Confusion

I shivered. I’m not sure why I shivered. There was something about the moment that made it shiver worthy.

I mean who wouldn’t get a little chill? I was down here with Jennie one on one for the first time in a week, and of course the place she decided to take me was under the ing bleachers.

Everyone knew what happened down here. This was the place people went to make out when they were skipping class. It had a terrible reputation for all the right fun reasons and now she was messing with my head by bringing me down here for a “conversation.”

She wanted to make things better though. That was something. I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders. And with that weight being lifted I also felt like I should do something.

This felt like one of those moments. Just like the moment last weekend on the bus. Or the moment at my house later that night.

The moment that had screwed things up so much. Made everything so much more complicated than it needed to be.

And that made me afraid. Afraid that if I acted on the moment it would only screw things up again.

“Jennie,” I said. “Listen, I don’t…”

“Please Lisa,” she said, her eyes glistening from the tears. “I don’t think I could live without your friendship in my life.”

And there was the problem. I sighed. I might as well get this out of the way now.

“Look Jennie,” I said. “I always thought you were a good friend. You were my best friend. The problem is after what happened last weekend I don’t know if I could settle with just being your friend.”

A buzz sounded. That was a signal that the third quarter was a few minutes from being over. Depending on how well the team was doing those two minutes could last two minutes or they could last ten.

The game had been going pretty well tonight though. It’d be closer to two minutes. Either way I was already late since we were supposed to be back by that buzzer.

I was going to catch hell if I walked back on my own, but I figured some things were worth getting yelled at. Jennie was worth getting yelled at, even if it was only to hear her out.

Even if this was the last time we ever really spoke as friends because our differences were too big for us to come back from what we did last weekend.

She looked around too. She had to be back out there on the track cheering for the team, after all. She’d probably be in as much trouble as I was.

Maybe more since the whole crowd would notice if she was gone while I was just one of many band geeks.

“I know,” she said. “But we have to do something about this. We can’t just leave things like they’ve been. I can’t…”

She shivered. That despite the sweltering heat even though it was dark.

“You’re shivering Jennie,” I said.

I’d never let go after pulling her into that hug. It felt too good. I didn’t ever want to let her go. The polyester of my band uniform brushed against whatever material they used to make their cheerleader uniforms.

I was intimately familiar with every curve of her uniform since I spent so much time watching her at these games. Especially the way little bits of her like her stomach or her legs would be exposed as she did her moves.

“Why are you shivering?”

“Lisa…”

I felt the heat of her breath. I smelled her lip gloss. Bubble gum tonight. She was always grabbing new things of lip gloss at the mall and I was always rolling my eyes because I never saw why she was so obsessed with the stuff.

I was starting to understand the obsession tonight though.

“Jennie. I don’t know if we can ever be friends again,” I said. “I want to be more than friends. I think you want to be more than friends.”

She looked up at me and her eyes still shone like she was on the verge of tears, but she let out a noise that was more of a half sob and a half laugh. I could understand the feeling.

“I’m still trying to figure this out,” she said.

“So am I,” I said.

A single tear trickled down from the corner of her eye. I brushed it away without thinking. I’d done it before while comforting her, but somehow it felt more intimate brushing that tear away tonight. Her body shuddered again and I knew she had to be feeling this just as intensely as I was.

“I mean what if I said there was a chance if I have some time to think about this?” Jennie asked.

I didn’t think about that for long. Really what was there to think about? She was saying there was a chance, and that’s all I really cared about.

Besides, she looked so beautiful there in the strange scene created by the massive stadium lights filtering down through the bleachers. Probably the most beautiful she’d looked since I first got to know her, and that was saying something considering I’d been crushing on her for a long time.

This was a moment. I knew it had to be a moment. And so without thinking I leaned down and brushed my lips against hers.

Jennie’s eyes went wide in surprise. I know because I kept my eyes open to see her reaction rather than closing them and enjoying the moment. I thought for sure I was moments away from being pushed away and slapped for daring to kiss her.

Then she started to respond. She opened and our tongues danced around, flicking together and darting back as though we were both afraid to take this too far.

But damn what a kiss it was. It blew away any kisses I’d ever had with guys. Fumbling moments on dark dance floors at dances I never truly enjoyed because the entire time I was wishing I could be dancing with Jennie instead. Longing for her and feeling a burning jealousy every time I saw her on the floor dancing with a guy.

Yeah, this was so much better than any of those. This was the girl I loved. The girl I’d loved for years. My first girl crush.

The girl w