Jung Eunbi was nervous.

The young paramedic wasn’t expecting to be conscripted, but then again, since the fall of Seoul, the military had a serious manpower shortage facing their old enemy in the North. With their allies either unreliable or tied up in their own conflicts, South Korea was on their own.

And now she had to face the horrors of basic training before being sent out into a real fight. Eunbi had never even held a gun before all this, and she wasn’t sure if she could deal with actually firing it in combat, with intent to kill. She was a paramedic, for goodness sake. Her job was to save lives, not take them.

She wasn’t ready for this at all. She barely had time to process what was going on before being shoved into boot camp with little more than the basics. At least it was an all-women camp, considering the number of female conscripts they had to call up for this. It could have been worse. She could have been shoved into a camp full of men.

The air was hot and muggy, though the sun was nowhere to be seen with all the murk in the sky. The sky hadn’t been clear ever since Seoul. It was a constant reminder of the suffering of their countrymen. Eunbi couldn’t forget it even if she wanted to. She was just glad her family hadn’t been anywhere near there when the bombs came.

Eunbi wasn’t the most athletic person in the world, though she wasn’t completely out of shape thanks to her old job. Still, running laps and then being forced through an obstacle course on your first day was likely to trip up any fresh rookie. She very nearly tripped and fell on her face, when a strong hand grabbed her by the shoulder and hauled her up before she ate mud.

“Hey, you okay?”

It was like hearing the voice of an angel. Eunbi blinked the sweat from her eyes, cursing her long hair that was plastered against her skin. It was soinconvenient now. The tiny paramedic swore she was going to chop it all off if this continued to be a problem.

Her savior was jogging on the spot to keep her momentum, but there was concern in those large doe eyes. Eunbi noted the bronzed skin and lean athletic frame of the other girl. Clearly this person had no trouble keeping up with the physical requirements, unlike her potato self.

“Come on, I’ll run with you. Don’t give up.”

Eunbi panted as she valiantly made an attempt to keep up with those long legs. As if sensing her difficulty, the owner of those long legs slowed her pace to make it easier for her. Eunbi envied the taller girl who had offered to run with her. She wasn’t even breathing hard.

“I’m slowing you down, you should go first,” Eunbi looked apologetically at her fellow conscript. The other girl shrugged.

“It’s okay, I already did my rounds. This is just a bit of extra exercise.”

Extra exercise what do you mean extra exercise?! Eunbi’s eyes widened almost comically. Here she was struggling to complete the assigned number of laps, and this girl had not only completed them already, but was actually running more of her own volition? What sorcery was this? Eunbi couldn’t relate.

“You looked like you needed company.” The tall girl scratched at her head awkwardly, smiling shyly. “My name’s Choi Yuna.”

“Jung Eunbi.” They didn’t talk much after that, Eunbi needing her breath to finish running, and Yuna deciding to just quietly support her. It was nice to have someone running by her side though, Eunbi thought. At least when she felt like giving up, glancing over at Yuna who was still taking it easy next to her shamed her into continuing.

Eunbi thought it would be the last time she would see Yuna that day, but when she finally dragged her exhausted body to her assigned bunk, she was surprised to see a familiar face.

“Hi, we meet again.” Yuna still seemed as energetic as she did in the day. “Hope you don’t mind me taking the top bunk.”

At this point, Eunbi just wanted to collapse into the nearest bed. Climbing to the top bunk right now was an impossible task, so she gladly let Yuna have it.

Yuna turned out to be a very agreeable roommate. Over the next couple of weeks, Eunbi was starting to notice how Yuna was always there to pick her back up when training got too difficult, and always ready to wake her or give her a hand when the drill sergeants did random checks on their rooms. The other girl was almost too nice to her, and they weren’t even really friends yet.

It took a while, but Eunbi finally voiced out her suspicion when Yuna cheerfully took the blame for her during training and was sent to do another 50 laps on the course.

“Why are you so nice to me?”

Yuna paused in the middle of folding her uniform. Eunbi watched with amusement as pink crept up the taller girl’s cheeks.

“...you’re cute and I wanted to be friends.” Yuna admitted after a moment, fidgeting nervously. Eunbi stared at her for a moment, then giggled. Yuna reddened a bit more. “What?”

“Most people just ask, ” Eunbi pointed out, stifling her mirth. “I almost thought you were trying to flirt with me.”

Yuna blinked rapidly, as if the thought had only just occurred to her. Then it was like a lightbulb went off in the younger’s head, and she straightened up.

“What if I am?”

Eunbi stared at her. “You’re joking.”

“No I’m not. You said I could ask. I’m asking.” Yuna looked very serious, though the red tips of her ears betrayed her nervousness. “I like you. A lot.”

Now it was Eunbi’s turn to blush. Nervously, she tucked her hair behind one ear, trying to figure out how to respond to the sudden confession. She had always thought Yuna was pretty, of course, but she hadn’t really thought about it that way. Training had always been so exhausting that she hadn’t had time to think about much in general.

But the other girl had always been there by her side, always ready with a smile or to help her with something she had trouble with. Still, Eunbi wasn’t sure about how she felt about Yuna. It was too sudden, and she didn’t want to jump into things.

Yuna had been watching her closely to gauge her reaction. Eunbi’s uncertainty was written all over her face, and suddenly the tall trainee regretted jumping the gun. She shouldn’t have pushed so soon and made Eunbi uncomfortable.

“Pretend I never said anything!” Yuna burst out, jumping to her feet. “I’m going to the range now bye!”

Before Eunbi could even say anything, her roommate was out of the place in a flash, leaving only dust in her wake. Eunbi’s jaw moved wordlessly for a few moments, then she sighed. Perhaps it was better this way?

It was an awkward next couple of weeks after that. Yuna had always been a hard worker in training, but now Eunbi barely saw her at all, because the other girl was always down at the shooting range even outside of normal practice time. It was strange to not have Yuna constantly stuck to her during training, but Eunbi didn’t fail to notice that the other girl still watched her closely whenever they had the same training sessions.

It was funny what you missed when it was finally gone. Without Yuna’s silly jokes and simple company, Eunbi found that she felt even more alone than when she started out. She wanted to catch Yuna to have a talk, but the younger girl was elusive when she wanted to be. Even if they didn’t date, surely they could still be friends? It was awkward to have the other girl avoid her all the time. Eunbi wasn’t even sure if Yuna managed to sleep at all, since the other girl was out before she was awake and didn’t return until right before lights out, by which time Eunbi was already knocked out from a hard day in training.

Eunbi wanted to stay awake to wait for Yuna, but her body never wanted to agree with her. Boot camp was almost over though, and soon they’d either be dispatched as grunts to the frontline, or sent to specialized training. Eunbi’s scores were generally average, though she did surprisingly well on the firing range. Of course, it was nowhere near as maddeningly perfect as Yuna’s, who performed well at all distances and qualified easily for Expert in their marksmanship tests. Eunbi wondered darkly if it was because of Yuna’s eagerness to avoid her that the girl had ended up honing her skills above and beyond at the range.

Extreme times called for extreme measures though, and Eunbi decided she had enough of trying to wait Yuna out. It was during one of their obstacle course sessions when the opportunity finally came. Eunbi wasn’t actually intending to fall, but she had become sort of distracted when she noticed Yuna climbing ahead of her (like, wow, she actually has a really nice figure? ), and lost her grip. She yelped when she plummeted, and saw Yuna whip around in horror during the fall.

The ground was muddy and sort of soft, which prevented her from breaking anything essential, but that didn’t mean she came out intact. Eunbi hissed at the sharp pain in her ankle, trying to pull herself from the muck. Yuna, meanwhile, had slid down faster than Eunbi thought possible, and was already by her side.

“Get on, I’ll take you to med bay.” Heedless of the mud, Yuna was offering her back for Eunbi to latch onto. The paramedic frowned.

“I’m all muddy.”

“You’re hurt. Let me carry you.” Yuna wasn’t backing down either. Eunbi puffed out a sigh.

“Fine. ” She plopped herself onto Yuna’s not very wide back, and the taller girl rose easily, as if Eunbi weighed nothing. The smaller girl clung onto the frighteningly thin frame, resting her cheek against Yuna’s neck. It was surprisingly comforting, despite Yuna not looking very strong or reliable.

“Not avoiding me anymore, hmm?” Eunbi said suddenly. Yuna tensed, the muscles in her shoulders tightening.

“I thought you needed some space…” Yuna started weakly, moving carefully still to avoid jostling the girl on her back. Eunbi noticed her consideration, of course, and it lit a warm feeling in her heart. That didn’t mean she was going to forgive Yuna so easily for ignoring her for weeks though.

“We are going to have a talk, and you’re not running away, Ms Choi.”

Yuna’s shoulders slumped. “Okay…” She sounded like she was being marched to an execution. Eunbi suppressed a chuckle, making herself sound stern.

“You have a lot to answer for.”

If it was even possible, Yuna seemed to shrink even more. The rest of their walk to the med bay was mercifully silent, Yuna stuck worrying while Eunbi enjoyed the closeness for the first time in weeks. She had missed having Yuna around, she could admit to herself that much. Did that mean she was going to accept her proposal? Eunbi still didn’t quite feel the same, but she did enjoy the girl’s company. What Yuna deserved, Eunbi thought, was a chance to change her mind.

Yuna, of course, didn’t know all these and was still worried that Eunbi was going to yell at her. Yuna didn’t have much experience liking someone and just wanted to make the person she liked happy. She wasn’t intending to screw up this badly. Her head was drooping and her heart was heavy. This was all such a mess and all her fault.

The tall girl was still beating herself up internally even after seeing Eunbi to the med bay and finding out that it was just a sprain. She was still sunk in her own depressive thoughts while carrying Eunbi back to their room, to the point that even Eunbi noticed how quiet she was being.

“Are you alright?” Eunbi asked, and Yuna jumped a little.

“I...I’m fine.” They were back in their room, but Eunbi was still muddy and getting to the showers was going to be a trial. Yuna clearly saw the problem as well, but was wondering how to volunteer to help without sounding like a complete ert.

“I need a shower…” Eunbi started. Yuna straightened up imperceptibly.

“I’ll take you there! I promise I won’t look!” Yuna was just short of crossing herself and swearing on the honour of god and country at this point. Despite herself, Eunbi laughed.

“You need a shower too, I got mud all over you.” Eunbi sounded apologetic, then a mischievous grin crept up her face. “You could get in the shower with me.”

Yuna turned the shade of a fresh cooked lobster at the idea. Eunbi giggled even harder. Oh, this was going to be fun for her. Probably less fun for Yuna, but Eunbi figured this could be punishment for ignoring her for the past few weeks.

The shower was interesting. Yuna was true to her word and literally blindfolded herself before helping Eunbi into one of the stalls. Eunbi was touched, but she didn’t say a word, allowing Yuna to gingerly help her out. It was cute how awkward the other girl was, and it was hard for Eunbi to pretend she was still upset with her. It seemed too much like kicking a puppy when it was down.

That night, they had a talk, Yuna on the top bunk and Eunbi at the bottom, whispering quietly to prevent anyone from hearing them. Yuna almost fell off the top bunk when Eunbi told her she had a chance. “I’m not saying yes yet, but we can be friends first.”

Yuna had never been so elated. She hadn’t missed the ‘yet’ in the sentence. For their remaining time in boot camp, Yuna was constantly by Eunbi’s side, literally doing everything she could to win Eunbi’s approval. It should have been smothering, but Eunbi found herself enjoying the attention, and it wasn’t too long after that when she finally admitted to herself that she found Yuna incredibly adorable and agreed to date her. The puppy whooped and lifted Eunbi off the ground, spinning around in circles until they were both dizzy and giggling.

Making sure that they didn’t get separated was hard, but Yuna managed it, pulling Eunbi with her into sniper training. It was difficult, but the two of them kept a low profile and excelled by egging each other on, and comforted each other at night when things got tough.

Yuna was there for Eunbi when the latter finally registered her first kill in the field, the ex-paramedic throwing up after the fact. Eunbi held Yuna through the night when the younger found out that her mother had finally passed on from radiation sickness, the reason why she had joined the military in the first place, before the conscription had begun.

They were friends, partners and lovers, and their efficiency in the field was unmatched to the point that they were always deployed together. From battlefield to battlefield they watched each other’s backs, bandaged their wounds when hurt, and kept each other sane when the world seemed to be going crazy around them. They found family when they were finally attached to Sojung’s unit, but Eunbi only crawled into Yuna’s arms at night for comfort, if not for warmth.

They promised to never be apart, and Eunbi would have brought Yuna home to see her family, but the war seemed to go on forever. And when it was finally over, it was too late.

Eunha woke up with tears in her eyes, huddled under her blankets missing the phantom warmth from her dreams. She knew it wasn’t real, but yet it was. It had happened once, just not to her.

For all of her fire, Eunha felt cold inside. Choking back a sob, Eunha wanted to curl in on herself, but sleep was elusive. Before she knew it, she had abandoned the cold comfort of her thin blankets and was shuffling almost by instinct to the other side of the room where Yuju was bundled up on her own cot.

The fire mage looked on wordlessly at the tangled form buried under the blanket. She really shouldn’t but she just...  Was it too much to just sit by her, just for a little while?

Yuju rolled over in her sleep, as if sensing the slight pressure from where Eunha sat at the edge of her cot. The dog shaman barely had her eyes open, but Eunha was still startled when Yuju mumbled aloud.

“...Eunha?” The voice was groggy, and Eunha flinched a little when Yuju’s hand fumbled over to cover hers on the bed. “Whazzwrong?”

“Nothing, I’m just going to…” Eunha wanted to pull away, but the familiar warmth of their joined hands almost brought her to the edge of tears again. Yuju frowned sleepily, as if sensing her distress.

“C’mere…” Yuju tugged at Eunha’s arm insistently, making the other mage lie down next to her before engulfing her in a bear hug. “S’ok, you’re not alone. M’here.”

Eunha bit her lip to keep from crying as she shrank into an all too familiar embrace, as if her dreams had come to life. They’re not the same, Eunha repeated to herself. I’m not Jung Eunbi, Yuju isn’t Choi Yuna, we’re not in love…

Yuju snuffled in her sleep and tightened her hug around Eunha, drawing the shivering mage closer. Eunha inhaled, tears shimmering in her eyes as she buried her face into Yuju’s neck. It was warm, and comforting. She could stay like this forever.

How am I supposed to not love you?