing themselves apart. 

minjoo hates how it’s taking a toll on her. 

“-joo. minjoo? yah kim minjoo!” 

minjoo jerked out of her doleful stupor as a sharp, powerful voice hauled her out of her dejected state. her eyes fluttered in confusion as she takes in her surroundings having lost her sense of whereabouts due to her superfluous dwelling. her muscles remained taut when her daunting boss stood infront of her as a look of discontent crosses her face, arms akimbo.

minjoo swallows nervously and shifts her weight uncomfortably, feeling a wave of chills surging through her entire body when she’s met with that stifling glare. 

“e-eunbi unnie... i’m sorry, i-“

“you’re crying,” eunbi firmly points out, her dissatisfied expression gradually dissolving into worry as she spots the tear-stains on minjoo’s cherubic cheeks. 

it wasn’t every day she’d find an employee of hers silently weeping out of the blue.

“h-huh?” minjoo is alarmed to find her cheeks damp, how did she end up shedding tears unconsciously? she immediately brings up her hands to her porcelain face, swiftly erasing the unsolicited tears with short sniffles.

internally, she ridicules herself for tearing up. she’s uncertain who these tears were for. sakura? herself? them? by and by, she couldn’t blame anyone, for she brought this predicament on herself. she didn’t like how her mind is always conquered by the surplus thoughts of a certain brunette. it’s kind of wounding.

“what’s wrong, my little frog? you’ve been spacing out a lot today. may i remind you you’re at work?” eunbi flashes her a soft, benign smile, gently grasping onto minjoo’s delicate trembling hands— hoping to be (at least) the current source of strength and comfort for the younger woman in distress.

the tender-hearted gesture, the understanding gaze of the ravenette manages to spark an ember within her, providing her with the warmth a mother would to her child. minjoo realises how much she missed such warmth.

she clenches her teeth, the lump in is making it hard for her to keep her tears at bay. she brings a hand to her chest, clasping the silky fabric of her uniform and eunbi’s heart sank at minjoo’s state of vulnerability. 

“unnie, it’s aching... here. why does every time i love someone, it hurts?” minjoo’s voice is fragile and breaking, her eyes are coated with a glassy layer and eunbi releases a thin smile as she clasps onto her hands, occasionally squeezing them.

“let me guess... jealousy?”

when minjoo averts her gaze reluctantly, eunbi purses her lips and automatically reels her into her arms, using a hand to lightly pat the pinkette’s head as a sign of reassurance. the older woman may not have a clear visualisation of what minjoo was going through but she hopes her words and gestures are simply abundant to remove whatever doubts minjoo has. 

“darling, jealousy is a normal emotion everyone experiences when they’re in love.”

“but i shouldn’t feel this way... it’s unhealthy.” minjoo retorts weakly as she relents into eunbi’s mellow embrace and extracts a shaky sigh.

but then she hears eunbi’s soft chuckles reverberating lightly in her ears, she wonders if she’s mentioned anything amusing. a light pat on her back and eunbi pulls away, palming her cheeks until her rosebud lips pouted. there’s a small smile plastered on eunbi’s lips, minjoo isn’t exactly sure why.

“if you’re not jealous then you’re not in love, silly minguri. you’re obligated to feel that way because it’s part of your emotions. it doesn’t necessarily have to be a negative emotion because it just shows how much you care for that someone. it shows how much you love them that it hurts just bearing the thought of them with someone else... right?”

the way eunbi had spoken made her infer that the woman might have went through something similar. the way she spoke was like she had experienced it all and it really made minjoo ponder about whoever had shaped eunbi into the potent and stupendous woman she is today.

she meekly nods upon eunbi’s words, and there’s that image of her dumb roommate with that stupid charming smile of hers flashing in her mind. 

that contagious, radiant smile which seemed to always be accompanied with a touch of sunshine that simply bequeaths her with a flicker of joy, the spark progressively flourishing into constant overwhelming rush of exhilarating warmth and suppressed elation.

she wasn’t so sure at first but... it’s not too late for her, is it?

“minjoo, remember this; whoever is meant to be, they’ll stay. the right person always does.”

///

the subsequent morning, minjoo is seated at the dining table, her eyes darting silently wherever sakura appears. out of her room, the living room, inside her room and finally to the shoe rack at the entrance... and weirdly (yet expectedly) sakura never once spared her a single glance, even when the brunette could sense a pair of eyes trailing after her watchfully. 

minjoo’s brows met in a frown, clasping onto her mug with both hands as she parts her lips after being in deep contemplation. 

“don’t you want to eat breakfast?” she tries, uttering out with a dry voice. to her, her query sounded more like an imploration. 

there was a hesitant pause, if sakura had noticed it, then it was evident that she was feigning ignorance.

“i’m fine, i’m late anyways.” cold, sakura has never spoken to her with such a bleak and dull tone.

minjoo’s grip on her mug tightens, tasting a hint of iron inside , perhaps from biting the inside of her cheek a little too hard.

it’s clear that sakura is moving with urgent haste, but was it merely to catch up to class... or simply to escape from the suffocating silence? sakura has never once gave a single damn about being late to her classes, so why?

this wasn’t anything new to minjoo since the last three weeks. mornings have never felt so strained and mirthless. where were those moments when sakura would mindlessly trudge out of her room with strands of hair poking out in every direction before flopping down onto a dining chair and begin her usual, idle morning jokes and chatter while wolfing down breakfast? 

none.

instead, minjoo is greeted with a cold demeanor. during mornings when sakura is present, conversations rarely occur between the both of them and the said brunette would go out earlier than usual. too early. 

it’s as if she’s running away, away from her.

but honestly, she’s trying... minjoo is trying, yet she’s constantly being pushed away because of reasons she remains unclear of.

“wait,” minjoo tries again.

“are you coming home as per usual tonight?” and she uselessly hopes for at least a truthful response this time round.

the way sakura’s eyes travel to the ground with uncertainty didn’t go unnoticed. 

so much for hope.

“yeah... don’t wait for me.”

a white lie, sakura never came home.

that night, minjoo had checked in with both yena and hyewon regarding her roommate’s whereabouts— because there were times sakura would reside inside one of their apartments instead of commuting home. when they both mentioned that sakura hadn’t step foot inside their houses, there’s that agonising, sinking feeling inside her stomach yet again. (it never left.)

her heart strings tugged endlessly with pain and discomfort and she completely despises the fact that she knows where sakura could have gone.

‘you know that i’m always here if you need me’

///

headache be damned...

it doesn’t seem to be dwindling, her head is throbbing, pounding ruthlessly and she in a sharp breath through her teeth trying to bear the torment. minjoo uses a hand to massage her temples, she bares her teeth.

as if the current predicament she’s in wasn’t tormenting enough, this harrowing headache wouldn’t leave her alone the whole day, persistently disrupting her focus during her classes.

the rambunctious cacophony of the rain and people rushing indoors seeking shelter only pulsated her headache, her knees gradually start to quiver and all of a sudden, it feels as if she‘s carrying boulders on her shoulders.

her grip on her umbrella handle slowly falters, minjoo looks up across the road with fluttering eyelids, her vision slowly obscured with what it seems like miniature stars floating up and about. and for a moment, she swore she saw the green man light up... or did it not? she isn’t sure but her feet seem to have a mind of their own and before she knows it, she’s crossing the road mindlessly, her steps heavy and feeble she could collapse at any given time.

she couldn’t process anything after that, not even the thunderous sound of a car honking when she turns to her side, the headlights drawing near. 

move.

how? she barely has the energy to move her legs.

but then it happened in a blink of eye; one minute, she was sure she would end up under a vehicle but then the next, a pair of slender yet strong arms yanked her back by her waist with utmost strength in the last second. 

her head is hammering. she soon finds herself lying on the wet pavement with a familiar pair of brown pools gazing back into her own, shielded from the rain by her. 

 <