Extra Chapter 4.1: Joohyun’s Story

Song Rec - 7 Minutes by Dean Lewis

Joohyun first noticed it when they were in high school. The smile in her best friend’s eyes was always beautiful but she didn’t realize they were painfully tantalizing until they reached high school and there were all these people around them and all she really wanted to be around was Seulgi. The way she laughs has always been one of her favorite things in her world but she didn’t realize she likes it more when she’s the reason of it. The way they drop and chill in each other’s place was nice until she rested her head so easily on her lap when they were hanging out and watching another horror movie and she realized it was more than comfortable. It was like home.

At first, it scared the out of her. She spent several sleepless nights thinking about the possibility of her liking her best friend. It was frightening just thinking about it. Just the mere thought of it sent chills to her bones and drove her crazy. She had a couple of boyfriends at that time. She can’t like girls. Especially Seulgi.

For heaven’s sake, Seulgi’s her best friend.

She can’t even avoid her best friend because Seulgi would see right through her and think something was wrong. Worse, she’d think it was because of her or because of something she did. Seulgi was too kind to think something like that. She didn’t do anything wrong. It was Joohyun’s fault. 

Besides, Seulgi has been part of her life ever since she could remember. She couldn’t imagine a day without her. Or her smile. Or her laughter. Or her touch…

There was also that time when they both got bangs and they literally looked like twins. Well, they didn’t exactly look like each other but their hair was both black at that time and they both got bangs. It was something new and both of them weren’t used to the feeling of hair on their forehead. They were still laughing about it when they reached Joohyun’s place.

Joohyun immediately threw her bag on her bed and sat on the floor, looking for her best angle with her phone when Seulgi dropped behind her and nudge closer to take a photo with her. She wished she could stop time just so she could be sure her best friend won’t hear how fast her heart beats at that moment. But she couldn’t and she only had to pretend that everything was normal.

“I think we look fine,” Seulgi comments, looking at her reflection and fixing her bangs. It was a good thing she was looking at herself instead of Joohyun because Joohyun was looking at her reflection and she looked like she was getting a fever because she seemed like she put an extraordinary amount of blush in her face.

But when she looked at Seulgi’s face, she couldn’t help it that she said. “You look cute, Seul.” It was meant to be just one usual compliment but she felt like she was beginning to cross something she wasn’t even supposed to go to and it reminded her of one of those nights when her thought drifted to Seulgi hating her for liking her.

“Really?” But Seulgi’s face brightened up and Joohyun was relieved because it seemed like she hadn’t given herself away. “I didn’t cut it to look cute though. I cut it to look chic.”

She didn’t know how she survived high school liking her best friend and keeping it to herself. Her mind was going insane with just the thought of anyone knowing about it. Not even Seulgi, but just anyone! But it wasn’t all bad because she got to stay beside Seulgi no matter what, no matter what she was feeling, no matter what the possibilities were, no matter what lies ahead in the future. She got to stay with Seulgi through high school. She got to sleep over to Seulgi’s place and she got to go to places with Seulgi. She got to hug her and hold her hand and play with her hair. She got to do all these things because she was Seulgi’s best friend and she knew she wasn’t being fair. A bit to Seulgi but mostly to herself.

She kept on telling herself that it was just adoration to her best friend because out of all the people she knew, Seulgi was one of those she loves and she respects the most. She kept on convincing herself that there was no malice whenever she accidentally walk through her best friend changing, or when she would just randomly catch her best friend’s hand when they were walking, or when she would suddenly wrap her arms around her best friend on public places just so people could see she was hers. During those times, she didn’t even think of people putting more to her actions than what best friends does because she was one of the prettiest girl in school and there was no way she would be one who likes a girl. There was no way. Guys kept on flocking around her like birds looking for feeds anyway.

Joohyun thought it was just normal for a best friend to feel that protective. She didn’t want anyone else to be around Seulgi except her. Most of the time, it worked but Seulgi has her own mind as well, and as much as she loves being around Joohyun, her world was not Joohyun. And that was something Joohyun has to deal with especially after high school when not only had their worlds became different but they, too, had changed.

Seulgi had always wanted to become a veterinarian. She had the brains for it, too. On the other hand, Joohyun never knew what she really wanted to become and just decided on a business program. They applied and got into different universities.

It was difficult for Joohyun and for the few months, she wanted to go to Seulgi. She wanted to be where she was. She missed being so close to her she could almost always tell her what she feels about her. She almost changed courses but she realized she would just give herself up and lose everything she protected for more than three years. Her best friend, their friendship, everything that mattered more to her than admitting her own feelings.

It didn’t help that going to different universities and meeting other people just made her more protective of Seulgi especially when they would hang out and Seulgi would introduce her to her new friends. It’s not that she had no new friends. She was pretty popular even in the university five times their high school population.

“Joohyun, this is Seungwan,” Seulgi introduced her while she was holding this girl’s hand.

Seungwan, the girl, grinned big and extended her other hand to Joohyun. Joohyun pretended to be interested, returned the girl’s smile and shook her hand. She hated how Seungwan was all over Seulgi and she hated how she seemed to be Seulgi’s best friend in the university. She had always think she was supposed to be Seulgi’s only best friend. But more than that, she hated that she was able to see through her facade and be blunt about it.

The way she couldn’t for more than three years. The way she couldn’t until now.

Seulgi was just talking and normally, she was just listening to her, and when her best friend stood up to go to the restroom, Seungwan, after another shot, moved closer to her and whispered, “You like Seulgi, don’t you?”

She should have played it cool. She should have stayed calm. But her eyes could only widen and could only drop at how someone she just met could picked up on something she tried so hard to hide for years. She turned to look at Seungwan who was looking back at her knowingly. She was not trying to be arrogant or obnoxious but Joohyun still wanted to rid of her from the world (at least her and Seulgi’s world, figuratively) to protect what’s hers.

Before she could even deny it, Seungwan took the pleasure to point out her weak point. “It’s just the way you look at her when she’s talking,” she offered, picking up a piece of burnt pork belly. “No best friend would look that closely the way their best friend’s mouth moves that has no hidden feelings for them.”

It was not fair but she couldn’t even find it in herself to deny it when she was confronted upfront because she knew it would be futile anyway if she would deny it. It was not fair as well when she decided this has to stop. She should not be liking her best friend. She should never be liking Seulgi the way someone already saw through her.

It was not fair when she decided she should begin dating guys again. It was not fair when she bailed more often than when she agreed to hang out with Seulgi because she was too busy with school. It was not fair when she saw how Seungwan and Seulgi grew closer the way she could never tread again. It was not fair how she claimed she was still Seulgi’s best friend. It was not fair how she did everything she could to hide what she was really feeling.

Joohyun knew it was not fair to Seulgi because her best friend didn’t do anything wrong. It was all her doing. It was all her fault all this time. But she was terrified of losing.

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A/N:

Sorry for late update, guys. I have three papers due in like, less than a month, damn work, and a hundred twenty people to survey.

I wonder what Joohyun is going to do...

- Elle xo