A/N: I DID IT! Thank you once again, weirdlatte for being the audience to my writing stream and being the staring rabbit encouraging me from behind! Also, how many tropes can I fit into one fic? Too damn many, would be the answer! Hope you guys enjoy!

ALSO WATCH AFTER SCHOOL ON MMTG!!!!!

 

It started just like how things in Wendy’s life.

 

(Sudden.

 

Unexpectedly.

 

Because she forgot about it and left it be until it came and bit her in the-)

 

She stared at her mother, eyes wide, mouth opening and closing, unable to answer her mother’s (simple) question.

 

Her mother, used to her oddness that she never grew out of, despite her age and her relative fame, repeated her question, her attention split between the invitation card she was writing and her daughter.

 

“Will Irene be joining us in Jeju?”

 

Wendy flapped her hand around, trying to find a way to tell the truth and ended up answering with a question, leaving her mother and father to just stare at her incredulously.

 

“Why would Irene be joining us? I thought it was a family event?”

 

Her father chuckled softly, reaching over to pat Wendy on the head lightly.

 

“Don’t let Irene hear you say that. As patient as she is with you, I doubt she would be thrilled to learn you don’t consider her family after dating for five years.”

 

Wendy spluttered uselessly and tried to explain herself when her mother spoke up again, slipping the card into an envelope carefully.

 

“Just ask if she can make it. We haven’t seen her in a while.”

 

Wendy tried to speak again, words dying in her chest when her mother continued without looking at her, busy with the stack of invitation cards she had made.

 

“And I think halmeoni misses her. She kept asking about Irene on our last call.”

 

(And this was how it started.)

 

Wendy opened to argue but was kept silent when her mother murmured worriedly.

 

“You know how she is, with dementia. I think she would be really happy to see Irene again.”

 

Wendy swallowed tightly and answered quietly, lowering her head so that she didn’t have to meet her parents’ eyes.

 

“I’ll ask her.”

 

*

 

“What do you mean you haven’t told them?”

 

Yeri stared at her incredulously, face twisted into a confused frown, ignoring the rice cake that she had just dropped on her lap.

 

Wendy placed her chopsticks down carefully, thankful that they weren’t in costume yet and reached for a tissue. She passed it to Yeri who took it and held it between her fingers, refusing to move while she continued to stare at Wendy. Knowing that Yeri won’t move on until she got an answer, Wendy answered morosely, glancing down at her lunch and feeling her appetite leave her.

 

“It just never came up. And then I....forgot.”

 

Yeri raised her voice, aghast and in disbelief.

 

“How do you forget something like that?”

 

Wendy raised her hands defensively, almost turning over her bowl.

 

“I just- you know- Not thought about it-”

 

“Is this you avoiding it so you can pretend it never happened? Because it did, unnie, it did, you and Irene-”

 

Joy walked up to them, hair still being held together by clips rather than hairspray, her brow furrowing at the both of them.

 

“What are you guys arguing about? Why are we talking about Irene unnie?”

 

Yeri turned towards Joy, reaching out with her stained fingers and missing when Joy dodged, flapping her hands and warding Yeri off. Yeri ignored her and continued speaking, waving her other hand in Wendy’s direction.

 

“We’re talking about Irene unnie because someone didn’t tell her family that they broke up and now they want to invite her to their family’s Christmas event.”

 

Joy blinked once, twice-

 

“What?! Are you serious?”

 

Wendy promptly covered her face with both her hands, ignoring the rants coming from her group mates.

 

*

 

If anyone asked SeungWan how long it can take for someone to fall in love, she would have an answer for them.

 

It would be exact, precise, and immediate, the numbers, the dates printed on the forefront of her mind, melded into her very bones, the very colour of the blood that ran through her veins.

 

If anyone asked SeungWan, she would answer-

 

It took two weeks, three days and fourteen hours.

 

And if that same person were to ask how long did it take for someone to fall out of love?

 

Then-

 

(The answer wouldn’t be accurate at all.)

 

Wendy would say that it took a little over four years, that it had ended the moment JooHyun had pressed a key into the palm of her hands, a smile on her face that didn’t seem like a smile, brown eyes hidden behind eyelashes that kept so much from her.

 

Wendy would answer that she fell out of love when JooHyun walked out of that door, taking with her the life she had built in Korea for Wendy, never once looking back.

 

(SeungWan would answer that she never stopped, that time itself stopped to matter the moment the door clicked shut, silence echoing in her ears.

 

She would say that there was no way to stop because JooHyun might have returned a key to their home together but left with pieces of her heart, pieces of a glass home built for two but now somehow only had one.

 

But really-

 

How long did it take for SeungWan to fall?

 

Barely a moment.

 

How long did it take for SeungWan to stop?

 

She doesn’t know.)

 

***

 

“I’m home!”

 

JooHyun looked up, head turning towards the door, a smile tugging at her lips at the sound of SeungWan’s voice before looking back down, brushing her hair from her face, moving to save the document she had been working on.

 

“Welcome home.”

 

She tilted her head up, just in time to receive SeungWan’s kiss, a soft press of her lips on her cheek, just close enough to the corner of her lips to be intimate. A smile blossomed on her face in response, a hand coming up to cradle SeungWan’s jaw, keeping the younger woman in place as she nuzzled into skin affectionately, leaning backwards when SeungWan slid into the space between her and the armrest. Laughing softly, JooHyun made space, legs tangling together till it was hard to tell where one started and where the other ended.

 

“Did you have a good day?”

 

SeungWan hummed softly, hair falling into her eyes, bright brown eyes twinkling from behind a shade of blue, the colour of the concept for this season.

 

“As good as it gets with a full schedule.”

 

JooHyun ran her fingers across the bridge of SeungWan’s nose, watching the way eyelashes fluttered before SeungWan closed her eyes, leaning into JooHyun’s touch.

 

“And any day I get to come home early is a good day.”

 

JooHyun let out a breath, too soft to be laughter, too quiet to be a scoff, but amused and charmed as always. Her eyes tracked the path her fingers made, pressing fingertips into the divots of SeungWan’s dimple, a corner of her lips lifting up in a smile.

 

“Cheesy as always.”

 

SeungWan grinned in response and snuggled in closer, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes.

 

And they stayed like that, a moment for two, in the midst of their busy lives.

 

***

 

Wendy stared at her phone, helpless and powerless in a way that she hasn’t been in a long time.

 

(How could she be?

 

People adored her.

 

They cried when she sang, laughed when she did, and threw themselves at her feet just to get her attention.

 

But-)

 

On the screen, JooHyun’s name stared back at her-

 

(Always Mine, JooHyun.

 

Never changed.

 

Never wanted to change.

 

Would probably never change even after.)

 

-mocking and bright before the screen dimmed.

 

But the name was seared into her eyes, seen even in the dark, a name that she held at the back of and in the depths of a home once built in its name, a fortress Wendy buried SeungWan in. She reached forward and pressed a finger onto the screen, bringing the phone to life again and continued staring, her eyes darting, but never landing, onto the profile picture she never changed.

 

Taking a deep breath, Wendy moved her finger up, hovering over the call button before pressing on it, holding on for dear life before lifting her finger. The screen changed at once, JooHyun’s face decorating the entire screen now, smiling lovingly up at Wendy, eyes twinkling despite being behind a screen.

 

(-it was always JooHyun’s attention that she wanted, once coveted, now lost, leaving her desperately scraping through sand to find scraps, pieces that could be used to fix the hole in her heart.)

 

*

 

Much like everything in her life, JooHyun preferred order.

 

It was within order that she found peace, that kept her anxiety at bay, leaving nothing to chance, with no nasty surprises waiting to stab her in the dark.

 

(There was once- twice that she swerved out of her path, took a chance instead of following the plan she had made, took a chance on a smile that seemed to radiate the warmth of a drop of golden sun, with a voice that could call the heavens onto mortal ground.

 

Twice, she abandoned her plans, one ending in heartbreak and the other in laughter, in joy, in love.

 

And now-)

 

So when her phone rang, with a string of numbers flitting across her screen, numbers that she had long memorised, she felt the order that she had created around her crack and then shatter, as memories of a past she had buried flowed back to the forefront of her mind.

 

(And an unspoken third, where she had taken a step away from a path she had created with another to move to another, a road that fit only one, yet wide enough for JooHyun to feel that canyon of her own making.

 

But she had to.

 

She had to.)

 

Her brow furrowed slightly and she picked the device up gingerly, the phone pinched between her thumb and finger, watching the phone ring and then stop, the screen turning from grey to her wallpaper, a demure blue and pink sky.

 

Theirs.

 

Their colours.

 

Shrugging it off as a misdial, JooHyun placed the phone back down and turned back towards her laptop, fingers resting on the keyboard-

 

Her phone rang again, the same string of numbers appearing on the screen.

 

She blinked, completely taken aback, lips pursed and nose scrunching.

 

(What is going on?)

 

Biting her lip, JooHyun thought for a moment before reaching over to swipe at the screen.

 

And then-

 

***

 

It really shouldn’t be this hard.

 

In fact, it should be easier.

 

After all, she had done this once before.

 

(But it was different back then.

 

Back then, she didn’t have the warmth of a sunset embracing her every night, soothing her gently to sleep with the song of a nightingale, of a goodnight that came with the promise of a good morning.

 

Back then, there wasn’t the sound of laughter that accompanied every waking moment, during the smallest chores that they did together, to long distance phone calls that never ended.

 

Back then-)

 

But it wasn’t.

 

It really wasn’t.

 

It was hollow, the home that she had placed her love in, burrowed out by her own fingers, flaking pieces of her broken heart bloodied and scattered in the midst of a destruction she had made. It was simultaneously painful and numbing, swinging back and forth between an icy wasteland that knew no warmth and a forest destroyed by wildfire, anger and sorrow coursing through her body without mercy.

 

(Somewhere, deep inside, despite the wrecked walls and crumbling ivory towers that made up the garden that she nurtured solely on love, she knew that she made the right decision.

 

It was always a choice between bad and good and JooHyun would never want SeungWan to choose the bad for her.

 

But it just hurt.

 

It hurt so much and all she had were-)

 

JooHyun took in a shuddering breath and pressed her nose into the sleeves of her sweatshirt, taking in the scent that had lingered on far longer than she thought was possible. Her eyes slipped shut, allowing herself to drown in a delusion of her own making, if only to stave off the throbbing pain that had followed ever since SeungWan had-

 

(SeungWan’s back was stiff when she walked out the door, shoulders drawn almost up to her ears, her hand tight around the suitcase she had dragged out after her. The veins in her neck were popping almost visibly, the muscles taut as she moved further away from JooHyun, head tilted slightly, chin angled almost back towards JooHyun.

 

In response, JooHyun had remained in her seat, eyes focused on SeungWan but not really, fingers pulling at the material of the sofa they had bought together.

 

And just like that, SeungWan left, the door closing softly, a deafening sound that ended a story that shouldn’t have ended.)

 

She pulled the sweatshirt tight around her and tried to imagine a warmth that had always comforted her, eyes squeezed shut and knees drawn to her chest.

 

She was only partially successful.

 

***

 

Even Rome fell, helpless against time, crumbling against the force of nature that challenged it.

 

***

 

“Hello?”

 

And because there was never a time that SeungWan was not affected by the sound of JooHyun’s voice, she dropped the phone, fumbling to catch it before it hit the ground. Gripping the device tightly, she brought it up to her right ear, tucking a stray strand of hair away, catching the next part of JooHyun’s sentence, soft as it was, still attuned to her even after spending months apart.

 

“SeungWan?”

 

There was a drop of relief in the midst of the heavy feeling at the base of her skull, clearing away a fog that had followed her. Immediately, her shoulders relaxed, her heart rate slowing down, the constant anxiety lulled to a stop.

 

(It has been months.

 

But JooHyun was still her source of comfort.)

 

“JooHyun.”

 

There was a pause and then JooHyun spoke again, haltingly, quietly, hesitantly.

 

“Is something wrong?”

 

(Everything.

 

Everything was wrong.

 

Please let me come back.)

 

SeungWan swallowed tightly and shook her head, her voice shaking as she answered.

 

“No, nothing’s wrong. I just-”

 

She took in a deep breath, gathering her small reserve of courage to just ask.

 

“I was wondering if we could meet?”

 

For a moment, JooHyun said nothing, leaving SeungWan to strain to hear the sound of her breathing, letting it wash over her and soothing the panic that had started to rise in her chest.

 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, SeungWan.”

 

(There was something unspoken in her voice, painting a picture that SeungWan could clearly see, of the fraying ends of something that they never really put back together, leaving this to fester between them, unresolved, unfinished.)

 

SeungWan took another breath before speaking, almost pleading.

 

“I know, I know. But-”

 

She pulled at the ends of her hair, hoping that there was still something in JooHyun that she could take hold of.

 

“This isn’t something I can ask over the phone. It- It would be better face to face.”

 

JooHyun took a while to answer again, her breath shaking in SeungWan’s ear.

 

“Is it important?”

 

Is it important to you?

 

SeungWan nodded, the grip she had on her phone so tight that her hand was feeling numb.

 

“Yes. Please.”

 

She could almost hear JooHyun pressing her tongue into her cheek, a habit that SeungWan had for back then, a habit she wished she could see right now.

 

“Okay. Where should we meet?”

 

SeungWan nodded, gathering her fraying nerves and pulling her back straight, attempting to build herself into a semblance of normal.

 

“I’ll text you the details?

 

JooHyun let out a breath.

 

“Alright. I’ll be waiting.”

 

And just like that, the drop turned into an ocean, a dam broken and flooding SeungWan’s chest, leaving her breathless and teary, her voice strained and shaking as she tried to contain her overwhelming feelings.

 

“Thank you. Thank you.”

 

JooHyun hummed, too low to have a melody, too quiet to be of any significance.

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

(And without them knowing, somewhere, something clicked, a cog that slid back into place and started running again.)

 

*

 

In the midst of a semi bustling cafe, with fans scattered across the space, cameras at the ready, necks strained to get a glimpse of their favourites, JooHyun stood stiffly, her chin tilted up slightly. Her feet were shuffling against the linoleum floor, purple Vans reflecting against the shiny surface, as she hunched her shoulders, aware of the stares of the people around her, curious eyes following her every move as though she was a specimen worthy of such attention.

 

(Back then, back when-

 

Back then, SeungWan had been baffled by JooHyun’s confusion over the stares, often shaking her head in disbelief when JooHyun voiced it out.

 

Till this day, even after, JooHyun had never gotten an answer, only a mysterious smile and a soft-

 

You should really look into a mirror more.)

 

She moved forward, flashing her employee card to the harried looking cashier, taking a cursory glance at the board before ordering the same thing.

 

“One hot chocolate please. Extra whipped cream.”

 

The cafe worker nodded and swiped her card, returning it to her before waving her towards the collection counter, already looking over JooHyun’s shoulder for the next customer.

 

Just as JooHyun stepped away, the bustle of the cafe increased exponentially, the whispers swirling around her like wind blowing through the leaves of the forest. Without turning around, she already knew that SeungWan had entered as she watched a fan raise a camera sneakily, eyes wide with awe and mouth hanging half open.

 

She chose to ignore it, picking up her drink delicately before moving towards a more private section, one that the company had set up for their artists to have a drink in peace.

 

Taking a look at the space, the dark haired woman chose a seat furthest away from the entrance, facing away from it and looking out of a window.

 

And she waited.

 

Not for very long, for moments later, SeungWan slid into the seat across from her, a steaming mug placed in her hand.

 

(Latte, one shot, a pump of syrup.)

 

Her eyes bore into the white mug, refusing to even look upwards (deja vu), her hands tight around her own cup, already regretting agreeing to this meeting.

 

(It was too soon.

 

Too soon.

 

How did she have the courage to even think it would be alright to look at SeungWan again?)

 

SeungWan spoke softly, mirroring her position with her hands.

 

“Thank you for meeting with me.”

 

JooHyun swallowed, taking in a deep breath before looking away from the cup, drawing her eyes up across the checkered shirt that looked familiar and up an expanse of skin that she had long memorised. Her eyes darted towards the dimple that dented SeungWan’s right cheek, skipped past the pouting red lips and continued its path upwards.

 

Only to be greeted with a warmth that she had left behind, molten gold hidden behind secrets that were JooHyun’s to unravel, now scattered pieces of songs that they could never have together.

 

(It was a surprise, just how sharp the pain in her chest was, overwhelming and suffocating, her heart crumbling in the face of SeungWan.)

 

Her grip tightened and she lowered her eyes again, fixing her gaze onto SeungWan’s nose instead.

 

(Another jolt of surprise ran up her spine when she realised just how similar her beginning and end with SeungWan was, with the same amount of space between, with her drowning in the depth of SeungWan’s eyes, aching for a touch that was never hers to keep.)

 

“It sounded important.”

 

*

 

Unlike JooHyun who had avoided her gaze, Wendy stared unabashedly, eyes roving past the curve of JooHyun’s lips, tracking across the sharp plane of her cheekbones made sharper by the evening sun that dusted orange across her face. Wendy drank the image of JooHyun greedily, taking in the mirage that had littered her dreams and her every waking moment, the ghost behind the songs she sang, the muse behind words that decorated cafe napkins and slips of paper that filled a pouch.

 

(Her dip into salvation that had evaded her for months.)

 

But she was here for a reason.

 

And with that, Wendy mentally slapped herself awake, blinking away the dream that had started to converge at the front of her mind, drawing in only the image of JooHyun sitting stiffly in front of her.

 

(A memory of JooHyun sitting the same way.

 

The day when Wendy had thrown caution into the wind and asked for a love that she had returned carelessly.)

 

“My family is spending Christmas in Jeju this year.”

 

(It was a sight to see, the way JooHyun went from JooHyun to Irene.

 

It was subtle, a lift of the chin, her shoulders drawing back, walls raised around her carefully.

 

It was beautiful.

 

But it was never for SeungWan.

 

For Wendy, however-)

 

Irene nodded, the movement stilted, her expression carefully blank.

 

“That’s nice.”

 

Wendy swallowed tightly, the next part of her sentence spilling out quickly, a waterfall rushing down the side of a cliff, quick and hurried.

 

“And my halmeoni is asking for you.”

 

***

 

“You’re beautiful.”

 

JooHyun almost jumped out of her skin at the sound, a low, husky voice breathing past her right ear, quiet and soft and completely creepy. She clasped a hand to her ear and moved away quickly, her eyes widening when she saw a slightly hunched old woman sitting beside her, sipping her tea nonchalantly.

 

She blinked once, twice, wondering just how this woman crept up on her without her noticing before her manners kicked in. JooHyun lowered her head slightly, her voice soft, her words polite.

 

“Thank you for the compliment. I’m JooHyun, by the way.”

 

The old lady chuckled quietly, an eyebrow raised towards her receding hairline.

 

“I know. SeungWan is always talking about you over the phone.”

 

JooHyun’s right eyebrow twitched slightly at the sound of her girlfriend’s name, her head tilting to one side in confusion. As though sensing her question, the white haired lady put her cup down, turning towards her, a soft expression on her face. She took JooHyun’s hand with both of hers, the soft, papery feeling of an old person’s skin brushing against JooHyun’s palm.

 

“She is very fond of you. And when that child is fond of someone...”

 

She trailed off, a quirk of a smile stretching wrinkled skin.

 

“She comes to her halmeoni to gush about it.”

 

It took a moment for JooHyun to connect the dots.

 

And then-

 

She lowered her head again, hurriedly, quickly, utterly appalled at her manners and lack of recognition.

 

(How did she not recognise SeungWan’s family?!

 

Her grandmother no less!)

 

“I am so sorry! I didn’t realise- I’m so sorry I was being rude!”

 

The old lady, SeungWan’s grandmother, chuckled again, reaching up to pat JooHyun’s head lightly.

 

“It’s alright. You weren’t being rude at all.”

 

She held JooHyun’s hand again, her smile wide and her gaze warm.

 

“Welcome to the family, JooHyun.”

 

There was a burst of something in JooHyun’s chest, spreading from the centre, where her heart laid in the foundations of a home she had built. It dispersed into her veins, her arteries, a glow of something warm, something borne from the skies, decorating stardust beneath her skin, the grandmother’s words etching itself deep into memory, twined in between a love grown from miracles.

 

JooHyun smiled, grasping as tightly as she could without injuring frail hands and spoke softly, eyes bright with unshed tears.

 

“Thank you for having me.”

 

(And at the other side of the room, SeungWan smiled, her attention diverted away from her uncle, eyes focused on JooHyun who had so effortlessly won her grandmother over, soft and quiet as she was, with a fond smile on her face while her grandmother continued to talk.

 

And she thought-

 

This is my future.)

 

***

 

JooHyun knew what SeungWan wanted to ask before the words could escape past her lips.

 

And in that moment, she could see her downfall because there was no future that JooHyun could say no to SeungWan-

 

(That was a lie.

 

She said no once.

 

And look at them now.

 

Broken.

 

Shattered.

 

Never pieced back together again.)

 

-and definitely not to a grandmother she had all but called her own, giving and receiving love and warmth of a family, her family away from a family.

 

But she kept silent, hoping against hope that it wasn’t as she had guessed, lips thinned out, tongue pressed against the roof of to stave off her words.

 

SeungWan-Wendy spoke again, nervously, fingers twisting together against the cup, knuckles splayed white against porcelain.

 

“She’s been asking for you and- And she has been sick lately-”

 

Without meaning to, JooHyun interjected before Wendy could finish, her words sharp and quick.

 

“She’s sick?”

 

Wendy blinked once, surprised at her outburst, her lips turning down before replying slowly.

 

“Yeah... They kept it from us-me for a bit because they didn’t want- But yes, she has dementia.”

 

The cold started in her veins, ice spreading through her body and in towards her heart, blood and breath suspended in time, her movement stilling and her head spinning.

 

Halmeoni-

 

She can’t-

 

And before even Wendy could ask, before SeungWan could say anything further, JooHyun questioned succinctly, unable to even drag the situation out, to even pretend to guard her heart.

 

“When are we leaving for Jeju?”

 

*

 

(The Son family had taken to her like fish to water, welcoming her with open arms and even wider smiles, kindness and warmth that came so naturally from SeungWan, a family trait.

 

But amongst them, her favourite would always have to be halmeoni, quiet, unassuming, with a kind of fondness that JooHyun never had, the kind of immemorial guidance that was often overlooked but was always there.

 

Her favourite was always this woman who came up to her and offered a spot in the family, without thought, without hesitance, with warm hands gently showing JooHyun the way.)

 

*

 

It honestly hurt, a deep seated sort of pain to see how attuned, how JooHyun was still attuned to her mood, her unasked questions, her desire, her everything.

 

That without SeungWan even asking, JooHyun had agreed wordlessly, putting aside whatever it was that was festering between them, put aside their past, their pain, their hurt, for the one woman SeungWan treasured the most in her family.

 

(And in all honesty, it was really selfish of her.

 

In all honesty, she could have done what her members had advised her to do, to tell her parents that JooHyun and SeungWan were no longer that, that they were now separated into Irene and Wendy.

 

It would have been easier, would have not shaved away at her walls, painstakingly built in response to JooHyun leaving (them), would have given her a chance to take a step away from this path she had made for two.

 

But she was selfish.

 

Selfish enough to want this, even if it was just for a week, just to fall back into something that she had wanted and craved, had dreamt of since that day at the aquarium where she had said no.

 

Selfish enough to know, to admit that right now, she could say those three words at any time and still meant them.)

 

She let out a sigh in relief, shoulders slumping and stomach arching inwards.

 

“You’ll come? Really?”

 

Irene gave her a look, sharp and unfamiliar.

 

“If halmeoni is asking for me, then-”

 

She looked away, her mask falling slightly.

 

“I’m not one to say no to an old lady’s wishes.”

 

What about mine?

 

Wendy swallowed the words she wanted to say, nodding tightly before lowering her gaze to her cup.

 

“Thank you. It’ll mean a lot to her.”

 

It would mean a lot to me.

 

And because it was JooHyun, Wendy pulled her lips up into a fraction of a smile, hoping that it would hide the turbulent feelings churning in her stomach, her chest, her heart.

 

***

 

“JooHyun, wake up.”

 

SeungWan shook her girlfriend’s shoulder lightly, a small smile on her face as she took the position that JooHyun was in, slumped over the armrest of their sofa, the throw blanket slipping off her shoulder, dark purple contrasting with the white sweatshirt that she had on. Her fingers trailed up JooHyun’s shoulder, drawing a path to her cheek, cradling the older woman’s jaw with her palm, fingertips tapping a soft rhythm on her cheekbone.

 

“JooHyun. You’re going to be sore tomorrow.”

 

JooHyun’s forehead scrunched slightly, her face pressing into SeungWan’s touch, mumbling under her breath, her words lost in the material of their sofa. SeungWan let out a soft laugh, her fingers tapping out an unknown rhythm on her girlfriend’s shoulder, gently rousing the sleepy brunette out of her stupor.

 

JooHyun blinked once, twice before smiling up at SeungWan, a blossom of joy that unfurled a resonating warmth in SeungWan’s chest.

 

(And not for the first time, SeungWan found herself thinking that this would be a feeling she would want in all moments of her life.)

 

“You’re home.”

 

SeungWan knelt down, moving her hand to cup JooHyun’s cheek, her smile growing.

 

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

 

JooHyun shook her head, lifting away from the armrest slightly.

 

“No, I’ll heat up the dinner, you must be hungry after your schedule.”

 

She opened to argue, only to be interrupted by her traitorous stomach, a loud growl cutting between the two of them. She looked down in aghast, betrayed by her own body as JooHyun started laughing softly, the older woman placing both of her hands on SeungWan’s shoulders.

 

“Get clean. I'll reheat dinner.”

 

Without waiting for SeungWan to answer, JooHyun pushed her away from the sofa in one fluid motion, guiding SeungWan towards their bedroom firmly. She deposited the singer at the door, leaving with a fleeting kiss on SeungWan’s cheek and soft pat on her head.

 

SeungWan grinned, as always, charmed by JooHyun’s mannerisms and opened the door, moving to do exactly as she was told.

 

*

 

“Dinner was... ramyun?”

 

SeungWan eyed the dish in front of her, her lips pursing at the sight of the noodles.

 

(At least there are vegetables?

 

And meat?)

 

JooHyun giggled in response.

 

“Don’t sound so disappointed. Korea was built on the back of ramyun.”

 

SeungWan pouted, making her eyes as wide as possible.

 

“When you said dinner, I thought you made something.”

 

JooHyun shrugged, raising an eyebrow playfully.

 

“I did. Then you were late. And I got hungry.”

 

SeungWan’s pout intensified.

 

“You didn’t save any for me?”

 

“The growl of my stomach was too loud to ignore.”

 

Sighing loudly, SeungWan grabbed the chopsticks offered to her, lamenting about her missed dinner.

 

“Well, I’ll never miss what I never had-”

 

JooHyun grinned widely.

 

“I made rice cake soup with beef.”

 

The chopsticks clattered onto the table with a clang, SeungWan standing up abruptly.

 

“I cannot believe you! That’s my favourite!”

 

“And now it’s all in my belly-”

 

JooHyun let out a shriek, darting around the table when SeungWan leapt at her, fingers wiggling midair.

 

“Come here, you!”

 

“You couldn’t catch me at Ninja World, you’re not gonna be able to catch me now!”

 

“Watch me!”

 

(The next day, their neighbour complained goodnaturedly about their laughter.)

 

***

 

“That...”

 

Wendy waited for the next part of Joy’s sentence patiently, already sensing that the younger woman was about to berate her.

 

“Is exactly the opposite of what we advised you to do.”

 

And she was not disappointed.

 

Wendy folded another pair of pants neatly and placed it into her luggage, studiously avoiding Joy’s gaze, the taller woman lounging lazily on the floor next to her bed, her eyes boring into Wendy’s face.

 

“And I know you’ve watched enough dramas to know that this is a bad idea.”

 

Yeri’s voice piped up from outside the room, surprising both of them, Wendy almost tossing the shirt she was holding into the air, Joy jolting up upright and smacking her face into the side of the bed.

 

“Alternatively, maybe Wendy unnie will lead the fanfic life and actually get a happy ending.”

 

Joy rubbed at her face petulantly, snorting and shaking her head.

 

“The only fanfic trope they will both end up having is miscommunication leading to an angst ending because neither of them know how to talk to the other.”

 

Wendy let out a breath, arguing weakly.

 

“Hey! We talk!”

 

Both of the younger members merely raised a brow in her direction, eerily similar to how Irene does it whenever Wendy had done (or said) something stupid.

 

“Unnie, you’re going on a Christmas vacation with your ex because you assumed-”

 

Wendy turned back towards her bag and focused on packing, pointedly ignoring Joy as she ranted about the worst memory of Wendy’s life. Her hands shook slightly as she continued to stuff her clothes in with increasing force, leaving some of her belongings wrinkled.

 

(She doesn’t need a reminder of how they had broken apart because it was always replaying in her mind along with the what ifs and the could I haves, with a million different scenarios littering the edges of a dream that had JooHyun walking back into her arms.

 

She doesn’t need a reminder because she never forgot.)

 

“And you’re not even listening.”

 

She raised her head, catching the tail end of Joy’s rant, pursed and her shoulders lifting to her ears. She placed the wrinkled shirt on the bed and sighed, one hand gesturing towards Joy.

 

“Look, Joy-”

 

Yeri raised her hand.

 

“And Yeri.”

 

Wendy nodded in Yeri’s direction, barely amending her sentence.

 

“Yes, and Yeri- Look, what’s done is done and what’s more, she agreed. I didn’t force her or blackmail her into it.”

 

Joy folded her arms across her chest, her nose scrunching and her lips thinning.

 

“It’s still a bad idea. The both of you have so many things left unfinished-”

 

Wendy clenched her fists, pulling her arms to hide them behind her back, sharp words cutting past Joy’s worries.

 

“And we’re both old enough to move past it. It’s just a week. She goes with me, halmeoni will be happy and then we-”

 

And she drew a circle with her right hand, ignoring the slight shiver that inflicted it.

 

“-leave for America the moment I get back, moving separately and never speaking of this again.”

 

And then she turned her back to the both of them, closing her eyes tightly to stop the sudden onslaught of tears that pooled at the corners, breath shallow and shoulders taut.

 

(But really, Joy was right.

 

She should have confessed the moment her parents brought it up.)

 

*

 

But she was selfish.

 

This way, she could hold onto the pieces of JooHyun offered as a mask, building back the wrecked home that sat at the centre of her chest, coaxing the garden to bloom again, if only for a little while.

 

Then maybe, just maybe-

 

Maybe SeungWan can put a time on falling out of love.

 

*

 

“Hyun...”

 

JooHyun avoided looking at Seulgi, her fingers pressed flat against the table, her dinner forgotten in front of her.

 

Rice cake soup with beef.

 

“Hyun, look at me, please.”

 

She shook her head childishly.

 

“Hyun, come on. You can talk to me.”

 

Reluctantly, JooHyun raised her head and met Seulgi’s eyes, shrinking back slightly at her best friend’s expression.

 

It was filled with sympathy.

 

(She would have preferred if Seulgi judged her.

 

Then at least she could continue beating herself over her decision.

 

Over all her decisions.)

 

Seulgi reached over, placing a hand gently over hers, her thumb moving in circular motions.

 

“You don’t have to go, you know. You can always back out.”

 

JooHyun nodded once.

 

“I know.”

 

And then-

 

“What if I don’t want to?”

 

Seulgi’s gaze softened, a dim light peeking over the horizon, warm and reassuring, without judgement, only understanding.

 

“Then you stick to your decision. And live through the consequences later.”

 

JooHyun’s lower lip trembled, her hand turning upwards and grasping Seulgi’s, tethering herself to the one anchor she had left.

 

“I just-”

 

She took in a shaky breath, her voice filled with tears, her words halting and slow.

 

“It would be nice. To have family around me again.”

 

She paused, letting out a breath and confessing, to Seulgi, to herself, to the air that had held still around her ever since she left SeungWan.

 

“And I still want her to smile because of me.”

 

Laughing softly, pitifully, desperately, she looked up to Seulgi, her face pulled into a mockery of a smile.

 

“I’m terrible, aren’t I?”

 

Seulgi shook her head.

 

“No. You’re just human.”

 

***

 

“How well do you even know her?”

 

JooHyun stared up at her father, unable to reconcile the image in front of her with the image of the father she always had.

 

Her father was always quiet and stoic, kind and reassuring, the type of quiet comfort that was never seen but always felt.

 

But right now, sitting in front of her parents, with her mother’s head turned away, shoulders shaking as she cried, her father was angry, the type of anger that was explosive, words filled with barbs and thorns, not meant to hurt but tearing through JooHyun’s walls and digging into her insides with finesse.

 

Right now, her father was yelling, his voice raised for the first time in JooHyun’s young life, unable to understand his daughter’s choice.

 

Her back straightened, her shoulders drawn back and her fists clenched and jaw tight.

 

“I love her.”

 

Her mother whispered softly, words carried by a wind that dismantled the safe place JooHyun always thought she would have.

 

“Enough to leave us?”

 

JooHyun shook her head, confused, tired, bewildered, resentful- feelings she never thought she would have in the face of her parents.

 

“Why is it this or that? I’m not leaving you. I’m just moving to another country. I will keep in touch. I will visit.”

 

She chanced another look at her father, her mother and then-

 

A sharp pain resonated in her chest at the looks on their faces.

 

“It’s not me leaving that you dislike.”

 

Her mother looked away, hair hiding her expression from JooHyun, her father’s mouth clicking shut but the damage was already done.

 

Whatever it was that she had seen couldn’t be unseen.

 

“It’s because I’m leaving with her.”

 

A sudden bout of weakness seized JooHyun, her body crumbling upon itself, her chest caving in, her heart bleeding red.

 

“I thought that- You said-”

 

Her sentence was caught in , her eyes widening at the sight of her father shaking his head.

 

“We thought we could accept it. We do. But we can’t accept this.”

 

He waved a hand, disappointment and exhaustion colouring his face pale.

 

(Somehow, this was worse than the anger.

 

Somehow, she preferred the anger.)

 

No, please.

 

“You barely know this girl, this idol-”

 

His face contorted into something ugly and JooHyun felt another piece of her collapse, her heart fragile and shattering.

 

Please.

 

“If you choose to leave, JooHyun-”

 

A wrecking ball crashed into JooHyun’s centre, throwing her off balance as her father- her Otōsan turned away from her.

 

“Then don’t bother coming back.”

 

Her breath was caught in , suffocating her instead, her ribcage falling inwards, her world crashing down around her ears.

 

She turned to her mother, pleading quietly, painfully, desperately.

 

“Okāsan, please.”

 

Her mother shook her head, face covered with her hands, sobs muffled.

 

And just like that, JooHyun lost her family.

 

*

 

(Afterwards-

 

Later-

 

When she finally left-

 

SeungWan had held her close and promised.

 

I’ll be your home.)

 

*

 

Later, SeungWan thanked her for choosing her.

 

*

 

Later, much later, she wondered if this was the wrong choice.

 

Later, much later, in a fit of rage, in a moment of weakness, she told herself she regretted her choice.

 

*

 

The last image of her parents she had in her mind was of that day, angry, disappoin