Anajweoooooooo

I was singing my part when I felt a hand slowly holding my waist; I felt a warm body leaning against my back. It's her. Then suddenly I felt her chin placed above my shoulder. I can feel her hot breathe hitting on the crook of my neck.

Saranghae

I was singing my part- the last line when it happened. Just seconds and her lips were pressed against my cheek. It finally happened. The girl I love kissed me, in front of our group slash friends, in front of every people watching slash our fans, and you know what's crazy? The girl I love kissed me in front of our parents who went to support us on our big concert.

Omoo

My heart screamed. I screamed. I screamed out my lungs as the electric feeling rolled through my body. This is insane. I think i'm insane. The sting stayed in my heart as my heart was beating faster

And faster.

Suddenly my ears seemed like it was shut down. I can't hear anyone or anything but one thing. Neither the earpiece I am wearing, nor the people screaming out their lungs for us. All I can hear was the loud beating of my heart. I can't think straight but I managed to hold her in my arms. Well, that shocked me as well. I can't look at her in the eyes but I never took off my arms around her shoulders. I've held her tighter as I smiled at our fans and waved at them. I'm not quite sure if she got the message. The message I’ve been longing to say. I love you, Son Seungwan.

Sooyoung, where did you go?

At the park

With whom?

With my friends

I was pissed. We have our own lives. Why would she ask me such questions when we aren't even that close?

Oh and that she? She's Wendy Son; her English name and her Korean name? It's Son Seungwan. The small petite girl with a straight long brunette hair, who everyone knows as the 'good English speaking girl' in our entertainment. Well, no doubt about that, she grew up in Canada. But don't get it wrong; she's still a full-blooded Korean.

We entered the same entertainment on the same year, 2012. I auditioned in our small island in Jeju and Seungwan? She auditioned in Canada. I only got to meet her when I came to Seoul. After I signed a contract in this entertainment when they called me back. I can't deny the fact that she's really good in singing. But that's one of the three reasons why I hate her.

One.

I lost my confidence in Singing.

Back in Jeju, I always thought that I was really good in singing. I mean, I thought I am better than anyone until I met her.

Two.

She asks me so much questions.

I hate it when someone asks me personal questions. We. Have. Our. Own. Lives.

Three

She's too nice.

Well, I personally think that nice people are fake.

What did you do?

And that's it. That one final question that got me extremely annoyed. That's when I finally exploded.

Seungwan don't get me wrong but I don't like it when someone asks me questions about my personal life. I mean we have our own lives. I will do whatever I want to do. I will go out when I want to and with whom I want to be with. I don't need your permissions. I have my own life and you have yours.

Now that I’ve exploded, I'm just waiting for her to get angry. She lets out a small sigh, this is it. I was preparing myself to hear her harsh words when suddenly-

Sorry

I forgot number three. She's too nice. Still, I didn't expect that after everything I said.

I never thought you wouldn't like it.

I can see her eyes glittering, shedding some tears. But she still managed to give me a small smile. About what I said, is it too harsh? Now i'm asking myself. Why am I asking myself?

I just like you and I'm curious about you

Awkwardness took place as we just stared at each other for seconds. She likes me? Words can't escape out of my mouth. I tried not to feel any guilt. I just like you and I’m curious about you, but this particular line got stuck in my head and it keeps on repeating. That's when I knew I failed as the guilt creep in all over me. My words were really harsh. Now I want to take back everything I said. Maybe she's just really nice. Maybe I’m the one at fault, I was overthinking and I just misunderstood her actions.

Sorry

The first word escaped from my mouth was sorry and she, Son Seungwan, smiled at me. Giving me an "it's okay I understand" look.

That smile, that look. That's when I finally let her destroy my walls as I realized everything she did for me. How she tried to help me with our English lessons, how she feed me with her home baked cookies, how she tried so hard to befriend me by talking to me and listens to my rants. That's when I thought she's not just too nice but she is really nice. That's when I thought she'd be a great friend of mine.

After two years, I never thought we'd be debuting on the same year, 2014; In the same group.

Unlike before, she's not trying to help me with our English lessons anymore but she is literally the one teaching me everything now. From the sentence structures to the pronunciations. Since our first single 'Happiness' had some English words.

The rants she'd been listening back then were replaced with the stories of my day. It was replaced with my own personal stories. I like it when she attentively listens to my stories. I like it when she pays attention to me.

And the home baked cookies? Now she's giving me packed lunched every time I go to school. I never really appreciated her baked cookies before though it tasted so good. Specifically, because I hate her back then. But these packed lunches are the best, mainly because it is from her. Not to mention I was still studying when we both debuted.

The questions she would constantly ask that annoyed me before. Well, I am the one waiting for her to ask me those questions now. That's when I thought that I can share everything with her.

It was 2015 when our first full album, 'The Red' was released. More variety shows, more radio shows, more schedules were added.

Seungwan, and me were the only members assigned in our group to attend this radio show since our members have their own schedules. And this radio show particularly was when Seungwan told everyone that she's my number one fan.

I heard your Joy's number one fan?

Yeah

What did you like about her?

Well because- uh

I just like her because- I-

She stuttered.

Well, being a trainee isn't that easy, we would perform a song or a dance of choice in front of I thinks six to eight panelists every month and that's when they would evaluate each and every one of us. Those who improved, those who didn't, their top picks and their bottom picks. I guess those who did not improve got cut off. Luckily, I always got through. And it is this time when Seungwan first told me she's my number one fan.

I felt like I’m not doing any better that time so I tried to challenge myself as I picked an English song for our next evaluation. I was really struggling. Though I knew I was good on Korean tongue twisters, this time my tongue got literally twisted every time I sing. So I seek help from Seungwan. She really tried to help me not only with my pronunciations but she also helped me boost my confidence by saying she'll support me all through out and that she is my number one fan. I was and I am still thankful for that.

If you get to know her you would know

But I just like her

She continued. I never met anyone so persistent like Son Seungwan. This is the first time I blushed in my entire life. I always feel loved whenever I am with her That's when I thought I'm really happy and thankful that I met her.

2015 on the same year was when I got casted on a reality show, We Got Married with BTOB's Yook Sungjae. I never really imagined myself being in a relationship with anyone, but I won't deny the fact that I had a crush on him. Not the serious type though, he was just charming and handsome but we don't talk or message each other after filming.

I would go home late after filming, worn out and exhausted that I did not realize I forgot telling Seungwan my stories for days. As days became weeks. And weeks became months. We were drifting apart.

I felt I got lost, losing Seungwan slowly. So one day I decided to catch up with her. I tried hard to make a lot of contents with Sungjae. The director was really happy with all the contents and that's when I knew I succeeded as they wrapped everything up and let us go home earlier than usual.

Hahaha

I was at the door when I heard her laugh. I am happy hearing Seungwan's laugh. I opened the door slowly to surprise her but I bet I was the one surprised. I saw her and Irene baking some cake. I saw them play with the icing as they wiped it on each other's faces. I mean, I wasn't surprised because she's playing with Irene but I was surprised at myself for hating seeing her happy with someone else. I was surprised at myself for being so jealous.

Why does my heart ache? I asked myself and that's when I thought I am inlove with her.

Months passed by. I tried to ignore my feelings for her as we drifted apart. Even more. No more late night stories, though she would still give me packed lunches.

It was late 2016, when we came back with another mini album called 'Russian Roulette' our fan base grew bigger. More variety and radio shows were offering us to be their guest.

We were playing a game in a show where each one of us will be asked a question and everyone but the member being asked should all agree in one answer to get that spot on the blackboard. It's kind of like we were playing tic tac toe with a twist.

If you would date someone in your group, who would that be?

This was the question given to Seungwan. Me. I thought to myself. She would constantly pick me before so I knew it. It would be me. Perhaps, she said she is my number one fan.

Joy

Everyone shouted my name as we all agreed that it was going to be me.

Well, guess what? I was wrong as she picked another member. She picked Seulgi. Well, I thought about it, they were really close and I knew she is her best friend. But still, my heart ached. That's when I thought I needed to tell her how I feel.

Just like before Joy. You weren't scared to tell your feelings back then. I reminded myself.

Still it took me months before I got the courage to tell her how I really feel. It was Christmas time on the same year when we were the only one's staying at our dorm since every member visited their own families. Well, I will visit my own family as well but the flight I took was 2 days after our break. And Seungwan? Her family is in Canada so she couldn't visit them.

I saw her watching some drama in the living room.

Seungwan

I called her as I walked towards her

Hm?

She is too focused on the drama. I stood beside the coffee table that's in front of her waiting for her to notice me

Can we talk?

I succeeded as she looked at me. Finally. I sat down beside her; her eyes were locked on me.

What is it about?

She asked.

I tried to speak but words couldn't come out. Now I can't look straight into her eyes as I felt myself shedding some tears.

Sooyoung why are you crying??

She was flustered. Well, I was flustered as well. Why am I crying? I didn't know this would happen. I just felt pain as my heart ached when I sat beside her.

Seungwan I’m sorry

What are you sorry about?

We drifted apart

You don't have to Sooyoung. I'm happy for you and your success.

Me and Sungjae

I know

She knew what?

We aren't dating

She didn't speak but I saw her eyes went wider.

I like...

Someone else

I like you

I- I just thought, I need to tell you

Finally, I said it. I was relieved and ashamed at the same time. I didn't need her answer, I wasn't expecting anything. I just thought I needed to tell her how I feel. I was about to stand up and go when I felt her hand, pulled my arm. She pulled me closer. Now, we were hugging each other. She hugged me really tight, her arms were wrapped around my neck.

We stayed like that for a minute. No one attempts to speak. But her sobbing broke the silence. She is crying?

Seungwan

Are you crying?

She hugged me tighter.

Since we were trainees Sooyoung

but I was afraid and a coward to tell you that I really like you

The first half of 2017, it was back then we were afraid to show everyone our closeness. Well, our parents knew. Seungwan went to Jeju with me that time and that's when I told my parents about us.

The second half of 2017

It is finally the day.

It is our first big concert. From every song we sang, I personally liked performing Day 1 the most, why? Because that's when I would stand next to Seungwan while we were singing, and the best thing? It is freestyle, no choreography; we can roam around wherever we want. I would always go and wrap my arms around her when we practice, bringing her with me to the center.

Anajweoooooooo

I was singing my part in Day 1 when I felt a hand slowly holding my waist, and a warm body leaning against my back. I knew it's Seungwan.

Saranghae

I was singing my part- the last line when it happened.

Let's just be natural. I love you Sooyoung.

She whispered and just seconds, her lips were pressed against my cheek. The girl I love kissed me, in front of literally everyone.

 
Omoo

I screamed out my lungs. I was shocked.

And suddenly my ears seemed like it shut down. I can't hear anyone or anything but one thing. Neither the earpiece I am wearing, nor the people screaming out their lungs for us. All I can hear was the loud beating of my heart. I can't look at her in the eyes but I never took off my arms around her shoulders. I've held her tighter as I smiled at our fans and waved at them. I'm not quite sure if they would get what I mean but I would like to tell everyone that you are mine, and I love you Son Seungwan.