Sakura stepped out of the subway with a breath of relief. The train was packed and she thought she would pass out from the tight space with her heart raising in anxiousness upon seeing Chaeyeon—without informing the girl. Would she get mad? She asked herself then shook her head. I’m the one who’s supposed to be mad.

She moved her gaze over the subway station. It was rush hour and the crowd bustled busily, some bumping accidentally on her. Sakura couldn’t remember where she is supposed to go.

Her eyes managed to catch a familiar sign and she proceeded that way, praying it was the right way. Soon, she was out of the station breathing the breeze of fall. She looked up the sky cloaked in orange. Her face warm from the sunset. Now, where did we walk from here? She hummed and racked her brain when her phone pinged.

Hoochae: How are you, unnie? Found Chaeyeon unnie yet? I just watched Eunbi unnie’s recording btw and damn she was good. I almost didn’t recognize her :P I’ll show it to you once you get back with Chaeyeon unnie. Good luck, see you soon!

Sakura sighed as she pocketed her phone. Chaewon is probably her number hoobae by now. She smiled softly, her anxiousness disappearing. She will have to thank Chaewon later. With that, her mind cleared and she was able to recall the way to Chaeyeon’s house.

Bright yellow lights adorned the front porch of Chaeyeon’s house. The curtains were drawn close but she could tell every room downstairs was lit up. She walked up to the front door with nervous steps. She didn’t really think about what she would say to Chaeyeon upon seeing her. Screw it, I’ll just tell her I like her—no, I love her.

She rapped her knuckles and waited for a few seconds. She expected Chaeyeon’s mom to greet her but it was Chaeryeong instead.

“Noona!”

“He—hello, Chaeryeong,” she stuttered, surprised by the younger’s excitement.

The girl stepped aside and gestured for Sakura to go in. “What brings you here, Sakura-unnie?”

Sakura swept her eyes around the house, confirming that indeed all lights were . But it was weirdly quiet. Even though she’d only went there once, it seems normal for Chaeyeon’s house to be loud. So it was odd when she couldn’t here any voices other than Chaeryeong’s.

She faced the girl and lifted her brows. “I think you already know.”

Chaeryeong tilted her to the side and said, “I’m sorry, unnie. I really don’t.” She gave Sakura an apologetic smile as she lead her to the sofa.

“Chaeyeon…”

“Chaeyeon-unnie? She just boarded her plane. She didn’t tell you? Wow, that spurred you to come here. Amazing. You really love noona Chae.”

Sakura’s breath hitch and her body froze as if someone just poured a bucket of ice on her. “Pa—plane? Wait, what?”

“What?” Chaeryeong sat down beside. “Are you all right, unnie? You look stricken. You’re not about to pass out again, are you?”

Sakura let out a staggering sigh and clamped that was beginning to tremble. Then she heard a loud gasp beside her.

“She didn’t tell you…”

***

Sakura watched her fingers subtly shake as she wrap it around the glass of water that Chaeryeong gave her.

“I couldn’t believe it… Why? I was one hundred percent sure you would be the first person she’d tell about it. Probably the first person she’d tell on when she murder someone—Chaeyeon noona wouldn’t that though, just hypothetically.” Sakura felt the younger’s gaze on her and she couldn’t pull her eyes from her knuckles that had turned white from clenching too hard. “Just…why?” Sakura knows Chaeryeong isn’t really asking her so she remained quiet. Chaeryeong is just as baffled as her.

Then the girl jumped up from the sofa. Sakura didn’t even flinched. She was too deep in her hollowness, Chaeryeong decided to do something. She was starting to like Sakura as an unnie and she really thought that the woman was good for her noona Chaeyeon. She’d never seen Chaeyeon as happy as she was with Sakura.

But the thing is, Chaeryeong didn’t really know what to do. She poised her hands on her hips and began spying the room in hope for an idea. Her eyes spotted her phone. I guess I’ll start with that, she thought to herself before retrieving it.

She sent a glance at Sakura, still busy watching the droplets of water, her eyes dull and empty. Almost like she’s not consciously present.

“I’ll be back, unnie. Just have to make a call.”

***

Finally sitting inside the cab that will drive them to her grandmother’s house, Chaeyeon fished her phone out of her pocket. She almost cursed in the presence of her father and younger sister when she saw how much listening to music had eaten her battery. She regretted not bringing her power bank.

She turned off the airplane mode and leaned back on her seat. She couldn’t quite get comfortable because her is numb from sitting too long on the plane and her sprained ankle had caused her to grumble not just a few times already.

But she could at least admire the beauty of Japan in nighttime passing quickly through the window. Sakura’s hometown… She smiled mournfully upon remembering the girl. She was sure Sakura wouldn’t be able to forgive her. She knew it’s her fault. She’d accepted that already. But the thought of losing Sakura continue to eat her heart, it actually aches. If only I wasn’t so stupidly pathetic.

She closed her heavy eyelids, she hadn’t got a single sleep from the flight. She was drifting into a slumber when sudden consecutive pings from her phone forces her to wake up.

“Sounds like trouble, Chae.” Her father mumbled, Chaemin’s hair whose eyebrows furrowed in her sleep.
 

Chaeyeon read the notifications in confusion. “5 voice mails from Chaeryeong. Is everything all right there?” She opens one and placed her phone on her right ear.

“Noona!” Chaeyeon flinches and pulls the phone away quickly. “The heck?!” She couldn’t stop herself this time and she glanced at her father apologetically. He glared as Chaemin stirred in her sleep.

Chaeyeon adjusted the volume of her phone first before replaying the voice mail.

“Noona! Can you please explain why you decided not to tell Sakura unnie about your departure?!”

Chaeyeon loses her grip on the phone and it fell down on the carpeted floor. How did Chaeryeong know? Her heart started to raise, she forgot about being sleepy. She picked up her phone and proceeded to open the next message.

“She—just why noona Chaeyeon? Sakura unnie… she’s right here—well not here here—I’m in my room and she’s downstairs. She’s…” There’s a long pause, Chaeyeon thought the line was cut off when she heard her Chaeryeong’s voice. Her stomach dropped unpleasantly because of the sadness in her sister’s voice and her chosen words.

“I think your heart would actually break when you see her.”

Chaeyeon let out a heavy sigh, sadness washing over her body. Her body drooped and she let her phone drop on her lap.

“Everything all right?” Her father asked, worriedly watching her.

Chaeyeon tried to give himself a smile but it end up being a grimace. “I… It’s okay, personal matters.”

Her father nodded but continued observing her with his soft eyes. Chaeyeon managed a small genuine smile for him. “I’m fine, dad. It will be okay. It will always be, right?”

“Always,” he said, giving Chaeyeon a fatherly smile before patting her head. “I know you can do it. I have always been proud of you.”

“Thanks, dad.” Chaeyeon looked away before he could see her misty eyes. She took a shaky breath before opening the next voice message.

“Call me as soon as you get this.”

The two remaining mails were just Chaeryeong asking her if they have arrived safely and if she got her previous messages.

She decided to return her call later in privacy.

***

“It’s getting dark outside, Unnie. Are you planning to stay?” Chaeryeong asked as she load the Netflix to play something entertaining for Sakura. She didn’t tell the girl that she had just bombarded her sister with messages, not really knowing how the woman would feel about that.

“Can…Can I?” Sakura asked. Her eyes settling on Chaeryeong. The now empty glass placed on the coffee table in front of her. She looks vulnerable with her pleading doe eyes, Chaeryeong wasn’t one hundred percent sure of her response.

“Of course,” she said hoping her mother would’ve approved of it. “Now, what do you want to watch?”

Halfway through Step-Up 6, they heard keys jingling by the front door and then Chaeryeong’s mother announced her presence. “Yeong-ie! I’m home!”

She went to the kitchen first with Sakura and Chaeryeong watching her with bated breath. They don’t even know why they were being quiet. They anticipated the moment she turned, her face blossoming into a surprise. Her eyes widened, pushing her eyebrows up, and she just stood there for a second. Then a sad smile replaces her expression. Her eyes softening as she walk closer to Chaeryeong and Sakura.

“I’m sorry, honey. There are moments where my daughter do the least smartest thing.” Chae’s mom sat beside Sakura and put a warm motherly arm over her shoulder. “And I don’t stop her so she could grow and learn from it.”

“She told you?” Chaeryeong asked from the other side of Sakura.

Chae’s mom smiled softly and shook her head. “Motherly instincts. Chaeyeon looks like she lost the love of her life, maybe she did,” she paused, giving Sakura a knowing look before continuing. “Then here you are, looking the same.”

Sakura let the tear fall from her eye. A while ago, she was trying hard not to tear up in case it would burden Chaeryeong but this time, she couldn’t hold it anymore. “I do love her, she should be the first one to hear that but I was dumb not to know it much earlier.”

“That doesn’t make you dumb, sweetie. There’s no standard time for someone to realize they’re in love. The important thing is they realized it even if it took them their entire lifetime,” said Chae’s mom.

“And don’t worry, unnie. We’ll pretend this didn’t happen, so Chaeyeon noona would be the first person to hear you say you love her.” Chaeryeong winked at her.

Sakura gave them a wistful smile. Chaeyeon’s kindness came from her mother and it seems Chaeryeong has it too. She pushed herself up from the sofa. “I better get going.”

“You’re leaving, unnie?”

“I…”

Chae’s mom stood up and held unto her arm. “You’re on semestrial break, right?”

Sakura nodded.

“Then, you can stay for as long you want.  Come, I’ll prepare you a dinner.”

***

“Somehow, it doesn’t feel right to be here without her,” said Sakura as she walk inside Chaeyeon’s room with Chaeryeong following beside her. She stopped in front of the bed, facing the window with the curtain drawn close.

“You can sleep in my room, Sakura unnie. I can sleep on the floor.”

“Oh no, I can’t do that to you. You’ve already given me much. Thank you again, by the way. You and your mom are… great people.” Sakura turned around to face Chaeryeong then sat down on the bed. “I miss her. This room… it kind of feels like her.” She lied down on the bed and spread her arms over the comforter. “This bed smells like her.”

Sakura heard Chaeryeong hum in approval. “Whenever, I miss noona Chaeyeon I would visit this room.” The screech of a chair legs’ bounced around the quiet room as Chaeryeong pull it from Chaeyeon’s desk. She sat down before speaking. “I spent a lot of my childhood here. We would play dress up here, we love dressing up. Chaeyeon noona taught me how to properly put on some make up and I would look in a mirror in amazement. I became more confident with myself, I felt more beautiful and courageous. It didn’t cross my mind that unnie was feeling the opposite.”

Sakura slowly sat up from the bed. Then she stared at Chaeryeong, waiting.

“I look up to her. I couldn’t understand why she can’t see how beautiful she is. Then, one day she came home crying. It’s the first time I saw her breakdown, the first time I saw her uncontrolled of herself, the first time I saw her being a mess but she was still the sister I look up to. I wanted to punish all of those people who called her things that made her insecure and cry.” Sakura’s eyes flashed to Chaeryeong’s closed fist, deprived of blood from clenching too hard.

“But I was just a child. I couldn’t actually storm to Chaeyeon noona’s school and confront those people. I know nothing but just be there for her. Then, in this very room, I saw her dancing. She looked completely happy, she was floating and moving like a feather being carried by the melody of the wind—too cheesy, I’m sorry, but that’s what I saw. You get me, right?”

Sakura nodded, having seen Chaeyeon dance herself.

“I was proud of noona Chaeyeon, I really look up to her, I joined dance classes with her, in some ways I want to be like her. And then, she told us she was going to study far from home. We didn’t get to see each other until the day she brought you home.” Chaeryeong stood up from the chair and pushed it under the desk. She then opened the door, walked out, and faced Sakura with a small but genuine smile.

“I thought she was the happiest when she’s dancing, but I was wrong. She’s the happiest when she’s with you. Dancing might be her life, but her life isn’t complete without you.” Then Chaeryeong closed the door.

A few seconds passed in silence, Sakura’s phone pinged.

0XX-XXX-XXXX: This is Chaeryeong. I’m not usually this cheesy, unnie but you have to believe me. Wait for noona Chaeyeon.

Her phone started ringing in her hand.

“Hello?”

“Saku-chan…”

A/N: Guess who's back from their grave? ME! Sorry for the long hiatus. School started and I was very busy with school works and my dance group (I just joined one hoot! hoot!) I can't promise to update soon, but I can promise to finish this story--it's almost done anyways.

Thank you for waiting! And for not forgetting and giving up this story! xoxo