*Pic credits to the owner*

Chapter - Thantophobia

*Pic credits to the owner*

Jungkook greets all the cast and crew once he gets to the location; except his so-called co-star. Jungkook has been avoiding Taehyung since that day; except for the parts where they have to act together. The drama was almost done with its shooting and the airing dates have already been announced. They are going to have a press meet soon and that’s it. They will not meet again, maybe for few interviews, but after that.?? Taehyung has been feeling anxious a lot lately. Whenever his mind gets fuzzy, he ends up thinking about their kiss. It wasn’t a big thing, they did kiss for their movie and even for their drama now but they were different. That tiny peck had so many feelings incorporated in it that it made him wonder, is he falling for Jungkook.?? Sure he had always been clinging onto Suga but never did he felt how he was feeling whenever he was around that Bunny. Maybe Suga was just his crush, maybe he is just attracted by his good looks, but he has a feeling that Jungkook is more than that.

Taehyung brags into Jungkook’s waiting room, not even knocking on the door.

“Ya, you idiot. How many times should I tell you to….” Jungkook stops mid-sentence realizing that the one who bragged in is not his bratty manager but instead the one he had been trying to avoid.

“Looks like you got in the wrong room. Yours is the opposite one.” He speaks out coldly, deadpan and Taehyung didn’t like it, he didn’t like this Jungkook.

“I came to the right room; I came to speak to you.”

“If it’s about the drama then I am not in a mood to discuss. I am having a headache so I would appreciate it if you get out.”

“NO, I am going nowhere. This is important and you have to listen. I don’t understand why you are acting like this towards me. Why are you avoiding me? I don’t like it. It makes me feel…Ahh.” Taehyung hisses when his back hits the door with a bang with Jungkook towering a few centimeters away from him. Well, apparently it’s only two centimeters, sooo damn close to making Taehyung’s heart go wild.

“What does it make you feel like.??” Jungkook whispers, dangerously close to his lips.

“It...It makes me feel all funny, but I like the way I feel whenever I am near you. It..it makes me feel like..like I want to get close to you, hug you and k…” the rest of the words get swallowed down his throat when Jungkook smashes his lips onto his, kissing the daylight out of him. It started to be a bit rough but soon turned into a gentle one as if Jungkook wanted to cherish the moment. Taehyung feels the same familiar feeling he has whenever he is near the taller, but this time it’s just too overwhelming that it made him feel like his heart would burst out any moment, but he likes it. They pull away once they ran out of oxygen, lungs burning for air. Jungkook looks down at Taehyung, face flushed with his eyelids heavy and his pink swollen lips from their intense kiss, God, he could just kiss this adorable human being all day. Jungkook pulls Tae closer, if that was even possible, wrapping his hand around his tiny waist.

“Taehyung, I know that you are still confused about your feelings, but I am sure you will know what it is. So Taehyung, Can I be your boyfriend, can I.??”

Jungkook is right, he might not know his feelings now, but accepting Kook felt totally right. He nods his head cutely and that was enough for Jungkook to lose his . God, how is he going to handle himself from not launching on this boy.??

Suga leans back in his seat, looking out at the busy streets of Seoul. He just got back from China after a CF shoot and was tired as hell but his mind keeps wavering back to that day. Jimin, gosh he can’t think about him. They stop by a Café on their way to grab some coffee. Their manager gets down to buy for everyone as Jungkook keeps on whining to hurry up, well he can’t wait to meet his boyfriend. Suga huffs as he looks out of the window finding a beautiful fountain, lit with colorful lights. There were few benches around it, along with different flower plants along the borders. People were busy, briskly walking to their destinations, not appreciating the beauty of the place. But that wasn’t what exactly caught his attention. It was that certain pregnant boy, holding a bunch of flyers, trying his best to distribute to the passers-by, only to get ignored by them. But he doesn’t give up, he tries and tries until an old guy comes and grabs those papers away, shouting something as the petite male tries to speak up, only to get shut up by a bill of 1000 won in his hands. He can see him sigh as he sits down on one of the benches and Suga was sure he was going to cry until that boy looked up, slightly smiling at something he looked at. Was he looking at him.?? he can see him through the tanned glass.? Suga gets even confused when Jimin walks up to his van, still smiling but once he looks the other way, he understands why. There was a bus stopped for the red light with some brands ad Suga was modeling for, his picture covering almost the whole vehicle. He looks back to see Jimin gazing at that bus, the same way he looked at that baby crib. What did he do to deserve Jimin looking at him with such admiration.?? He treated him like but why… why does he still smile looking at his picture.??

Once the bus goes away, Jimin walks away too and Suga jumps out of the van, putting on his mask and grabbing on his jacket, not listening to his leader's protests. He follows Jimin to the nearby subway station. They get into the metro train which was fairly empty as Suga sits at some random place, waiting for Jimin to sit near him but the pregnant boy just stands in one of the corners. Why is he standing.?? There is plenty of space on the train to sit. Maybe he is feeling shy.?? Suga slightly moves to a side, looking up at Jimin through his glasses as he taps onto space next to him. Jimin was about to smile a bit but the guy on the other side scoffs.

“Excuse me, are you seriously offering that guy to sit beside me.?? I am sorry but it will make me extremely uncomfortable. You can sit if you want, if not, then you are free to leave. Don’t just go around and ask people like him to sit beside someone, making everyone uncomfortable.”

Control, control, Suga chats in his mind, he is so damn angry right now that he can break that guy into pieces but he can’t risk revealing his identity. He tries to stay calm as Jimin starts bowing, apologizing out of nowhere.

“I...I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Thank you so much for the offer but I am fine, I am sorry again.”

With that Jimin walks away from them to a deserted corner, standing there with the support.

Once the guy from before leaving, along with few more people making the train almost empty, Jimin slowly walks up to Suga and points at an empty seat which was fairly far from the latter, silently asking him permission to sit.

Once Suga nods his head slightly, Jimin sits down with a sigh, feeling relief from the pain of standing.

He glances at Suga as he fiddles with the hem of his shirt, a thing he does whenever he is nervous, Suga noted.

“Just before, I was really thankful. As you saw, people generally don’t really like pregnant males. They treat us like untouchables.” Jimin chuckles bitterly. He looks up at the masked guy beside him, trying his best to look into his eyes through the latter’s shades as he speaks again. The taller’s frame looks familiar to him, but there is no way the one in his mind will be there right beside him.

“If you ever find someone like me again, please do treat them well; it means a lot to us.” Jimin bow with a smile as he gets up and walks to the nearby doors, ready to get down at the next stop.

Suga was lost of words. He was too staggered that he almost forgot to get off the station but lucky enough he pulled himself together and jumps off the train right before its doors closed. How can Jimin be so generous to the people who hate him too.?? He chuckles, there is no way he would ever understand the smaller, and he is too good to this world. He continues following Jimin who walks into a conviction store nearby their home. Since when did he start calling that place home.?? He sees Jimin, holding a box of chocolate ice cream and a vegetable salad, looking lost. He looks at ice cream longingly before placing it back in its place and buying the salad. Oh, he must be craving some ice cream. Suga feels something twisting in his heart looking at Jimin like that. This boy, face lots of hater and hardship every day but never give up on finding a job even in his condition. A lot of frustration and anger piled up in him in just one day he spent with that boy but how can he not do anything about it.?? He.. he really is too soft and fragile, too good to be true. Jimin walks out of the store and sits down on one of the benches in the nearby park, slowly munching down his salad when a guy, dressed in an expensive suit, stops in front of him.

“Hey, aren’t you Jimin, Park Jimin.??” Jimin looks up at the guy questioningly, not really recognizing him. But Suga did. It’s Park Chanyeol, the sole heir of Park group of companies but that wasn’t it, he was the Chinese exchange student of Seoul arts high. He is half Korean, his family settled in china, but their company is spread worldwide. He was a genius in studies and was considered as the good-looking guy in their school. How does the Ex-basket ball player know Jimin.??

“Don’t you recognize me.? It’s me, Chanyeol, basketball player, the idol of the school, Seoul arts high.?? I was your classmate.”

Classmate.?? “I...I am sorry but I don’t remember you.”

“Oh it's fine, you have always been to yourself, it wouldn’t be a surprise if you don’t remember me.” Chanyeol casually mutters as he sits down beside Jimin.

“So, how’s life going ha.??”

“Hmm.”

“Hey, don’t need to get all scared. I am harmless. I am actually waiting for my boyfriend, he works nearby.”

“Oh.”

“You didn’t tell me about your life.?? How are you doing.?? Did you find your special someone.??”

Just when Chanyeol finishes his sentence, Jimin feels a hard kick from his baby, making him groan.

“Are you ok.?”

“Yeah, just…” Jimin clenches onto the place where his baby kicked and that’s when Chanyeol notices the baby bump, along with the band of platinum around his left ring finger.

“Looks like you did find you, special someone,” Chanyeol mutters with a smile, pointing at his wedding ring.

“Y...yeah.”

“How many weeks along are you.?”

“25 weeks”

“Can I..touch it.??” Chanyeol speaks out in a hesitating tone, silently requesting with his eyes.

Jimin nods with a tiny smile, he does look safe. Once Chanyeol places his hand on his tummy, he finds the touch foreign, but not uncomfortable.

“Who would have thought that I will meet my crush after so long like this, pregnant and married.?” Chanyeol chuckles as he removes his hand away from the latter.

“Ha.??” Jimin was confused, did he just say crush.??

“I know I never told you this, but I will regret it if I don’t tell you now. I fell for you the moment I saw you, sitting in the corner and looking all pretty on the day I got transferred into our school. Is it fine if I say you were my first love.?? I really wanted to approach you but it was hard. I was the school idol and you were……a commoner. I waited till our graduation to ask you out but you went missing. I tried to find you but in the end, I had to go back home. I tried to date a lot of people after that, but it was really hard you know.?? And then I met my boyfriend, a total opposite to you but still made me fall head over heels for him. Maybe I am glad that I did not ask you out that time, because if I did, I wouldn’t have met him.”

Chanyeol speaks with a smile on his face and Jimin can clearly see the shimmer in his eyes, telling him how much the taller loves his partner.

They both look up to find a guy, gasping for air as he mutters a small ‘Hyung’.

“Baekhyun” both Jimin and Chanyeol say at the same time and that’s when that boy realizes there are actually two people sitting there.

“You know Baekhyun.??” Chanyeol asks Jimin.

“You know Jimin hyung.??” Baekhyun asks in response.

“Hmm, but how do you know him.?”

“Well, he is the wife of…one of the workers at BigHit. " Baekhyun changes his sentence once Jimin gives him a look, silently telling him not to reveal his secret. Well, he wasn’t totally lying.

“Really, what a small world.!! Baby, didn’t I tell you I had a first love to whom I never confessed. It's Jimin, he was the one.”

“Oh.”

“What’s with that sudden change of tone.?? I told you that he WAS the one I loved, but now, you are the one I love and will be for the rest of my life.” Chanyeol smirks as he wraps his hand around his lover’s waist, making him blush.

Jimin chuckles looking at them all so fun-loving Baekhyun, blushing at his boyfriend’s cheesy words. They do look good together.

“Don’t ..Don’t we have somewhere to go.??”

“Oh right, we have a date waiting for us. Ok Jimin, it was nice meeting you. Hope we can meet again and catch up, of course with Baekhyun because I don’t want my baby to get all jealous.”

“Hyung.!!” Baekhyun whines hitting on Chanyeol’s biceps, making Jimin chuckle again. Baekhyun found a really good person.

Baekhyun starts dragging Chanyeol along with him, mumbling a goodbye to Jimin when Chanyeol stops, looking back at Jimin with a smile.

“Congratulations on your marriage and the baby coming soon. You are really a special person Jimin, that bastard husband of yours is so lucky. Hope he takes good care of you, treasure you, and love you. If ever you have a problem, feel free to approach me. I will help you, not like an ex-crush or first love, instead of like a friend and a brother.” Chanyeol smiles one last time before disappearing into his car and driving away. Jimin feels happy to find someone he could rely on.

Suga was in their home, sitting on the couch, gasping for air, thunderstruck. He heard something that made his mind dizzy. He walks away the moment Chanyeol started confessing to Jimin but that’s not what is important right now. What’s more important is…..Jimin… Jimin was a student of Seoul Arts high.?? The same school he went to.?? His classmate.?? How come he never saw him.?? Don’t…tell...

Suga didn’t waste a second before grabbing his car keys and driving to his family house. His mom was surprised to find him home all of sudden, asking him all kinds of questions but he wasn’t in a state of mind to reply to her. He had to find the answers to all the questions popping up in his mind. He had to get answers for them. He gets into his room, locks the door as he walks up to his racks of manga’s and storybooks, pulling out a think book from the middle. It was his school yearbook. He flips the pages until he finds that section where there were pictures of all the students of his batch. And there he was, in the bottom of the page, in his uniform and a tiny smile, Park Jimin. He.. he was his classmate. Is..he..?!

Suga tosses the book aside and pulls out his phone, dialing the number of his high school best friend, Sehun.

“Hey dude, long time.!!”

“Hey Hun, it’s really been a long time.”

“What’s with that tone.?? Shouldn’t you be cheerful calling your old friend.?? Did something happen.?? You know you can always share it with me.” The taller speaks out in a calm tone. Despite being in the same class, Sehun has always been the responsible one. When Suga got recruited into BigHit and wasn’t sure if he did the right job, Sehun was there for him, assuring him that he will be a good idol. He was sure that Sehun would also become an idol but that boy had to take over their business, Oh holdings. They still meet but not as much as before because of their busy schedules. And also, so much happened in Suga’s life and he wasn’t in contact with his best bud. He really can share anything with Sehun but this matter is something that he had to sort out himself.

“No...Not really, I just wanted to ask you about someone.”

“Oh, who is it.?”

“Do you remember someone by the name Park Jimin in our class.??”

“Park Jimin.?? Hmm... Jimin... HAA, that guy who always sits in the corner of the class, and people always bully him calling the anti-social nerd. Yes, I remember, what about him.??”

“Nothing, I was just, do you know something about him that you can tell me.??”

“Actually, there something about him that was related to you.” There was a slight hesitation in the latter’s voice which only added fuel to his building up curiosity.

“What is it.?”

“You remember all those blue letters you used to get in the school.?? It was him.!! It was Park Jimin who always put those letters in your locker. The day you stopped coming to school in sophomore year to debut with BTS, he tried to put his letter into your locker and got caught by those bullies. Since that day they bullied him even more and from then on he never put letters in your locker. After that in their final year, he went missing after giving his exams. There were rumors that his grandfather died or something. Someone told me that they saw him working in some café couple of years ago but nothing was sure. That’s the only thing I know about him. I wanted to tell you about this long ago but it wasn’t that a big deal for you. So I didn’t. But… Why are you asking about him now.?? Did you… meet him by any chance.??”

“He..he was the one.”

“Ha.??”

“Hun-ah, I will call you back.” Suga's voice cracked at the end and Sehun was sure that something serious happened to him.

“Sure, but Yoongs, I will be waiting. Just know that I will always be there to hear you out.” Suga wasn’t listening. He just ends the call once the taller finishes his sentence and runs up to his closet, pulling down a box from above. He takes out the box into his room, setting it on the floor and sitting beside it. He slowly opens the wooden box with his shaky hands and teary eyes. There they were, all those blue letters filling up the whole box, making him go back to his memories.

Yoongi walks up to his locker to throw in his bag. He has a class in five minutes and he had to hurry up. Once he opens his locker, he sees it again, the blue letter. He had been getting these letters for the past few weeks and he had never opened any. He wasn’t any idol of the school or someone popular, nobody even knew that he was a trainee in BigHit, who could give him those letters.?? He just threw every letter into his bag but he never cared about them but now that he sees them almost every day, maybe he should read them. With that in his mind, he puts that letter into his bag before rushing to his class.

Yoongi ends up sitting on the rooftop, with his lunch in one hand and his bag in another. Sehun wasn’t there for the day and it was the perfect time to open those letters. Somehow he didn’t want his friend to know about them, at least not for now. He settles down in on the far corner of the place and pulls out those letters, munching onto his sandwich. He pulls out the one which was all crumbled, probably an old one, and opens them.

“I think I have been crushing on you for too long it already turned into love.” a secret admirer.??? He never knew that someone was crushing on him. Who could it be.??

He pulls out another letter and opens it

“You are someone who I had been waiting for, someone who made me feel at home.” Feel home.?? Is the one writing the letter having some trouble at home.?? But that made him feel bliss, making someone happy.

“I love your smile, it makes my heart go wild and feel butterflies in my stomach. You should smile often.” His smile.?? Sehun always teases him though. But something about that sentence made him smile.

“Thank you for coming into my life, you are the first one who made me fall in love.” So he is that someone’s first love.?? Why does it make him feel good.??

They weren’t those typical letters with paragraphs over paragraphs written in them. They were simple, with only a single sentence in it, describing him, expressing their love to him; every letter was filled with so many feels, making him feel giddy all over. Sure he did get letters, because he is good-looking enough even though not that popular but these blue letters are different. The person who ever wrote it can see how honest and pure they are.

And since that day, Yoongi looked forward to those blue letters. He might not be that regular to school because of his training but the first thing he does once he gets to school is opening his locker. He read each and everyone and before he knew, he fell for the mysterious person. He fell in love with that faceless admirer of him, that admirer became his first love.

Sehun even knew about those letters but he never knew Yoongi’s hidden feelings.

Yoongi once got a letter saying

“Maybe I was courageous enough to reveal myself to you, but I just want to say that I still love you.”

He wanted to say to that person that it’s fine to meet him, he wanted to see them too, but no, he couldn’t.

Then came another letter giving him a clue who that person could be.

“I don’t even know if you ever open my letters, but I wanted to tell you something about me. I am a boy.”

So it’s a guy, but that never bothered Yoongi, because he knows, he is too deep to care about that.

He was halfway through the sophomore year but he still didn’t know who his admirer was, but he named him the Blue letter boy he fell in love with. His debut date was coming nearby and soon the rumors that he was a trainee started spreading in the school, making him uncomfortable, so he started skipping school more often. But he didn’t miss checking his locker. Just before the few days of his debut, he went to the school and opened his locker to find another Blue letter. He runs up the stairs to the rooftop, opening the letter as he tries to catch his breath.

“I wish I could control time, then I would run up to you, sit right next to you for hours, just looking at you and you would never know, that I was there and that I love you.” his heart fluttered reading the last few words but something about that letter bugged him. Why does it sound so sad.??

Once he debuted with BTS, his schedule became packed. He seldom came to school, but whenever he does, he immediately goes up to check his locker, but one day when he opened it with lots of expectation he found the most unexpected thing, it was empty, his locker was empty. There was no blue letter. From that day on, there were no letters, but Yoongi didn’t give up his hope. He always checks his locker, only to find it empty, always.

It was finally his last day as a high school student. He attended the graduation ceremony and got his degree. Everyone was happy to be done with high school but he wasn’t. Ending high school means losing his chance to meet his admirer, but he didn’t have an option. He walks up to his locker, one last time, to check for any letter, even though the chances of finding one were very rare. But to his surprise, he finds a single blue letter, lying inside his empty locker. He didn’t waste his time before grabbing it and tearing it open.

“I think I started loving you in such a way that I don’t need to be with you. I’ll just be happy if you are happy. Hope you chase your dreams till the end and I will always be there, somewhere far away from you, supporting you all the time. I just want to say, you mean more to me than I had ever let you know.”

Yoongi didn’t know why he was crying, why is he crying.?? Because he can never meet his love. His admirer chooses to stay hidden till the end, but he will never forget him. He will always be the one who owns his heart.

Since that day, the day he graduated, the day he lost his chance to meet his first love, Suga worked hard to be a good idol and show him, because somewhere in that crowd, he is there, looking up at him. He got himself busy in his profession and didn’t give time for his personal life, but he doesn’t care anymore. He still might be friendly with s, friends, and family, but they know that the cheerful trainee Suga is no more. Because somewhere along the way, he became cold and distant, closing his heart. He did try to move on but his heart refused to let go of that blue letter boy. That’s why when Jimin came into his life; he was so cold to the latter because his heart was locked only for his first love. He refused to admit the blooming feeling for that boy because it made him feel guilty, guilty as if he was cheating on his first love, but who would have thought that the blue letter boy he was in love with all these years was all along with the one beside him, in his home, as his wife. Destiny bought them together but he screwed up. Suga shivers as he holds his palms against his lips, muffling his cries. He was..he was such a beast. He never treated Jimin properly and there that boy, still loving him all these years. But he is a jerk, he doesn’t deserve Jimin. His blue letter boy doesn’t deserve to be with a jerk like him. He picks up each and every letter, reading them again and again, crying his eyes out as he falls asleep on the cold floor, hugging Jimin’s last letter.

“Ah…ahh.”

“You’re so pretty.”

"Yo...ongi..it..it hurts.”

“Let me take care of you baby boy.”

"Yoongi-shi…I love you.”

Suga sits up from his sleeping position, sweat dripping down his forehead, breathing hard. That dream, those images, they look so real. He was still on the floor, holding the letter, as he closes his eyes to find an image of Jimin, lips swollen and eyes glassy, looking up at him as he whispers those last words. So it was true, they did do that, he did do that, Jimin…Jimin is really pregnant with…their baby. A fresh set of tears fall down his eyes even before he realizes it. He now remembers everything, everything that happened that night. It wasn’t just Jimin’s mistake; he was the one to blame too. But the one suffering from their mistake wasn’t him, it's Jimin. God, what has he done.??

Suga snaps out when his phone rings with loud music, pulling him back. He picks up the call, not looking at the caller ID, only to meet with his manager's booming voice.

“YA, where did you go last night, you brat, I left to get you a coffee and you ran away.?? Where you right now.???”

“I...I am in my family house hyung.” Suga’s voice was groggy, a result of crying all night.

“You..what’s wrong with your voice, are you fine.??” His manager’s voice turned soft clearly worried about the latter. 

“I am fine hyung, what did you call me for.?”

“Oh, we have a flight this evening to New York for your American concert tour. So you should come back to the dorm.”

“Ok hyung, I will.” Saying that Suga hangs up the call, but his manager hyung is still not done worrying about him.

By the time Suga came back, it was late in the morning but Jimin was still fast asleep with comforters on the floor in the living room. His heart clenches looking at Jimin, who was obviously having a hard time sleeping on that floor with his pregnant belly. He was the one who refused Jimin to use a bedroom, how was he so heartless.??

Suga didn’t waste any time before picking up the sleeping boy and carrying him into his bedroom, lying him down comfortably on the fluffy bed. He was too light for a pregnant guy and it pained him to realize that. Suga sat beside him, gazing at Jimin as he snuggles up with the pillows. Jimin looked drained out. He must have roamed around the city for a job with his condition. Suga sighs as he walks into his walk-in closet, pulling a drawer to find that one ring that has been lying there for the past four months. His wedding band. That one platinum band that bound him for life with his first love. He picks it up and slides it into his left ring finger, the single diamond in the center shining bright in the dim light. He gazes at it with admiration and it somehow felt so right. It feels so right as if it was meant for him, meant for them. He snaps out when he hears faint sounds of movement from the bedroom. He looks out to find Jimin opening his eyes as he tries to sit up. Suga immediately rushes to help the pregnant boy and sits down beside him. Jimin looks at Suga, totally confused with the situation. What is he doing in Suga’s bed.?? And why is Suga sitting beside him.?? Suga wanted to speak, ask him if he is feeling fine but words were stuck in his trout, refusing to come out. He looks at Jimin as he stares at him in puzzlement which was soon replaced by a tiny smile. Jimin brings up his palm, softly placing it against Suga’s cheek, it tenderly.

“So this is another one of those dream’s ha.?? I always dreamed about something like this but every time I realize and try to make use of it, it gets over. This time I am not letting it happen.” He speaks out in a tiny voice, looking deep into Suga’s eyes.

He..he thinks it’s a dream.??

“You must be wondering how I know this is a dream.?? Well, you never wear our wedding ring. The real you practically threw it away. So if you’re wearing it, we are definitely in a dream.” Jimin mutters as he pulls Suga’s left hand, placing his tiny palm into his huge once, comparing both their rings. Oh boy, he really is too good, isn’t he?

“The rings look so good together, but we don’t I guess.??” He says bitterly before pulling Suga for a hug, living the latter dumbfounded.

“As I imagined it. Your hug is so warm Yoongi-shi”

He mutters into Suga’s torso, snuggling close to him with a wide smile.

“Can we stay like this for a while.??” Jimin asks as he looks up at Suga with a pout who just nods his head without a word.

Suga hesitatingly wraps his hands around Jimin as they stay like that for a while until Jimin speaks up.

“I love you” and that was enough for the latter to go pale.

“I know I am supposed to say this to the real you but what to do.?? I don’t have the courage to do that. So here I am telling you about my dream. Don’t ask me when and why because it is a long story. All I want to say is that I love you no matter what Yoongi-shi. I just want to say it before we part our ways.” Jimin murmurs into his torso and Suga finds it hard to stop from letting his heartbeat loud. Taking a deep breath, he tries his best to hold back his emotions.

“Ah, I have something for you.!!” Jimin abruptly pulls away and waddles out of the bedroom. Suga follows him slowly to find Jimin pulling something from his stuff.

“Yoongi-shi, come here.” Jimin pulls Suga and pushes him to sit down on a high chair beside the kitchen counter so that he can be lowered to his height. Once settled down, Jimin pulls out something from the cover he was holding. It was a baby blue color woolen scarf, nicely wrapped with a blue ribbon. Jimin pulls the ribbon off and slowly unfolds it, showing it to Suga, silently asking for his permission. Once Suga nods his head, Jimin immediately wraps it around his neck, smiling wide.

“I made this for your birthday but I couldn’t give you because you know, our relationship wasn’t that good back then. So I wanted to ask Baekhyun to mix it in your gifts but he told me something that changed my mind. You only accept gifts that are branded, high quality, and expensive. You know, Baekhyun showed me a certificate; it was a star certificate or something. I didn’t get it then he told me that your fans bought you a star. Waa.!! What a beautiful gift! Your fans are so rich and love you soo much Yoongi-shi. Those made me feel so small and jealous. Even I should have thought about it. What was I thinking giving you a low-quality hand-knitted scarf.? So I thought, I could just use it as your token of remembrance. Whenever our Yoonjun asks about his daddy, I could just show this to him. I was going to keep it with us, forever.” Jimin speaks out with a smile, all the while adjusting and fidgeting with the scarf as Suga felt his heart pinched at every single word Jimin spoke.

“You know, we have a connection with the color of this scarf. I bet you don’t remember.”

NO, he remembers, he remembers everything crystal clear in his head, he remembers the blue color, he remembers those blue letters and he remembers his blue letter boy.

“Ah, I have to show you something.!!” Jimin shouts as he pulls out the edge of the scarf to Suga’s view.

MYG

MYJ

MJM

Suga furrows a bit, not really getting the meaning behind those letters as Jimin starts explaining him.

“MYG is you Yoongi-shi. Min Yoon Gi and MYJ is our baby, Min Yoon Jun. and lastly, MJM is me, Min Ji Min. I know that you don’t really like that but I am still your wife, still a Min, until the last minute we divorce, right.??” Jimin smiles with a glint of sadness behind those beautiful eyes and Suga feels like an for being the reason behind it. He really does love him so much, that Suga finds himself undeserving to be in front of him.

Jimin goes on speaking about all kinds of things and all Suga could do was stare at him.

“Ha, Yoongi-shi, do you want to have some breakfast.?? What do you want to have.? You like Classic pancakes with Maple syrup right.?? Can I make it for you.??”

Jimin knows what he likes.? Of course, he does. But…what does Jimin like.?? Ya, there is no way he would know that.

Suga nods his head involuntarily as Jimin gives him one of his wide smiles, making him feel sick in his stomach every time he does that.

Jimin once again waddles into the kitchen as he pulls out all the necessary ingredients for his recipe as he speaks again.

“Do you know? You actually ate my cooking before. Remember that Galbi you really liked.? I was the one who made them, not Jin hyung. And the chicken porridge that J hope -shi gave you when you are sick.? He actually lied to you. Every time I made something for you, I always asked someone to tell you they made it. Because I was scared that you wouldn’t even touch it if you know that I made them all. But this time, I want you to know that I made it, tell me how you feel about it Yoongi-shi.”

Soon Jimin was done and puts the plate full of pancakes in front of Suga, waiting for the taller to take a bit. And Suga swears, they were the best Classic pancakes he had ever eaten.

“Do you like them.??” Jimin asks with lots of enthusiasm and Suga nods almost immediately, stuffing his face with them.

“Thank god. I am glad you liked them.!!” And then came his signature smile.

They end up sitting on the couch, watching re-runs of some drama as Jimin leans onto his shoulder, a bit sleepy. He snuggles into his torso as he mumbles

“How good it would have been if it was like this since the beginning.?” And that sentence pierced Suga’s weak heart like an arrow. Ha.!! Who’s is he calling a weak heart.?? His.?? It's Jimin’s heart which is weak, no..soft. Too soft while his.?? It was a stone, frozen from all the emotion. He stares at Jimin for god knows how long until Jimin falls asleep in his arms. He unwraps himself and helps Jimin to lie down properly as he briskly walks out of the apartment, dashing into their dorm and collapsing onto the floor. That baby blue scarf was still wrapped around his neck, making him suffocated. Every ing second he spent in that apartment reminded him of how much he made that place a hell for Jimin. What has he done.?? He feels so disgusted at himself. He became heartless because he lost his love but now, his love stood right in front of him and he just couldn’t find himself opening his heart because he knows, his love deserves someone better. Jimin is an angel and he doesn’t deserve a demon like him. That was the only sentence that kept on repeating in his head.

Suga shivers, his eyes wet as hard sobs spill out of his lips. s rush to him, shocked to see their member in such a devastating state. Suga was someone who hid his feeling the best but looking at him breaking down like this, they couldn’t help but let their eyes go warm. They gather around him, hugging and slightly shaking him to get his attention, only to go in vain.

“Yoongi Hyung.!!” Their leader shouts and that’s when Suga gets out of his world, staring deep into RM’s eyes before hugging him and weeping harder.

“I...I am not a human …I am a demon, I am soo cruel, he..he doesn’t deserve me..he doesn’t deserve a demon like me..” Suga mumbles into his brother’s embrace and s get confused at his sudden confession.

But maybe RM did, RM did understand what his hyung is struggling about. He throws on the last look at his brother’s before slowly pulling Suga into his studio, locking the door to give them some privacy. RM waits for Suga to calm down as he slowly offers him a glass of water. Suga gulps down the whole contents and puts it aside and the room turns silent just like that.

“I am glad” it was RM.

“Ha.?” Suga asks, confused.

“I am glad that the frozen emotions in you are finally melting. I am glad that you are finally showing us, your brothers, your true feelings and I am glad, to see the trainee Yoongi again.”

“Namjoon-ah.”

“No, I am not forcing you. Whatever reason it is, it sure made you a better person.” That’s RM, the best leader of the best Kpop group but now, he is Kim Namjoon, a close brother he can always rely on. RM has always been a responsible leader and a reliable brother to s at the same time and he admires him a lot. Suga might be cold, but he always melts away in front of RM and that’s how much he respects him. After Sehun, RM is that person who had always stood beside him. But believes in him too much.

“No Namjoon, I didn’t become a better person, Hell, I am worse, worsen than all those people in this world.”

“And what makes you think like this.?”

“Jimin”

“Jimin.?”

“He is the one. He is the one I have been in love with all these years.” And like that Suga says every single thing about his blue letter boy. RM gazes at Suga as the latter slowly breaks down telling him about his first love, his only love. He does know that Suga had a first love and he couldn’t move on from it but never had he thought that his first love would turn out to be Jimin. Fate does have a lot of games to play ha.? He pulls the latter for a hug once he was done, patting his back to soother his soul.

“I don’t know what to say hyung. I can’t say that you are totally at fault because you both are in this together, more or less. Blaming yourself isn’t a solution. You know, every demon has a chance in his life, if he uses it, he can be a better person, if not, he is going to be a demon forever. You were once a demon hyung, expressionless, heartless, emotionless, but not anymore. That chance came into your life and that was Jimin. He did change you into a better person, whether you admit it or not. We are having our American concert tour for the next two months, so take your time. It’s up to you whether you want to hold him or let go. It’s all up to you. But follow your heart, do whatever it says, but don’t regret your decision later, it will make you suffer for the rest of your life. If your destiny was written together, nothing is going to stop you from being together”

RM gives him a smile of assurance and taps on his shoulder, leaving the room before instructing him to pack his bags for the evening flight.

Suga didn’t have the courage to go back to their apartment so he asks Baekhyun for help and the latter does it without a question. Everyone stepped out of their dorm, pulling their bags out and stepping into the elevator, ready to catch their flight in the next few hours. Suga halts as he gazes at the closed main door of their apartment, before getting into the elevator with the rest of s.

Jimin wakes up from his slumber almost three hours later and finds himself on the cold couch, feeling lonely all of a sudden. He smiles bitterly before whispering to himself

“It was a dream.” Oblivious to the truth behind it.

The next two months went by like two decades for Suga. They travel around North America and South America, with numerous dates all around the countries. Suga tried his best to act normal, putting on his well-trained fake smile and a façade during the whole concert. He would go missing once the concert was done, locking himself in his hotel room. s were so worried over him but soon stopped knocking onto his door. Suga would always drown himself in his thoughts, gazing at that metal band wrapped around his left ring finger, which has been there since that day, the day he realized his love for Jimin

BTS land back in Incheon international airport once they were done with their tour dates. It was around 10 pm and the members were all tired of the long flight. Suga keeps his eyes out, staring at the busy streets of Seoul, with a tiny glint of anticipation to see Jimin but he was more anxious than that. He clenches his fist tight, making his knuckles turn white until a handheld on it, loosening it up. Looking at his right, he finds his leader, giving him a questioning look.

“Aren’t you sleepy, Hyung.?”

“Namjoon, do you think Jimin will forgive me.?”

“Ha.?”

“All I want is Jimin to forgive me. Should I hold onto him or let go... I will leave that decision to him. It doesn’t matter if he wants to get a divorce because I know, the way I treated him, and he deserves the freedom he lost. I am just.. scared, what if he doesn’t forgive me.? That thought just makes me feel suffocated.”

Suga looks up to his leader nervously as RM squeezes his hand, giving him a small smile.

“Do you know hyung.? If there is no fear of losing someone, there is no love but if there is fear, there is love.”

“I do love him but what to do.? I realized it too late I guess.” He gives him a better smile before looking out of his window.

Suga has been thinking about this the whole time and he finally came to this decision. It took a while, a really long while to forgive himself. He treated his first love, his life like and it was obviously hard for him to stop hating himself. But when he did forgive himself, he started to get anxious, will Jimin ever forgive him.?? In the end, he could think of only one solution. Asking Jimin for forgiveness and letting him go if he wants to. Jimin is an angel and never gets angry at anyone but every angel has a breaking point right?

His train of thoughts comes to a halt when their car pulls over in their parking lot. All the members get out of their car, exhausted, wanting to be in their comforter’s embrace. Once inside their dorm, Jungkook runs into his room, grabbing a midnight snack while J hope goes in to take a shower.

Suga stands in front of the connecting door, hesitating when RM shows him his fist, mouthing a silent fighting. He takes a long breath and finally steps inside their apartment. The house was dark with no sight of Jimin. Where is he.? Suga wonders. It’s already midnight so there is no way Jimin is out. He slowly walks in, trying to find the switchboard. Once he finds it, he switches on’s the lights only to see the most terrifying sight in front of his eyes. Something that he had never thought of witnessing the very moment he got back. There was a pool of blood, still fresh, in the middle of the house. There were few hands and footprints of blood and that very sight made Suga’s eyes wide and his mouth dry. W..what happened.?? What happened to Jimin.?? Why is there blood on the floor.?? Where...Where is Jimin.??

Suga starts to feel dizzy with all the negative thoughts clogging his head when RM dashes into their house, holding his phone as he slightly gasps for air.

“Ji….Jin called, Ji...Jimin is in the hospital and he..” Suga couldn’t hear anymore. His world started to get hazy, blocking every single sound from his ears. Jimin. His Jimin is in the hospital, hell knows is what condition and their baby, Oh god.!! He can’t even think about him. Just when he was about to make things right this has to happen. Suga slowly walks up to RM, his shirt weakly with tears falling involuntarily as he whispers

“T..take me there.”

The drive to the hospital was too long for Suga, too long than the time he had to spend away from his first love. It was calm with Baekhyun driving the way, who was also having a hard time holding his emotion. RM was behind, sitting along with Suga. Their manager didn’t want the rest to tag along because it could be too risky. Even their car was their manager’s, which will give them no attention. Reaching their destination, Suga gets out immediately, briskly walking into the hospital when RM stops him.

“Let Baekhyun lead the way, it too dangerous for you,” he whispers throw his mask, and Suga halts, listing to his leader. The hospital was fairly empty, with only a few emergency patients considering the odd time. They rush into the emergency department to find Jin, sitting all alone near the operation theater, fidgeting his dress shirt. RM immediately sits beside his partner, hugging him as the latter snuggles into his touch.

“Jin, what happened.??”

“I was bringing supper for Jimin since he was all alone. But the moment I stepped in there..he..he was already on the floor, unconscious. It..it was all my fault. I shouldn’t have left him all alone. I...I should have stayed with him. If I was with him, this..this wouldn’t have happened.” Jin cries into RM’s torso as the latter tries to his other his wife. Suga stares blankly at the closed doors of the operation theater which open with a bang as doctors and nurses dash out of the room. The members get startled at the sudden commotion when a couple of doctors push throw them and enter the operation room, closing the doors on their way. Just when they were about to get bemused, a doctor slowly walks out, pulling out his mask and bows.

“Are you guys related to Mr. Min Jimin.??”

All of them nod their head right away as the doctor slightly bows in front of them.

“Annyeonghaseyo. I am Dr. Kim Minseok. I was actually Mr. Min Jimin’s consultant Gynecologist but he stopped coming three months ago. The last time he visited, I had a hunch that something was up but he refused to take a further test to make sure of it. And now, we had to suffer from the consequences.”

“Wh..what are you talking about Doctor.??” RM speaks out, being the only person in his right mind.

“We are done with the operation and Mr. Min is fine, but we have some complications with the baby.”

“What complications.??”

“The baby is suffering from hypoplastic left heart syndrome. To put it simply, the baby’s heart is defected and being preterm isn’t helping. The cardiac surgeons have taken over but..”

“But what doctor.?” Jin shouts, he is being impatient but he couldn’t hold back.

Dr. Kim sighs before he looks up again into Jin's eyes as he speaks,

“We are trying over best but the chances of survival are very slim. Mr. Min is being transferred to his room. He is still unconscious but you can visit him. Hope you prepare yourself for the worst.”

Baekhyun clenches his fists, trying his best to hold back his tears only to fail miserably. RM can also feel his eyes getting teary at the sudden news. Jin falls, as RM holds him and his own emotions intact. Everyone knows how much Jimin loves his baby and now this.? What did Jimin do to deserve this.??

The information took a long time to sink into Suga’s head as he slowly walks up to the glass door, with his face gone expressionless. His..no their baby..is inside..struggling to survive. It hasn’t been that long since he started to admit the fact that Yoonjun is really his baby but now.?? He deserves this heartbreak for being cruel but not him, not Jimin.

Jin and Baekhyun slowly move to see Jimin as RM stays behind with Suga, who stands rooted near the glass door, refusing to move a single muscle.

After almost three hours later, the operation theater doors open and Minseok steps out with an unreadable expression on his face. He looks at RM and then to Suga, slightly shaking his head as he lowers his gaze. And that…that was enough for a tiny tear to finally run down Suga’s blank face.

Jimin slowly regains his consciousness, blinking his eyes to adjust with bright white walls. He looks at his right to find Jin, holding his hand and Baekhyun standing a bit far, slightly shivering as he faces the opposite side. He looks around, taking in the appearance of the room, finally landing it on his flat abdomen. Jimin immediately twists his head towards Jin with his questioning eyes as the elder looks at him with his eyes filled with concern.

“Hyu...Hyung..where is Yoonjun.?”

“You are too weak Jimin, you should take some rest.”

“No, I am fine, just tell me where is Yoonjun.”

“Jimin, listen to me. Take some rest, we can talk about him later.”

“Please hyung, just tell me where he is.?? Please.”

“Jimin, Yoonjun..”

“Yoonjun is gone hyung.” It was Baekhyun, his eyes red with tears running down his cheeks, breathing heavy. He moves forward as he pulls Jimin for a hug, careful enough for the latter’s condition.

“He is gone hyung. He is gone. Yoonjun is not with us anymore.” He mumbles into the hug as Jimin pulls away, faintly hitting his cheek with a smile.

“Stop joking Baekhyun-ya, why do you want to make your hyung cry.?? Now tell me, where is your nephew? He is in the newborn department right.? He is still a bit premature. Did you see him.? How is he.?? Is he handsome like your Suga hyung.?” Jimin speaks out with a tiny glint in his eyes an