Chapter 13

 

 

My new normal was actually really weird. As I sat at lunch, with Jennie next to me and Chaeng across from me, I had a hard time reconciling how fast things had changed. Jennie going from a crush to something more (too early to call her my girlfriend) in such a short time had my head reeling. What was tripping me up even more was the fourth member of our new lunch crew: Jisoo Kim.

 

 

The girl who had belittled and provoked me for years, who’d turned out to be the lifelong friend of my dream girl, had unpacked a huge sub, a salad, a tub full of fruit, and one single chocolate pudding pack and plopped herself right next to Chaeng. She immediately joined in the conversation, and it was clear that I was the only one who objected to her sitting with us. Both Jennie and Chaeng were laughing at whatever Jisoo was saying while I sat bewildered.

 

 

“So we were on the treadmills, and when I sped up a notch, I saw Jennie do the same thing. So of course I had to go up one more. After a few minutes, we were both sprinting at full speed because neither one of us would back down. Just as I thought I was going to face-plant because the machine was going so fast, I saw Jennie's arms and legs flailing right before she managed to press the emergency stop button. I then pressed my button because I was laughing too hard. I will never forget the sight of her losing her balance on that machine and the way her arms just sort of went crazy,” Jisoo said, moving her arms like wet noodles in imitation of Jennie. Chaeng was laughing and Jennie was cringing.

 

 

“Not my best moment, I'll admit. But I can still outrun you when we're not on some stupid machine,” Jennie defended, spearing some of her salad with her fork.

“And I can still bench press two of you,” Jisoo responded, flexing her admittedly muscular arms. Jisoo's words over the years had been so cutting that the fact she was also pretty ripped had been a secondary concern of mine. It was like she’d been made in a lab to be the perfect bully. One whose biceps my best friend was playfully squeezing, much to my chagrin.

 

 

 

While having Jisoo sit with me at lunch was not doing much for my digestion, having Jennie next to me was worth suffering through the bully's presence. And it was interesting to see this different side of Jisoo. I had to admit to myself that she was funny and definitely knew how to tell a story well. Plus, she was totally ignoring me, which was a big plus from my perspective.

 

 

“Jennie and Lisa,” Chaeng said as she pointed to each of us in turn, “Jisoo and I are going to the mall after school today. My brother has science club tonight, so I have a couple of hours of freedom before I have to pick him up. Interested in tagging along with us?” she asked.

 

 

“I can't,” Jennie replied before I had even thought about it. “Cheer practice after school. But you should totally go, Lisa, and hang out with the girls.”

 

 

I glanced at Jisoo, and the look she was giving me did not communicate a desire to hang out with me. “I have homework tonight, so I have to pass too. Thanks for the invitation, though,” I told Chaeng, while very consciously keeping my eyes away from Jisoo. She might have been cool with my friends, but years of animosity between us wouldn't disappear in a few days.

 

 

As Chaeng and Jisoo dug into their meals, I felt something brush against my knee. When I looked down, I saw Jennie's hand resting there, her fingers lightly curled around my kneecap and her thumb brushing against the side. I immediately glanced around, afraid someone had seen this show of intimacy. Jennie snatched her hand back, and I felt like an idiot. Jennie started talking to Jisoo about meeting up for a workout session soon, leaving me to stew in my own thoughts.

 

 

 

An awesome, beautiful, intelligent girl wanted to show me affection, and all I could think about was if anyone had witnessed it. My nervousness around Jennie had morphed from worrying about interacting with her to worrying about how others saw us interacting with each other. Even though everyone knew I was a lesbian, I still had hang-ups about being affectionate with another girl. Intellectually, that was ridiculous. But my emotions were currently overriding my brain. I had to get a handle on this before I did something stupid, which was a very real possibility for me.

 

 

Chaeng, in all her best friend glory, brought me out of my funk.

 

“How did dinner with Jennie's parents go last night?” she asked. “You never responded to any of my texts, so I've been dying with curiosity for hours,” she added with a dramatic flair.

 

 

Jennie and I let out simultaneous groans.

 

 

My first meeting with Mr. and Mrs. Kim had probably been one of the more embarrassing situations I had ever been in, which was saying a lot. They were perfectly nice people who, on the night I’d met them, had fallen into the category of “trying too hard.”

 

 

Before I met them, Jennie had explained to me that she had never brought a girl home to meet her parents before, because the two times she had been previously involved with a girl had been at cheerleading camp. After crushing my initial excitement at hearing this (“That happens at cheerleading camp? I thought that sort of stuff only happened in movies.” “What types of movies are you watching?”), she’d revealed that she had only come out to her parents after our first date, and while they had been supportive when they’d heard the news, they were not 100 percent comfortable yet.

 

 

 

That had worried me a little, but it was understandable. So when I had gone over to their house for dinner the week after our date at the movies, I’d been ready for some awkwardness, maybe even a little veiled (or not so veiled) hostility. What I had not been ready for was the virtual pride parade that had greeted me when I stepped through their front door. The first thing I’d seen was a huge rainbow flag draped over the railing of the upstairs landing, lightly fluttering from whatever breeze had been present in the house.

 

 

The second thing I’d seen was Jennie standing underneath the flag, staring up at it with a look of mortification on her face. Trying to ignore the multicolored metaphorical cloud hanging over us, I’d thanked Jennie’s parents for inviting me for dinner. I’d also seen for the first time since they had opened the door that they were wearing matching shirts with the words “I support my gay daughter” written prominently on the fronts. They each had had big smiles on their faces as they’d greeted me with hugs and exclamations of how happy they were to meet me.

 

 

As I had been led through the house to the dining room, I’d noticed smaller pride flags and the logo of the Human Rights Campaign sprinkled liberally throughout. Jennie had apologized in a whisper, telling me that she had been up in her room most of the day and had no idea that her parents had redecorated in such a colorful way. I’d whispered back that it was fine, and I had meant it. I would’ve rather been awkwardly embraced than scorned as I had feared.

 

 

 

Jennie’s parents were both engineers, and freely admitted that they were more comfortable with numbers than people. But there was no doubt that they loved their daughter. I could tell by the looks on their faces when they talked about Jennie or when Jennie was saying something that she meant the world to them.

 

 

Jennie had inherited the best physical features of both her parents so that their unassuming individual looks had come together to form a very pretty daughter. There had been a fond exasperation in the way Jennie had talked with her parents, as if she had wanted to be mad at them for going overboard with the pride paraphernalia but could not quite muster up the needed emotion.

 

 

The high point (or low point, depending on your perspective) had been when we were all sitting around the table about halfway through dinner. The conversation had turned to our first date, despite Jennie’s attempts to steer it to less personal matters, when Mr. KIm had said with a laugh, “At least I don’t have to worry now about becoming a grandfather anytime soon!” Mrs. Kim had scolded him with a sharp “Honey!” while Jennie had chimed in with her own “Dad!” I had just smiled uneasily, at a loss for what else to do or say.

 

 

The rest of the night had gone much smoother, and I’d left feeling wholeheartedly, if a bit overenthusiastically, embraced by them.

 

 

“It went fine,” I vaguely said to Chaeng, not wanting to get into all the embarrassment from last night while at lunch. Or ever, really. Jennie concurred, and before Chaeng could grill us on our nonanswers, the chime signaling the end of lunch went off. Thankful to escape an interrogation, I quickly gathered my things and got up to leave. After nodding halfheartedly at Chaeng's threat of calling me later, I awkwardly stood, facing Jennie as the rest of the students filed out of the cafeteria.

 

 

“I'll text you later?” she said quietly as she fiddled with a strap on her backpack.

“Yeah, I'll look forward to hearing from you,” I said, wincing as I realized too late how desperate that sounded. Trying to shrug off my mistake, I added, “Have a great time at practice today.”

 

 

Jennie smiled and I melted. If she hadn't turned to leave after thanking me, she would have witnessed me slumping back down to the table in bliss.

 

The next two weeks went by in a rainbow-hued flash. Sorn had won the race for student class representative, so she was even more insufferable than usual. Jennie and I went on a few more dates, some more successful than others. My parents absolutely adored Jennie, which didn’t seem like it would be a problem, but definitely was. They always wanted me to bring her over to the house so they could feed her, and my dad kept on asking if everything was going well with her, as if he were worried I would mes