I felt numb. Distantly I could feel my body hitting the ground. Flash! Flash! The camera light surrounded me as I was shivering. From all sides I could feel the peoples eyes on me. They were laughing, grinning, pointing. I could hear their voices in my head again and again, asking Now, now. Just what should we do with this? I cowered, screaming “Leave me alone! Leave me alone!”

When I opened my eyes I could see the typical white ceiling of a hospital. Just like everything else in the room the curtains that surrounded me were in a sterile white that made me feel incredibly cold. Gradually the memories of what had happened at the airport came back to me and I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Yuta and I hadn't even started to properly figure out our relationship and we were already met with this kind of threat.

I silently lay in my hospital bed as the tears rolled down my eyes. After what felt like an eternity, the curtain slowly and carefully opened and revealed my manager. I hadn't even thought about how difficult this probably was for her. Unable to meet her eyes I stared at the ceiling and waited for her to talk.

Silently she sat down next to my bed. Although I expected her to say something she didn't. Just like me she remained silent.

After a while I finally opened my mouth and asked her: “Has it been leaked already?” As I spoke my throat protested in pain. I had probably screamed my throat sore when I broke down in the airport. In the corner of my eye I could see my manager look at me confusedly. “Has what been leaked?” she asked, as though she had no idea of what I was talking about. Immediately I felt a surge of relief filling my body, before I reminded myself that this was no guarantee that it wouldn't be leaked any moment now.

“Could you hand me my phone?” I asked as I slowly sat up in my bed. I had to show her, in order to prevent anything worse from happening. Right when I had my phone in my hand I searched for the message I had received from the anonymous number and handed the phone back to her. I could hear her slowly inhaling air as though she was trying to hold a loud gasp in.

“Taeyong,” she said. “Taeyong, I have to report this, I'm sorry.” Without saying anything I nodded. She squeezed my hand once before she stepped out of the curtain to make a phone call. Alone again I slowly started to get up from my bed and put on my shoes. I knew the management wouldn't delay a meeting any further, even if I wasn't feeling good. After all, they now had not only an artist in a same- relationship at their hands now, they had to deal with a very serious threat now as well. I knew that the leakage of my relationship with Yuta wasn't only my matter, it never was when you worked in the entertainment industry, especially not when you worked in Korea, where idols and artists in relationship were frowned upon, even more so when both were celebrities and in mine and Yuta's case, male. I knew my label would be deeply affected if our relationship was leaked, wether I liked it or not. And to an extend I was relieved to have someone else deal with this situation.

About an hour later I was released from the hospital and my manager and I immediately drove to the agency's head quarters. The drive felt incredibly long, as my already strained nerves were met with even more anxiousness. I knew the label's reaction wouldn't be good and it was more than likely that they'd try to break me and Yuta up, even if that wasn't the most important issue at hand.

When we stopped at a red light, my manager turned to me in concern. “Taeyong,” she started. “I'm sorry your relationship had to be revealed to the label so quickly. I know you would have wished to savour it a bit more before the agency could start to interfere. But I'm doing this because we're heading in a dangerous direction with this threat. Do you understand why I had to do this?”

“I do, don't worry,” I said before turning away again.

At the agency we were immediately led to one of the meeting rooms, where we were already greeted with the most important personnel of our company. I sat down when I was offered my feet. Although I was just sitting in the car for a while, my legs still felt wobbly, which is why I felt thankful for being able to sit.

The whole meeting was just a blur from jumping from topic to topic and then back again, as I explained again and again what had happened, what my exact relationship with Yuta was, who I thought was responsible for this threat or who I thought would want to harm me, which was why I had to retell what felt like my entire relationship history with Thea as well, until it came to the point of counter measures. This was both the point that I looked forward to the most, as well as the point that I feared the most. While I was relieved to know that this would be properly taken care of, I also feared for the consequences this would have for me and Yuta.

“I hope you know that this matter could not only harm your career, but also this label's reputation,” said one of the men across from me.

I nodded. “I do.”

“Then I suppose you already know that we will not tolerate your relationship with Nakamoto Yuta. We have decided unanimously that we would like you to end your relationship with him, both for the sake of your career and our reputation.”

Taking a deep breath I collected my thoughts. “I have indeed expected you to make this demand. However, I am willing to leave the company if this means I can stay with him. I have never wanted anything as much as being with him, and we have only started dating as well. I am still young, I still have other options in life than this career. Although I won't lie and say that making music isn't important to me, I have other things I like as well. I won't hesitate to take this step if we can find no other solution for this.” When I finished my little speech, I stared into several shocked faces, all of them looking as though I was crazy. Only moments later they left the room to further consult on the matter. The only ones left in the room were my manager and I. After several moments of silence she turned to me and asked me “Are you really willing to end your entire career for him?”

“... Yes.” After a moment of consideration I added: “It wouldn't be only for him though. I think if this industry is really going to prevent me from being happy, be it with Yuta or another person, for only the sake of profit, it's best if I leave it.” To this my manager remained silent.

It took over an hour for the people from management to debate over the next steps. When they finally left the other room and entered the meeting room again, some of them looked sullen, although it was only one or two. The others, although they didn't exactly look happy, they didn't look too displeased either.

The man from earlier sat down again and faced me with a small smile. “We have decided that we will allow you and Nakamoto Yuta to keep your relationship. However you must act as cautious as possible. We do not want your relationship to be leaked in any form if you did not previously consult with us.” Not waiting for me to respond in any way, he continued: “Furthermore we will confiscate your phone to have the number be traced by an IT-Specialist. As we have been informed that you possess a second phone, we will now permit you to copy any important numbers, before you hand it in. You will also be accompanied by bodyguards at all times, until it is certain that this matter is finished. All your activities will be canceled for the next few weeks because of your break down earlier this day and to avoid any kind of commotion.”

To say I was relieved was an understatement. Of course I knew that this was far from over but just knowing that this would be taken care of made my body feel as though a thousand kilos were lifted from my shoulders. When I got home, with body guards placed right next to the entrance to my apartment, I immediately flopped down on my bed and pulled out my second phone, that was now the only phone I would be using.

I made sure to message all of my contacts that my number was changed now, before I called Yuta. I wasn't sure if he was busy right now or not, but I wanted to try anyways. I let the phone ring for a few moments, but he still hadn't picked up. I was about to give up when he finally answered.

“Hello?” He asked in Japanese.

“Yuta, it's me.”

“Taeyong? Did your number change?” Quickly I explained to him why my other phone was taken in by the company. I didn't tell him that I broke down in the airport. He was probably going to find out later anyways, but I didn't want him to worry too much.

“It's good that didn't keep it to yourself, who knows what could've happened. But how were they able to take a picture of us?” Yuta appeared to be in deep thought. Not that I couldn't understand his confusion. After all, when we said goodbye, we were in my hotel room and not down in the lobby, or even the hallway. How could they have been able to take a picture of us? Immediately a thought entered my head that sent shivers down my spine.

“Don't tell me, they had cameras in my room?”

“... It's not unlikely.” Yuta let out a long sigh. “It's good that your company is taking care of it now. This could escalate very fast.”

A sudden urge overcame me. I wanted to ask Yuta if he regretted being with me, now that I pulled him into this whole situation that could ruin his life. I wanted to ask him if he would change his choice to confess to me, to go out with me if he could travel back in time, if it meant that he would be able to avoid this. I wanted to know if he regretted this.

As though he could read my mind, he started talking.

“Don't overthink. I can hear the gears in your head running.” I chuckled softly, then let out a sigh. “What am I supposed to do then? I can't do anything but think.”

---

I could tell Taeyong was hiding something from me. I could almost feel it, hear it in the way he talked. But I wasn't going to ask him either. If he didn't want to tell me, then I wasn't going to force him.

I felt relief knowing that Taeyong finally got help with the situation. Since I was currently on set, I couldn't talk too long with him but at least I had a few minutes alone with him.

I felt that he feared that I would want to break up with him, now that we were in a situation that was a huge threat to our careers, so I felt obligated to reassure him. “I miss you,” I said. It was as much meant to comfort him, as much as it was the truth. We had only been apart for about a day but I missed having him around me. After spending almost everyday with him working on our song it was to be expected when we suddenly had to be apart.

“I miss you, too. So much.” His voice was soft, almost pained and it made my heart go soft in love while at the same time it clenched painfully. I knew this had to have to do with the thing he wasn't telling me and I wanted to scream at being unable to help him.

In a weak attempt to make him tell me, I asked: “You know you can tell me anything, right?” I knew he wouldn't tell me, so I wasn't surprised when he answered “Yes” without even hinting at what was wrong. I let out a sigh and was about to continue talking, when my manager called me. I had to go.

“I have to go. I'll call you later, okay?”

“Okay, have fun.”