There are tiny glimpses of when things were okay still, I’m having one now. I watch Yoongi as he passes a plate of food down, which eventually gets to me. The guys are chatting happily about how glad they are to eat. Eventually we all have our own plates and start eating.

I think it’s the atmosphere that they all just give off. Jin’s nagging on the other to all eat a little slower, Namjoon’s laugh as Taehyung and Hoesok tell a joke, the gentle push Jimin gives Jungkook over stealing food off his plate. Everything just seems so peaceful.

“Noona, if you don’t eat now your food will get cold.” Jungkook says quietly to me.

I give him a smile before I start eating. “Jin you food is so good.” I say as I take a few bites.

This causes Jin to grin wide. “I’m glad you like it. I wanted to try a new recipe. I’m glad you came over to eat with us.”

“I wouldn’t ever turn a chance to eat your food down.” I say rather happily. And Just like that I feel all the fears, insecurities, and vicious thoughts that I’ve had clouding me drift far away. For the first time in months I feel better, I feel happy. I’ve forgotten how it feels. I’ve forgotten how depressed I’ve been feeling. The relief that being here has brought me makes me feel calm.

I feel a stare on me, turning I see Yoongi smiling at me. We don’t say anything, but it’s like he can tell that I’m really alright. For the rest of dinner the guys joke, and the night is filled with our laughter.

It isn’t until after we finish cleaning up that Yoongi comes to me while the others are all watching a movie. “You know this is the first time in a while that you seem like yourself.” He states bluntly. “It’s like you’ve been stuck in a cloud.”

I glance down at my hands. “It’s the first time in a while I’ve felt like myself.” I say in agreement. “I have something to tell you.” I say quietly.

“I’m all ears.” My friend says in a hushed tone.

I feel myself shift nervously. “I took a semester off from school this year.” I say as quietly as possible. “I’ve felt a little overwhelmed.” I explain in a small voice. It feels strange to be confessing theses things. I can feel how tense Yoongi is. “I know you probably noticed, but I haven’t exactly been okay these last few months.”

“Byulie,” Yoongi  says while grabbing my hand. I know he has more he wants to say but it’s like all our words are stuck. We stand quietly in the kitchen as we hear the movie start up in the other room. Neither of us saying a word as the time passes. It isn’t until we hear Jimin and Hoseok calling for us that I work the courage up to look Yoongi in the eyes.  “You have to promise me that you’ll keep trying. Because I’ll keep holding on to you. You can tell me these things.”

I smile at my friend, “I promise.” I whisper as we head to the living room.

For the rest of the night we spend it watching movies and laughing at jokes that we tell. And I enjoy the weight that I feel lifted off of me for these precious moments. I appreciate how Yoongi believes in me and how he wants to stay by my side. There is a reason he’s been my best friend all these years.