I couldn't sleep. Restless I stared at the ceiling in Yuta's bedroom and cursed myself for not asking Yuta to stay with me. He had gone out of his way to give his bedroom to me and now I was feeling guilty for not using it properly. Again I played with the thought to wake Yuta and ask him to join me, but in the end I just couldn't do it.

Restless I kept lying in the darkness, waiting for the morning to come and release me from this agony.

Why had Thea called me, without saying anything? What did she want to do to me, what was her goal. The more I kept thinking, the more I feared what was to come. I couldn't believe I actually told her I had someone else I loved. I felt so stupid, not only must I have hurt her greatly, I also endangered Yuta. I didn't know how much Thea already knew, but if anything she said was true then I had pulled Yuta into big trouble.

I thought about Thea, the type of person she was. Before she had never seemed to be controlling in any kind, or obsessive. She actually was a kind person, who was good at what she was doing. I still felt really bad about breaking up with her, she was such a sweet person. I knew I hurt her, I knew she didn't deserve it, but – though I didn't know at first – she wasn't the right person for me, she wasn't Yuta.

By now I knew Johnny had been right. I was more than convinced that somewhere deep inside me I had known from the start that I would fall in love with Yuta, and that the emotion scared me so much that I avoided Yuta like a plague. Who knows what would have happened if I had approached Yuta, instead of avoiding him. Maybe I wouldn't have fallen in love. Maybe I would have stayed with Thea. Maybe, maybe, maybe...

All the different outcomes, the different possibilities wandered around in my head and before I knew it hours had passed. With a look onto my phone I sighed. 4 a.m. What a curse these sleepless nights were.

I rose from the bed and silently stepped into the living room. Yuta laid on the couch, his entire body covered by a big blanket and I couldn't really see where his body and where the couch began. It was impossible to see in this darkness. The only thing I was able to distinguish was his soft breath that sounded in a calm rhythm in the room. Tiredly I sunk down on the other half of the couch and listened to his breaths. It was calming to hear another person, to know Yuta was here with me. As long as he was there I was able to ignore all the worries storming my mind. Finally I was able to sleep.

The next morning I was woken by Yuta softly shaking me awake. “Taeyong,” he whispered and looked me in the eye. I stared at him, confused and tired. “I have to go to work, stay here as long as you want, okay?” I nodded tiredly and he smiled. I could see in his eyes that he had a ton of questions he wanted to ask me, but he didn't. Instead he ruffled my hair and left through the door after his manager. It took me a while after he left to understand what his questioning look was about. Blushing I called my manager to come pick me up, I still had quite a bit of recording to do after all.

The car ride to the studio was silent. I had told my manager what had happened, so she didn't have any questions regarding the incident of yesterday night, however I could feel that she had other questions on her mind, questions she was reluctant to ask. When I couldn't bear the silence anymore, I asked: “Okay, what do you want to ask?”

She sighed. “Taeyong, I want you to know that I do not want to ask you, I wish I didn't have to, that you coild come to me yourself, when you feel the time is right.” I had a feeling where this was going and I already regretted bringing it up. “But, it is my duty to ask: Are you and Yuta dating?” I felt the heat creeping into my face and I hid behind my hands. Embarrassed I shook my head. “But you want to?” A nod.

“Taeyong, I want you to know, I personally have nothing against this, but... should your relationship be exposed, no matter if to the media or just as a threat, I will have to report to the boss. Matters won't be in my hands anymore. I wanted to tell you because of the current situation with Thea. I know you think Thea won't really do something, but you have the tendency to be naïve when it comes to things like this and you might trust her, but I don't.” I stopped hiding my face in my hands and looked out of the window instead. This was one of the few aspects of being famous I really hated: your life wasn't your own anymore. It had been hard to hide my relationship with Thea, but there wouldn't have been as big of a commotion if it were to be exposed. If a relationship with another male were to be exposed, it would probably mean the end of my career.

“Also,” I looked away from the window and back to my manager. “We will have to leave in three days.”

---

I had to leave early with my manager since I had a couple of interviews today. Sadly that meant I wasn't able to stay with Taeyong. I had so many things I wanted to ask him. Why did he lay down by my side, what happened yesterday, did he have feelings for me?

I didn't want to be too hopeful. It often helped to be in the presence of somebody else when you can't sleep, I shouldn't be too hopeful that it meant something. And yet I still wondered, why did he rely on me and not his manager, why did he depend on me?

The whole day these thoughts didn't want to leave my head and even though I wasn't as distracted as I was when Taeyong had left, I knew that it was noticeable that I wasn't myself.

I knew I couldn't let these feelings continue to get in the way of my work.

While I had a break I called Mi-chan. I knew she wasn't busy today and I really needed her help.

“Hello?” She answered the phone.

“It's me,” I said. I told her about the situation and waited for her opinion. It didn't take long.

“I think you should tell him about your feelings,” she said. She argued that if Taeyong didn't reciprocate them then it wouldn't be as painful, because Taeyong would leave soon, and if he did then they would have time together as a couple before Taeyong had to leave. “If you don't confess soon then it'll be too late, and I'm sure you'll regret it.”

“Alright,” I said. “I'll think about it, thanks.”

“No problem.”

With my head still full of thoughts I turned to my manager. “Do you know when Taeyong will leave?”

My manager nodded and said: “In three days.” My stomach tightened painfully. Only three days? That was almost nothing! I had made up my mind. I would tell Taeyong about my feelings, wether he returned them or not. If he was leaving in three days and I had any chance at dating for the rest of those days then it was worth getting rejected!

The next day was the last day we were recording and with my plan in mind I faced the day with determination. I gave my best during the recordings, and worked hard to make the song perfect.

When we were done, it was already dark outside. The rest of the building was empty and only us and our producer were still present. Quietly Taeyong and I walked next to each other. Neither of us said a word for at least five minutes. My thoughts were racing, I didn't know how to start the conversation, and my nervousness was making it worse. Deciding to just go for it, I grabbed Taeyong's arm and pulled him with me.

“H-Hey, Yuta, where are you going?” he asked startled. I pulled us into a corner where I was sure we wouldn't be seen and looked into his eyes. He was looking back with a confused expression, but he didn't try to run away.

“I-” I wasn't sure what exactly I wanted to say. “I heard you're leaving the day after tomorrow...” Taeyong looked down and nodded. “Yes,” he whispered.

“Before you go...” I took a deep breath. How was I supposed to say this? “I want you to know that I'm in love with you...”

“What?”

“I'm in love with you, please go out with me.” I couldn't look Taeyong in his eyes. Ashamed I looked at our feet. Why wasn't he saying anything?

---

My thoughts were racing. Yuta was in love with me? I wasn't the only one? Startled I didn't manage to get out a single word. How was this possible?

A feeling of relief spread through my chest. I wasn't the only one!

Then my relieved thoughts were interrupted by doubt. I had to leave in two days. What would happen then? Would we grow apart steadily just like the space between us? Would I be alone again, left behind? How was this supposed to work, how were we supposed to be in a relationship when we didn't have steady schedules, were busy from morning to night, when we couldn't even make time for our families?

I realised that I still hadn't said anything and that Yuta must be feeling terrible by now. “I-” What was I supposed to say? I didn't know if I wanted to be in a relationship with Yuta, I had too many doubts. But I couldn't just let him stay here, without an answer, left to feel miserable by himself.

“I feel the same,” I said. Yuta, who had been staring at his feet almost the whole time raised his head and looked at me with a look of surprise in his eyes. “But I'm not sure if I want a relationship,” I continued. “I'm afraid it won't work out, that we'll suffer because of the distance.” Yuta smiled at me and took my hands in his.

“We'll make it work,” he whispered and looked me into my eyes. “And if it doesn't then it's not our fault.”

I still wasn't quite convinced but still I said: “Okay.”

Yuta stepped closer and took my face in his. “Can I kiss you?” he asked. Dazedly I nodded. His face got closer and closer until our lips were touching. A feeling of warmth spread through my chest and continued through the rest of my body. A feeling reassurance, of safety. I hadn't felt like this in a long time and the longer we stayed in that position, the more I thought, maybe everything was going to be alright, maybe I didn't have anything to worry about. In that moment, all my thoughts about Thea and her threats left my mind and I was able to get lost in the moment without a care in the world. Maybe it was foolish of me.