I always thought that the more famous that Yoongi and his friends got, the more he’d forget about me. Now that BTS is starting to do really well, I’m proven wrong. Yoongi texts me regularly, especially when he’s on tour or out of the country.

My phone buzzes on the table a few times. “Are you sure you don’t need to get that?” Jaehyung asks me.

I let out a small sigh as I lift my phone up meekly. “Sorry, it’s my best friend, he’s traveling.” I explain. Yoongi’s sent me several pictures of the set of where he’s filming a music video. “He’s trying to keep me up to date.” I say as I send Yoongi a message about how the weather looks stormy, and to be careful while filming.

“You guys must be close.” Jaehyung observes. “You’ve never mentioned him before.” He says whiling leaning forward to take a sip of his drink.

I bite my lip. There is a very specific and logical reason I don’t talk about Yoongi. It’d be messy and seen as attention seeking, and I absolutely do not want more attention than I already have. “We’ve been friends since were kids.” I say carefully. “We’re both doing different things so we try to keep in touch.” Yoongi, Yoongi tries his best to stay in touch with me. I’m trying my best to be present.

“A guy though, huh?” Jaehyung says with a teasing tone. “You guys dating?”

I scoff and then laugh. “No, we aren’t like that. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t see me as a girl.” I say thoughtlessly.

Jaehyung frowns. “You know, you’re really pretty right? You used to model right?”

I shift uncomfortably. “Yeah, it wasn’t really my thing after a while.”

“Then you used to just post on instagram and other social media sites.” He says plainly. “They were always really good posts. I had no idea how popular you were until we had a project together and I had every guy in class asking to switch with them.”

“I wasn’t that popular.” I say frankly.

Jaehyung gives me this look. “Want to bet? I could take a picture with you now, tag you and people would be asking me to introduce you to them.”

I shake my head. “I’m not that into it anymore.” I shudder at the thought of being online again. “It was a lot of negativity from it too, you know.”

“Is that why you aren’t online anymore?”

I turn away and look out the window, I see throngs of people walking by the little cafe we’re eating at. “Partly, some of it was pressure to keep coming up with new things to post, I didn’t want to do advertisement posts either.” I look back to my friend and see that’s taking pictures of me. “What are you doing?” I ask frowning as he hands me his phone.

“You’re really photogenic.” He says shrugging his shoulders. I look down at his phone. I see someone completely different from who I am on the screen. While it is me, I notice the weight I’ve lost  starting to show in my cheeks, my messy hair falling down my shoulders. “Do you care if I post it?”

I consider this for a moment. “If you want to.”

“I’ll tag you.”

I nod my head as I hand him his phone back. “I should get going, I have work later.” I say getting up. “Thanks for lunch, it was nice to get out of my apartment for a little.”

Jaehyung smiles at me. “Thanks for coming, it’s kinda lonely not having you in classes anymore.”

“You should be paying attention to the lectures.” I chide my friend playfully. “I’ll see you later though.”

“Bye Byul, I’ll see you next time.” Jaehyung says as we part ways.

On my way home I feel my phone vibrate several times. It isn’t until I get home that I check to see they’re from Yoongi. All of them asking me if I knew I was tagged in this guy’s post on instagram.

I text him back that I did, and that he’s a guy I have classes with.

As soon as I see that my message has been seen by Yoongi I get a call from him. “Hello?” I say hesitantly.

“A guy from your class?” He says this as though I’d been the only person in any of my classes. “I thought you gave up social media.”

“I did, I told Jaehyun he could post it, besides Yoongi, it’s only a picture.” I leave out that I’m refusing to go online to check it and all the comments. I’m not getting lost in that rabbit hole. Yoongi is silent for a moment. Before he can say anything else I hear him being called by someone in the background. “You should get back, we can talk later.”

“Ok, have a good night, you have work right?” He asks calmly.

“I do, we’ll probably talk tomorrow.” I say in the same tone. “Bye Yoongi.”

“Bye Byul, I’ll call you tomorrow in the afternoon, we should be heading back soon. I’ll see you when we get back.” He says. “I promise.”

As we both hang up, Jaehyung’s question makes me think about my old crush on Yoongi, I wonder when that faded? When did I stop liking him, when did I become okay with our friendship?