Sooyoung was sure she didn’t like Jiwoo. So her decision to stand outside the choir room and wait for Jiwoo’s practice to be over was… confusing, to say the least. Especially since she blew off Haseul’s invitation to join her and Vivi at the arcade - an offer she’d usually jump at.

See, the next step of Sooyoung’s usual rejection procedure was to take a few days to avoid the girl in question.

So imagine her surprise when - two days into her planned avoidance - Sooyoung found herself doing the complete opposite. Most of Sooyoung’s waking thoughts were focused on the younger girl, wondering if Jiwoo had eaten enough that day, if she had gotten home safely, if she was happy.

For some inexplicable reason, Sooyoung was worried that her rejection (even though it was worded as nicely as possible) hurt the younger girl. Avoiding Jiwoo hurt in a way that Sooyoung wasn’t prepared for.

And now, she was lingering around the near-deserted hallway to and wait for Jiwoo’s choir practice to be over. Waiting to talk to the younger girl about what had happened that day, to maybe apologise for rejecting her and hopefully soften the blow, to do anything to somehow make things better. To talk about that kiss.

Leaning her head against the wall, Sooyoung let out a sigh.

“God, what am I doing?”

In the corner of her eye, Sooyoung could see through the glass panel of the door. Through this, she caught a glimpse of Jiwoo - with that usual wide grin on her face as she laughed and joked around with the other choir members. Then as soon as the conductor called for their attention again, Jiwoo immediately became serious.

Despite herself, Sooyoung smiled.

“What are you doing to me, Jiwoo?”

If Sooyoung were ever honest with herself, she might recognise that she missed Jiwoo’s company.

She missed the small intimacies that Jiwoo provided, like when Jiwoo would sometimes lean so close as they walked together, as if she had forgotten that they weren’t the same person. She missed how Jiwoo’s presence lit up entire rooms, missed the way Jiwoo always caught her jokes and laughed, and she even missed the small smiles Jiwoo would give her at seemingly random times.

Even since the first time they met each other, Sooyoung had known that Jiwoo liked her. But what was surprising was that somehow without her noticing it, Sooyoung had also grown too attached.

Sometime over the two years they’d known each other, Sooyoung had begun to depend on the sight of Jiwoo’s smile to make her feel better. Today when she couldn’t see that smile… it hurt in a way Sooyoung couldn’t understand. But the thought that her rejection could have stopped Jiwoo from smiling? That hurt even worse.

But Sooyoung was never honest with herself.

So she had no clue why it hurt the way it did, why she found herself looking for Jiwoo’s presence to quell her loneliness.

An hour came and went, and the practice ended. Sooyoung idly watched as several choir members passed her by, her head still leaning on the wall. Soon enough, Jiwoo came out - with Jungeun in tow - as well, and she met eyes with Sooyoung almost immediately.

“Unnie,” Jiwoo called out, her surprise evident in the way her voice lilted up as if it were a question. “What are you doing here?”

Jungeun quirked an eyebrow at the both of them and untangled her arm from Jiwoo’s. “I guess I’ll leave you two alone.” She started to pull away, a teasing grin plastered on her face.

“Jungeun--” Jiwoo started. She made a move to bring the other girl back, her words cut off by Jungeun’s reply.

“Have fun!” Jungeun interrupted. She her heel, made finger guns at the two of them, before cringing at herself and walking away again.

“Uh,” Sooyoung said, somewhat glad for the distraction but simultaneously confused at just how weird their friends could be, “I’m guessing she knows you confessed to me?”

“I didn’t tell her but… I guess best friends have a way of knowing anyway.” The way Jiwoo’s lips curved into a smile at that made her fondness for Jungeun obvious, and Sooyoung - not for the first time - thought about how glad she was that Jiwoo had such good friends.

Jiwoo looked at her expectantly, as if waiting for Sooyoung to speak.

“I--” I don’t really know what I’m doing here, “wanna go for a walk?”

Okay, so maybe the park wasn’t the best place to go. But then again, Sooyoung was currently on a streak of bad decisions. And the park - a.k.a the location where the aforementioned confession and subsequent rejection occurred - was perhaps the worst of those decisions. The temperature was practically subzero - what with it being the middle of the evening in winter - making this walk nowhere near enjoyable.

Sooyoung felt an odd twinge in her chest when she saw Jiwoo shiver. She wanted to offer her a jacket, or a scarf, or pretty much anything that might provide more warmth than the flimsy school sweater they were both wearing. But of course, this had to be the day when they forgot to bring them.

So instead, Sooyoung pulled Jiwoo in close and leaned into her, slipping her arm around Jiwoo’s waist. To Sooyoung’s surprise, Jiwoo responded in kind by lightly draping her own across Sooyoung’s shoulders. It was almost as if Jiwoo’s confession never happened, like they had unknowingly gone back to the way they used to be only weeks ago.

It felt good to walk like that. Together. It had been a while since anyone had shown Sooyoung such natural affection. It felt like Jiwoo didn’t expect anything from her, didn’t want her to be anything but herself. Jiwoo always made her feel like that.

“I thought about you today,” Sooyoung said to break the silence.

In an instant, Jiwoo’s eyes lit up, and Sooyoung realised just how dangerous her words were. They had the power to give Jiwoo hope, hope of a future that Sooyoung could never allow. Hope that maybe Sooyoung returned her affections.

“Yeah?” Jiwoo said, both her face and voice constrained to appear unaffected. “What did you think?” It was clear that she was trying not to show how hopeful she was, what with the smile pulling on the corners of her lips.

Sooyoung almost found herself endeared by this, but instead, she was too focused on what her answer would be. After all, Sooyoung could have told her a thousand things.

She could have confided that she irrationally worried about Jiwoo’s safety, especially since she knew all too well how dangerous Jiwoo’s street could be at night. She could have talked about how when she passed by a bakery on her way to school, she almost stopped to buy Jiwoo’s favourite macarons. She even could have told Jiwoo about how she couldn’t pay attention in class the entire day, too busy worrying about whether her rejection hurt her,

But in usual Sooyoung fashion, she said whatever would support her aloof image.

“Nothing too specific,” Sooyoung lied.

When Jiwoo’s face fell, Sooyoung tried and failed to not let it bother her. Cute faces like Jiwoo’s were never meant to frown like that - so obviously trying to hide her disappointment.

And apparently, that was the end of that conversation, because Jiwoo simply nodded and they kept walking forward.

They reached the tallest tree pretty quickly, the silence becoming increasingly more uncomfortable as time went on.

Sooyoung didn’t even plan on saying anything, the words just escaped without her even thinking about it. “I- I thought about kissing you.”

Stopping in her tracks, Jiwoo turned around and looked up at her, both surprise and trepidation evident in her gaze. She seemed almost nervous, as if she didn’t quite know how to respond.

“I thought about how soft your lips felt, about how your lipgloss tasted. I wondered if it’d feel the same-- if I kissed you again.” As the words flowed out of Sooyoung’s lips, she felt her heart pound in her chest. Her brain was screaming at her to stop talking, to stop before she embarrassed herself even further, but she couldn’t. “If I kissed you right now.”

Sooyoung’s gaze dropped to Jiwoo’s mouth. She could have sworn that it never looked that enticing before - never that particular pretty shade of pink, or never that glossy, never that kissable. Or maybe it was Sooyoung that had changed.

Still looking up at her, Jiwoo finally spoke - her voice unsure and wavering. “Do you think it’ll be alright if we did kiss?”

Sooyoung didn’t answer.

She chose not to answer and instead let her hands cup Jiwoo’s face as she leaned in. Sooyoung’s breath caught in when Jiwoo met her halfway, Jiwoo’s mouth just as soft as Sooyoung knew it would be, just as giving and tender.

She responded, matching Sooyoung’s energy - slow at first then gradually building up, growing stronger and hungrier and more desperate with each passing second.

It ignited something deep within Sooyoung - something that terrified her. Call it desire, or call it passion, all Sooyoung knew was that she was perilously close to discovering the weakness that might unravel the only stability Sooyoung had in her life.

The Jiwoo that Sooyoung had gotten to know felt warm, safe, something akin to what home and family should feel like. But this Jiwoo, she was intense and hot like a raging fire, almost dangerous in her passion. This Jiwoo felt wrong.

“No,” Sooyoung answered, roughly wiping at her lips after pulling away, “I don’t think it’s alright at all.”