People are weak. People give in to their innate desires, become addicted to their vices, and eventually become dependent on the thrill that comes from doing what they know is wrong. Having seen such desires bring her family to ruin, Sooyoung had grown to hate weakness.

Her father gave in. He had cheated on her mother, leaving their family with nothing but a note that explained that he had moved across the country to be with a much younger woman. He threw away his presumably happy marriage, the decades spent loving his wife and children all gone for the sake of potential happiness with someone else.

Her mother gave in. After her father’s departure, her mother had spent all her time boozed out on the couch, miserably looking over their wedding album as if that could somehow bring Sooyoung’s father back. She took the easy way out. Instead of facing reality, she numbed the pain with whatever alcohol she could find, her desire for momentary relief trumping all else.

Her brother gave in. The pressure of university became too much for him and he dropped out in his third year. Sooyoung could only watch as he chose to waste his time gambling. One too many blackjack games and he lost his car - the very same one he spent years working to earn enough money for. He threw it all away for the slight chance of winning big.

Their weaknesses made her grow up way too fast - by age seven, she had to place a blanket over her mother’s passed-out body near-daily, by age nine she cooked her own meals and made her own way to and from school. At age fourteen (even though it was illegal for her to work) she had her first job, slowly but surely helping her brother back into financial security by slipping whatever money she could scrounge up into his wallet.

When she was younger, Sooyoung had hated them for that, for throwing away their lives and, as a result, ruining hers. Just because they were too weak to repress their desires. Too weak to not give in. Too human.

She just couldn’t understand what it was like. How could someone want something so badly that they would throw away everything they have? It didn’t make any sense to her. How could they let something as insignificant as a desire take over their lives?

Although Sooyoung had long since forgiven her family, she never quite understood why. In fact, Sooyoung had never had a weakness of her own until her senior year of high school.

Sooyoung was no stranger to confessions. Even though she attended an all-girls school, she received so many confessions that she had even devised a way to let them down easily. A simple routine of smiling, giving them an honest excuse of why she was rejecting them, giving them space afterwards, rinse and repeat.

But Jiwoo asking her to meet her after school under the tallest tree in the park (a common place for people to confess their feelings) still came as a shock. Of course, there was always the possibility that Jiwoo was only looking to hang out, but that seemed improbable considering the location.

And so Sooyoung stood there, hands stuffed into her pockets, waiting for the younger girl to show up. Having already decided on how she would turn the other girl down (if, of course, Jiwoo was planning to confess), Sooyoung passed the time by looking around her.

Most of the leaves had fallen off of the surrounding trees and the sky was a boring grey, so the park by itself looked bare and bleak. The people there looked uninteresting as well, too normal for Sooyoung pay attention to. There was the usual jogger, some groups of friends walking home from school, a few kids running around.

Not long after, Sooyoung finally caught a glimpse of the younger girl. Jiwoo, still dressed in their uniform, trekked over to Sooyoung, her determination evident on her face. If that expression were on anyone else, Sooyoung might have been intimidated but it was hard to be scared by Jiwoo.

Winter was fast approaching, so the younger girl was swaddled in their uniform’s thick sweater, with its accompanying similarly-coloured scarf wrapped around her neck. She just looked too cute to be intimidating.

As soon as she stood in front of Sooyoung, Jiwoo said those familiar words, not wasting their time by starting off with a hello.

“I like you.”

Oh. Sooyoung didn’t expect that.

She half-expected a confession, sure, but not one quite so upfront.

See, Jiwoo’s crush on her was fairly obvious. It was, after all, hard to miss the younger girl’s not-so-subtle staring, to ignore just how widely she smiled when Sooyoung complimented her, to overlook how Jiwoo never failed to like all of her pictures. But the fact that Jiwoo had enough mustered up enough courage to tell her face-to-face, without a single stutter or clear sign of hesitation, that was surprising. Almost impressive.

She let her eyes trail over Jiwoo, took note of the way her shoulders subtly shook, how her gaze was fixed on the concrete, how a deep blush settled over her cheeks as soon as she noticed Sooyoung’s staring. As soon as Jiwoo realised that she was going red in the face, she tilted her head downwards so that more of her face was covered in her scarf’s fabric.

During the two years that Sooyoung had known the younger girl, she had seen Jiwoo’s nervous side fairly often. But today Jiwoo was even more flustered than Sooyoung had ever seen her before. So flustered that she didn’t even dare to look Sooyoung in the eyes. So flustered that she took to hiding her reddening cheeks.

Cute.

That thought, coupled with the respect she had for Jiwoo pushing through the aforementioned nervousness to tell her this way… it endeared Jiwoo to Sooyoung in a way she didn’t know was possible. 

Stepping closer, Sooyoung gently held Jiwoo’s chin in her hand, lifting Jiwoo’s face with her forefinger and thumb. As soon as their eyes met, Jiwoo let out a small gasp before tightening her lips and becoming silent.

Sooyoung leaned in, ghosting her lips over Jiwoo’s in an imitation of a kiss, making sure their lips didn’t actually meet but close enough that a single movement would connect them. Just as Sooyoung expected, Jiwoo’s eyes came to a close and she stood perfectly still, waiting for Sooyoung to make the next move. Sooyoung smirked.

Although this was the response Sooyoung knew she would get, she was still impressed. Even though the girl she supposedly liked was stood in front of her, Jiwoo resisted. Even though they were so close that the warmth of their faces intermingled, so close that it seemed almost impossible that they weren’t touching, Jiwoo didn’t give in.

“Why haven’t you leaned in?” Sooyoung couldn’t help but ask.

Jiwoo’s arms went limp at her sides, but her eyes remained shut tight. “I- I don’t know if you’d want that.” Her blush only deepened at this point. “I don’t want to do anything that you don’t want.”

Jiwoo didn’t give in to that desire, didn’t do anything at all. She stayed, unmoving, doing the typical Jiwoo thing by being kind enough to let Sooyoung have the choice. Jiwoo, it seemed, was stronger than her desires. Stronger than most people. Her unselfish nature impressed Sooyoung again.

Such good behaviour should result in a reward, right?

Kissing someone should be simple. Sooyoung had done it countless times before, both with perfect strangers and with close friends. It wasn’t meant to sear her skin as if a flame was igniting where their lips connected. And yet, when Sooyoung finally put her lips on Jiwoo’s that was the only way she could describe it.

Sooyoung closed her eyes and brushed her lips against Jiwoo’s once, twice, her eyes shooting open in shock as a burning sensation tickled against her lips. So smooth.

Jiwoo’s mouth opened slightly in another short gasp, her tongue darting out to wet her lips. Sooyoung wondered if she too felt that scorching sensation, if Jiwoo felt as inexplicably warm as Sooyoung.

Despite herself, Sooyoung leaned in again. She couldn’t help it. It was like some invisible force was pushing her towards the younger girl, as if she had some innate desire to be set on fire yet again.

This time, Jiwoo’s hand grabbed the back of Sooyoung’s head to pull her in closer, as if the mere touching of lips that Sooyoung was providing wasn’t enough. She made the simple peck more passionate and demanding than Sooyoung was prepared for, leaving Sooyoung unable to do anything but tilt her head and deepen the kiss.

Her free hand reached out and grabbed Sooyoung’s shirt, clinging onto it and giving it a tug when Sooyoung lightly nipped her bottom lip. The tugging became more insistent and frequent when Sooyoung put her hands on her waist and gripped her hips.

Without knowing it, Sooyoung was suddenly filled with desire, her mind drowning in thoughts she had never had before. I want to hear her gasp again, I want to feel her hands on my bare skin, I want to make her-- It scared Sooyoung. If she allowed herself to keep going, Jiwoo must just become her weakness, the one thing she’d give it all up for.

Pulling away momentarily, Sooyoung let go of her hold on Jiwoo’s hips, their only connection being their foreheads still touching. She tried to ignore how she could still feel some of Jiwoo’s lipgloss on the side of , tried to ignore how Jiwoo’s heart was beating so fast that she could hear it.

“You like me, right?” Sooyoung asked.

Still breathless, Jiwoo could only nod in response. Her eyes finally fluttered open, looking into Sooyoung’s as if searching for an answer.

For some reason, Sooyoung didn’t have the heart to reject the younger girl like she normally would have. She just didn’t want to see the other girl sad. Despite all the rational parts of her brain screaming at her to turn Jiwoo down and leave, to do the thing she always did, Sooyoung merely smiled.

“Thank you,” Sooyoung said. “I can’t say that I feel the same but thanks anyway.”