Her white complexion made the deep red bruises visible on the imperceptible areas. With a single crawling touch, she shivers and groans as my cold forefinger meets her pained thigh. Another force was righteous enough and so I did. The deep red turned to bluish purple and it brought satisfaction to my eyes. "Did I satisfy you?"

"Sit. I'll get the medicine."

"Stay here. I need you." Seung-wan's choice of words conflicted my trace and I find myself returning to console the aching woman on the bed. She laid herself upon my lap and looked up towards me. Her arms stretched to touch my cheeks and words full of sincerity she muttered. "I love you."

But she wasn't here anymore. The lights were turned off and the coldness of the snow became prominent in the room.

I can never return it to those old days. Days where we could lie down, smile, laugh, and tell ourselves we'll love each other no matter what. 

"Give me a reason you don't want to meet your own family." Irene sat with her arms crossed. She has been frowning ever since I've dropped the topic of her parents coming.

"Just." She huffed annoyed at my stubbornness.

I sighed, "That's not a reason to avoid this." Turning around to finish this conversation, I find myself in a recognizable situation from yesterday.

"Then, what would be the right reason?" She tugged my white coat to stop my overly exaggerated walk out and challenged me to speak out.

Shockingly, I felt myself surging of emotion. The reason why I knew. "Something you will never tell me." She flinched and slowly let go of her grip. Her silence tensioned the room and guilt started to creep in my system.

I knew that she was here because she had gone through something emotional but, my mouth spurted out words that'll hurt her deeply.

No, it was not my mouth. It was what I truly feel about Irene's case.

How many months has it been since we first met? Three months since the second of April. I haven't had a clue for what reason she's here. It was like saying  I was useless to her. That I can't save her.

Her eyes were filled with uncomprehended emotions and her head hung low thinking about the unknown that I, her doctor, don't know.  

"I-I can't let them see me like this when I know that I'm still not okay." She hugged her legs and gazed to nothingness. She was currently in a different realm. Suddenly, her breath started to quiver abnormally.

"N-no... do-don't! Please... s-stop!" Irene trembled, she grasps her brunette hair and she would sometimes hit herself. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." She repeatedly told to no one in the room.

I hastily grabbed her hand that kept attacking her figure and tried to calm down her panic attack. Because of what I said, this happened.

"! Hey, look at me."

"Irene, look at me!" She continued mumbling indistinct words but apprehendable fear. Though I experience this every time from my past inpatient, this was the first time to feel scared.

"Goddammit! Look only to me!" I feared the worst and shouted in desperation. I heard shuffling outside and came inside the nurses who as well handle Irene. They started to rush but, I didn't need them to bring more panic.

"Get out." The well known kind doctor of the hospital commands. It became a surprise to them and still didn't move an inch however did so after a few seconds.

"Please... don't hurt me."

In distress, I needed to find a way to capture her attention to reality again not the memory she's playing in her mind. But, how?

Something clicked within me. I apologize in between but this is an emergency.

Hovering the panicking latter in between of my legs, I sat at her blanket covered lap. Her hands were now free and still did the act from before. Her feet tried to squirm to let them be free from my constraint. Her eyes were blank with only terror and saw not me but her past.

I held her both of her hands with my left and brought it behind her. Firmly, I tighten my muscles clutching the wiggling legs from its goal to escape. My right slowly brought her head my shoulder blade. This was honestly the first time to be this close to Irene except for the patting incident yesterday.

I was close to her ears and I took advantage of it by whispering soothing whatnots that would make her somehow calm down. "Shh... Irene, breath. Calm down and focus on my voice. Listen and breath." Repeating it again and again, I felt her body becoming heavy. Her vile movement to herself has already settled in. Her toss and turn calmed down as well.

I glad that she has already come back but, I find myself realizing that this position was embarrassing. I let go of her unmoving hand and felt my face, I was bothered and a red hot mess. "Doctor, syrin-" I flipped my head and my expression was badly thought by the nurse that came in. She was a shock as well from the situation she was in between however, I knew what she was thinking and that wasn't what we're doing.

"Wait!" She left in a hurry and apologize for interrupting our thought-to-be session.

I facepalmed on how dumb this situation was. I can already feel tomorrow is going to be a pain.

"Mind to give me a show?" All of a sudden, Irene, who was not herself a while ago, caught my hips with her two hands and made itself in contact with her pelvis which was near to something I'm very conscious to.

"No, didn't you see the nurse? Stop riding the joke. By tomorrow, we'll be the talk of the town." I was about to get elsewhere than where I'm currently at, but she gripped me from my place and didn't let me go.

"I'm not riding the joke. You're riding me." The smug look returned itself pretty quickly that makes it a believable front to hide.

"Let go. I'll discuss your visitation schedule. I won't let visitors step in your wardrobe."

"No, I know that they'll use their status to overpower your decision." I almost forgot that her family is from an affluent household. Then, what should I do? "9715815749." Numbers started spitting out of and I knew what she meant.

"I'm telling my mother's number because I still don't want to meet them." Her words were meant to stop what I'm thinking of but that didn't faze me to stop saying it out loud. 

"Thank you...."

"I don't need that." Her eyes closed down.

"...for trusting me." I continued without faltering from her warning. After I did so, her eyes sent daggers to my direction which I only smiled upon.

"I don't trust you." Her cheeks showed a little tint of blush but she didn't show anything more than that.

"I know."

It has already darkened and the sun was no longer here but the moon shining in its silver light. I tasked myself to stay overnight to watch over Irene for any aftermath effect. Tomorrow would be the date where her parents would come to visit and I have to make a haste call during midnight time to convince her substantial family. Irene was centimeters away from me and her stare as the phone rings was a nerve-wracking moment.

What was I nervous for? It was not like this was the first time talking with a patient's mother or father. I've even encountered a strange, heartbreaking, tearful situation while having a conversation. What was to worry about?

Suddenly, I saw the ringing letters became numbers that started to count the time wherein the receiver picked the call up. I wanted to give it to Irene however, I knew she was no different. Nervous, anxious, worried, and more. So, I gathered myself and spoke to the other line. "G-good afternoon." I internally cursed myself from my mistake. I must've looked so dumb towards her mother and Irene.

"Good afternoon. Who might this be?" A raspy voice echoed from the other. She seems so exhausted from who-knows-what but  I can guess what it is. Before she could think about my unknown identity and possibly guessing what my purpose was, I replied, "I'm Irene's psychologist."

"Oh! How come you have my number? I did tell them not to give..." Her words became into mumbles but I did understand a whole lot from it. Her mother was the one who ordered to keep the files away. I quickly brushed off the newly found out information and said, "Irene told me your number." As the sentence flowed out from my mouth, I heard a gasp of surprise. I imagined her mother in shock, eyes bulged out and mouth forming an o. 

"Then, what would be this matter about to make my daughter give my phone number?" Her words lay a vile scent of confusion and disbelief of my answer to her question. It is quite understandable for her daughter did have high walls and she let it down for this time, for the first time.

"Irene requests not to let any visitors, including her family."

"So... she's still angry..." Next thing I knew, her sentence became baffled with weeps and snot. Her mother was caring, that I can conclude. However, I don't know of her past actions that may have hurt Irene that led her to become someone who resents being touched. An image flashed through my mind of how reluctant she was when I held out my arms for help.

"We-we'll withhold o-our visit."

"Thank you for understanding though I still don't know the whole situation." I was about to hang up since I can't hear anymore in the other line but stillness. Her mother suddenly spoke with words full of motherly love. "Tell my daughter that I love her."

I took a glance towards the latter who was sitting on the sheet covered mattress and was listening. For a moment, she laid there stunned from the affection of her mother. She was trying to resist the temptation to speak since she did shove off her parent's presence to accompany her.

Though, I did thought she was resisting. Her sudden stand, walking towards me, stealing my cellular, and speaking unthinkable equal sweet coated words were out of my analysis and another side that I would never expect her to show before me. "I love you." Her eyes were concentrated to the device and after a little conversation with her crying mother, those before expressionless eyes were tainted with pinkish colored pain, wavering pupils, and expensive pearl-like tears.

What does she have that makes me want to envelop her in my arms? Her vulnerability, unforeseen kindness, unlooked for words, reasonable actions, or was it her curved smile at the garden? I don't know the reason but, I know for a fact that I am obliged to end her troubles and after so this is done.

"How many times would you see me like this?" Her unmoving lips trembled as she speaks.

People are different but alike. They differ from appearance, background, and how they lived. But emotions were all felt. Pride is what I see and felt as those pearls made a trail of themselves on her cheeks. Desperation to not be seen in a state of hopelessness was evident.

"I don't know..." What was I supposed to say in this situation? Would I be like in a different dimension say it'll be alright, trust me?

But I knew...

"I don't trust you." 

...that she already draw out a straight line between us.

"I know."