Age is supposed to give you experience, maturity… but it didn't so much for me. It took such tragedy to make me understand.

It's hard to see the truth. Find out that you've been living a lie, hiding from yourself.

-

I was missing something, and now I know what it was.

It's possible to be alive but not be living.

-

What had I been doing with all my time? I hadn't wasted it dreaming for the impossible or fantasizing with fairy tales, but despite that, what did I have?

Nothing but castles in the air.

~ ~0~ ~

Seconds passed, uncertainty grew. Where the hell were the rescue teams? I was starting to get nervous. Helplessly, I started thinking about my conversation with Jihyo that morning. It's funny what comes to mind in extreme situations like the one I was in right now. Love. We had talked about romance, using her new novel as an excuse. And I had gotten angry with her because… I had never had someone special, a partner, or someone I had been interested in. If I really thought about it right now, it was kind of sad.

"You know, Sana?" I called my companion, it was comforting to know that at these moments I had someone to talk to. "I just remembered something," I said. I started to open myself to her. "Son Chaeyoung," I whispered. She was silent waiting for me to continue.

"She's a good friend of mine. My best friend from my school days. We were inseparable in grade school. We started to drift apart as we grew up but always maintained a strong friendship." I started to explain not really knowing why. "When we graduated high school she confessed her feelings to me." I said. That whole incident still felt surreal to me, and now it was almost wistful. "I couldn't return them, she had always sort of been like a sister to me, you know what I mean?" poor Chaeyoung, I still can't forget her sad expression when I rejected her. I must have really hurt her. That expression was one of the reasons why I was so cautious when talking about love. I wasn't afraid of getting hurt, but I'd hate to hurt anyone else. Maybe that's why I was so against relationships.

"I was thinking that…" I paused, it was embarrassing. "… if I get out of here… do you think she would accept me if I asked? I could learn to love her over time." I said.

"Love can't be forced, Mina." Sana answered kindly, as if explaining something to a little kid who had just innocently asked a very obvious question.

No, you can't, I already knew that. It was just that I was finally realizing how alone I was. If I managed to survive, I wanted to experience that feeling, that strong and fragile character that would be the main theme of Jihyo's new novel. I wanted to be able to say 'I was there'. I wanted to fall in love and feel the passion. At least once in my life. Why does one need to be on the brink of death to realize that you want to live?

"You would suffer and so would she." Added my ne