JENNIE

I woke up the next morning to Lisa’s smiling face staring at me. For a moment it threw me for a loop, but then everything that had happened the night before started crashing down around me.

We’d been at a tennis match. Right. We’d gotten on the bus and then there was a truth or dare game where we’d gotten a heck of a lot closer than ever before and it had sent chills running through me even as I was Terrified of those feelings.

Then we’d gone back to Lisa’s place. I lied to my parents and told them I had permission to go over. Lisa fell out of the bed. She reached up and pulled me down. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go that far and risk our friendship even as there was a louder part of me screaming that this was what I’d always wanted.

Fireworks. Explosions. The soft feel of her lips against mine. Her hand holding my neck. Soft kisses that went into the night, but nothing more than that.

This was all new. This was all so sudden. It was a seismic shift in the way I looked at the world, and it still felt like the world was shifting under me.

The old phrase “be careful what you wish for” ran through my head. I certainly got what I’d been wishing for last night. From the way she acted it seemed like Lisa was getting the same.

I just wasn’t sure what that meant. Was I really gay? It was like the confirmation of that simple fact that I’d accepted in theory but never put into practice was twisting me into knots and I didn’t know how to react.

“Good morning,” Lisa said, that smile still splitting her face.

“Good morning yourself,” I said.

I smiled back at her even as my stomach continued to twist and I still wasn’t sure what to think about all of this.

“So last night was pretty crazy, wasn’t it?” Lisa said.

“I guess you could say that,” I replied.

Damn. My reaction this morning was so unlike anything I’d expected. I figured if I ever got the chance to actually kiss Lisa I’d be over the moon, but that wasn’t what was happening here at all.

I was on the edge of seriously freaking out here.

I felt my breath coming in quick gasps. My whole body felt clammy. More than anything I felt anxiety clutching at my chest and threatening to remove my ability to breathe.

“Is something wrong?” Lisa asked.

My heart broke as I saw the worried look in her eyes. I tried to think of how I’d react if I found myself in a similar situation. If I’d finally had the guts to move in for a kiss and then Lisa freaked out.

To be perfectly honest with the way I felt right now it almost would’ve been welcome if she was freaking out too. At least then I’d have a convenient excuse to get the hell out of here and have my own freak out in the privacy of my own home where I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting Lisa’s feelings.

“I’m fine,” I lied. “Just not feeling well.”

Lisa blinked. “Really? Was it those nachos you had at the invitational yesterday? I told you it wasn’t a good idea to trust cheese that had been sitting in a concession stand for who knows how long.”

I seized on that. That was a nice convenient excuse. Never mind that I hadn’t had any trouble through the night. I just needed something Lisa would buy.

“Yeah, maybe that’s it,” I said. “Something from last night isn’t agreeing with me.”

I felt like such a coward. I felt like such a ing idiot. Just last night I’d been all about this. Just last night I’d felt things I never thought I’d feel. I felt on top of the world when Lisa pulled me down into that kiss.

So why was I reacting like this now? Why was I filled with panic? Why was I filled with terror at the idea of just how much I’d enjoyed kissing Lisa?

“Do you want me to get you breakfast or something?” Lisa asked. “We could go somewhere or something…”

She trailed off. It was pretty darn obvious she was realizing something was wrong here.

I wanted to comfort her. I wanted to tell her that everything was going to be okay. Only how could I tell her that when I didn’t even know if it was true? I couldn’t very well lie to her, could I?

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