“Why don’t you two go on a short trip?” Changbin states. He sat across from me at the coffee shop on Saturday morning.

I lower my gaze from his. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

Changbin was a mutual friend of me and my boyfriend Chan. He was originally friends with Chan but after I started dating Chan we became close too.

Chan and I had been together for 9 years now. The first 8 years were great and we hardly ever fought. We still don’t fight but starting on our ninth year together something changed between us.

It started out with how we stopped texting each other often. Shortly after that we stopped being physically intimate. The hugs and kisses were scarce and going to bed meant just sleeping. Our late night talks ceased to exist. Instead we’d lie back to back.

At first I thought it was just me that started to feel different but it became apparent that he too felt the same way. He’d always be out with his friends most of the time, only coming home to sleep.

So for half of our ninth year together we danced around each other, barely talking, barely seeing each other, barely living.

At first it upset me. But now I’m used to it.

I was just waiting for him to say it. That he wanted to break up. I wanted to hear him say it.

I was too scared. I spent a good 9 years with Chan. What would I do without him? Living with him and being with him, it’s become like second nature to me. Not to mention I didn’t really want to lose him as a friend. I didn’t want to lose my other friends (like Changbin) because of this too.

“What would a trip prove?” I mutter glancing down at my lap.

Changbin sighs. “Maybe it will bring back the spark that is absent between you two?”

I raise my eyes to stare at my coffee sitting in front of me. The hot steam was pouring out of it, slowly dwindling down into nothing as the coffee got cold. Just like mine and Chan’s relationship.

My eyes meet Changbin’s. “I doubt he’d even want to go.”

Changbin smiles. “I’ve already talked to him about it, he said he’d go.”

My heart stutters a bit. “He did?” I say confused.

Changbin nods. “Just go, Yookyung. I hate seeing you two this way. I know you guys may not feel it now but you do love each other deep down.”

I chew at my lip. “How long?”

“Four days.” He leans forward leaning into the table.

Half a week with just Chan and I? Would it not be a waste? We would just avoid each other the whole trip? But again it wouldn’t hurt to go. It was free after all, Changbin, Seungmin, and Woojin insisted on paying. In fact they had already paid for it.

“I guess I’ll go.” I hum, my hands joining together in my lap nervously.

Changbin smiles and takes a deep breath. “Okay great!”

-

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Hyemi asks, she sits on her bed her laptop on her lap. She stares over the screen to watch me pace back and forth across the room.

“I’m not sure. I mean at this point it can’t do more damage than what’s already been done.” I stop pacing and stare down at my feet. I was right, right?

Hyemi closes her laptop. “I guess that is true.” She slowly maneuvers her way out of her bed to sit down in one of her moon chairs. “But you do know that if you actually want to make progress with Chan you have to try right?”

I glance at her, she was staring at me with a solemn look on her face.

“You guys can’t just keep ignoring each other. You’ll have to flirt and hang around each other if you want to stay together.” She sends me a small smile, one that was more sad than happy.

I lower my gaze. “I know.”

But it was a two way street. If only I try I’ll make myself look like a fool.

-

The morning of the trip I woke up to an empty bed. I wasn’t surprised to be honest, as this usually happened. I shower off before getting dressed in some simple clothes.

I brush my teeth and hair all while staring at my reflection in the mirror. I didn’t like looking in the mirror, I wasn’t sure if I should be disappointed in what looks back at me or not.

The girl in the mirror wasn’t good enough. She couldn’t even keep her boyfriend interested in her. I couldn’t blame him. I had let myself go since high school. I didn’t dress up as much anymore, I rarely wore makeup, and I gained a few pounds. I just felt comfortable around Chan. I didn’t know I was driving us away from one another.

A pang settles in my chest. I hated to admit it but I was still in love with him. Even though things are awkward between us. This was my first time admitting it. Ever since things had changed between us I pretended I was dull and had no feelings remaining for him. But that was a huge lie, for my heart still raced whenever the door opens signaling he’s home. My heart still sinks whenever he walks on past the living room ignoring me.

I glance down at my long forgotten makeup bag. I rinse my mouth out and grab the bag before leaving the bathroom. Maybe just maybe I would dress up on this trip.

-

Chan had already packed his things into the car, it seems as if he was waiting on me. He glances up at me as I come down the hall.

His eyes falter to the door. “The car’s unlocked, you can put your stuff in it.” He mumbles.

I nod even though he wasn’t looking at me. Heading out to the car I put my bag into the backseat and let out a low sigh. Please don’t let this trip be too awkward.

I head back inside and find him in the kitchen. I clear my throat. “I’m ready whenever you are.”

He turns around and nods.

-

Once in the car I felt my phone vibrate in my lap. I pull it up to see I’ve got two texts. They were from Changbin and Hyemi.

To: Yookyung

From: Changbin

Good luck on your trip!

To: Yookyung

From: Hyemi

Remember flirting is the key! Also you better wear that black dress I lent you!

The ride to the hotel is short. Technically I wouldn’t really call this a trip. We were just leaving the comfort of our apartment to a hotel on the more commercial side of Seoul. But we rarely got to go out so this was a trip in our terms.

Chan offers to carry my bag inside and I follow after him with a sigh. We didn’t talk the entire ride.

After checking in we head up to our room. Once inside he sits our stuff down and plops down on our bed. I stand awkwardly by the door.

This was the longest we’ve been around each other in over three months. Well other than sleeping next to one another.

“So, uh what do you want to do first?” He questions me, his voice clearly nervous from the awkward atmosphere.

I wanted to call him out for his nervousness but I knew better than to do so as it was obvious it was because of the awkward tension between us.

I raise my right hand to rub at my left arm. “We could go to the movies or something?” I suggest shrugging.

He nods. “Okay.”

“I’ll check what’s showing.” I pull out my phone.

There were a decent amount of movies showing so I move closer to hold my phone out for him to read.

“Here look and see if there are any you want to see.” He takes my phone into his hand and scrolls through it.

He scrolls through the movies before pausing. He looks up to me. “Uh someone named Minho texted you.”

I nod. “What did he say?”

Chan seems surprised I’m allowing him to read a message meant for me. “Uh,” he clicks on the message. “He says he’s leaving for his study abroad trip and to make sure Hyemi stays single until he gets back.” Chan squints before looking up at me. “This Minho guy likes Hyemi?” His eyes dart to the floor.

I nod. “Mmm, he’s liked her for a long time but she’s iffy on dating right now.”

He slowly nods. “I see.” He lowers his gaze back to my phone. “Want to see this one?” He points to one of them

I shrug. “Sure.”

I turn away from him to grab my purse. “Is there a showing coming up?”

He stands. “Yes.”

-

Chan and I take seats near the back at the theater. It’s wasn’t totally full but there were a good amount of people in here too.

We had decent seats until a couple came and sat down in the row in front of us. I sat up straighter as the movie started. The guy in front of me was a bit tall so I had to sit up to see.

The movie was great so far but it must’ve been boring for the couple in front of us. They began making out a couple of minutes ago and it was drawing my attention from the movie to it.

I sigh slightly annoyed. This also made things awkward for Chan and I. How long has it been since we last made out?

I felt Chan nudge me. “Are you okay?”

I nod. “It’s just I can’t really enjoy the movie when they are going at it right in front of us.”

Chan glances at them and back at me. He looks down the row of seats and his hand rests on mine. “Let’s move down then.”

He tugs me after him and we sit down a couple of seats down.

“Better?” He asks glancing at me.