I can’t sleep. Not when I feel so many emotions inside my heart. Luda is in the bed next to mine and even though I love sleeping with her, they didn’t let us. Her angelic face is expressionless, like she’s in pure and complete peace while sleeping. I open a smile because I love her more than words could ever tell but then, and again, another face pops up in my mind and I can’t help but feel guilty.

Why is Dawon here? I feel like something is rising inside my chest, screaming for release. My throat is closed and I start to breath faster. Is this an anxious feeling? And for what? For why? My head is mixed with confusion and I really need somebody’s help to understand all that. Not anybody, but Luda’s. But how could I share those feelings with her? Mostly because I’m feeling the same way I felt about her a few years ago, when I fell in love. I’m scared, I really am. I can’t tell her. Isn’t this cheating or something? 

But.

Am I falling in love with Dawon?

I remember the warmth of her embrace and how our similar heights allowed me to perfectly look her in the eyes. Her features are perfect, so precisely put together as if God had got all of his efforts to make Dawon look like the most beautiful girl in the world, sharing the spot with Luda. I could imagine them next to each other, smiling to me, and I could feel my heart beating faster with that image in my head. 

God, that is so wrong. What is happening to me? 

I know all the feelings I have for Luda are still the same as before, and even more, they are growing day by day. I love her when she smiles, when she shrugs, when she tells me about her college’s classes, when she gets angry with her game, when she whines and pouts getting my attention, when she’s stressed and when she’s sad and when she’s the happiest. Every time I’m around her she proves me how much she’s the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. 

But why is Dawon so present in my mind right now? Why is she mixing my feelings and trying to make that room of my heart for two, and not just one as it was before? 

I feel my eyes getting tired and my brain malfunction of exhaustion, so I give up in trying to understand all that and let my eyelids fall. The sleep don’t wait any longer to hit me.

I wake up because of a loud siren. My mind is confused and for a moment I don’t know where I am. I blink a few times trying to adjust to the sunlight that never came, because it still dark outside our dorm. Luda is yawning and getting up, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hands. Then I realize I’m at the camp and my reality hits me hard. 

— What time is it? — My girlfriend asks, coming to sit next to me in my bed. I hug her waist, hiding my face in her back. Her smell is so good that I could stay there all day.

— Time to say how much I love you. — I say and I can feel how raspy my voice is because of the lack of use. I clear my throat and I hear a small laugh.

— Shut up. You’re so greasy. — It’s all she answers and I allow myself to bite the curve where her ribs are. 

— YAY! Stop. What was that for? — Luda asks and I pouts.

— You didn’t say you love me back. You don’t love me anymore? — I say whining. She laughs this time, caressing my arms that are around her waist. She turns her head to my direction, giving me the sweet smile that I love the most. The one that make her eyes almost close.

— Someone woke up really needy today, huh? — She jokes, laying down and adjusting herself by my side. Our faces are really close now and she doesn’t wait longer to give me a peck in the lips. — Of course I love you, silly. 

— Hmmmm... — I close my eyes. — I don’t know... — I keep going, a smile play