My legs are trembling as I walk as fast as possible on the flat street leading to my house. My hands are freezing, and it’s not because of the weather.

          “Passed away?” my voice is almost inaudible.

          “Yes. That family whose son has big eyes, right? They died in a car accident.”

          “When did it happen?”

          “About a month ago. It was when it started getting colder. It was so sudden, oh my… Fortunately the son was not with them. Poor guy, he’s all alone now. I haven’t seen him around lately.”

          I try to concentrate as I punch in the password of my house, and I bang open the door. There’s no one in sight. I take a direct turn to the stairs, dashing to the basement with racing heart. I stop when I see Kyungsoo’s dark room, the door is slightly open. I remember him saying he was going to his company, and I lean to the wall.

          I push the door slowly, and the room is empty. I turn on the lights, and see that there’s not much change in the room except for the table which is full of Kyungsoo’s stuff, including his drawing supplies. Rough sketches of various characters, mostly animals, are stuck on the wall in front of the table, and there’s a jacket hanging on the wardrobe door.

          I sit on the edge of his bed, trying to think clearly.

          How could he not tell me of something so important? How could he just show up at my door and ask to stay? I thought he was just fighting with his parents again. Maybe the fight got more serious, or so I thought. But—his parents—passed away—

          I try to stretch out the timeline. The last time he visited me was somewhere in summer. The accident happened in the beginning of autumn, more than a month ago. Yet there was almost no change from him. Strangely, he appeared seemingly more cheerful when he showed up a few days ago.

          A memory passes on my mind, and I grip my clothes. If it was on the beginning of autumn, was it when he called me and asked to have a drink? That time I was on a business trip to Jeju and of course I declined. But he sounded so calm back then…

          The fact that he hasn’t told me until now still makes me dizzy. He told me he was going to reveal it tomorrow, on Saturday. Is this what he’s going to tell me? Why would he wait for so long, acting like nothing happened?

          Tears form on my eyes, and I cover my face with my hands. Where is he now, really?

          I go back upstairs, and sit on the sofa. I reach for my phone, and contemplate for a few moments before dialing Kyungsoo’s number.

          “Hello?” he answers from the other end.

          “Where are you?”

          “Still at the office. You?”

          “I’m home.”

          “Wow, you’re back early. Have you eaten?”

          “…not yet.”

          “I’ll buy dinner on my way home. What do you want to eat?”

          His bright tone makes me want to cry again, and I clench my jaw, trying to speak normally. “You choose.”

          “Okay. Wait for me.”

          I slowly put down my phone, and grit my teeth. How can I start the talk later?

          I press my back to the sofa, and wish it would swallow me instead. Just yesterday we were talking right here after I came back from work.

          “I miss my parents.” I sigh.

          “Then go to Guam.”

          “Not that easy—interns have no day off.”

          “What? That’s cruel.”

          “I come home tired, lonely and bored… No Mom who cooks my favorite food, and Dad who watches TV with me.”

          I’m reminded of his strained relationship with his own parents, who might be the very reason why he’s here right now, and glance at him cautiously. “I’m sorry—I talk about them too much.”

          “It’s okay. You’re lucky to be close with your parents. They’ll return here.”

          I place a hand to my chest. My mind is in a storm, and my heart hurts.

          An hour passed with me wandering around the first floor when I hear the door being opened. Kyungsoo appears with a paper bag in tow, and he looks at me vacantly. “You haven’t changed your clothes?”

          I was waiting for him, but now that he’s here I don’t know what to do. I just curtly nod and walk to the dining table.

          “I bought Korean food, is it okay?”

          I nod again without a word. Kyungsoo looks at me a bit longer, maybe he notices my unusual reaction. He keeps his eyes on me as he sits on the dining table, and pushes aside the paper bag. “What’s wrong with you?”

          I avoid his gaze, and pull the chair out to sit. I suddenly have no strength to do anything. I can’t bear to say a word.

          I collect every remaining courage to lift my head and look at him, but my throat feels blocked. I have to say this nevertheless.

          “I passed by your house…”

          Kyungsoo’s face visibly harden. “What were you doing there?”

          I get taken aback by his cold tone. “I met your neighbor.” I try to talk again. I swallow, and heave a deep breath. “You know what I’m going to say next, right?”

          “Why did you come to my house?”

          I shake my head quickly. “I was in your neighborhood for work. I took a walk and—”

          My vision blurs, and I look away.

          “Why—” I hold onto the fabric on my lap for support, and see a drop of tear falling there as I look down. “Why didn’t you—tell me?”

          Kyungsoo says nothing. Silence washes over the room for a full minute, then I hear him fidgeting on his seat.

          “I told you I’d talk about it tomorrow.”

          “How could you not tell me until now?” I instantly react. “Was it that time? When you asked me to meet? I know I was outside the city, but you could’ve just told me what happened!”

          Kyungsoo’s lips are shut, and there’s barely any change on his expression. Somehow it makes my chest hurt more.

          “I don’t know if you being more cheery recently is a way to cope, and you still manage to eat well and it’s good, but still… How can you not…”

          My words start to sound unclear. I give in, and keep my head down to cry.

          “I’m sorry.”

          Kyungsoo’s voice sounds soulless. I hastily wipe my tears and lift my head. Kyungsoo is staying still on his seat, and he looks to his side.

          “I would’ve understood—I would have tried something I could—” I try to control my breath. I close my eyes, and put my hands on my lap. “To think that my friend is having a hard time but I have no idea…”

          Kyungsoo is looking at the surface of the table emptily. I hear him inhale a long breath, and I look at him.

          “Sara.”

          Our eyes meet, and I attempt to keep my head still.

          “I’m going to leave your house tonight.”

          My eyes widen. “Wait—what? Where are you going?”

          “Home.”

          He’s staring into space, and he looks like he’s going to say something but closes his mouth right away.

          “Kyungsoo, you don’t have to go. You can stay here. If you want to tell me more, I will listen.”

          He stands up, and I flinch. I get up from my seat, and we stand facing each other without a word.

          “You will?”

          His voice cracks, and he has one hand holding onto the edge of the table. I clench my fists, trying to suppress my emotions.

          I slowly take a few steps towards him, and put my arms around his neck. He’s incredibly stiff. I rest my head on his shoulder while gritting my teeth, fighting back tears.

          Kyungsoo keeps standing there, making no movement. I continue holding him, and I close my eyes.

          Kyungsoo’s body slowly loosens up, and I can feel his weight leaning on me. He places one hand on my back, pinching my shirt lightly.

          He gradually rests his head on my shoulder, and his body starts shaking. A tear runs down my face, and I hold him tighter.