Taehyung braced himself the next time he had to work. He was really, incredibly nervous, since he planned on telling Jimin that he felt ready to accept friendship, if Jimin was willing to offer it. He felt like a kid, asking someone if they wanted to be friends with him, but he felt like it was necessary. Mostly, he was hoping that Jungkook hadn't read things wrong, that he was right about Jimin caring, about him being willing to become friends if Taehyung let him. Jungkook was better at human interaction than Taehyung was, despite his shyness with strangers, so there was hope.

"Good morning," Jimin said sleepily as he stepped into the employees' room. He and Taehyung were the two key holders for the store except for the bosses and the manager, so they could let themselves in no problem, especially since they both arrived very early, usually.
"Good morning," Taehyung replied with a little nervous hint in his voice. Jimin picked it up and opened his eyes more, sleepy consciousness snapping into focus.
"Are you okay?" he asked with a little frown. "Did that Jungkook guy do anything bad to you? You were seeing him for a photo walk, right?"
"I... I'm fine. Jungkook is just... really good. It's not- I..."

He grunted and pulled his knees to his chest, trying to calm his pounding heart. Jimin got a chair closer to his own and turned it so he could face Taehyung, touching his arm gently.

"Chill. No need to be nervous. You can tell me anything."
"I... okay. I um..." Why was is so hard to just freaking say it? He really felt like a dumb kid. Or someone with no social skills. He was probably a bit of both. "I... if... if you want... I think I would be ready to, well. To be friends. With you. If you want. Don't feel forced to though!" he added in a hurry.

Jimin was smiling though, small eyes disappearing. He giggled and took Taehyung's hands, squeezing his fingers, which reassured him. He felt less nervous within a few seconds of Jimin looking at him fondly. It wasn't too different from the way Jungkook did it, now that he took a minute to really observe.

"If you're willing to, I'd be glad. I've been trying to convince you to be my buddy since I started working here. But you always looked so cold and so distant and so uneasy, I figured it was better not to push you too much. But I know there's a kind heart underneath that."
"You don't really know me though."
"Oh, I know more than you might think I do. You told me more about yourself with your actions and your reactions than with words. I know you like being with people actual, or at least people who understand you, but that you're afraid of being close to them because you're terrified that they'll leave. You tell yourself that, if they're not your friends, then there won't be any pain because you didn't care anyway. But you do care. Personally I've been considering you a friend for a while now, not just a coworker."

Taehyung blinked at those words, looking at Jimin. Considering someone a friend... even when the other one didn't. "Is that why everyone leaves? Because I think they're friends, but they don't think the same way."
"I don't know, Tae. But I do know that maybe I can help protect you from those people? If you want me to. You're good at detecting s before they speak but I'm good at detecting if someone would get along with you for real or not, if they're being polite or genuinely interested, once they've started speaking. I told you Jungkook could become your friend if you let him."
"Jungkook told me you might want to be friends with me," he admitted.
"He can protect you too. All right Tae?"

He let out a little laugh at that, relaxing. Somehow he didn't feel exactly as vulnerable anymore, as likely to get left behind anymore. Jungkook had promised, and Jimin was just, well. There. They worked together. They knew the pain of retail work. They could help each other during the hard times. That was what friends did, right?

"I might have stupid questions from time to time." Taehyung hadn't had a lot of friends and those he did have had ended up leaving, so he wasn't even sure if they had really been friends to begin with. "Like what friends are supposed to do for each other and stuff."
"It's all right. I know you were hurt. I know you're a little broken inside. But we can help you heal."

And Taehyung felt hopeful that this would really help him solve his problems.

***

Of course, it didn't work entirely that way. Or at least not as easily as he thought - hoped - it would.

Taehyung now had two friends, Jungkook and Jimin. He was getting along well with the two of them, and he was eager to see them, and he talked to them often, and it was really wonderful, considering how down and lonely he had been before that. The problem was that he was now very wary of them talking to each other. His trust issues weren't magically healed by having friends and they had turned into... into dragons jealously guarding their treasures, in a way. He had friends and he wanted to keep them. Taehyung was absolutely aware that this was a problem, but he couldn't figure out how to not feel that way, how to not freak out internally every time Jungkook showed up at the store and greeted both him and Jimin. Taehyung's fear of being left behind was still there, only it had become a fear of Jungkook and Jimin talking more, and becoming best friends, and Taehyung losing both of them at the same time because they would discover that he wasn't worth the trouble compared to having an easy, fun friendship with each other. He had lost friends to other friends before, and it had felt like deep betrayal because he would then lose not one, but two people at the same time, and the worst about it was that it usually happened after Taehyung himself had made the introductions.

So no, he couldn't just get over it and let Jimin and Jungkook discuss so easily. He wanted to, wanted to let them be free to do whatever because he wasn't anyone's boyfriend and this wasn't them cheating on him or anything, but at the same time he was too scared, and so he usually snatched Jungkook away the moment he'd put a foot in the store, and he'd make sure Jungkook knew his schedule so he wouldn't show up when Jimin was there but Taehyung wasn't. It was exhausting, really, thinking that way, and he knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help it. It made him spiral down into another low canyon of sadness and guilt, and he found himself cuddling with his boys in their play area for longer periods of time upon coming home, letting them nest against his neck, one at a time usually because having almost five pounds of rats on his shoulders was heavy when they all decided to snuggle up at once. But he'd bury his fingers in the soft, thicker fur on their back when one would accept just staying on his lap to get petted, and he would curse himself under his breath for being so terribly selfish. He wanted to spend time with Jungkook and he wanted to spent time with Jimin, but he just couldn't let himself want to spend time with both of his friends at the same time, and he couldn't let them talk to each other when they saw the other in the store, and he hated himself for this because he had no right to try to control them. How could he not feel that way though? He didn't want them to leave him.

He was torturing himself over that after arriving at work, one morning, eyes closed and thinking hard about how to stop being so selfish, when Jimin arrived too, early as usual. It was the only time they could really discuss personal matters. During their work hours, if they dared take a moment to breathe, they were pushed into doing another task. Of course, the employees who smoked had the right to leave for like, ten minutes whenever they needed to - often every two hours, sometimes every hour - but the ones who didn't could barely even go to the toilet without being asked where the heck they had dared go for three minutes, and they didn't have any other break than the thirty minutes at lunch. Deeply annoying, but Taehyung had no energy to spend on such a fight and he wasn't going to start smoking just to get paid breaks. Jimin neither, apparently, so the only times they could talk more than just a minute or two was in the morning.

"Good morning, Tae," he heard, and he slowly opened his eyes, looking at Jimin with a sharp pang of guilt. Jimin was so kind. And Taehyung wasn't able to just trust him.
"Good morning. You're early."
"As usual. You're even earlier than I am. You look a little... tired. And like you're torturing yourself. What's on your mind?"
"... I just... feel like a terrible person, I guess."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I... do. I think? I don't know how to say it though. I'm sorry, I'm terrible at this friend business."
Jimin laughed a little and patted his shoulder. "You're fine. Do you want to go eat somewhere after work? We can talk more then."
"You don't mind?"
"I'm the one who suggested it. Come on, it'll be fun."
"... okay."

He had no idea how to explain the situation without sounding like a super paranoid and/or controlling person. There was no way it would just go well. Even to himself he sounded paranoid and controlling. This was a terrible idea. But Jimin just offered him a smile and Taehyung caught himself hoping that it would be fine. Jimin was a good person. Jimin was a wonderful person. Not as wonderful as Jungkook in his opinion but still amazing, and really, the wonderfulness factor only tipped in Jungkook's balance because he had been the first to really manage to lower Taehyung's barrier without him feeling awful. Jimin had learned stuff about him before Jungkook, but Taehyung hadn't really felt comfortable letting him know and he had mostly done so hoping that Jimin would stop poking, at the time. Now he was actually relieved that Jimin knew.

The day passed in a blur and Taehyung walked out with Jimin and another coworker. They locked the door and said goodbye to the other guy, then looked at each other. Jimin raised a brow with a smile. "Where would you like to go eat?"
"I'm not exactly rich and I know you're not either considering we have the same job, so somewhere not too expensive?"
"Well there's the Subway."
"Sure."

Not the fanciest place to go eat nor to have a heart-to-heart, but it would do. As long as it was away from work, really. Taehyung was turning into a nervous mess again as they walked to the nearest Subway, and he was still nervous but not quite as much by the time they ordered, got their food and sat. He had kind of accepted the fact that this might have bad consequences. He removed the paper from his wrap and stared at it for a minute while Jimin cheerfully took a bite out of his sandwich.

"So. Um. The thing I wanted to talk about," Taehyung ended up saying, which made Jimin put his sandwich down. "I don't like it when you and Jungkook talk together. I know! It's stupid and I'm paranoid and controlling. I just... don't like it."
"You feel unsafe. And scared. Like we'll leave you, right? Because of what happened before."
"I feel like a terrible person, is what," he grumbled. "You guys have the right to talk to each other and I know this, but then I imagine what will happen when you guys find out that I'm nothing, nowhere near as good and kind and easy to be with as you two are."
"Oh, Tae."
"I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I just feel like a bad person, like I'm trying to control people who are obviously not mine to control, and I obviously have no right to even try controlling you."

Jimin reached out and put his hand on Taehyung's gently, patting it a little. He was smiling and nodding, like he understood. Taehyung had expected him to be angry because "friends" had been angry at him for less than that before. But Jimin was a wonderful and kind person too, just like Jungkook, so apparently he could understand Taehyung's insecurities? It was so hard to talk about them, especially this one, the fear of everyone he liked leaving him at the same time, because love and friendship had only brought him pain before and he still couldn't quite trust that this would be a long-lasting relationship.

"You're not a bad person, Tae," Jimin reassured him with a smile. "Considering what other people did to you before... well, personally, I get it. I see you everyday, I like to think that I know you quite well. And when I try putting myself in your shoes, and I imagine being alone because other people didn't understand me, or didn't want me and I would have no idea what's wrong with me, I really get what you're saying. But you don't need to worry about this, okay? I'm not going to leave you after talking to Jungkook. You're a genuine person and I really like that about you, how I can just come in and say hi and I already know if you've been torturing yourself or not, and I can try to help. That's what buddies are for."
"You're not my psychologist or anything like that. Why do you try helping me?"
"Because you're broken inside and I want to try to help. You always look happy and scared at the same time when you say that I'm your friend or when I say that you're my friend, and it makes me sick at the thought that people could even break you again and again to that point. Even without you telling them about your fears, it's not that hard to understand that you don't just leave a friend behind just because you made a new friend or met a lover. It's especially terrible if it really happened because they made a 'better' friend and not because you were already not getting along super well, which I'm pretty sure is the case, otherwise you would have noticed it beforehand."
"Maybe not."
"Eeeeeeh believe me, you would have noticed. But every time they stopped talking to you after meeting someone new, right? That's what I thought. It's not your fault, Tae. Don't blame yourself over this."

No matter how many times Jungkook and Jimin told him that, Taehyung couldn't just obey. It didn't work that way. He still blamed himself for losing everyone he had ever cared about, still blamed himself over being so scared to lose people that he'd wish they didn't make other friends than him. It was a terrible thing, knowing for a fact that he was wrong but being unable to stop.

"I'll try. But Jimin?"
"Yeah?"
"I can't guarantee that I'll be fine when you talk to Jungkook. I... I might pull him away when he comes in the store still. But... if he comes in when I'm not there... well... you um, you can talk to him. I'm not gonna say that I don't mind because that's a lie, but I can't control you and should never even try to control you, and you can do whatever you want, even if it makes me uncomfortable."

It was the most he could do right now. He wouldn't be able to just let those two talk in front of him just yet, scared of what he'd see then, but if they did it when he wasn't around, and if it didn't change anything to their relationship, maybe he'd be able to be fine with it eventually. Jimin only smiled at that, and then changed the subject, and Taehyung couldn't figure out if Jimin would do it or not, but he figured it was probably better for him not to know.

***

Jungkook showed up at the store on a Thursday evening. It was getting colder, November nearing its end and an early winter showing up, and so Jungkook had traded his oversized white tee-shirt for an oversized coat with fur around the hood and a fluffy scarf he could hide his nose in. He had a cute beanie on his head, one that probably didn't keep the cold out by any means, but it was better than going around without anything. When he stepped into the store, the first thing he asked for was a tissue, and it was Taehyung who gave him one. Once that was done, he looked around and spotted Taehyung's coworker, who was checking out memes on Reddit on the computer at the far back of the store.

It was a quiet evening and they had only had two customers before Jungkook ever since the rest of the team had headed out, and maybe one phone call and one email to reply to. Taehyung had finished the long list of important things to do he had, and he was taking a little well-deserved break in the store itself, since his job didn't actually have breaks built into it. Now it would be even better since he would be able to talk to Jungkook. It was always an activity he enjoyed quite a lot, and he hoped Jungkook did too. He figured he did, since Jungkook was taking his coat off, apparently ready to spend some more time in the store now that he was done taking care of his runny nose.

"Looks quiet," he commented, offering Taehyung a bunny smile. The way he looked always made Taehyung feel like he was the only important person in Jungkook's life although he knew for sure that wasn't the case, and it was a good thing because he would never wish loneliness like his own upon such a sweet person.
"It is. Sometimes Thursday evenings are nice breaks, sometimes they're really intense and we're running around all evening. People seem to know when we have things we're busy doing, so they show up when we have a list and they stay home when we don't have much else to do."
"The curse of retail work," Jungkook laughed, looking adorable as usual. Taehyung may or may not have stared at him a little longer than necessary.
"Indeed. Did you need anything? Not that you have to, in order to come here, but this place is really out of the way for you. It's not on your way to school or anything like that."
"No, I actually came here to speak to you."

Taehyung's stress level went up by three. At least. Jungkook specifically came here to talk to him? That was strange. Like, really strange. Was there anything wrong with him? He hoped it was just something that easy, something he could change so he could be good for Jungkook and not annoy him or-

"Tae, you're torturing yourself."

He took a deep breath and looked at Jungkook. How did he know? Was he really that easy to read? "I... I know. What did you want to talk about?"
"About when I happen to see Jimin when I come here."

Oh. Oh . Taehyung turned into a puddle of misery, leaning against the counter and groaning.

"I'm so sorry about that. Jimin told you? I shouldn't try to control you, I know, but-"
"No, actually, I get it. I actually came here to suggest meeting up somewhere else, but like, all three of us? Jimin is your friend, not mine, but maybe it would reassure you if we went to the restaurant or something and we talked and you're there the whole time. It's not like when you're working and you would need to go do something else while we would be talking. I figured that might be less stressful for you?"
"... you want to talk to Jimin more?"
"Well, he does seem like a nice guy, but I mostly thought that you might like being able to talk to both of us at the time time. Having two friends around would be fun for you, right?"

Oh. Oh, well. Yeah? Taehyung found himself nodding pretty quickly. Jimin and Jungkook at the same time? Yes, definitely. And apparently he had said that last part out loud, because Jungkook beamed at him.

"Then it's settled. I'll let you choose the date and time, and the place too, okay? Just make sure you're ready for this, and feeling comfortable. And if you're not okay with it after, it's all right, we can figure it out then. Oh, and you know what? You should totally come over to my place before we do that though, and you could meet my roommate! You'll see, he's an awkward but he's super sweet. I'm pretty sure you'd relax after meeting him, he's so clumsy you gotta stay alert when he's around, so after being around him you'd be able to chill that much more. Wait, why are you laughing?"

But Jungkook was giggling too, and they were both smiling at each other. Meeting Jungkook's roommate... and then having both of his friends with him at the same time. He could try. He could definitely try. And if he didn't like it afterwards, at least he knew that Jungkook was ready to help him figure things out instead of feeling disgusted that Taehyung could get jealous of a relationship those two didn't even have, at least not yet. Maybe this was doable.

He was still smiling by the time Jungkook left, his coat back on and his nose hidden in his scarf.