I wake up to the sound of birds chirping, and my head hurts when I try to get up. I look around, and wonder why I’m on the sofabed of my living room… Alone.

          Memories of last night come flooding as I frantically turn my head to look for Kyungsoo, but he’s nowhere in sight. His blanket is folded neatly on the side he used to lie down, and I grow anxious.

          I go to the basement, and my heart races as I go near his door. The room is closed, and the transom shows that the inside is dark. I hesitantly open it, and emptiness washes over me as I see the vacant room. His stuff is cleared from the table, and the bed looks like no one has laid down on it for a long time.

          I fetch my phone, and sit on my dining table as I dial Kyungsoo’s number. One ringing tone. Two ringing tones. Three.

          “Hello?”

          “You come and go as you please, don’t you?”

          Kyungsoo doesn’t answer right away, but he laughs from his nose after.

          “You’re laughing?” I talk under my breath.

          “I’ll come back.”

          I heave a deep sigh. Maybe he needs some time alone—maybe he’s finally able to bear being alone. “Are you back to your house? Or your own place?”

          “Yeah, the apartment. I’ll invite you when it’s a bit more… Organized.”

          I imagine him looking around his messy bachelor pad, and I laugh a little. “Alright.”

          “Thank you, Sara.”

          I look at the absorbed light on my unopened curtain, and glance at the sofabed. “Be well. Tell me if you need anything.”

          “The same goes for you.”

          We hang up, and I stare into space. Life goes on.

*

          Autumn ends, and it goes from cold to freezing. My internship comes to a finish warmly with a small party from my coworkers, and I prepare to apply for the company I’m targeting and a few others for backup plan.

          Kyungsoo and I regularly contact each other, but we haven’t been able to meet because of our schedules. He’s busy with year-end projects, and I have numerous online assessments, tests, and a few interviews. Christmas doesn’t even feel like a holiday, and finally I can spend the last day of the year at home. I’ve been going out so much that I forgot how good it feels to laze around during the day.

          I’m watching TV in my living room at night, and silently sneer every time someone outside lights a firework. Come on, it’s still 7 PM. I’m bundled on the thickest bed cover I have on the sofa, with hot chocolate within hand’s reach. So comfortable. But the lack of space here irks me a bit, and I convert it into the sofabed. I smile in satisfaction, and hop on to hog the spot for myself.

          I haven’t expanded the sofa again after that time with Kyungsoo, and thoughts of him fill my head. Is he okay now? What is he doing? He always assures that he’s fine, but I never know.

          I pull the bed cover tighter around me, and I’m reminded by his gentle, slow touch that made me fall asleep. He was the one hurting, but he comforted me.

          The ringing bell cracks my wandering mind, and I get up. Must be the food I ordered. I’m lucky to get a delivery, most of the stores refused because of the cold—

          I open the door excitedly, but the human who is behind the door make my eyes widen despite being someone very familiar. “Oh my god.”

          “What’s with that ‘oh my god’?” Kyungsoo furrows his brows, and lets himself inside leisurely, like he always does. I’m still standing on the doorway for one more second until I remind myself to turn around.

          “What are you doing here?”

          “Spending New Year’s Eve. Looking that you’re at home with those clothes and no makeup, I guess you won’t go anywhere.”

          I open my mouth to object, then realize he said nothing wrong. “I just—”

          An ‘excuse me’ is heard from the door, and the delivery man is there. I take the food, close the door, and turn around again. Kyungsoo has made himself comfortable on his side of the sofabed, as if he never left there. He’s slightly jumping up and down on his seat with a small smile, looking satisfied.

          “Don’t you have work to do?” I ask.

          “I’m taking a break. Should at least celebrate the new year outside workspace.”

          I see that he’s also bringing food, and I sigh. “What if nobody were home after you brought all of this?”

          Kyungsoo stands up, and approaches me near the dining table. “You are home. Let’s not talk about the bad possibilities anymore.”

          We’re staring at each other for a few seconds, then Kyungsoo shrugs and smiles. “Let’s eat.”

          We don’t talk during the meal, probably because we have nothing to discuss—we talk a lot through messages and calls. I want to talk about something though, and try to find a topic. “So when are you going to invite me to your housewarming party?”

          Kyungsoo coughs. “I haven’t been able to be home that much lately. I go to the company often nowadays.”

          I pout in disappointment. “I want to crash your house too.”

          “For revenge? How petty.” Kyungsoo cackles. “I won’t let it happen.” he says mockingly in a melodious tone, and immediately flinches when I raise my chopsticks. “Anyway, you really aren’t going out tonight?”

          “Going out where? It’s freezing.” I mutter.

          “That’s the spirit.” Kyungsoo nods in approval, then points at the sofabed. “I miss that so much, if only I knew it was a sofabed, I’d sleep on it during my stay.”

          “Ha. You slept on that once and disappeared the next morning without a trace.”

          Silence. I can feel Kyungsoo looking at me, and I curl my toes. What did I imply?

          “Oh… You were sad that I was gone?” Kyungsoo looks like he’s holding back his smile, and I get irritated.

          “I was worried!”

          “Reaaally?” he moves his body forward, and his teasing tone increases the urge to smack him. I choose to roll my eyes, and keep eating. Kyungsoo chuckles, enjoying my reaction.

          “So… Are you going to stay the night?” I clear my throat.

          “Yeah.” he answers shortly, firmly. I swallow, and get nervous for no reason.

          After eating, I go to my room to take something and eye a stack of playing cards on my drawer. Maybe I can play this with Kyungsoo to spend some time before midnight. I eye a paper bag right beside it, and decide to bring it along.

          I go back downstairs, and Kyungsoo is watching TV with his eyes wide awake, but bored. “Hey, I have something.” I announce.

          “What?”

          I lay out the cards and the paper bag’s content, which is an array of lip products of different colors, probably more than ten. “Let’s play, loser will have his or her face marked.”

          Kyungsoo seems to focus more on the lip items. “These are all new? Why did you buy this many?”

          “Interview preparation.” I answer, and Kyungsoo shakes his head. “These are really difficult to wash off.”

          Kyungsoo clicks his tongue, and shuffles the cards. “You’re bad at playing cards, though?”

          “Were. I’ve improved so much since high school.”

          Kyungsoo smirks, and we start playing. We both start sloppily at first, but as time passes our skills seem to be on the same level and there are not many losing cases between us. We end up with only two brushes on me and three brushes on his face.

          “Since you have more marks, you’re the loser and you have to wear the brightest color as punishment.”

          “What kind of rule is that?” Kyungsoo’s voice goes up a pitch higher.

          “I made that up a minute ago. Let’s see…” I’m looking at the colors, and there isn’t any that actually stands out. I pick one that looks the most striking among them, and turns to Kyungsoo. “Keep your head up, part your lips a bit.”

          Kyungsoo makes a defeated face, and does as I say. I apply the lipstick on his heart-shaped lips, and I did a bad job but that’s the point. I grab my phone, and starting to take pictures.

          “Hey!” Kyungsoo tries to snatch my phone, and I let out a long evil laugh.

          “This is what you get if you keep roasting me on SNS.”

          “Alright, alright. I won’t. You have to admit my comments make your posts more colorful.”

          “Psh.” I roll my eyes. Kyungsoo succeeds on taking my phone, and he deletes the photos. “Hey, it’s really hard to remove, you know. It doesn’t even stick to anything.”

          Kyungsoo puts down my phone, and touches his bright maroon lip. He suddenly takes one of my hand, and kisses the back of it. I reflexively yank off my hand. “What are you—”

          He looks at my hand, and examines it. “Oh, it really doesn’t stick.”

          My lips part, still taken aback. “You have your own hand!”

          Kyungsoo just laughs a little, and I stand up. “I’ll get the makeup remover.”

          I go to my room, and squat behind the door. Oh God. What did just happen? I’m holding the hand Kyungsoo kissed, and screeches silently.

          We occasionally made skinship throughout our friendship, but it was light, or basically jokes. The hug from the last time he was here was a leap, though. And now—

          I stand up straight again, and take what I need. Let’s keep cool.

          I watch Kyungsoo as he rubs his lips with lip makeup remover-soaked cotton, and I’m also cleaning the marks he made on my face earlier. “Oh, too bad, the color looked good on you.”

          Kyungsoo shoots a look at me, and I stick out my tongue. He finishes, and touches his lips. “Wow, it’s really soft.”

          “I know, right? It’s my favorite remover.” I say proudly.

          It’s an hour before midnight, and more fireworks are heard outside. Kyungsoo and I lie down on the sofabed, and since the bed cover is big it’s enough for us to slip into.

          “Sharing a blanket like this… I’m a man too, you know.” Kyungsoo slowly says, changing his voice deeper for effect.

          “I’ll kill you.” I respond shortly, but inside I’m actually close to freak out.

          We’re both lying down on our back, looking at the ceiling. We talk about pointless things, and our memories from high school when we spent the most time together. We didn’t even realize the clock struck midnight until we hear the sounds of fireworks being lit outside, and we didn’t bother getting up to see the view.

          Kyungsoo turns to face my side, and supports his head with one hand. “Hey, we’re a year older.”

          “Ah, I’m annoyed.”

          “What’s your wish for this year?”

          I’m thinking, and look at him. “Getting my dream job. Earn a lot of money. Making my parents proud. Oh, and one more thing.”

          Kyungsoo looks at me curiously.

          “I want you to be happy.”

          Smile blooms on his face, and I smile as well.

          “You want to throw up, right?” I ask.

          He shakes his head. “Thank you. You too, be happy.”

          Kyungsoo ruffles my hair, and I’m not mad for now. The fireworks have died down, and I’m quietly looking at the motive of the bed cover, then at Kyungsoo’s hand on top of it.

          Now I want him to stay, I want to make sure he’s happy, I want to see him, I want to touch him. As a friend I've always wished good things for him, but now... It's just different. The fact that he’s right here with me in front of my eyes as I’m thinking about that realization makes me dizzy.

          Our eyes meet, and I avoid Kyungsoo’s sight. “What’s with you?” he asks.

          “Nothing.” I say slowly.

          I keep looking away. I see Kyungsoo’s hand reaching towards me, and I freeze inside. He’s actually booping my nose, and I have my eyebrows furrowed deep while shooting him a death glare. Kyungsoo grins, and puts his hand away.

          “Sara.”

          “What.”

          “Can I kiss you?”

          I blink. What? Did I hear that wrong? Kyungsoo fixes his eyes on me, but somehow I can’t move my sight now. Did he really just say—? I have to say something. Think, think— “Where?”

          Kyungsoo takes one second before he answers. “Here in this room.”

          “No, I mean—”

          Before I can finish my sentence, Kyungsoo leans towards me and kisses me on the lips. It was slow enough to feel the soft lips he mentioned, and as soon as we stop, we look at each other, but the Kyungsoo I’m seeing doesn’t seem like the one I’ve always known. It’s Kyungsoo, but now he’s different with the one who always banters with me and teases me.

          He pulls me into his embrace, and my vision goes dark. I’m leaning on his arm, and it smells like perfume now.

          “Spend the winter with me.”

          I breathe in his scent, and drown on his warmth. “Only winter?”

          “Spring, summer, and next autumn too.”

          I smile, and bury my face on his chest. “Okay.”