Chapter 6

It was almost six. The food smelled delicious. Sorn hadn’t been seen since we’d gotten home from school. My mom had let my dad back in the kitchen once most of the food was ready. Small victory for my dad there. Chaeng had sent about fifteen texts, all of them asking various questions and making unhelpful suggestions, about Jennie Kim.

Who would be here at any minute. I was strangely calm. At first, I was worried that I was having a nervous breakdown. But I had gone so far past terrified that I was in a whole other, undefined zone of terror. My entire body was tingling, and my mind seemed to be working super slow. At that point, I didn’t even know if I would be able to actually say anything to her when she came. I walked up to my room and then back downstairs again, so I knew my body still worked.

The couch in the living room had been my base for the past half hour. After my dad had joined my mom in the kitchen, I had taken his place in front of the television. But instead of the constant channel flipping, an infomercial had been on since I sat down. If someone asked me the next day what product that infomercial had been selling, I didn’t think I could tell them if it was a juicer or an exercise bike.

I checked my phone again. It was 5:58. Two more minutes and Jennie Kim would be here. In my home. Under the same roof where I had imagined us on delightful dates together. My worlds were about to collide: home versus school, reality versus fantasy. And I didn’t know what would happen upon collision.

My parents had left me alone in the couple of hours since I’d talked with my mom. I was almost 100 percent sure my mom had said something to my dad about my reaction to texting Jennie Kim. I thought I should start carrying around a mirror so I could see exactly what my face looked like as I did different things. Both Chaeng and Sorn had commented on it in the last couple of days. It was disturbing that I was apparently so transparent. I was scared to death what Jennie Kim saw on my face when she looked at me.

The doorbell rang. It was probably her. My heart started beating faster, and then I was off the couch and on my feet. Before I knew it, I was at the door. I could see a glimpse of blonde hair through the little window by the door, and then I opened it and there she was. Her hair was up in a ponytail, and little wisps were flying around her head like a crazy little halo. Her face, with her black, no, dark brown eyes, was a little red around the cheeks and across her nose. I guessed cheer practice had been particularly vigorous that afternoon.

No uniform. I was not sure whether to be relieved or not. Because instead of a sleeveless uniform top with a short skirt, she was wearing an oversized white T-shirt with our school logo on it and yoga pants. Yoga pants are simultaneously the best and the worst things ever.

“Hi,” I said, hoping that my greeting wasn’t too late. I wasn’t sure how long I had been standing there, looking at Jennie Kim on my front door step, before I actually said anything to her. This visit was not going how I’d wanted it to, and it had only been a few seconds.

She didn’t look put out, though. She actually looked happy to see me. “Hi,” she said back, giving me a wave. I was noticing that was a thing she did, at least when she saw me. A little wave to accompany her greeting. She really was friendly.

Shaking myself out of my Jennie Kim appreciation haze, I stepped back and held the door open for her. “Sorry, come in. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.”

She stepped through the doorway, and now she was officially in my house. I never thought this would ever happen.

“Thanks for inviting me to dinner,” she said. “I didn’t get to eat anything before practice. Usually I grab a snack, but today I was in a rush and didn’t get to have my granola bar. So I’m pretty hungry now. So thanks again. For feeding me.” She trailed off at the end of the last sentence, as if regretting what she had just said. I didn’t think she’d said anything regrettable, but now she was looking around the front area of the house in a way that was less curiosity and more avoidance.

Trying to make her feel more at ease since she seemed nervous (though I had no idea what she would be nervous about; I was the one whose crush was now in her home after two days of smiles and unannounced car visits), I walked over to where she had wandered, closer to the living room. I noticed she had her backpack on. “You can put your bag down here,” I said, pointing to a corner near the stairs. “We can study in the living room after dinner, or in my room, or somewhere else. My sister might be lurking around, so we can figure that out later.” I momentarily felt bad about giving Jennie Kim a negative view of my sister, but sometimes the truth hurt.

“Your room would be great!” she said enthusiastically. As if she’d realized she’d said that maybe too enthusiastically, she backtracked. “I mean, your room would be fine. Whatever works is fine with me. The living room is fine too. This is your house, so any room you want to study in is fine with me.” She was nodding as if to reassure me. I was amazed that she’d said the word “fine” so many times in so few sentences.

"I guess we can see what my parents will be doing after dinner. If they want to watch a movie or something, then the kitchen or my room would probably be the best bet," I said. She was still nodding, standing in my living room. It was so weird having Jennie Kim in my house. Especially since she looked very uncomfortable. Her fingers were playing with each other like they had in the car this morning. She hadn't moved to put her bag down, either. I moved toward her with the intention of taking her bag. Before I was able to get any words out, though, her eyes widened and she took a half step back from me. I could tell it was just an instinctual reaction.

 But I froze, not knowing now if I should ask for the bag or not. So we just stood there looking at each other. She didn't look afraid, just surprised. I guess I had startled her. I could see work as she swallowed, and then she opened to speak. I had learned while babysitting that sometimes it was best just to stay silent for a little bit to get the information that you wanted from someone. So I just stood there, watching her. And I waited. And waited.

She continued to stand there almost frozen, just blinking her eyes and breathing. Maybe she had hit her head during cheer practice?

"I can take your bag from you if you’d like," I slowly said, not wanting to startle her from whatever thoughts had temporarily short-circuited her brain. That seemed to do the trick, because she was moving again now, slinging her bag from her back and holding it in front of her with one hand.

"Thanks," she responded. She held it out toward me to take. I grabbed it with one hand, mirroring her hold, and promptly keeled over with the sudden weight. Well, that was embarrassing.

Any hope that Jennie Kim had somehow missed my failure to hold up her backpack right in front of her was dashed when she reached for it herself to lift it back up. “Oh, sorry! I should have warned you that it was so heavy. I have a lot of books in there, plus all my other stuff. I guess I’ve gotten so used to it that I don’t even notice how heavy it is anymore.” She then made a show of using both of her hands to set it aside. “I really shouldn’t over pack it. I’m going to kill my back if I keep carrying it around like that,” she said with a little laugh.

I sighed. “No, I’m sorry. These things”—and here I wiggled my arms around a bit for emphasis—“are mostly just for show. As you just saw, I’m not exa