Chapter 10

I was up by four the next morning. Mr. Kwon was set to go into surgery by six, and Mrs. Kwon wanted to get to the hospital before then to make sure everything was ready for him. I guess there was hospital paperwork and other stuff to take care of. Our houses were on a side street that was usually quiet, but walking down the street just as the sun was coming up and before anyone else was awake was a bit unnerving. I was glad when I saw some lights on as I neared the Kwons’ house.

Mrs. Kwon must have been waiting for me, because the door opened before I had a chance to knock. “Lisa, thank you so much for coming over on such short notice,” she said distractedly. She was already grabbing some bags that had been set down inside the front door.

Mrs. Kwon was one of those ladies who seemed to have it all—husband, kids, the big house in the suburbs, and a career. As a financial analyst at a small firm outside the city, she always wore coordinating outfits and perfect makeup. But today Mrs. Kwon looked different than I had ever seen her. She had on an obviously well-worn sweatshirt and jeans that led down to a pair of scruffy-looking sneakers. None of her ensemble was color coordinated, and only matched in the shared dinginess of all the clothing. She was not wearing makeup and had her hair pulled back in a simple ponytail. The pair of glasses surprised me the most, since I’d never known she needed them. I had been babysitting this woman’s children for years, and I didn’t really know anything about her other than what she chose to show me.

“No problem, Mrs. Kwon. I’m just glad I could help,” I responded. I wanted to ask about Mr. Kwon, but she was already halfway out the door and on her way to the car, all while giving me some last-minute instructions. “The kids are still asleep, but they know you’ll be here when they wake up. Pancake mix is on the counter for breakfast, and there’s plenty of food for sandwiches and snacks. Peter’s mother will be here around seven tonight, and hopefully her flight will be on time. The kids know Grandma is coming, so it shouldn’t surprise them,” she said as I obediently followed after her, looking for any opportunity where I could ask a question that had been eating at me.

When she paused to open her car door, I saw my chance. “Would it be okay if a friend stopped by later?” I asked, thinking that it might be better if I kept it as vague as I could get away with. I wasn’t sure what I would say anyway. That I had a girl coming over who I was looking to make a move on? That didn't seem like an appropriate way to phrase my request. Luckily, she trusted me and was distracted enough not to want to get any more details. And truthfully, chances were high that everything that happened with Jennie today would be totally innocent. Whatever moves I had to make wouldn't be impressive. “Of course, that’s fine. Let me know if an emergency comes up, but I’ll be at the hospital where the coverage is spotty. I’ll step out and check my phone regularly, though.” Before she got in her car, I was able to ask her to give Mr. Kwon my best. When she looked at me, her face crumbled for a second before she pulled herself together with a deep breath.

“I will tell him, Lisa. Thank you again for coming over on such short notice.” Then she got in her car and drove off. I watched the car until it turned the corner at the end of the block and was out of my sight.

I had the next few hours to myself until the kids were scheduled to wake up. I thought about taking a nap, but figured that by the time I fell asleep on the couch, I would probably have to get back up. So instead I checked the kitchen and planned breakfast. I was sure the kids were worried about their dad, so I thought chocolate chip pancakes would be a nice treat for them.

The rest of the time was filled with checking social media and thoughts of Jennie, both good and bad: little daydreams of us dating and doing couple-type things together (mostly G-rated); her rejecting me in a way that a kick in the gut would hurt less; us trapped in a space station, battling invading aliens, with love being our greatest weapon against them. (That last one may have been a product of waking up before dawn and then having a couple cups of coffee to stay awake when I didn’t usually touch the stuff.)

I was glad when Max, still in his pajamas, stumbled down the stairs at a little past eight and flopped down next to me on the couch. I was silently thankful, because he’d stopped me from obsessing so much about later that day that I’d almost convinced myself to text Jennie and cancel.

Max yawned and snuggled his face into my side. “Is Mom gone?” he asked in a still-sleepy voice. I ruffled his hair and was grossed out when I came away with something sticky on my hand. I made a mental note to make sure he took a shower before he got dressed for the day. “Yup, just you, me, and Ella today. Plus chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast,” I added.

“Why are we sitting here, then?” he exclaimed. “Come on, I want pancakes!” He tugged at my arm, trying to get me off the couch and into the kitchen. “Hold on,” I said, pulling him back to the couch. I might have been a weakling, but I was at least able to prevent a nine-year-old from bodily moving me. “We have to wait for your sister to wake up, and then I’ll start cooking.”

I realized my mistake as he yelled, “Okay!” and ran up the stairs, presumably to wake his sister. I tried calling him back, but it was too late. I thought of following him, but gave up on it a second later. Ella had to get out of bed at some point. A few hours earlier than planned was fine.

When I heard a yell, a thump, and finally a door slamming, I got up to start the pancakes. And find an ice pack for any bruises caused by the mystery thump.

Ella came down after Max had polished off two pancakes (and taken a shower; I’d bribed him with a promise of extra cookies later if he washed his hair extra well). She sat at the kitchen table, and I placed a plate and silverware in front of her groggy form while pushing the stack of pancakes closer so she could reach them easier. Ella was thirteen, at the age when she was trading Gogurts for Greek yogurt and chicken nuggets for plain salads. I hoped she wouldn't be one of those girls who obsessed about her weight, but she had a good head on her shoulders, so all I could do was trust her to stay healthy and not go overboard. It was a good sign that she added two pancakes to her plate, even if she skipped the syrup.

“What are we doing today?” Max asked as he ran his fingers through the syrup on his plate and then it off. I grimaced, but figured it was better than him trying to drink it straight from the bottle. Ella looked up, too busy chewing to say anything, but the questioning look on her face indicated that she was curious too. Now was the time to tell them that I had a guest coming over. I wiped my mouth with a napkin, mostly for something to do while I tried to think of the best words to use.

“So,” I started, looking from the syrup-covered face to the semi-bored one, “I don’t really have anything planned, except for around one. A friend of mine is supposed to come over to say hi and stay for a little bit. I told your mom, and she said it was okay, but before then we can do anything you guys want.” I hoped no other information would be needed. I was wrong.

“Is it Chaeng?” Max asked excitedly. “If she’s coming over, can she bring Jeong Woo? I have a new video game we can play if he can come,” he said. I had forgotten that while Max was two years older than Jeong Woo, they went to the same school and knew each other. When Chaeng had come over while I was babysitting in the past, she’d sometimes brought Jeong Woo with her, and the boys would be glued to their games for hours.

“No, Chaeng isn’t the friend who's visiting today. But I’ll let her know to set up a time where you and Jeong Woo can hang out together soon,” I reassured Max. He looked disappointed, but not for long.

“Is your girlfriend coming over?” he asked with a sly smile. I could feel my face heat up. I had never told the Kwons I was gay. “No, she’s not my girlfriend. And don’t go saying that to her,” I scolded, already picturing the awkwardness if Max were to call Jennie my girlfriend while she was here. “I don’t have a girlfriend, Max. Jennie’s just a regular friend.”

“Relax,” Ella chimed in. She looked at me in exasperation. “We all know that you’re a lesbian. My mom and the short JiHoon K’s Mom are in the PTA together at my school, and they were having a meeting here. JiHoon K’s Mom told Mom that Yerim told her that everyone was talking about how you came out during chemistry. JiHoon K’s Mom said it was a lot easier to be gay now than when she was a teenager,” Ella explained, rolling her eyes to show her annoyance.

I was speechless. The story of my outing had traveled outside of school to the community at large. For some reason, I had thought that it would stay confined to school, but I’d been so wrong. It should have been obvious. Kids talked to their parents and parents talked to other parents, and before you knew it my neighbors were discussing the fact that I was gay. I was a little annoyed at whichever mom was spreading details of my life to whoever would listen. I really had to meet that family soon.

“I came out in English, not chemistry class,” was my response. For all my gripes, that was the part I had chosen to rebut? Maybe it was just easier to focus on the mundane details than the more worrying idea that I was a subject of gossip. Ella shrugged, not caring about my inconsequential correction of her retelling. She stood with her plate and walked it over to the kitchen sink. “I’m just saying that no one cares that you’re gay. You like girls, so what? You're exactly the same person you were before. So no big deal, unless you get, like, a supermodel for a girlfriend, but even then it will only be interesting because there aren’t a lot of supermodels around here.” She rinsed off her plate and placed it in the dishwasher.

As she walked away, I tried to come up with something to say, but nothing was coming out. Deciding that the conversation had gone about as well as could be expected, I told Max to put his own plate in the dishwasher and then proceeded to clean up breakfast.

Max and Ella were self-sufficient enough not to need that much supervision, but I still checked that they weren’t looking at websites they weren’t supposed to and weren’t eating too much junk food. Ella was mostly on her phone, and a couple of times I casually strolled behind her to make sure she wasn’t ting or being lured to a rendezvous by an online predator. Each time, she was playing some innocuous Internet game, which was a relief.

Max was alternating between his video games and a building project he was working on with Legos. One entire side of his room had been cleared out, and he was constructing a perimeter of some larger structure. He wouldn’t give me a straight answer when I asked him what he had planned, and when I asked Ella, she said that he hadn’t told anyone what he was doing. All they knew was that it was going to be big and that he had been planning it for a long time. Every birthday and Christmas, the only things he asked for were Legos. He had over a dozen boxes of different sets, which he was cannibalizing for his project.

“Mom and Dad are hoping he’s not planning anything that will blow up, and I’m pretty sure it’s going to end up being something super nerdy, like a giant wizard or something. You want to throw in any guesses about what it might be?” she asked as we sat on the back deck. Max stayed in his room, having declined my invitation to join us when Ella and I had decided to sit outside.

I thought about it for a few seconds. “I’m going to say a truck. No, wait, I’ll change that to spaceship. He still likes sp