“Ah, you’re cold, stay close to me. I’ll take care of you,” he assured you upon noticing your slightly shivering frame shuttling along, paling in comparison to his confident stride. He smiled a soft smile that warmed you more than any heater before throwing his arm over you and pulling you close to him. His cologne was intoxicating and you almost stopped walking altogether, mesmerized. You looked up at him, nearly frozen, not from the weather, but from his sheer beauty. You considered the differences between him and Mark. He was so confident, so graceful, reserved while Mark was rambunctious but shy, quirky but sweet. Thoughts of cuddling with Johnny in front of a fireplace with hot chocolate or strolling through the park on a sunny day flashed quickly through your head. You tried willing them away but as you nearly melted in Johnny’s embrace, you wondered if you wanted them to go away. You continued walking, smiling to yourself,  enjoying the silence and the visions of a relaxing evening in with Johnny, how he would hold you, how he would console you, how he would... fall into her arms, how he would lie to you, how he would say he didn’t mean to play you. You stopped, clutching your chest, your heart racing.

            “What’s wrong? Do you need to sit down? We’re not far, but we can take it easy for a bit,” he suggested, concern plastering his face as he looked down at you, rubbing your back.

            “No, no, I’m fine. I just had a bad idea,” you muttered, cursing yourself for being so paranoid. But there was no way you could be this paranoid. You saw what she had written to you, you were looking for the warnings everywhere. You weren’t supposed to be here, not with Johnny, not with her Johnny.

            “Stressful day at work, princess?” he inquired genuinely as he continued to rub you back.

Princess?

“I guess so. I guess it was just too much to take in all at once,” you half-lied, afraid to tell him of your encounter with Wendy. If what she said was true—and you feared that it was—how would he react? Would his charade end as abruptly as it had started? Would he laugh at you? Was he truly the kind of snake that Mark had worried so much about? What if you told him what Wendy had said and it wasn’t true? You were less than a day old to the company and to possibly cause a rift like that between members of two of SM’s most active groups would be the death of not only your dreams of being with Mark, Johnny, Mark, but also the end of a career that hadn’t yet started. You bit your lip, posturing.

“Well don’t worry, princess. We’re almost to the ramen spot and we could talk about it there. I’m all ears,” he beamed, patting your back and throwing his arm over you once more. You nodded reluctantly, abashed, confused, enchanted before continuing to walk with him.  

“Hi, a table for two, please,” he greeted the hostess once you had arrived at the hovel of a shop nestled in between the several other shops that lined the crowded street avenue.

“Right this way,” she nodded, focusing on you. You felt small in her gaze, even as Johnny pulled out the chair for you. Perhaps she had stared at you because you were different, your style foreign, your features unique. Perhaps she had stared at you because you were with him, a star, by no means homely or unknown. Perhaps, she wasn’t staring at all. Maybe you were being paranoid again. You tried focusing on the menu, your eyes skimming aimlessly across the two folds as you could swear you felt several more eyes settle upon you with such malice.

“Princess?” Johnny’s soft voice dragged you out of your discomfort.

“Y-you really don’t have to keep calling me that. I would prefer it if you didn’t,” you admitted timidly. He raised his eyebrows in shock.

“Why?” He looked almost hurt.

“It’s just that it’s not such a good idea, especially in public, no?” you pointed out.

“Ah, I see. You’re worried about me and my publicity. I can choose to see whomever I wish and I promise I will protect you. I always protect what is mine,” he asserted, reaching across the table to grab for your hand. His? Hers? Mine? Shivers ran down your spine as you struggled to look up at him, blushing wildly. “You’re cute like this. I get to see you like this all by myself. Don’t think about anyone else here, just me,” he smirked, raising his hand to softly brush your cheek. You wanted to pull away but were stuck, nearly glued to him. You tried convincing yourself you should feel wrong, like you were intruding on Wendy, like you were abandoning Mark, but in that moment, you fought yourself, your paranoia, your insecurity, and everything else and were only Johnny’s. You convinced yourself you could enjoy being with him. If he could see whomever he wished, why couldn’t you? Here he was, a prince in the flesh, fawning over you and you wanted to torture yourself by staying away.

Your thoughts violently flashed back to Mark and how he touched you, how he beared his all to you, how he needed you. Could you continue being like this with Johnny? You wanted nothing more than to be Mark’s friend, his support, but did this mean you had to stay away from Johnny? However, did you want to only be Mark’s friend? You considered whether you, as a friend, would be able to provide for Mark, mentor and help him as Johnny was doing for him as a hyung, only to watch him be with another girl as Johnny was with you right now. Your heart sank. You knew the answer. This was not it, but how you desperately wished it to be. How you would live in this moment, if nothing else.

“You really are too kind,” you scoffed lightheartedly, placing your hand over his that still rested on your cheek. “You aren’t worried about anything, are you? It must be nice,” you muttered, envy and insecurity rooted in your voice.

“It must look like fun and games for us idols, especially when we get to be with someone we really care for and want to be around, huh?” he chuckled, sadness creeping into his voice. “I know what it looks like. It looks like everyone’s dreams, to have the confidence and the ability to do whatever you want with whomever you want. Party here with this person, perform there with your groupmates, shop here, there, and everywhere without a care in the world. I’ll let you in on a secret,” he whispered, leaning across the table.

“Hmm?” you hummed meekly, your eyes locked as you were too afraid to look away.

“It takes a lot to get here and it’s not without insecurity, not without sacrifice, not without..” he trailed off as he noticed the waitress approaching from his peripheral vision.

“Have you decided?” she asked cheerfully, glancing down at you.

“Oh, yeah. I’ll have the extra fatty chashu ramen,” he answered, the shift in his tone throwing you off guard.

“And for you?” she asked, fake smile on her face. You panicked, scanning the menu frantically.

“She’ll have the same,” Johnny saved you.

“Perfect! I’ll get that started right away~” she chimed, her tone nauseatingly fake, taking the menu first from him and then from you, pausing to look at you once more like you were an exotic animal. In this business, in this world of stardom you were shyly stepping into, you were, an exotic animal facing wolves, a snake, a dove, a lamb, and a lioness.

“Thanks for saving me some embarrassment there,” you whispered, scratching the back of your head, amazed you could still show your face with dignity to the angel before you. He smiled gently. “So, about that secret?” you reminded him.

“Hmm?” he responded nonchalantly, feigning innocence.

“Well, being able to do what you do really is hard, but it doesn’t come without insecurity, which I am definitely feeling right now, sacrifice, and what else?”

“Ah, that. Yes,” he started, beckoning you to lean towards him with his fingers. You awkwardly leaned towards him, your eyes fixed on his as you melted in his stare. “It doesn’t come without all those things and—” he started before chastly pressing his lips against yours before deepening the kiss, his hand on yours. He parted with a content sigh, leaving you stunned, your lips tingling and your mind boggled. “Risk,” he smirked nonchalantly before biting his lip.

“Wh-why?” you asked more to yourself as the guilt suddenly rushed over you. You had done that with Johnny but you had done that to Mark.

“I guess I just couldn’t help myself,” he shrugged, running a finger up your arm. “Did that warm you up?” he teased, relishing the look of shock, of want that was still plastered on your face. “I do think I overstepped my boundaries, though,” he pointed out vaguely.

“But what just happened?” you asked incoherently.

“I kissed you. Too bad I can’t do it again,” he replied.

“What do you mean you can’t do it again?” you probed, baffled, wanting more but knowing you shouldn’t. You had Mark to face when you got back.

“Don’t do this to me, Olivia,” he murmured forlornly. “I’m not in this for me. I want you to know that. But I also want you to know that no matter what, I am here for you and I will protect you from anything and everything that I can. This world is a scary place, but just look to me if you feel you have nothing else,” he nearly pleaded. “I can be your everything if you let me.” You sat, confounded, not a word to say. You wanted to believe everything that he said, even if you didn’t know what everything meant. You wanted to be there for him and he promised to be there for you, but he was no easy goal to reach. Unlike Mark, he was protected by someone else, someone you would rather not spar with. Unlike Mark, he was so polished, so seemingly beyond your chances yet, here he was offering to be your everything, desperate to help you. Your heart fluttered, yet you were still at a loss for words. What did you, an intern, a foreigner, a cheater, have to say that could even potentially follow such a heartwarming and sincere confession?

Nothing. You could only stare.

“So I have two extra fatty chashu ramens,” the waitress announced as she presented your food. “Be careful, it’s very hot~” she warned, shooting a seductive look towards Johnny. You cringed, yet you didn’t feel insecure as you had before. The anxiety, confusion, insecurity all culminated into a sense of knowing, knowing you had Johnny in the palm of your hand with a win-win situation in the other. You didn’t know what you were doing to Johnny or what he was trying to do to you, but if there was a game to be played, you wanted in. He either meant his words and wanted to protect you or this was a game of pulling heartstrings. Though you were not deceptive by nature, you refused to be toyed with by the attractive man across from you and while you did not want to hurt him or Mark, you didn’t want to be hurt in the process. You would be guarded, but open to all the opportunities, all the world from both of them. You wanted to be like Johnny had said, but you were now using the insecurity as a drive, the sacrifice as a weapon, and the risk to win it all one way or another. It was the only way to keep both of them as you wanted so desperately.

“Well, go ahead and eat~ I want to see your face when you take that first bite!” he encouraged gleefully, swirling his spoon in his own bowl as he waited.

“Is it really that good?” you asked, garnering the courage to come back to your senses now that you had the end goal in mind.

“Of course! This is my favorite ramen shop in all of Korea!” he exclaimed, to the  claps of the staff and a few visitors.

“Well, then, it has a lot to live up to, but I’m ready~” you chuckled as you took your first sip of the broth and bit into the fatty but perfectly seared and seasoned chashu. Your eyes lit up, much to his joy.

“I told you~ I really wanted our first time to be special so of course I brought you here,” he jested, starting to eat his own meal. “We can come here any time you want,” he promised. You smiled brightly, hungrily lapping up the soup.

“Our first time? But who’s to say that there won’t be more times?” you challenged, raising your eyebrows. “You said you want to be around me, right? Don’t tell me that you were lying to me,” you pretended to pout. He scoffed halfheartedly, shaking his head before patting yours.

“I guess you’re right,” he nodded, content. “Just don’t let me get too selfish,” he warned with a smirk.

“What if I want you to?” you responded snarkily.

“Then I guess I’ll just have to fight,” he shrugged. “Although I don’t think it’ll be an easy fight. Mark isn’t the one to give up so easily on something he cares about,” he confessed.

Mark.

“I suppose that’s good to know. I don’t want there to be a fight, but if you insist~”

“Ah, I knew it. You’re much too sweet, but just know that we’re both willing to go there for you. We’re both willing to go there to show you what it takes,” he affirmed.

“And know that I’m willing to do the same for both of you. Just don’t let me down,” you assured him with a gentle, yet assertive look before returning to your meal. He smirked to himself, glad simply to know you. He may be the angel in your eyes, but you were going to the be angel in his life.

“Well, are you ready to get out of here or do you want another round?” he chuckled as he took his last sip of the broth. You had finished a few minutes before, fully sated by the deliciousness.

“Are you trying to fatten me up, Johnny?” you joked, rubbing your full stomach.

“Only if you want me to~ So, you wanna get out of here, then?” You nodded.

“Didn’t you want to show me your favorite spot in the company?” you reminded him.

“You know~ About that, I just don’t think tonight is the right time. Another time?” he suggested as he paid for the bill. You pretended to pout. “Ah~ don’t be like that. You and I both know you’ve had enough fun for the night. I’ve gotta get you back~ It’s your first official day tomorrow. Hope you enjoyed the trial run,” he chuckled as he stood to help you out of your chair like the gentleman he was.

“Well does the real thing have more dates like this? This was really fun.”

“The real thing can have anything that you want. You just have to go for it,” he hinted, wrapping his arm around your shoulder as he walked you out with a smile.

 

 

 

“We’ll have to do this again. I’ll take you out with my first paycheck, I promise!”

“You don’t have to~ It was my treat, really~” he assured you, pinching your cheek as he stood with you outside the door of your room.

“No, I want to~ Here’s to a new relationship~” you cheered, giving him a quick hug, much to his pleasant surprise.

“To a new relationship,” he whispered before kissing the crown of your head. “You should go. We have to both do our thing tomorrow and maybe, if you’re good, we can meet up again. That is, if Mark lets us,” he snickered.

“Don’t worry about it. Just you wait until my first check, though!”

“You’re so stubborn. I like it,” he smirked. “Good night, Olivia. See you~” he sing-songed as he started down the hall. With him gone, you slumped against the door, your heart beating out. You were still confused, but you could not say tonight wasn’t everything that you had dreamed of and more. Composing yourself, you turned to unlock and open the door. Not two seconds after opening the door, you felt Mark’s familiar, soft lips slam against yours, hungry.

“You had fun?” he panted as he parted, wrapping his arms around your waist. You bit your lip and nodded, stunned. “Did you forget about me?”

Guilt. Confusion. Lust. Want. Need. All in your head, then.

Insecurity, sacrifice, risk. All in your heart, now.

“Of course not, how could I?”