**Not proofread**

Youngblood 
- C

The rain had stopped pouring, but the fog remained in sight, thick and cold as it surrounded the city. It even covered the tallest of buildings. The rain stopped hitting itself onto the roof above her, the engine lightly humming as to keep the warmth going and otherwise save her fragile body from the chilly night weather outside. Her eyes gaze onto the reflection of herself, and she comes to thinking about how just a simple breath on the window of her car would let the dampness manifest itself to the glass like a temporary canvas.

Chaeyoung was waiting, but she wasn’t sure what she was waiting for.

let out a puff of air, a medium sized portion of her breath spotted on the glass, and her pale fingers traced shapes and lines along the damp surface. It doesn’t take long for it to fade, but the outlines remained somewhat intact.

She almost swore that somebody was leaning upon her shoulder, a familiar chin with cold cheeks touching upon her neck, and soft breaths lingered in the air. Maybe she didn’t have to almost believe it – sometimes Jennie’s presence came gradually.

For most people, Jennie was that kind of women who would stop the show and have eyes following her the moment she stepped into the room. However, when you got to know her, it was subtler than that. Her presence when she let her guard down was more about second glances and welcomed conversations, a demanding yet delicate voice that made you believe that you were the only person she wanted to speak to, and a kind of smile that made everything about her seemingly stern gaze seem soft.

It was only when the warmth of Jennie’s hands rested upon her own, that she realized the one she had unconsciously been waiting for had arrived without a single invite. Sometimes, Chaeyoung wondered how Jennie knew where to look for her. Then again, they used to come to that parking lot often. It was the only place that was empty at night, nestled between construction sites and a part of town that wasn’t as populated. It used to be the place for cheap dates with a coffee or a big portion of fries from the drive thru inside Chaeyoung’s car. Where the music was loud, times were good, and the kisses were hot.

Sometimes, during moments like these, Chaeyoung was reminded how everything made so much and so little sense all at once.

It hadn’t been too long ago when she thought they had their last goodbye – at the exact same spot where Chaeyoung told her this could never work, in the shirt with roses that Jennie had given her on their anniversary none the less. The same spot where Jennie said they were better off apart than together, and that she’d move on anyway. That same place where they sat in her car listening to overplayed songs over and over from the radio in silence, Chaeyoung trying to fight the tears that felt so familiar to her, before Jennie left with nothing left to say.

Then, Chaeyoung thought about how last night their eyes met at the bar with a certain agreement about what they were then and what they are now. Because, it only took a glance to understand that Jennie would leave the party with somebody, but not with Chaeyoung. She was then reminded how the small of Jennie’s back was occupied by a large hand from a man she had never seen before, and she was certain that Jennie didn’t know him either. Yet, her body seemed to invite him in with heavy music and swaying hips, letting him grab her neck and kiss her.

Jennie never looked at her again that night.

It was the same night she found herself calling another person “baby”, a nickname she thought would only be reserved to her ex-girlfriend but was now used on a woman she had only gone on five dates with. She’s not sure if she called her that because she had one too many drinks or because she wanted Jennie to hear that she was moving on as well.

That night, she thought then, they had made some understanding about their status. They were finally done.

Then Chaeyoung had a drink too many and found herself stumbling home alone because she didn’t want her date to follow her back. It was in an alley only a block away where she found herself sitting down on the ground, kicking off her heels, staring at the dark sky. Then at some point she had found her phone. She wasn’t sure how she managed to dial Jennie’s number by memory, because they rarely called each other, but she was pretty sure she’d left a hundred missed calls that night onto Jennie’s phone.

It didn’t come as a surprise that she didn’t get an answer that night.

Chaeyoung thought it was Jennie’s way of moving on and setting boundaries.

However, those boundaries seemed washed away at that point, hand upon hand, neck upon shoulder, eyes gazing on the empty parking lot and the drying rain. At some point there are warm lips pecking upon her skin, moving towards her jaw, hot breath whisking onto her ears. Jennie already knew about Chaeyoung and her weakness for being kissed on her neck and jaw. There were a lot of weaknesses that she was familiar with, knowing just how to push the right buttons without thinking twice. “Who was she?” Jennie asked her softly with her lips close to her ears, playing with the zipper of Chaeyoung’s jacket as they sat in the car. She was probably mentioning her date the other night.

Chaeyoung already knew where this conversation was going, but she decided to answer anyway, because she couldn’t come up with anything better to say. “Just somebody I’m seeing,” she mentioned.

“Do you like her?” the woman beside her asked again, now leaning her head away and onto the neck of the leather seats. With the sudden warmth and weight on her shoulders gone, Chaeyoung felt as if her body was suddenly missing something. It almost took her by surprise that she wasn’t close anymore.

She adverted her glance from the window to look at Jennie, red lips and a white shirt that probably cost more than anything Chaeyoung could afford to give or own. “Maybe I do,” she answered vaguely, knowing that Jennie could tell if she was lying either way.

A small chuckle escaped those red stained lips then, the shoulders of her shirt falling downwards by the shrug she just gave, showing more skin. “I have to admit it was weird,” she mentioned then. At first Chaeyoung thought she meant it was weird seeing her at a bar of all places, but the conversation steered differently. “Hearing you call somebody else baby,” Jennie continued in the dead of night.

Chaeyoung found herself smiling softly then, thinking it was weird herself that night. It had been a bit awkward doing it, and she didn’t intend on calling her date by such an intimate name. She felt that she did something right at least, having Jennie being jealous even if she seemed normal.  “What about you kissing that guy?” she asked back then, not really knowing what she wanted out of that question.

The conversation went silent for a couple of seconds, some acoustic song playing in the background. Jennie tilted her head a bit to the right and adjusted the sleeves of her shirt. By that, Chaeyoung got just a glimpse of the ink hidden neatly out of sight for the most part on her wrist. Off-handedly, she became reminded about past memories during a night abroad where they made some bad decisions. Before she even registered her own thoughts, her fingers traced the ink on Jennie’s wrist without any reaction from the other.

“He was just some guy I made out with,” Jennie said then with a smile lingering on the edge of her lips. It was relaxed for this kind of conversation. They were never the kind of couple to get into heated arguments, but to find themselves smiling so casually with their ex isn’t something that sounded normal for either part. “I don’t even remember his name,” Jennie said later, not commenting Chaeyoung’s touch.

They stay silent for a while more, Chaeyoung only softly tracing the rose on Jennie’s wrist. It was only visible due to the fact that Jennie didn’t bother to cover it up. Besides, they had already seen every part of each other’s skin to not be surprised, even during these circumstances during the weekends when she didn’t cover up her ink with makeup. It wasn’t as if they had never been in each other’s bed after the break up, though they both knew better than to open up old wounds during intimate moments.

Her black bracelet hid some of the edges, but she had seen the tattoo on Jennie so many times to know what it was and trace the outlines without even thinking about at it. “This seems so silly, looking back at it now,” Chaeyoung mentioned then, totally off topic in a way, yet also staying in the same lane.

“It could have been worse,” Jennie shrugged, but she let Chaeyoung’s fingers hold onto her wrist in a way that felt too intimate for people who were supposed to be everything but close. “We could have tattooed each other’s name or something,” she said after a while before chuckling softly.

That was true– it wasn’t as if a stranger would immediately know the meaning behind the symbol etched onto their skin permanently. Black lines of ink containing a white rose just about the size of a small pack of gum was on Jennie's right wrist, it could mean anything. It didn’t have to be about Chaeyoung anymore.

Just like how the small tattoo of a golden grown with red jewels was etched onto Chaeyoung’s left wrist, it didn’t necessarily have to be about Jennie. She had the power to give any meaning to the tattoo now, because Jennie wasn’t supposed to be in her life anymore. In many ways she thought about how the crown didn’t have to refer to whenever Chaeyoung would call Jennie a Queen.

Just like how Jennie didn’t need to be reminded of how she used to compare Chaeyoung to a rose anymore if she didn’t want to. Not only because white roses were ironically her favorite flowers, but because her English name used to be Roseanne before she came to Seoul.

She had asked Jennie a couple of times why she never got a Korean name for herself, but the other woman laughed saying that Jennie was easier to pronounce than Roseanne anyway.

Jennie pulled her hand closer all of the sudden, and it didn’t take long before the friendly conversation turned into kisses and lip biting and hands cupping the other’s face to hold them closer. Despite the cramped space in her car, several objects standing between them, they had their lips nearly glued together and Jennie’s hands underneath Chaeyoung’s jacket and t-shirt. There’s the bitter taste of alcohol masking itself upon Jennie’s tongue, and it suddenly made sense why she was even there. She wasn’t drunk judging by her otherwise normal appearance, but it doesn’t surprise Chaeyoung that Jennie would need alcohol to see her at this point.

It wasn’t the first time they had kissed after breaking up, they had always been hooking up when nights were lonely and nobody else was on their mind. It always felt good, even though Chaeyoung always remembered feeling empty whenever she woke up alone and questioning herself if that was their last goodbye. Wondering if the break up was just a break from each other temporarily to figure out what they want, or if it’s just Jennie trying to ease her own loneliness by getting between her legs.

Yet, Jennie’s was there now, pulling up her skirt and kissing her as if they hadn’t seen each other for years. Full of intensity and desperate touches, short nails digging onto the skin of her bare thighs just like Jennie knew she liked, moving further up towards intimate places. Though she wanted to give in as always and drag Jennie into the back of her car, she tried to think clearer.

They broke up for a reason, didn’t they?

Yet why was Chaeyoung unconsciously waiting for Jennie to appear into her arms again?

And why did they keep on going after each other, saying that it was over yet trying to stay in each other’s lives?

Hell, Jennie even said that Chaeyoung would do better without her at some point.

When Chaeyoung found the strength and resistance, she pulled away from her touch. She had barely noticed how she had nearly ripped off Jennie’s shirt and how her own skirt was already lifted up higher than it was before. “I can’t keep doing this,” Chaeyoung said after swallowing thin air and trying to regain her breath after the heavy kiss that nearly led to more.

Jennie didn’t seem too confused, but Chaeyoung did read some surprise in her eyes. “You didn’t mind two nights ago,” she mentioned, but it wasn’t meant in a harmful way. Just pure observation, judging from her tone. “Is it because of that guy from the bar?” her voice asked then.

Chaeyoung wasn’t sure. It could be many things, really. Her mind was only set on the fact that she didn’t want to wake up alone again or be confused anymore. “It’s not that,” Chaeyoung replies eventually. She took a moment to pull her skirt down, spotting red marks from the heat of Jennie’s hands slowly fading away. Although she probably shouldn’t, she ended up biting her lower lip, hoping she could think of a way to word her thoughts correctly and calm her raising pulse.

She could feel Jennie’s eyes on her as they sat on each side of the car, her shirt already finding itself back onto her upper body. Her lipstick had faded and slowly bled through the outlines of her lips after the intense kissing, and hadn’t they been in this situation, Chaeyoung would probably laugh before trying to wipe the excess makeup around away.

Then, she took a short breath after she tried to clear her mind. “It doesn’t feel right,” she said as much as she can make sense of during this moment. If they had broken up, then why did they have the need to see each other?

Wasn’t this the part where Chaeyoung would be crying in her bedroom with a tub of ice cream and reruns of some bad TV show?

Wasn’t this going to be the time where she’d get no calls or texts from Jennie, and she’d be waiting dumbly by the phone or stalking her social media pages to find out who she’s seeing?

It was supposed to be, or so Chaeyoung thought. She hadn’t been through a break up before. The thing about them both is that this was their first real relationship – only for two totally different reasons.

Jennie wasn’t exactly a player, but she wasn’t a prude either. She dated somebody for a week or two, but then she’d get bored and be single again for a couple of months. Sure, the occasional one-night stand happened, but she didn’t exactly have a reputation for being a flirt or femme fatal. In many ways she was this fierce, confident woman who liked to work hard, but also have her fun. Though, Chaeyoung knew that the reason for her commitment issues was deeper than boredom, they rarely talked about it.

Chaeyoung wasn’t a prude either, but she was rather inexperienced with dating. She really was what most people consider a hopeless romantic, yet she never seemed to find her prince charming – though it turned out she wasn’t too interested in a prince after all. Her standards were probably too high, or maybe she was too shy to attract anybody. It wasn’t as if people didn’t talk to her or try to flirt, but even if she wanted the great love of her dreams to come true like in the movies, she never felt that spark she waited for. At least not until Jennie.

Besides, whereas most people liked spending time at the club or living it up on a Friday night, Chaeyoung would enjoy sitting by her desk in her apartment with a new drawing project or her mind deeply invested in a show. She wasn’t exactly putting herself out there.

What made Jennie fall for her, was actually a mystery on its own.

Two seemingly different people tied together by sparks and an all-consuming relationship. That was about it… what else was keeping them together besides their feelings? What could possibly make them last forever?

Especially after repeated arguments, cold shoulders and lack of proper, healthy communication. Especially after Jennie trying so hard to act as if she was okay and everything was fine, but at the same time kept slowly pushing Chaeyoung away until the point where she wouldn’t be home for days. Maybe she needed to hurt Chaeyoung first before she could get hurt, she wasn’t really sure anymore. Maybe that was why Jennie started acting distant yet kept pulling Chaeyoung back in whenever she got too far away.

Chaeyoung knew she had to stop thinking too much into it. However, she knew deep down that wasn’t innocent either. Maybe she’d let herself get too attached at times. Maybe she was too available. Maybe her way of showing affection was smothering Jennie at times, causing the previously clingy woman to be distant. Or maybe she was just not Jennie’s type – maybe Chaeyoung worked as the perfect trophy wife, but nothing more.

Though, that wouldn’t explain why Jennie was in her car right now and hiding her from everyone else.

There was even a time when Chaeyoung thought she’d love Jennie until the day they died. She even thought Jennie felt the same. “Remember when I said I’d love you?” Chaeyoung asked then, totally diverting the conversation.

Jennie gives her a look she for once can’t fully decode. Her lips and jaw were relaxed in a neutral way, but something in her eyes shifted. Maybe she was going to deny it or say she didn’t remember. Though, no such thing happened this time. “To the day you die,” she replied then from memory.

It made Chaeyoung nearly open in surprise by the fact she remembered, but she managed to maintain her expression. From the look of Jennie, she seemed to be lost into her own thoughts as well. She wasn’t sure where she was going with this conversation, but she figured they probably didn’t have much left to lose. “Then why are we doing this to each other?” Chaeyoung asked again.

Jennie remained quiet, and she didn’t say anything for a long time. There was only the radio playing and the sound of the heater in the car. The fog was slowly clearing up, Chaeyoung could see the blinding lights become more apparent from the corner of her eyes.

Chaeyoung hated to admit it, but a part of her was hoping Jennie would say those words she always wanted to hear. She was hoping Jennie would say that she regretted everything, that she wanted to be back in her life, and maybe even admit that everything had just been a very rough patch and that things could only get better. That even if they had agreed to stay out of each other’s lives, they still needed each other all of the time. That everything could be explained away by love.

However, the words she longed to hear were replaced by a sigh. She knew that words like that didn’t always come easy to Jennie, and maybe she was actually asking for too much. Yet, how much more could she take?

Chaeyoung didn’t stop Jennie from leaving this time, because knowing them, she’d eventually come back to tell her the truth. Blankly staring out of her rear-view window to see Jennie’s figure slowly disappearing, probably towards the direction of her own apartment now that they didn’t share the same home anymore. Her head found its way onto her seat, feeling heavy and out of her body all at once. Thinking back to when they first met, when things seemed easy, and how she thought Jennie was the one. Maybe she still is, maybe she isn’t.

But was it really worth it?

How much could Chaeyoung give and Jennie take away from her?

Chaeyoung knew better than to wait for somebody who didn’t seem like she wanted to stay. Then again, Jennie never seemed to return to anybody else.

Chaeyoung didn’t know if that was a good or a bad sign.

A/N:
The first chapter is out and I know it's a bit confusing and slow, but believe me, everything will be revealed in later chapters. 
I hope you liked this chapter and will continue to read further!
- MyHeaven